Parenting

On most small channels that want to grow its suicide for them to disable the comment section.

I presume that one can recruit volunteer moderators, as we do here.

I say this with all the gentleness and respect for the moderators. But you have to be nuts to want to volunteer moderate a comments section. I don't think I could be paid enough for what they have to put up with and then they do it for free. The kind of person who is both crazy enough to want to do it, authoritative enough to be effective, and gentle enough to build a community are rare. Most that I know only hit one or two out of the three which is why it needs to be a moderation team.

I'm a moderator on a facebook group. I enjoy it because it lets me help cultivate pretty much the group to my own liking.

At the center I work at we use the patting method during nap time for tots all the way to fours during nap time. It's basically sitting next to some of the kids and patting their back to help them fall asleep. A lot of them find it soothing and it helps them get to sleep quicker so they get the most out of their nap time.

It seems to be a little controversial though, because some parents feel that it's "babying them" or that it makes them too dependent and unable to fall asleep by themselves. Speaking from experience though, most of the kids seem to grow out of it before three and only a few actually continue to ask for pats in the fours.

I think "independence" has become an excuse for some parents to be emotionally distant and uninvolved.

That's how I feel honestly. Like a lot of these parents want their child to be able to do everything, so that they don't have to do any of the work of actually parenting them, spending time with them, and helping them learn. I mean, if we're being honest, the center I work at is high dollar and a lot of the parents are wealthy and have the means to stay home with their children. They don't though. They get there right when the center opens at seven and pick the kids up at the last minute before closing at five thirty. Then they drive home, the kids eat dinner, go to bed, and come right back the next morning. These kids spend almost all of their time awake with us, not with their parents.

Here's a controversial one: Do we let kids draw a line when it comes to sharing toys? Can "you need to share" go too far?

I personally think there needs to be a balance. Sharing is nice and a big part of teaching kids to work together and cooperate, but not everything needs to be, or should be shared with others. Us adults have things that are important to us that we wouldn't want other people touching, and I think kids should be equally allowed to have possessions that are special and only for them. I had toys as a kid that I was forced to share and when certain cousins of mine got their hands on them, they were always destroyed. It was very upsetting and I think it sent a message that what I valued wasn't important to the people around me, and that's not a good message for kids.

I don't think I've ever met a parent who forced their kids to share everything, esp with other people's children. Toys these days are too expensive to trust your neighbors kids with them.

I think sharing should be encouraged, it shouldn't be enforced.

If you’re made to ‘share’ something with someone who destroys it that’s not sharing, it’s your toy being given to that person.

I guess that's one way to teach the lesson "never lend to a friend".

Not a parent myself, but parents around me seem to strongly encourage (aka force) their kids sharing some of their toys. The kids seem to have a say about what toys.

However that delicate toy that other kids can't be trusted with? That toy should be put away in its place while the other kids are around.

Basically, don't share a toy unless you're willing to part with it forever.

Kind of a Family-Unfriendly Aesop, but it's hard to say it's not without merit.

It's a child's version of "never lend to a friend": don't "lend" money to a friend unless you're willing to never be repaid.

Edited by M84 on Apr 1st 2019 at 12:42:05 AM

Never lend anything you want to get back, as the saying goes.

From what I've heard, some parents seem to have taken the 'ask to share' lesson and turned it into 'if you say please, the other child is obligated to give you the toy'. Calling it "the magic word" doesn't give the requestee a lot of space to say no.

I think part of the problem is that a lot of adults have trouble sharing their stuff with others. So how can they teach their kids to do it?

Do it with stuff that the kid can't use all on their own and that they lose nothing from sharing, such as overabundant perishable foods, or stuff that is way more profitable to them when bringing others in, such as, say, a sportsball, a game of Twister, a seesaw...

Edited by Oruka on Mar 31st 2019 at 10:44:34 AM

Or whatever doesn't break easily?

Or something easily replaceable and not too expensive.

I can see the reasoning behind making kid's share (basically, to make them less aggressively territorial), but I'd argue it's slightly misguided at times.

This is because sharing is actually a bad idea much of the time as an adult-it's one of those "virtues" that sounds nice on paper but in practice makes you an easy target for exploitation if you're not careful.

Of course, this varies from kid to kid and toy to toy. For example, a toy like a soccerball kind needs to be shared to have any real use.

Even between siblings, I don't think sharing all toys is a fantastic idea. Most toys, sure: after all, nothing beats playing together/ getting to a LEGO-related fight and causing caltrop damage to everybody for days. The lesson: don't fling bricks at each other, because the regret will last for weeks. It's a valuable lesson about consequences, after all.

You do need some things to be indisputably yours, though. If you choose to share them, sure... it's a way to learn risk. But, nobody should be made to share something important to them that they really want to keep intact.

If wanting to teach the value of sharing, get the kid some toys that are just more fun when used in a group to practice with. That way, the toy is theirs... But, it needs a group, too. It's good incentive to want to share.

Edited by Euodiachloris on Mar 31st 2019 at 7:51:32 PM

When I was a child we had a great board game which was basically designed to teach children to work together. It was all about building a sand fort before the flood comes and the only way to win was working together.

Not exactly sharing, but it goes into the direction.

Edited by Swanpride on Mar 31st 2019 at 12:36:52 PM

Name?

I think it was simply called Sandburg (sand castle?)...I have looked for it, but couldn't find it to my big surprise. But I found a modernized version of it called Die verbotene Insel (The forbidden Island). Different design, same principle. In this one you have to recover a treasure before the flood turns up.

Cooperation, on the one hand, and sharing, on the other, are two different things, each of which are important, but taught differently.

Another distinction, I think its more important to teach children not to be a selfish person, rather than over share their stuff.