Looking for feedback on a Doctor Who/Evangelion crossover fic

Starts here: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7366113/1/Shinji_and_the_Doctor

One-liner: One day, fourteen-year-old Shinji Ikari meets a very odd man who calls himself the Doctor on the Tokyo-3 Loop Line. Unfortunately, there's something *else* on the train with them...

My first attempt at a prose story in years. Was trying to go for both Nightmare Fuel and Moment of Heartwarming; would like people's opinions on whether or not I made it work. Thanks for your time.

Updated the outline at the end. As I figure these are two fandoms without a whole lot of overlap... well, most conventions I've been to aside... I'm wondering if there's even an audience for this kind of thing. Leave a review if you're interested in where the story is going.

I'm not really a fan of either series, and I'm a lousy critic. So I can't help you with some things.

However, I love a well - written crossover, so I read chapter 1 and it sure kept me glued to the page. Your spelling and grammar is excellent, and the description of the action is very well detailed.

I say it's badass. Ten (I assume this is Ten, right?) is perfectly in-character for how you'd imagine he'd act upon being introduced to the Eva-verse. It'll be fun to see how he deals with the Angels.

Yep. It's Ten.

Groovy.

Really clever. A bit of a slow start, but overall the writing seems pretty tight. It helps that this is the sort of off-the-wall concept I'm drawn to in fiction, whether it be fan or original.

I read only the first chapter, but it's interesting enough that I will find some time later to read it.

I'm tempted to shout "BRILLIANT!" and wave my metaphorical arms around, but that's probably because I'm still on FF.net standards, where having consistently good grammar and punctuation, far from being a basic requirement, puts you in the top ten percent. Nonetheless, it's quite good. I know nothing about Doctor Who, nor do I know all that much about canon Evangelion; it's one of those series that I know entirely from fanfic. So I can't really comment on the characterizations of any of the characters, even the Eva ones, since most of the fanfic starts from completely throwing out Shinji's character, at least. I love the style and I really want to read more, so count your potential audience at at least one.

Edit: /checks story list
Ye gods, you must have started writing on FF.net about when it was founded. When was that, anyway?

edited 23rd Sep '11 11:08:56 PM by alethiophile

The late Triassic, I believe.

According to The Other Wiki, 1998.

There were dinosaurs in 1998, weren't there?

/* Ye gods, you must have started writing on FF.net about when it was founded. When was that, anyway? */

:) I'm far, far older than I'm really comfortable with. Let's just leave it at that.

Thank you all for reading. It's much appreciated.

Ehh, what the heck. Bump.

Going back to do the subscribe thing, I notice that you have only a four-digit ID number. I'm tempted to bow.

T-that's immoral!

Anyway, looks like I've got a lot of reading to do...