Bullying and how to stop it

this topic was triggered by this

As a victim of bullying, throughout all my school years. I find their is only one true way to stop bully's, and that's fighting. From being tripped on the play ground and getting a rock lodged in my lip to jumped in the hallway in middle school to the glorious psychological torment of my high school years, going toe to toe with the tormentors is the only thing that actually ended it.

My uncle was a prison guard and said "High School is like prison, on your first day you walk up to the biggest guy and kick him in the balls so the rest of the people know not to fuck with you."

anyone else have advice for victims of bullying?

Maybe I'm just a sissy but I've found telling has always been pretty effective in ending things. I obviously got a lot of slack for snitching but it put an actual stop to the tormentors. I think the problem with resorting to violence is that it can all too easily be twisted and used against you by the bully which makes them look like the victim. Obviously any teacher worth their salt will realise what is going on but that is not always the case.

There's not much the victim child can do, in the absence of support from the school's authority figures. They can do a lot, including training the children in peer mediation techniques, creating a no tolerance policy, instructing teachers to look for and how to manage such situations, etc.

Comes to that, one thing children can do is demand that the school change it's policies, and get their parents behind it. More effective than fighting, I would think.

edited 8th Sep '11 8:07:10 AM by DeMarquis

Zero tolerance policies don't work. Bullying should be dealt with on a case-by-case basis; ineffectual blanket rulings just make kids get creative and secretive with it.

From a bullying victim's perspective, I think the best things you can do are to try not to see bullying as a shameful thing, tell a teacher (though some teachers are more helpful than others), and above all avoid taking yourself too seriously.

Attitudes that need to die: the perception that being bullied is something embarrassing, the perception that all bullying is equally severe, the notion that bullying is healthy and should not be actively discouraged, the absurd idea that reporting bullying is worse than bullying itself, and the idea that instances of violence and harrassment that would be deemed a police matter if perpetrated by adults are somehow not a big deal when they happen in a school.

Aggreed. Zero tolerence is more damaging to the victim then it is to the bully.

I told, i told a lot. nothing happened. I they pick on you because they think your weak. show them your aren't weak...I sound like my neanderthal minded brother.

What's this? A member of Tv T acknowledging that the use f violence can sole problem? - Scrye would be proud.

That being said, you've pretty much got the idea of it. Avoid conflict if you can, and be ready to defend yourself when that's no longer an option; use the necessary amount of force required to neutralize the threat.

Bullied in school (though never anything that really bothered me, it's the intent that counts) and accused of bullying in school (never did anything that I thought was very bad, and it's the intent that counts).

The only way to stop someone giving you shit is to give it back. If that leads to fights, so be it. Telling just makes things worse.

Besides, fighting is fun!

edited 8th Sep '11 8:40:39 AM by ekuseruekuseru

"Telling just makes things worse."

fucking a it does

That phrase is ambiguous and so I'm not sure if you're agreeing or disagreeing with me. I'm guessing the former, based on your previous comments, but I figure I might as well clarify anyway:

When I got told on for "bullying" (and let me again mention that I still don't think I ever actually bullied anyone, but the "victim" and the school called it that, despite my protests), and this happened several times over the years, all it did was make me want to know why, since it's something I wouldn't do myself - but asking why was always construed as bullying - or I would know exactly why, and it was "to get this kid, who's not treated me particularly badly, into trouble because I am upset", and that would make me want to actually mistreat the person.

I never went out of my way to report "bullies", but when intervention from outsiders, or occasionally retaliation on my part, brought things to a head and I was asked for my side of the story, it would always, always wind up with me in just as much trouble as the other parties.

edited 8th Sep '11 8:50:07 AM by ekuseruekuseru

that's not bullying that's a misunderstanding. being called fag, queer, cock smoker, penis piper, and other names cut deep. aha once when I snapped i jumps on the back of the guy and put him in a choke hold like one of my brothers in the army showed me. I got a week lunch detention but it felt so damn good to shut him up for the rest of the year.

Penis piper? People still say that?

in the middle of bumfuck nowhere (also know as Carlyle, IL) yes

That explains it.

plus a town full of Jesusfreaks doesn't help wither

Verbal abuse directed right back in the direction of someone messing with me helped me in high school. It really blunts someone trying to bully you(non-physically) if your first retort is "I hope you choke on the next dick you suck."

I also, for some reason, have always had tough friends during my childhood years. Someone is messing with me I could just spout off because I had a 6 foot 3 friend nearby or something.

Hell, even in my time in law enforcement its been like that, my partner for the longest time was a 6'2 former marine forward observer. Nicest dude in the world, but he was pretty terrifying if you didn't know him.

edited 8th Sep '11 9:11:17 AM by Barkey

Oh man, I used to get into a lot of fights at school because of bullying but then I told my year tutor and everything stopped.

friend to all living things?

I was never bullied, I think I was too creepy or didn't get the insults.

It makes no sense to classify bullying purely by the perception of the bully, any more than it makes sense to let off a burglar because "he didn't deserve to have that" or a rapist because "she was asking for it". Attempts to address bullying should consider three things: the bully's intent, the bully's actions, and effect on the victim. If a child or teen is being persistently antagonised and is clearly distressed by it, that's bullying, even if the bully doesn't think it counts as such.

Not all bullying involves violence or namecalling, either; it can be psychological, sexual, socially manipulative, etc. A lot of bullying victims, and I think this particularly applies to girls, are subject to persistent non-physical harrassment where a violent response would not only be ineffectual but socially disastrous.

There are various other factors to consider. Violence is sometimes perpetrated by groups, in some instances even large mobs. Name-calling is often racist, homophobic or pertains to disabilities. Non-violent bullying doesn't mean non-physical bullying; for example, attempts to induce migraines, nausea or allergic reactions would qualify. Some bullying victims may not be capable of fighting back, physically or otherwise. And so on.

bullshit, everyone is capable of hitting someone with a textbook. I know i did it to a friend and he did it to me (we had a bet going "who ever said "STOP" first owes the other 10 bucks" I lost).

"allergic reactions" that could actually be attempted murder

edited 8th Sep '11 10:17:49 AM by vanthebaron

You hit someone who is mentally abusing you and you'd get called a psycopath.

friend to all living things?

No. He's killed a ton of people, when he was a forward observer his entire job was to tell the guns of foreign allied naval vessels where to bring the rain.

Apart from that though, he's a great guy as long as you don't make the mistake of messing with him.

edited 8th Sep '11 10:25:54 AM by Barkey

figured

no they say "why did you hit him" you say "I had enough of his shit"

edited 8th Sep '11 10:28:26 AM by vanthebaron

And then they put you in detention/expel you.

And if it's a she and plays up the "a boy hit me" aspect?

edited 8th Sep '11 10:36:20 AM by JosefBugman