Asexual Anxieties and Concerns

It's fine. It doesn't bother me too much since it doesn't happen that often.

My bigger concern is what happens if I get lonely later in life. Even if I were to marry, what am I going to say? "Lolnope no consummation (Or at least not very enthusiastic consummation)." Of course, that's assuming I would even be able to find someone in the first place, which is an issue irrelevant to my asexuality.

You'll be ok. You're aware of your sexuality early enough that you can work to avoid that fate.

You may find an asexual to marry, or live with. Companionship can come in many forms.

edited 21st Jun '11 8:34:46 PM by cancerlad

I guess that's a possibility.

edited 21st Jun '11 8:35:32 PM by Anomalocaris20

Depending on how open to the idea you are, there's also having an open relationship with a sexual individual. Certainly not for everyone, of course, especially if you're the jealous type.

No advice needed, just venting.

Again, I had dinner with my mom again tonight. The conversation topic this time wasn't grandchildren, it was whether or not we should keep our family antiques. Do I want them? Will I pass them on?

I told her that a) I'm an apartment dweller, and don't have much space; and, b) I am not interested in having children or getting married. Then I recommended that she give her share of antiques to my cousin, who does have children.

Some days, I feel like I need to stand up on a chair and proclaim loudly, "I am asexual! Our family line dies with me!" I think she has decided that she's not getting traction on grandchildren, time to switch tactics.

I should try saying that sometime.

Have you thought of having children in ways that do not involve having sex? In-vitro, surrogate mother, even adoption... in a future, perhaps even cloning.

I have always dreamed of raising a mini-me.

Adoption is a great way to do it. Thank god for adoption. I'd have been orphaned if I hadn't been adopted.

I don't want kids, however. They scare me.

I do not want children. I don't think I could be a good father. I'm too emotionally detached at times, and babies require 24-7 devotion, which I can't provide.

No-one said you had to get a baby. If you adopt, you can adopt a kid who's older than that.

I think that's what I'm most likely to do when I'm older. Adopt an older kid, or maybe get involved in a foster program. That could work as well on my own as with a partner, although I'm not sure they'd let you foster kids on your own.

@loni jay: you're in N.S.W. right?[1] So single/unmarried/ect can foster. I think getting a legal adoption is tricky however.

edited 30th Jun '11 6:59:56 PM by joeyjojo

I am not in NSW; but that is good to know anyway, thanks

I still don't want a child. The idea of being a father, biologically or adoptively, is unappealing to me.

@loniJay: no worries.

I want to have a kid, but I don't want to be a single parent, and I don't want to have a partner.

So I'm hoping to find a nice gay male couple I can be a surrogate for, and we share custody of the resulting child. Or else convince my parents to help me care for the kid. Or my brother (who is heterosexual).

One question I have: how many people who have issues with asexuals are also homophobic? Most of the people who've given me grief about being asexual were homophobic.

My brother.

The only people who have given me grief about it are my parents.

My maternal grandfather would probably give me a lot of grief over it, but he doesn't know.

@ Ettina: so you plan to get pregent by a gay man a share the rising of the resulting child between the three of you rigth?

edited 2nd Jul '11 5:20:20 PM by joeyjojo

This has been bugging me for a while. How do you know if your asexual or just a prude.

If you have no sex drive. If you really don't feel, even under all the prudishness, that you want to have actual, physical sex with someone, there's a good chance you're asexual. I'm not repulsed by the idea, but I have no desire for it.

That is a tough question. I came to the conclusion that even when I was insanely attracted to a girl, the thought of actual sex didn't appeal at all, and I've always found sex to be largely unpleasant.

Curve ball here. What if you want to have children? Like the actual "made em your self" family thing. Wife and kids; except no sexual urge has hit you.

For the record this about a friend.

If they have the means, then invitro-fertilization would be good. If not, then... don't know.