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How to Survive the New Berk:

 1 Zelenal, Wed, 24th Aug '11 6:21:34 PM from right by your side Relationship Status: Hoping Senpai notices me
Theirs was the story of a promise.
How to Survive the New Berk is a How to Train Your Dragon fanfic that takes place some time after both the movie and the Bonenapper Dragon short. Is told from the perspective of a Viking named Arnbjörn Arnfastarson as he adjusts to the new life of the Vikings in Berk brought about by Hiccup as well as his inability to bond with a dragon.

I'm using this particular fanfic (as well as another I kind of working on) as an exercise in character writing and development so the novel I'm working on (that I talked about a good while ago) can be better since my skill with writing characters would have improved.

However, I haven't really gotten a lot of feedback but what little I have has been praise for the characterization of my OC so I hope I'm on the right track. However, I would appreciate if a fellow troper can give it the once over.
"When your doctor tells you that you can't eat chocolate anymore, go see another doctor." ~ dRoy
 2 Zelenal, Thu, 8th Sep '11 8:21:39 PM from right by your side Relationship Status: Hoping Senpai notices me
Theirs was the story of a promise.
Anyone? I could really use the feedback.
"When your doctor tells you that you can't eat chocolate anymore, go see another doctor." ~ dRoy
 3 Mild Guy, Fri, 9th Sep '11 12:39:06 AM from the bed I made.
I squeeze gats.
I'm not in the Ht TYD fandom, and never saw the movie, but I gave the three chapters a quick once-over. Is there any particular aspect or area you want feedback on?

 4 Zelenal, Fri, 9th Sep '11 2:12:56 AM from right by your side Relationship Status: Hoping Senpai notices me
Theirs was the story of a promise.
Just the entire thing in general seeing as how this (and another fan fic) is an exercise in characterization. This fic is mostly used to see if I can create and maintain two (hopefully) deep and compelling characters.
"When your doctor tells you that you can't eat chocolate anymore, go see another doctor." ~ dRoy
 5 Mild Guy, Sat, 10th Sep '11 12:41:05 AM from the bed I made.
I squeeze gats.
For lines of dialogue, create a new paragraph every time a different character speaks.

With such heavy accents I have to read some lines twice to get what they mean. It seems a bit much with the dialect, IMO. Then again, I don't know what the canon characters sound like.

These first 3 chapters are mostly back story, exposition, world building, and characters saying 'hi' to each other. I never really got a sense of character for any of them. Arnbjörn is nice, and... hard working, I guess? I didn't notice any defining characteristics for him, such as a conflict or fear or passion that he has, other than a fondness for this Berk place and the dragons they train. If I could say one thing for him, he's probably passionate about dragonkind in general and he cares about their having a good working relationship with humans. Though if that's true, then it could come through a bit more clear and strongly for the reader, IMO. In a way, you have shown us that trait instead of telling us outright, which helps.

Not being a fan in this fandom, I don't know what all this information about the world and the dragon types are supposed to mean to me, or what worth they'd hold for me as a fan, so keep that in mind. Real fans might enjoy it all a lot more, I wouldn't know.

For me, it feels like the story has yet to begin. Except maybe at the end of chapter 3, when the nightmares begin.

Sorry this is so short, but I can't think of much else to say. Fans of Ht TYD would probably give you more intensive feedback.

 6 Zelenal, Sat, 10th Sep '11 1:18:44 AM from right by your side Relationship Status: Hoping Senpai notices me
Theirs was the story of a promise.
Yeah, I'm aware of that rule. While I am following it for my novel, I tend to ignore it for fanfictions seeing as how that changes nothing as long as the narrative text makes it clear who is speaking.

That's the proper (at least according to the Scottish Wikipedia) way to type a Scottish accent (which almost all of the characters in the movie have). However, people did have trouble reading it in Chapter 1 so I toned it back in Chapter 2 as well as all future chapters.

Ah yes. Arnbjörn's character conflict. That's going to come to light a bit more in the next chapter (which is one of the reasons why it has taken so long to write). The thing is that he has already recognized this and has taken steps to change himself. It isn't perfect and there are times where he'll slip but otherwise he tries to hide it. The nightmare is basically what Arnbjörn could have easily become. Also, thank you. I am a firm believer in Show, Don't Tell (except when showing will just waste time).

The fact that you read it without actually being a part of the fandom is good enough for me. While your feedback might not be as good as someone who is, it is still helpful.

Keep in mind, this is mostly a Slice of Life fic with some Action/Adventure thrown in (mainly towards the end). Because of that, the pacing will be different and may seem weird but everything that has been done pretty much needs to be done for the genre to work. Also, that was Chapter 2. What FF.net labels as Chapter 1 is the prologue.
"When your doctor tells you that you can't eat chocolate anymore, go see another doctor." ~ dRoy
 7 Mild Guy, Sat, 10th Sep '11 1:29:41 AM from the bed I made.
I squeeze gats.
Yeah, I'm aware of that rule. While I am following it for my novel, I tend to ignore it for fanfictions seeing as how that changes nothing as long as the narrative text makes it clear who is speaking.

Yeah, a lot of paragraph breaks on FF.net makes the text look stringy and overly sparse, I know. But still, it bugs the daylights out of me having all those dialogue lines jumbled together.

Sorry I wasn't more help. I'm an even bigger noob at critiquing than I am at writing.

Doesn't help I haven't read much Slice o' Life, so I don't have much to compare it to. That in mind, I still think it needs more character action over background/exposition. Just my opinion, and I'll leave it at that.

 8 Sinclair, Mon, 5th Mar '12 5:35:33 AM from Deep Space
Scriptor Referens
Here comes the review.

First, Don't rely on the automatic spellcheck of whatever soft you're using. It's dumb and won't spot errors such as their/they're, or worse, 'correct' the wrong way. Instead, read the whole text several times, preferably with breaks. Believe me, even after going through things I've written several times over, I still managed to find errors I missed. Be mindful of punctuation, since it's missing in places.

As mentioned above, using a new paragraph every time a different person talks is good practice and reduces confusion.

The main character mentions he can speak with two different accents. This would suggest he ain't local. You might want to either expand on this or drop it altogether. Another thing that's jarring are anachronisms. For example, the mention of ranchers, the word appearing first around 1800s in America. You'll want 'herder' instead. This one is readily identifiable. More obscure ones can probably be left in.

Und wenn du lange in einen Abgrund blickst, blickt der Abgrund auch in dich hinein.
 9 Crystal Glacia, Mon, 5th Mar '12 6:01:49 AM from Cedarpointland
listen
About anachronisms, they did mention parrots at the end of the film.

I might give your story a read, but it'll be a few hours at least.
 10 Zelenal, Thu, 15th Mar '12 2:43:23 AM from right by your side Relationship Status: Hoping Senpai notices me
Theirs was the story of a promise.
[up][up] Regarding the two accents, his parents aren't from Berk (as it says it says in either the prologue or chapter one). As such, they don't speak with a Scots-Gaelic accent. Since he has heard both frequently since his birth, he can speak in either one he wishes. It's not a useful skill, true, but a lot of people have random skills that are almost completely useless.

Regarding rereading the work for errors: I usually do. Several times. I might not have when I originally wrote this but I do now. I've already gone through and fixed several and will probably re-upload the chapters since I need to fix the references to Fjord Mustang's gender in the prologue.

Regarding that anachronism: Those jobs are probably very similar and, if there is a difference, I doubt most people know it. I shall keep it in mind for the future, however.

[up] The movie probably also has a few other anachronisms (not counting the American accents) so... yeah. Hurray for fiction!

Thank you all.
"When your doctor tells you that you can't eat chocolate anymore, go see another doctor." ~ dRoy
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Total posts: 10
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