Cogito Gratia Cogitan
(Seeing as you asked my opinion...)
Grammar error(s): Tense. You're supposed to pick past, present, or future, and stick with it. The character talks and thinks (mostly) in present tense, and the author/narrator narrates things that happened in the past. Also, parentheses take up the same kind of space that a word does (put a space before and after them, except when they end a sentence). Also also, you always capitalize I, I'm, and I'll * .
. I really have no idea why you're supposed to do that, but that's the rule.) Spelling errors: Actually, none that I noticed, except that havoc is wreaked, not wrecked (Weird word, I know). Kudos on that.
Writing style: For starters, the narrator isn't supposed to say "I" unless he's an actual character, and for seconds, putting question marks and exclamation points together is a fiddly enough business that you should probably avoid it.
Story: Not really my... I want to say anything other than "cup of tea," but there you have it. I know this kind of story has an audience, but I'm not part of it. You're gonna want more opinions than just mine.
edited 20th Nov '11 9:44:08 AM by Artemis92
Ponders too much; thinks too little. Currently goes by Knowlessman.
He escaped from his cage. He set the others free. He wrecked havoc. Now he is on the run for something he did not do.
"Walking in the forest at night? Damn, i'm insane! But then again, a bunch of psychos were chasing me, so i guess i have some sort of justification. Besides, my bike broke down, and there's no other way, so...And now i'm talking to myself. Ugh, nevermind"
The forest was at its most dangerous during that night. There were no stars in the sky, no source of light, other than the moon, and no signs of intelligent life. No one would be stupid enough to travel these forests, no exceptions. No one except our hero, that is.
It was more of a last resort. Dan(The name of the unlucky traveler) was forced to escape into the woods. He had no choice, or else he would become rations for the mentally challenged. Why were they chasing him, you ask? He has a bounty placed on his head. He was blamed for a horrible crime, and now he is on the run.
He had been biking all day, from the morning till afternoon. Then his bike fell apart, so he walked the rest of the way. But now that i am done explaining the situation, let us go back to the present!
"God, it feels like it has been night all day, if that makes sense. Maybe if i try to enjoy this, the time will pass. Yeah, yeah, lets go with that, i'm enjoying this...
"Yeah...This is so much fun"
After "a while", Dan notices something from a long distance. As he got closer, it was a log cabin. And as he got even closer, it was clear that the cabin was completely ruined. He was happy. The cabin could provide shelter. It was in a horrible state, so there was a good chance that no one was there. There was probably food, and water as well. There was also a chance something dangerous is there but he didn't think about that. He was too tired to.
He was able to reach the cabin, and he took a deep breath. He locked the door, made sure nothing was inside as well. His entire body was aching, but as long as he could rest, that would be fine. But unfortunately, he was not alone.
"BONK!"
Before he knew it, he was lying on the ground. The pain overwhelmed him, and he could feel tears flowing from his eyes.
"What?! What the hell?! Are you ok, i'm so sorry, i..." He didn't catch that last part
Before he could respond, he fell into a coma. He felt his body aching, and his head still hurting. He could hear another voice, but he didn't bother to find out what it was saying...
I'll keep on adding if others like this prologue.
edited 19th Nov '11 4:35:30 AM by eternalNoob
If you wanna PM me, send it to my mrsunshinesprinkles account; this one is blorked.