Why is 'be yourself' considered good advice?

It's one of the things children, especially, are told over and over again, and our culture has become one which seems to say 'everyone is perfect just the way they are and should never try to change themselves'. I don't consider myself an optimist, but surely even the most positive person could not genuinely believe that.

What about self-improvement? Why aren't children told that they should strive to be as intelligent, thoughtful, polite, patient and educated as they can, rather than just deciding that they're fine as they are and it's other people's job to accept them? What's wrong with trying to change yourself to be a happier/better/more accepted person?

Because few people can acknowledge the contradictory nature of life.

I can think of times where there is absolutely lovely advice. "Just be yourself" can be good advice for say...someone who's gay and struggling with that part of themselves.

It's absolutely fucking awful advice in other areas.

Honestly I am conflicted about the advice as it promotes the clinging to the self and can possibly promote more stubbornness in regards to changing one's world view, thought patterns, and identity. Sometimes changing that in small or even drastic ways is needed.

And you change anyway.

Because little Jimmy can do no wrong. Way to raise a generation of entitled fuckers who'll shift the blame on other people whenever they fall short, motivational posters.

In the case of homosexuality, you'd only tell someone to change that if you thought it was a) a bad thing and b) something that can be changed, which are not really popular opinions.

edited 12th Jul '11 12:43:33 AM by cityofmist

Yes but some people struggle with the idea or believe that they should change it. That and some people do in fact get told to change either directly or indirectly. Hence "Just be yourself" can be lovely advice for them in addition to whatever other aid you are giving them. It's hard and it takes a long while with many, but it can work very well. At least it has when I have tried it.

edited 12th Jul '11 12:45:27 AM by Aondeug

Because being someone else might get them mad at you and liable to come over and beat you up.

I'll accept that it's good advice in that kind of situation. What I have a problem with is when it's used to teach people to embrace their flaws and tell the rest of the world to do it as well, instead of treating flaws as something to be fixed.

edited 12th Jul '11 12:50:32 AM by cityofmist

Hence why I am conflicted about the idea being thrust upon our children so much. The advice itself is sound in certain situations and has its uses however. Many things do.

edited 12th Jul '11 12:52:47 AM by Aondeug

Maybe it should be edited to "Be yourself, but try to improve yourself in the process?"

That's not snappy enough for stupid posters but I would like that.

"Be Self. Improve Self."

There. Even the most underserving of the proleteriat can understand that.

The thing is though... its too much, too young. Girls are being 'sexualised', becoming products of the beauty industry too young. If that message was real, they would probably take it to be 'improve self through makeup'.

Kids are growing up - hell, I'm only a day away from being able to pay taxes - I'm growing up in a world where we have the image of the 'perfect' body.

edited 12th Jul '11 1:03:46 AM by Inhopelessguy

'Be yourself' and 'don't change' mean different things. Be yourself means avoid deception because it will probably bite you on the ass later. 'Yourself' is just what you are at that moment, it doesn't stop you from being different (and hopefully better) another time.

Say if 'yourself' is an alcoholic who wants to give up the liquor. Don't change means to never really alter your behaviour, to stay on the drink. Be yourself is to be honest to others and yourself about your problem and your desire to be cured of it.

Because, while some people may criticise you for your benefit, others may criticise you for their own benefit, for their own warped concept of what is permissible. It can be a hard thing to balance between affirming one's sense of self and standing up to the bullies and petty tyrants of the world, and yet still be humble enough to listen to wise council and face one's own ugliness. Too many people fall off the tightrope to either side, either believing in one's own genius and superiority, or attributing to themselves a fundamentaly broken and worthless nature. And there's no shortage of either - more, I fear, than there are people who remain on the tightrope.

^^I feel it is a bit too optimistic to hope for the majority of people to interpret it like that...

edited 12th Jul '11 1:13:42 AM by Aondeug

"Be the best you you can be"?

Actually Loni I think I've seen that in a class of mine when I was in high school...

I prefer "be Borg-like".

Incompetent, monotonous, and defeated on a weekly basis?

That makes me think of "Be Buddha like" which is something we do indeed say.

...that makes me think of sitting on your ass and thinking about breathing being the most highly praised of skills to learn in school.

edited 12th Jul '11 1:22:31 AM by Aondeug

Seconding betaalpha on this subject.

• Be yourself, because faking has disastrous results (it will blow up in your face, or it's obvious, etc.)
• Improve yourself is self-explanatory.

@OP: This advice always pisses me off. Not because I don't think you should "be yourself", but because real life people who are different from the norm are shunned. It's a wildly American contradiction. "Be unique and original so buy our trendy product!"

We should tell people to "Be yourself" and then also tell them to only accept the positive side of themselves as being truly them.

"Honestly I am conflicted about the advice as it promotes the clinging to the self and can possibly promote more stubbornness in regards to changing one's world view, thought patterns, and identity." - Aondeug

Well, "Be Yourself" is usually contrasted with peer pressure. I would say stubbornness is better than "changing one's world view" based on peer pressure.

If their worldview is wrong, it should be changed by logic and reasoning. The idea of relying on peer pressure to be the driving force behind such change just reeks of moral compromise.

x21 Which generation are you refering to? Not your own surely.

Like most generic pieces of advice it has it's shortfall, and can often be meaningless. Still the notion encourages individuality and self worth, both of which I feel are worth encouraging in those who lack confidence. Basically whoever is giving the advice should tailor and expand upon the message.