Mental differences between those who want kids, and those who don't

I always wanted kids. Used to want only 1-3, but circumstances have changed, and now I want more than that. I really don't know how I'll manage a career, housework, and all those children; I'll be stressed as an adult, for sure.

Because reproduction is the only scientific metric of success.

I was waiting for Rott to show up and post this. I don't exactly agree with it, but it's kind of what I was getting at: presumably, living organisms should be predisposed to reproduce; it's necessary for survival of the species. So who do some of us flat out refuse?

That said, I have similar feelings to many here: I don't like children, find them annoying, don't want the responsibility, and would rather devote my attention elsewhere (writing, mostly).

I like children and I can look after them, its more that I just think that the future is too uncertain to be left to someone you really love.

edited 7th Feb '11 8:57:35 AM by JosefBugman

I despise children. They're like pets, except they talk back.

Umm, who are you leaving your future to?

People I can look at objectivly. Same as the past .

In all seriousness though, the main problem is that your kids are going to survive after you when you are not there to help them through lifes trials and tribulations. You can be the most important thing (alongside your SO) in their formative years. I am not sure anyone should be willing to be that until they have undergone a craptonne of soul searching.

Crab people.

That's why it's your duty as a parent to make sure your children are prepared for the world without you.

I don't think that I am good enough to provide that to any child. Help I can do in real life. After I am dead... less so.

Don't sell yourself short. Give them the necessary training and guidance and they'll be able to function when you're no longer there.

Eh. Not selling myself short, being factual, at least at the moment.

I want kids, but I might settle for melery being a teacher or the principal of a school. Why? Mostly for the indoctrination part. I want to pass on my ideas and my worldview and the stuff I learned. I want to spread my values. And that starts at the playground.

If I have children, expect me to be controlling and submit them to an excrutiatingily detailed interrogatory every day I pick them up from school. I'll do my best to get into their shoes and understand their issues. And I will put the tools to fight at their disposal, exploiting the biases and natural human stupidity that is at its most powerful in children, and then exploiting that exploitation to hammer it out of them while it's soft, by making them reject it. I will run them through a list of all the stupid things kids their age do. And then, if they decide they still want to do them while they're age appropriate and they can get away with it, I will instruct them, to the best of my capacity, on how to perform them with minimal risk. If they want to do whatever the future equivalent of skateboaring is, I'll insist they carry protection, and perhaps custom-modify the parts to be groovy if that's what it takes for them to wear them. If they want to cheat at tests, I'll have them practice at home so they don't get caught. If they want to be schoolyard bullies, I'll do my best to teach them how to do it in such a way that even their victims think they're awesome. If they want to beat up the bullies, I'll get them tutored in fighting, but I'll also teach them about body language, domination, and snappy retorts, because you can't resort to hitting people all the time to assert domination. I will raise up the most cynical bastards on earth, and I want them to learn to choose what they want properly, by weighting costs and benefits with clear vision, and then get it. And if what they choose to be is slackers, then I'll teach them how to be the coolest moochers since Scott Pilgrim. Becuase being a winner in life isn't about besting others on terms that were imposed by society. It's about getting what you want, according to your scale of priorities.

Oh, and sometimes I will not care about their problems and will not feel like helping them. I won't hesitate to let them know.

However, an attitude towards children in general has nothing to do with desire to get a child of my own. Getting a child means that your life is no longer your own - for the next couple of decades, all of it focuses on the child. Which is way more than this one is willing to sacrifice, lest of all for a stranger - and child is a stranger.

This. If I were to become a parent I would want to be a good parent, and that would require giving up far more than I am currently willing to.

Also, despite my sex I'm really not built for childbirth. Tiny frame, narrow hips. Oh yeah, I can just see that c-section now, and some crazy doctors want you awake for that special moment. Hell no.

I've never had much in the way of maternal instincts. I never played house, or had a baby doll that I poked at for more than a couple days. Hell, as much as I love my dogs I'm not exactly the most attentive owner. If I leave my dogs wanting, how am I supposed to satisfy a kid? ...actually the only maternal instinct I seem to possess is this innate ability to cook for four or more whether or not I'm actually trying to.

Maybe if I change my mind in the far future I'll adopt. There's plenty of good kids out there who can use a home with a parent who, even if they're a bit selfish and accidentally bitchy, at least has their best interests at heart.

@Ardiente: So pretty much what my folks did.

I just think that the future is too uncertain to be left to someone you really love.

I can't think of anyone I'd rather entrust it to, nor a stronger motivation to make sure they have a good starting point.

Wow, so including myself, there are only 4 here so far that would want kids?

I wonder why?

I dislike children. A lot. They disgust me. They scurry around, like humanoid rats. I have no desire to care for what is essentially human maggots until theyre capable of fending for themselves. Children are NOT cute, or innocent in my eyes, theyre savage little beasts who are barely capable of anything that isnt regulated by their own drives and desires.

Hm, is it a coincidence that I, having opposite views of Silent Stranger in every way, desperately want kids, while he is appalled by them?

Is wanting kids a Conservative Christian thing or something?

I don't understand why, I feel no moral obligation; I just like kids.

edited 7th Feb '11 10:59:20 AM by TheMightyAnonym

I doubt it, most of the people on my side of the spectrum seems to have no problem with children overall, I just find them repulsive. And yeah, I do think we're polar opposites on nearly every issue. Every issue we've discussed so far we've been opposites on.

I dont think its a conservative christian thing to want kids, I think its a conservative christian thing to glamorize it and breed like rats.

edited 7th Feb '11 11:02:35 AM by SilentStranger

I wonder why? There must be some reason.

Conservative Christian-type folks on here are among the only ones I've seen that want kids all that much.

edited 7th Feb '11 11:05:19 AM by TheMightyAnonym

No, that's a Duggar thing. Most at least keep it in the single digits.

Well, uh, I have a Duggar thing, myself.

Like I said, its glamorized by the religion. That whole "go forth and multiply" thing.

edited 7th Feb '11 11:06:44 AM by SilentStranger

Huh, I've never even thought about that.

I'm a sucker for kids though, but only because I personally like them. I cannot think of any glamorization other than my personal preference.

I have two little sisters, and frequently work with kids at my church.

edited 7th Feb '11 11:13:47 AM by TheMightyAnonym

How about number of kids in one's own family? Like... on my father's side he has seven siblings. They all had three kids each tops because they remembered having seven siblings and the workload, lack of money, and mountains of handmedowns kinda sucking. My sister was an only child until her 20s and she wanted to have a boatload of kids, and was thwarted by her husband (three brothers) saying "like hell!" and getting a vasectomy after the second one.

edited 7th Feb '11 11:11:42 AM by Bur