Sfile. Closed BETA players.

OOC: Its true.

OOC: Also, latest summary. Pages 61 to 75. Be all refreshing your memory with mad remembrances. I think its the longest one yet, somehow.

Huh. I'd forgotten that Anne put the ashes on the quest bed. Just as well I didn't disturb her land. Her dreamself was already dead so I didn't need to remove the choice. Excellent summary as always, Bocaj.

Good Bocaj. Best summary.

[I am seconding the above.]

=*x>

You are now stuffedAnimal again. You are surprised by shenanigans involving trolls (who are not humans, by the way) and god tier beds. Well really only the first. You decide to make a map of the Battlefield kind of like google maps, and head towards it to do so.

You have no idea what you are doing. Not in the slightest.

Once again you have proven a most extraordinary summariser, Bocaj.

>Complete your quest. Find the tome.

You start walking in the direction you chose before suddenly stopping. Something tugs gently at your subconscious, like beacon of some sort. It seems to be coming from the top shelf. With a leap you propel yourself up, grabbing a fairly innocent looking book on the way back down. "Is this the one?" you ask.

>Indeterminate Bocaj: Take tome

?BC: Ah ha there's that little sucker
?BC: Pardon me, big sucker.
?BC: Ugh, this thing is hefty. It looked smaller on the shelf.
?BC: Anyway, this is what we came for

>Open book

The pages appear to be completely black

>Captchalogue book

?BC: Hm. Interesting.
?BC: Well as long as we're here, we might as well fill up these looting sacks with other stuff from this top secret shelf.

>Starts sweeping books and scrolls into burlap sack

edited 20th Aug '11 7:56:19 AM by Bocaj

>Help with this brazen theft. Steal the enemy's knowledge.

Sure, you can get behind that. You leap up to the higher shelves, grabbing books at random before dropping down and sticking them in the sack. It seems to be getting rather heavy. "Hold on a second, I want to try something," you say.

edited 20th Aug '11 9:55:51 AM by Phoenixor

?BC: Go ahead.
?BC: We have time.

>Access the other half of your powers, Page.

You do so. It's a little tricky linking the inside of the bag to hammerspace, but you manage after a few tries. The bag becomes substantially less heavy. "Okay, that's one bag of holding," you declare. "Should be a little easier to carry about now."

?BC: Bigger on the inside?
?BC: That's a nice use of Space.
>Empties the shelf of everything interesting

?BC: Alright I think we're done here.
?BC: Can you bring us to the entrance?
?BC: We'll need to talk to the librarians before leaving.
?BC: Woe to anyone who takes a book without checking it out.
?BC: Like the furies these guys are.

"Sure, I can do that." You concentrate again and another portal appears, leading to a spot a few metres away from the entrance. You step through, hammer at the ready in case one of the librarians gets the wrong idea.

?BC: By the power vested in me by being literate I invoke the Librarians of the Archive of Derse!

>And then they were there as if they were always there
>Two of them
>Large Sphinxes (Sphinxii?) flanking the doors of the library
>With name tags: "Hello my name is MINNY" and "Hello my name is HARAHEL"

What is your desire you who call upon the stewards of this library?

?BC: We'd like to apply for library cards.

The application process takes the lifetime of a star to process. Please be seated while you wait.

?BC: Star lifetime huh?
?BC: Yeah I'm pretty sure that we filed it that long ago.
?BC: Probably.
?BC: It'll be under Bocaj and Phoenixor.

So you have. Your library cards are right over there.

?BC: Those two huge, black monoliths?

Yes. ... We can hold onto them for you between visits.
But you seek to check out reference material.
What knowledge do you offer in exchange?

?BC: I've got a pamphlet describing the history of the Seeing Stone of Time.

And you, Page? What knowledge do you offer?

edited 20th Aug '11 10:52:22 AM by Bocaj

"Uh..." You hold out your hammer. "I have this?" You pray that they will accept the offer. It's either that or the clothes off your back, and you'd rather not give that up.

The Sphinxes blink and look genuinely taken aback.

We... thank you for the offer.
You have given us the new experience of some heady mixture of disappointment and disdain.
We did not know we could experience those emotions in synchronicity like that.
Hold still while our mighty scanning lasers check out your books.

>MIGHTY SCANNING LASERS! And a disappointing little beep! noise for every book.

Return the books by the due date or you shall be cursed to a slow, lingering death and a humorously disrespectful tombstone. And we might trick you into sleeping with your mother.
I'm against it. Its just wrong.
That's why its a good punishment. Don't argue with me in front of the mortals, we need to present a united face.
Now go from here! And enjoy your reading.

>And then they were gone.

?BC: Right.

>Indeterminate Bocaj: Stick library card application into dropbox an excessive amount of years into the past.

?BC: Alright. Just open the doors and we can leave the library.

edited 20th Aug '11 11:06:13 AM by Bocaj

>Open the doors.

Feeling a little embarrassed from your poor choice of gift, you push open the doors to the library. That was far easier than you thought. Well, other than the deadly trap trying to murder you.

The gift of disappointment and disdain is the best gift to give to sphinxes.

?BC: Well, that was a good trip overall.
?BC: Back to the TARDIS then.
?BC: And I can drop you off right after we left
?BC: Like I promised I would.

"Brilliant. I'll see what I can do about opening up some space in the TARDIS." You wander through the corridors, once more ignored by all the inhabitants of this eye-hurting place.

?BC: That would basically be amazing.

>They reach the TARDIS

>Do the spacey-thing.

You do the spacey-thing, concentrating until the inside of the TARDIS expands rapidly until it gains several more floors. "Right, that should do it. Your TARDIS is basically a portal to hammerspace now. Use it wisely."

?BC: Ah, that is very much more like it.
?BC: Space wacey is how a TARDIS should be.
?BC: I can't thank you enough.

>Indeterminate Bocaj: Drop him off scarcely after he left

In the Land of Frogs and Mirrors, two people step into a blue box and it disappears. Then silence. And then the blue box reappears.

?BC: Its just as you left it

edited 20th Aug '11 1:01:01 PM by Bocaj

"Looks that way. Thanks for that. I needed it." You step out of the TARDIS and head back to your laptop.

PH: That's better. Now, where were we?

?BC: Have fun with the breeding.

>TARDIS: disappear

VWORP VWORP VWORP

So now you have the Book of Sfile. Or God's Design Notes. Or The Book. This thing doesn't really have a title. You've basically been making up titles to amuse yourself. Mommy Where Do New Universes Come From: A Children's Book.

You also have a fully functioning timey wimey spacey wacey TARDIS again which is good.

The book is also incredibly indecipherable to you. Its not that the pages are black really. You looked closely and the blackness is actually a roiling sea of text. Somehow. It kind of gave you a headache.

It would be best if you had someone on the team whose aspect was Lore but you don't. And so the next best thing would be someone with the aspect of Mind. You find the nearest one temporally and spatially on the Seeing Stone and drop in.

>Indeterminate Bocaj's TARDIS: Drop in on top of Prince Tubblewumps

SQUISH.

You step out of the TARDIS and see a Bocaj and a Teebert surrounded by wombats whose anger is rapidly cooling to befuddlement. You don't remember this at all. Oh god, its a future version of yourself. You hate those assholes.

>Indeterminate Bocaj: Become Intermediate Bocaj

You are now the Bocaj between Past Bocaj and Future Bocaj on the timeline. This is confusing to absolutely no-one.

>Use one of your precious few time bombs to freeze remaining wombats in time temporarily

IBC: Hey asshole
IBC: I need to borrow that Teebs

>Present Teebs: be threatened by wombats

Things are looking grim for you and Future Boxcar. The Wombat Prince is looking like he's ready to sic the army on you, and that would be a pretty bad thing.

This seems like as good a time as any to try buttering him up.

well its been nice knowing you and helping you find your bride to be and all that so i think maybe well just get going now
no need to set the army on us or anything
we really dont feel like dying and wasting our spare lives
we need those to become gods
so yeah please dont kill us

>SQUISH

HOLY SHIT THE TARDIS AND HOLY SHIT PRINCE TUBBLEWUMPS IS NOW PRINCE PANCAKEBOTTOM

Time to act like this was all planned.

sic semper tyrranus bitch

Another Boxcar then steps out of the TARDIS and insults the one standing next to you and says he needs to borrow you.

>React with indignation

hey look no one borrows me im not a thing okay
they hire me
yeah sure sometimes its a payless hire but its still a hire not borrowing

Face status: SAVED.

You are so smooth. The smoothest operator.

anyways other boxcar two questions for ya
what do ya need and if i help will this mess up the timeline

FBC: Yeah, I remember this.
FBC: He needs you to help him decipher God's Design Notes: A Children's Book About Frog Breeding.
FBC: It shouldn't mess up the timeline.
FBC: I remember doing it when I was him.
IBC: Do you also remember whacking me across the back of the head with a sheep and stealing my TARDIS?
FBC: Our TARDIS and yes, I remember that.
FBC: It was hilarious and necessary and you'll agree when you're me.
IBC: That's probably because I'll be an asshole when I'm you.
IBC: Would the Doctor steal the TARDIS from himself?
FBC: That would make a really good episode actually.
IBC: Don't try to change the- Well, actually, yeah. I'd watch it.
FBC: It could be a mystery. Like, why did he do it?
IBC: You mean a future Doctor steals the past Doctor's TARDIS at the beginning of the episode and the past Doctor tries to unravel the mystery?
FBC: Yeah. I would watch the hell out of that.
IBC: But I'm still angry at you.
IBC: Anyway, what douchenozzle over here said is pretty much true.
IBC: Help me Mind Knight Obi-wan Teebsnobi, you're my only hope.
FBC: Oh god, that's really what you're going with?

i have to agree with future you
thats a horrible name
i see ill have much to teach you about proper throwaway name things
thank god for backwards timelines and stable time loops showing me that i will succeed in this endeavor
welp
see you later future boxcar time to go help do a translate-y thingy

You hop into the TARDIS with Intermediate Boxcar and prepare for ADVENTURE.

okay so what exactly am i gonna be translating with my kickass mind powers