How do I write sexy sex scenes?

I think that's not a universal constant, although it is much more so something that media producers believe, regardless of its actual truth. Realistic, awkward sex can be sweet, is most certainly humanizing, and can make us feel empathy toward a character because they're having similar experiences to our own.

I'll always remember {{100 Girls}} as a very good example of this.

edited 3rd Sep '11 3:47:49 PM by JesusSaves

I think that squicky, awkward sex is the only sex that you're likely to find done well, but that's because sex that you're likely to find done well is in lit fic, and lit fic needs to have its sex awkward in order to claim that It's Not Porn, It's Art. I don't think it's an inherent constraint.

I wish more sex scenes contained some of the awkwardness that real-life sex has in it. Usually, I'm reading/watching a sex scene and thinking "wow, that isn't how it works at all" Which sort of prevents me from getting any real thrill from it.

Also, would like to agree with kashchei's point about timing; a badly-placed sex scene is worse than a badly-written one. My rule of thumb; if there's any doubt at all in my mind as to whether or not the characters would boink, they don't (if it would have been their first time together), because it probably doesn't yet feel natural.

I'm kind of reminded of CJ Cherryh's Morgaine Cycle novels, in which it takes the two leads three-and-a-half novels to finally get to it, after LOTS of sexual tension. It wouldn't have felt right, before; they weren't ready.

And they still almost ruin their relationship with the emotional fallout.

edited 4th Sep '11 12:24:40 AM by Morven

I find it weird how the natural reaction to "stylized", unrealistic porn is to go in the complete opposite direction and gun for "realistic" awkward sex that's actually... not always realistic, tbh. Sex in real life can be sexy, but as had been said, portraying that in a story just makes it look like porn.

Partly because some people will be made uncomfortable by any sexual scene, even if it's not supposed to be that way, I guess.

On the topic of "awkward" sex versus "titilating" sex, I find it heavily dependent on the characters involved themselves. Like, if it's supposed to be one of the character's first time or if the characters involved are relatively sheltered, having it be the latter immediately would feel kinda strange to me. Likewise, if two people who have biblically known each other's bodies for a while are going at it, I don't see anything wrong or overly indulgent with making things sexy if it fits the characterization of the people involved.

Regarding lesbian sex...My personal advice would be to look for lesbians with a good handle on fiction writing, in an ideal world anyway.

edited 4th Sep '11 3:55:46 PM by Lisztening

I remember a test I took at Ok Cupid once. It was supposed to discern what sort of lover you were, through questions completely unrelated. Apparetnly how risk-prone and experimentation-loving you were, as well as how sensuous/sensitive and how driven, and also how generous/selfish went a long way into predicting how you'd behave in bed. Some people aren't comfortable with anything much more sophisticated than missionary, and won't foreplay much. Others are very playful, and may need variation to the point that, while they are very good partners while they last, they tend to move on quickly. Others are extremely tender, and will focus on making their partner feel as happy as possible.

So that's stuff to be taken in account, I think, when writing how characters unfold. I myself have... not exactly an Author appeal, but... See, I know quite a bit about pressure-points and some new-agey stuff, and have found it so incredibly useful, both in terms of massage technique and self-control/discipline, that not using it during a sex scene feels like... wronging my characters, you know, like taking away something essential, something that is theirs by right, like owning cars or having domestic water. Even when it makes no sense whatsoever for them to know this stuff, I feel bad about not handwaving it in anyway.