All Purpose Naruto Fanfiction Thread

... Real!Izanami is a festering zombie. Last I heard, maggots were eating her face.

That makes the scene funny in an entirely inappropriate way.

Hey, some people are into the whole Corpse Bride thing.

Etc. Flip just gave me an answer to my PM where i pointed the whole teme/dobe thing, he told he will be removing the terms from his fics.

Mathematical. Seeing "teme" and "dobe" removed from the veins of fan fiction is a powerful service.

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Echoes, Chapter 36. That two-faced bastard.

Sasori, female Haku, Sasori-trained Naruto (Chibaku), and Tobirama are fighting against Alpha, the leader of a Nineteen Eighty Four-inspired world where an army of literal Naruto clones have transformed Konoha into a purist utopia, based off of Madara Uchiha's ideals. Alpha is basically a grown-up Naruko, who overthrew her world's leaders and took over their clone army. She decides to fight the heroes by becoming the Ten-Tails Jinchuriki. Cause we know how well that goes. The fight is... extraordinarily simple compared to the fights that precede it. To a point where the fight was minimal, just a sidewalk for which the characters trollop forward upon.

The whole chapter was an excuse for two things: to give drawn-out rants on politics, thereby pointing out that "dictatorships are bad". Oh, and of course, good!Orochimaru eventually comes up with... democracy. Because ninjacracy is out of style.

Prior to that, Goodrochimaru and Sasori were fighting Alpha, who fused herself with the Ten-Tails. But Sasori came up with a nifty anti-Jinchuriki jutsu that defused her and sealed the Ten-Tails back into Gedo Mazo form. Then Alpha surrendered. Chibaku was wounded during the battle, because a Kakashi-duplicate supposedly "crushed his spine with the Chidori". And the Nine-Tails couldn't heal it, despite canon Naruto getting hit in quite similar fashion.

That's the second thing this chapter was an excuse for. What's the logical outcome of Naruto being trained by Sasori? He becomes a human puppet.

Why do I count this as an excuse instead of legitimate character development? Because the entire fight leading up to it was hogwash. They fought the Ten-Tails and barely gave two fucks about it after. Literally, the fight ends, a clone died, and we skip to Chibaku in the damn hospital. He quickly realizes he's been turned into a human puppet... not even human really because Sasori didn't give him an artificial skin yet, so his face is basically a triangular monitor - he has no mouth, no feeling in his limbs. Imagine waking up one day and looking in the mirror to see this? You might think it's kind of badass later, but you'd totally freak for the first few days, if not weeks.

Chibaku's response? "Oh hell yeah, I look awesome. Thank you Sasori! I always intended to do this anyway so no biggie! Well, off to physical therapy for me!"

Bull - crap. The author defends this, unveiling that Chibaku's character is 'secretly apathetic' and a 'close mirror of Sasori' - oh that's a "key part of his character" that couldn't be expressed in-universe. That'd be like if Kishimoto came out and said, "Deep down, Sasuke is a good person who only did bad things because of what Orochimaru taught him". Yeah, no.

And of course, this makes Chibaku more powerful, because that's the point of this fic - heroes don't get instant power-ups by doing nothing, they have to work really hard to earn their power. At one point, Haku even notices that Chibaku's manly steel/titanium/vibranium puppet body could "probably shatter stone". Because that's the sort of observation you'd make if you saw a robotic exoskeleton.

Meanwhile, the talks about democracy, oligarchy, theocracy from Orochimaru? It's a net of stilted, lengthy paragraphs that totally break up the pacing moments before. But I'm starting to accept that the author just has an interest in talking about government, philosophy, and doles it out in clumps and chunks instead of gift-wrapping them or weaving them into something pretty. It's not like authors dropping anvils or using their writings to allude or discuss their political views is unheard of. From the way he talks about it he sounds more fascinated by the concepts than argumentative. I'd prefer it if it didn't come from the mouths of certain characters, but let's move on.

Alpha survives this exchange (because the Uzumaki are special), and Orochimaru gives her a taste of her own medicine - she's forced to go through her own work camps and be alone and powerless and, you know, And I Must Scream. Just desserts, if you consider that she conjured the idea of a ninja "master race" and... well, actually, we don't see her do much. She brainwashes people to be happy and we hear she's got some twisted ideals. We sort of see how bad the village is and how things are even more militarized, but she's fairly pleasant until the Ten-Tails gets involved. Show, Don't Tell in full force here.

Somehow, Goodrochimaru invents a summoning contract that can summon things across different realities.

There's a thing about this fic, an internal rule or so it seemed. We're shown early on that the main character cannot use his summon contracts across different realities. It's a nifty handicap really.

Orochimaru spits on that. By all means, he's the character to grab that Game-Breaker position, he should come up with the "never seen before" jutsu. But... it's such a weak transition. Remember, Chibaku becomes a human puppet. We go from him being wounded to him waking up in the hospital. He even lampshades the fact that Orochimaru was able to figure out quantum physics and modify a summoning contract to not only include himself but to make it so that summoning across universes was possible. In four days.

To be fair, Tobirama is also present during this transtion, and he's a Slider, so maybe he had help. But damned if the author could mention that instead of just making Orochimaru come up with an awesome, game-breaking discovery.

So that's the bad. The good?

Dimension traveling mechanics get worked up a bit and we get to meet the team. Tobirama's team specifically.

Anko, surprisingly, has not taken the spotlight yet. We saw precious little of what she was doing during the big battle. She's flamboyant, of course, but she's actually marginalized. Most fics I see with her turn her into this hyper-sexual sadist... not that canon doesn't lend her characterization toward that.

A new Kabuto appears! His name is Fukuro, and he's part of the dimension traveling team. He's a dandy space man!

But as to the mechanics - Tobirama gives (a mechanically appropriate and semantically soothing) lecture about how the Multiverse functions, constants and variables, and drops a huge revelation - his boss, the man who started their term, is in fact, a a good version of Madara Uchiha, the real one. And he's an old man, according to a photograph.

This Madara lived in a world where the Sage never passed ninjutsu Ninshuu on to future generations. Blood limits and clans still exist, but mankind focused on technology instead of ninja warfare, you know, with the dragons and the awesome, metaphorical fifty-hundred-foot statues that fire lazers and absorb energy? Yes. In this world, Sharingans and Byakugans were used to advance SCIENCE.

Continuity. Most of the fic up until the point where the heroes got separated involved them visiting various worlds and never going back to them. There was one world, "Responsible" Jiraiya world, where Jiraiya adopted Naruto and turned him into a super pervert. It was actually kind of adorable. Anyway, when the heroes arrived here, the three main bad guys followed them and there was a huge fight, which resulted in the heroes getting split up. ''This world gets referenced now, six to eight chapters later after leaving the fates of Naruto and Jiraiya in the dark. I like this.

Lastly, Sasori and Anko's conversation about weapons got a laugh out of me:

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Pros and cons, this fic.

Doesn't sound like such a bad story really, except for the bad stuff you mentioned. The second half of your post sounded pretty cool.

Also Kishi has gone and said he doesn't think of Sasuke as Bad, just Selfish.

You know, I just thought about it, but the Hyuuga would rock as mechanics.

@IANCE And as medics.

And i was thinking for the AU to give Naruto chakra chains and Samehada somehow, because i am going to need to compensate the massive loss of Chakra and the sword alone turned Kisame onto a chakra monster.

edited 20th Apr '14 10:45:45 AM by Duncan0Idaho

They'd also make pretty good home inspectors.

Or you could compensate in another way rather than just turning Naruto into the same but with slightly different dressing. Be creative, do something different.

@IANCE an other path i was thinking of going was inspired by First Try series, Vulpine and End Game Version: R is to make him a trap maser and seal master, instead of depending on the Rasengan/Fuuton: Rasengan/Rasenshuriken only he would also love to trap battlefields.

A random example would be say the bridge that Tazuna builds (not that i am going to do wave, i am using wave as an example of what i have in mind) as soon as Haku and Zabuza step in they will be bombarded with poisoned senbon, double layered false surroundings, explosive tags, frag explosion tags, bear traps, toxic mixes,Explosive tagged Shuriken/Kunai,shit stained weapons and maybe Kunai, shuriken and senbon laced with infected blood of some kind.

Then to top it off Naruto would bombard them with long range ninjutsu making an already difficult situation for them a total nightmare.

In other words give this Naruto 5 minutes and you will be walking through a mine field that has traps within traps within traps, disarm one? trigger five more

edited 20th Apr '14 1:19:25 PM by Duncan0Idaho

Couldn't someone just destroy the area filled with traps under the assumption that it was indeed trapped? Kinda like just going LO Lnoping the traps with a wide-area jutsu to deflect projectiles and the like?

How would they know there are traps? and if they knew that, how many of the people who realize it would have the firepower needed to do that?

You do raise a good point, however i have three counter arguments, the first is that, the person that is blowing up the area will still trigger the traps, unless you are deidara or Sasori due to one of them having remote explosives and the other being made of wood.

As i said even the idea of destroying a trap it's a trap on Naruto's case because it springs the hidden traps.

In the example of Zabuza and Haku while Zabuza has the water dragon jutsu it would still cause the explosives to trigger and the frag portion to happen.

And as ifwanderer said how they would know that Naruto has trapped an entire area?

On the other hand It's Naruto the world where no one uses traps and every body battles with flashy techniques, traps on the battlefield would be a rather revolutionary idea.

edited 20th Apr '14 5:22:07 PM by Duncan0Idaho

Well, for one, they're fighting against ninjas - they'd expect traps and trickery because they're ninjas. Traps aren't very useful as an offensive, so they'd be encountered when you were attacking a point. It follows that ninja are smart enough to figure that out, and use wide-area jutsus when going into areas that make sense to be trapped.

You're both making the mistake of thinking Naruto Ninja behave like actual ninja. They don't.

Hell, Zabuza lays in wait in the bridge at the climax of the Wave Arc and hasn't even bothered to prepare the battlefield in his favor in any way.

Actually I was referring more to the scale. It's reasonable to expect some traps, but I'm assuming "an entire area" means that there's so many traps you need to memorize the layout down to the centimeter to avoid stepping on a trap.

Also, there's what IANCE said (although I didn't want to use that argument, since I'm trying to go for something that would be believable with smarter characters).

edited 20th Apr '14 5:33:11 PM by IFwanderer

@IANCE is right the only trap that has been used EVER was by akatsuki on their hideout during the extraction of Shukaku.

Eh, i recall in Part 1 Sakura had used some, but that was only used defensively and they still didn't work as well cause the sound ninja were capable of negating them anyway.

Ok i wrote a scene for that fanfic of an AU where Minato and Kushina are alive and get to raise Naruto, if Naruto or tamamo come too OOC tell me why, be warned it's a curbstomp battle as i dint felt too motivated to write Gaara moving, because from what i recall he is mostly a static fighter, he uses his sand and his automatic shield.

The idea i came up in order to make it possible for both of them fight and not have an invasion was something similar to drifting, an international chunin exams.

The grammar has not been check but the spelling has.

edited 20th Apr '14 6:22:36 PM by Duncan0Idaho

Show, Don't Tell.

That first sentence is a ridiculously long run-on.

Also, does anyone play Billy vs Snakeman? I think I've been playing that religiously every day for like, a few months now... x.x

Okay. That. Don't do that again. Next time you post something, even if it's just a sample, give it a quick look over before anyone else sees it. If there are more run-on sentences than normal sentences, inconsistent tenses, and your characters do things that shouldn't be possible, go back and edit your snippet before posting it. Don't just hit spellcheck and assume everything is good to go.

edited 20th Apr '14 6:51:49 PM by Hyp3rB14d3

@Ironypus thats a problem i am trying to overcome, any tips?

@Miriku @Hyper i dont have a Beta and what part of 'it should be impossible' Tamamo is technically the Tamamo no Mae and there are all sorts of legends surrounding that, i just drew some inspiration from it, as for the Naruto Rendan the defense of Gaara has a mayor flaw, despite it being automatic it's not exactly fast, distract gaara and you can sneak in,i havent read the earlier parts of Naruto but i think Lee broke with speed part of the sand armor gaara uses.

edited 20th Apr '14 6:55:37 PM by Duncan0Idaho

Gaara's defense is both fast and automatic. Lee broke through it with sheer speed because Lee is absurdly fast, and Sasuke broke through it because he spent a month focusing on boosting his speed so that he would be quick enough to beat it. Naruto is nowhere near quick enough to beat it, even if he attacked from multiple angles at once.

As for not having a beta, neither do I. That's why I said to reread your snippets before you post them.

Instead of writing, "the technique caused smoke to be generated" write stuff like, "From the arcane sigils of the summoning jutsu, huge ammounts of smoke burst forth in a torrential gust of wind before thinning unnaturally quickly"

Well, better than that, but describe what's happening instead of just saying X happened.

edited 20th Apr '14 7:07:21 PM by Ironypus