A bit of epic poetry

I was looking for some input on this, and Writer's Block seems like the place. Let me know if it's not.

Dedicated to Noir Grimoir and Yeah Bro, and with sincerest apologies to Virgil and Hideaki Anno.

There, too, the pilot Kaworu strayed :
Who, as he once had watched the Tokyo stars,
Had fallen, plunging from his lofty plug
Into the billowy deep. Shinji now
Discerned his sad face through the blinding gloom,
And hailed him thus : “O Kaworu, tell
What ang'l was he who blasted thee away
From me and mine, beneath the Nipponese debris?
Speak on! for he who ne'er had spoke untrue,
Gendo's own self, did mock my listening mind,
And chanted me a cryptic instruction
That thou shouldst ride with me unharmed, and touch
Instrumentality. Is this the pledge divine?”
Then he, “O pilot of the Eva First,
Ikari's message told thee not untrue.
No ang'l did thrust me down beneath the rocks,
For that metal plug unto which I clung,
My charge and duty, the Eva's sole guide,
Wrenched from its place, dropped with me as I fell.
Not for myself—for by Adam I swear—
Did I have terror, but lest thy Eva,
Stripped of her gear, and her poor pilot lost,
Should fail and founder against my attack.
Endless hours across the boundless plain
Our hard blows buffeted and bore us on;
At last the Eva, struggles ended,
We both looked at last on Lilith, and slumped
Dropped weary arms from hands unto the land.
Safe you were then. Alas! but then I begged
With heart full and heavy, your clenched hand
Grasping the weapon, knowing cruel truth
Thus to me with drawn blades, accounting me—
And thus I was.—a wrecker's prize and spoil.
Now the debris' my tomb; and wandering winds
Slowly erase the stain. O, I implore,
By heaven's sweet light, by yonder upper air,
By thy lost father, by Adam dear,
Thy rising hope and joy, that from these woes,
Unconquered father, thou wilt set me free!
Give me a grave where Lilith's haven lies,
For thou hast power! Or if some path there be,
If thy celestial mother guide thee here
(For not, I ween, without angelic grace
Wilt cross yon rivers vast, you Okutaman pool)
Reach me a hand! and bear with thee along!
Until (least gift!) death bring me peace and calm.”
Such words he spoke: the priestess thus replied:
“Why, Shinji, these unblest desires?
Wouldst thou, unprepared, behold the start
Of the Human Instrumentality?
Wouldst thou, unbidden, tread its fearful strand?
Hope not by whining to change the laws of angels!
But heed my words, and in thy memory
Cherish and keep, to cheer this strange time.
Lo, far and wide, led on by signs from others,
Your countrymen from Instrumentality
Shall remember thy sacrifice and name,
And write many quite terrifying slash fanfics
To Kaworu a perpetual fame!”
Thus was his whining stayed, from his sad heart
Grief ebbed awhile, and even to this day,
Hideaki Anno will ne'er forgive us.

edited 17th Dec '11 3:53:17 PM by AManInBlack

~clap~

I liked it, even if I've only seen two-thirds of an episode of Eva and only know bits and pieces of the plot from the memes. The clash between the anime references and the distinctly Western elements was amusing.

BYOB's things are better, but unfortunately, they cannot be reprinted here, most people do not know of what I'm talking about, and most people would not appreciate the humor involved.

Still, I give it an 8/10, and this is from someone who doesn't much like poetry. Well played, sir. Well played.

Hey, what's wrong with Kawaru slash fics? (*Has not written one, but certainly isn't averse to the idea of Kawaru/Shinji, he's technically just as canon as Rei/Shinji or Asuka/Shinji.*)

The poem is...interesting. I'm not much of a judge for poetry outside of being able to spot something that's obvious crap, so I think it's good in regards to style. (Though I question your use of "Nipponese" instead of "Japanese", if you are trying to go pure Japanese, you're looking for Nihon-jin, or Nippon-jin and if you don't care then Japanese is well enough, they have the same amount of syllables. I assume you chose it because you seem to like war books, and I understand the term 'Nipponese' was more of a WW 2 and prior kind of term. I think it's a little out of place, just personally speaking.) Also there was quite a mood whiplash at the end there, but I assume that was intentional.

Also, thank you for the dedication.

edited 16th Dec '11 11:37:24 PM by NoirGrimoir

I had a lot of fun reading this aloud, probably because it's Virgil. I may practice and record this.

You, my sir, are a scop!

A crazy scop who plagiarizes Virgil and writes instead of recites, but a scop nonetheless.

edited 17th Dec '11 8:47:32 AM by annebeeche

??? Not sure what alcohol has to do with this?

But I do appreciate the compliments, guys.

Heh, perhaps my measurement of you was off. Or your good at playing dumb. Who knows?

If you really don't know what that means (I'd be surprised), just ignore it.

Fun with etymology: "scop" lives on into modern English through its Old Norse equivalent, skald, but both words may be descended from the proto-Germanic word that meant "hack". :D

Um. Okay? I thought BYOB = Bring Your Own Bottle/Beer, in the context of a party invitation.

I immediately thought of "Bring Your Own Bombs" by System Of A Down but that didn't make sense so I assumed it was the handle of someone who wrote poetry on the internet.

Well, it probably does, but I'm referring to something else.

Like I said, if you honestly don't get it, ignore it.

In essence.

But it's a secret. <_< >_>

Not really.

edited 17th Dec '11 4:17:54 PM by USAF713

I have to say that I don't get it either.

Yay! Let's write epic poems!

Or mock-epics, as it were.