Reasons for a Divorce?

In my Na No Wri Mo story, since I didn't think about the details of my main character's background, I never really wrote much about his mother.

Instead of killing her off, I was going to have her and my main character's father (who he lives with) get divorced when he was really small.

I really can't think of a reason why they would split up. I also don't want to demonize either one of them, and I definitely don't want it to be because of infidelity.

They both couldn't handle certain things? For instance, maybe they were both irresponsible with a certain type of thing? Or they had certain views on raising children that were incompromisable?

Oh, I didn't even think about child-rearing. That's something that there are many different views about. That will certainly be part of it.

Plus, some people just grow apart. Especially if they married before the age of 28. People still change during their twenties.

Overseas job leads to all kinds of distancing.

One parent could have moved away to work elsewhere and if you want to avoid demonisation, instead of a woman distracting the guy (or a man distracting the mother), they could have simply focused too heavily on the job and forgot that the whole point of moving away was to make money for the family and this tears the family apart.

Maybe they were only interested in each other for one thing, and once they were living together they realized they couldn't stand each other?

If the pregnancy was unexpected and they got married because of it, then it might be that they were incompatible as spouses although they got along well enough to date.

Marrying young and growing apart.

Mom could be a workaholic who got worse as the marriage proceeded.

Those are the most neutral reasons I can think of off the top of my head.

If you want her to toe the line between being pathetic and villainous then give her borderline personality disorder.

I used to be a divorce lawyer so I saw those plus a lot worse.

edited 28th Jun '11 7:37:41 AM by 66Scorpio

Oh, all these ideas are good, and I know I'm gonna use some of 'em. I just wasn't thinking hard enough, usually being the type who writes Happily Married couples and all.

You guys rule. <3

The "overseas job" will especially work with my society, that focuses on the military (the father is a civilian, but the mother could be in the service).

They might have totally different ways of expressing love and expectations of expressed love. They might have fears and insecurities that drive them apart.

I bring this up as it came up in the break-up of my first marriage. Each of us sincerely believed that we were not truly loved by the other as the expressions of love we expected were not forthcoming and our expressions of love were not recognised or valued.

Our needs were so different and our ways of expressing love were so alien to one another it is amazing we managed to get together in the first place.

Our various insecurities also played a big part. Her main insecurity being that she classified all form of touching as sexual and thought that I was over-sexed when all I wanted to do was snuggle up with the woman I loved.

My insecurity was that I perceived her pushing me away as a rejection of me (rather than a rejection of physical contact)

In the end, a person who can't stand to be touched frequently and a person who thrives on hugs and cuddles don't make the best pairing.

I'm sorry to be rude, but do you really need to ask this? Is it even important from a narrative viewpoint why they did?

I just, with 50% of marriages ending in divorce why would you even need help thinking of a reason? I mean, hell, it could be anything. Maybe they just fucking hate each others guts. I heard of one couple who divorced because of the guy being afraid how much power his wife could have over him, it scared him or something (mind you this was in teh bedroom after this doc suggested they switch who dictates)

so really it could be anything.

Jason: Some people just have a weaker grip of understanding certain social norms. Especially once that is very easily avoided. I mean, I've seen very few divorced couples myself, so it's easy to forget how hectic a marriage can be.