Polyamory

^^ That would be one possibility. Another may well be that while they were together, the limerence Definition

was strong enough that it temporarily overrode his awareness of a lack of true desire for monogamy. Once she was no longer physically near him all the time, that faded enough for him to realize that he wasn't interested in having a one-and-only.

I'd put my money on the second one

...if you don’t love you’re dead, and if you do, they’ll kill you for it.

Loni— use the people in this thread as a positive example!

Positive example to counteract the bad!

Read my stories!

That's a great premise, Maddy.

And on top of that, you've just taught me the scientific term for "letting the little head do the thinking"

Since we only heard it from third hand I'm going to reserve judgement thank you very much.

edited 27th Aug '11 6:41:49 PM by joeyjojo

hashtagsarestupid

No, that's lust.

Limerence is a desire to have your feelings reciprocated. It doesn't have to be sexual, although that is common.

Limerence is (to vastly oversimplify) a crush, turned up to eleven, with a huge pile of lust mixed in.

...if you don’t love you’re dead, and if you do, they’ll kill you for it.

Jumping in with a quick question, Sorry if it's been asked before:

Is there a difference between polyamourous and swingers?

To my understanding, swingers are a married couple that has affairs on the side without the intention of those affairs being more than just flings.

Polyamourous is referring to people who maybe in multiple relationships, but they are still solid relationships with genuine affection.

"Oh wait. She doesn't have a... Forget what I said, don't catch the preggo. Just wear her hat." - Question Marc

Sounds about right.

If you don't like a single Frank Ocean song, you have no soul.

Haven't you answered your own question? ... Swinging is pretty strictly just about sex.( 'no emotional involvement!" *

) Polyamory is about romantic relationships, rather than specifically sex.

'Don't beg for anything, do it yourself, or else you won't get anything.'

I never remove the possibility that I may be wrong. And with a topic like this, I rather err on the side of caution and make sure I have a clear understanding.

I could never have a life of polyamory. I don't work like that. But I don't see what's wrong with others who do.

I just know my girlfriend and keeping her happy is enough responsibility.:P I can't imagine two of her!

"Oh wait. She doesn't have a... Forget what I said, don't catch the preggo. Just wear her hat." - Question Marc

It is indeed extra responsibility. Props to you for realising it. A number of people presume that polyamory is for people who "can't commit" - when in fact it's about multiple commitments. Not only can we commit, we can commit to multiple people - and, as you've rightly realised, it's not an easy path.

It's still rewarding, though. :D

Wolf calls it, dead-on. This is why I get more than a little steamed when polyamory is dismissed as people who "can't commit". Next time I hear it, I'm tempted to respond with something like "actually, yes we can...and we're better at it than you monogamy-types."

But that wouldn't be productive for the furtherance of my lifestyle being accepted, so I'll probably try and refrain. But it is still tempting.

@Polar: yeah, you pretty much have it right...and like Wolf said, props for realizing that you aren't suited to the poly lifestyle. As I said earlier, some people are and some aren't. Rather like being homosexual I'd wager; though I've no proof of this I'm fairly convinced it's so.

Which leads me to my next question for the thread; do you think polyamory is simply a choice (like swinging) or an outgrowth of the same "difference" that is responsible for homosexuality *

?

Put simply; are polyamorists born, or made?

If I were to write some of the strange things that come under my eyes they would not be believed. ~Cora M. Strayer~

...I am inclined to say "made," but I'd be willing to wait for systematic studies on the matter.

I am now known as Flyboy.

@USAF: not going to say you're wrong (lacking data, as we both do) but what's your argument for that position?

If I were to write some of the strange things that come under my eyes they would not be believed. ~Cora M. Strayer~

Because it's less a biological preference and more a social inclination, which is more a product of conditioning and socialization than inherent aspects.

In all likelihood it's a combination of neurological, sociological, and psychological elements, as sexual preference is...

I am now known as Flyboy.

Did you choose to only love someone aty one time?

I would say polymory is biological with pressures surpressing it or encouraging it, as with anything else sexual.

edited 4th Dec '11 1:11:44 PM by Erock

If you don't like a single Frank Ocean song, you have no soul.

Edit: WHOOPS, nevermind.

edited 4th Dec '11 1:14:48 PM by USAF713

I am now known as Flyboy.

It's the age old nature vs nurture debate. I prefer to think that it's a bit of both, much like any other sexual orientation.

I believe that while some people are naturally more comfortable with it, there are also other people who are okay with it due to environmental pressures. HOWEVER, the latter are probably less common since being poly isn't socially acceptable.

The opposite of the question would be "Is monogamy something that you're wired to do from birth, or is it just what people do because it's what's expected?"

"I don't know how I do it. I'm like the Mr. Bean of sex." -Drunkscriblerian

I think whether or not humans trend towards monogamy would be a decision helped by looking at other primates. Do they also only take one mate at a time?

Although, psychologically, I'd say that humans trend towards monogamy because we're selfish, and it's simpler to focus on one person at a time than to worry about having to share...

I am now known as Flyboy.

@USAF: I'd say humans have a natural tendency towards polyamory because we cheat. We are, I think, one of the few (if not the only) species that supposedly mates for life and occasionally cheats. But hey, yay free will.

If I were to write some of the strange things that come under my eyes they would not be believed. ~Cora M. Strayer~

That's one face of 'selfish' in this arena. The other is wanting variety in sexual partners, and being more turned on by new sexual partners.

You could describe the kind of selfishness you mentioned as 'aversive': avoiding complications, whereas the other kind is 'aggressive' : pursuing that which interests you.

'Don't beg for anything, do it yourself, or else you won't get anything.'

Well, we expect our partners to be monogamous and we expect ourselves to be polyamorous. Since everybody does this, we lead into a tense social game that trends towards monogamous relations—quid pro quo plus cheating.

All of it is driven by selfishness, really.

Edit: NINJA ORANGE! <_< >_>

edited 4th Dec '11 5:39:22 PM by USAF713

I am now known as Flyboy.

When it comes to sexuality, of any kind, I do feel while it is innate, it does take environmental conditions to bring it out. Had I never been around women I may have never known I was a homosexual.

My dear friend is bisexual. We have talked about different life experiences we have had and compared to see if we had any commonalities that may have brought out our sexual persuasions. I wonder if we were to include a polyamorous person in that debate what sort of similarities and differences we would have.

"Oh wait. She doesn't have a... Forget what I said, don't catch the preggo. Just wear her hat." - Question Marc

That makes sense.

I like to think that we are all capable of loving each other, but we have own ways and we don't always know how show it.

edited 4th Dec '11 6:04:31 PM by joeyjojo

hashtagsarestupid

Going to add my voice here. While I never "got" monogamy or why I was "supposed" to be jealous, I probably never would have tried polyamory if I hadn't been exposed to the concept in high school. I've also witnessed this kind of thing personally; a friend of mine was feeling guilty because she liked two guys at the same time, and I explained how poly worked to her. I ran into her a couple years later, still happily with both men and much less angst-ridden in general; she thanked me profusely and told me that our talk had "changed her life".

Which brings us back to why education is important, I suppose; people have the right to explore the world and find their place in it.

If I were to write some of the strange things that come under my eyes they would not be believed. ~Cora M. Strayer~