The New Touhou Character Alternate Interpretation Compendium!:
edited 1st Aug '11 3:23:58 AM by Clarste
edited 1st Aug '11 3:33:27 AM by asterism
edited 1st Aug '11 6:35:42 AM by Otherarrow
edited 1st Aug '11 8:11:48 AM by Clarste
"Impossible my lady. The sunlight is far too bright today."
"But Sakuyaaaaaaa, I haven't been out in a fortnight."
"I must insist you stay inside."
"Screw it, I'm covering up the sun with a scarlet mist. I can do that."
"Sure you can, my lady." That is exactly the kind of thing Remilia would do. Her canon though processes seem to match her childish appearance and personality. She does things because she hasn't matured enough to know its silly or impossible or a bad idea. Cover all of Gensokyo with a Scarlet Mist so she can go outside as much as she likes. Not the area right over her mansion. All of Gensokyo. I doubt she even intended to go on a systematic tour.
She has a rocket built so she can get to the Moon before Yukari. That's kind of childish right there. Then she throws a party inviting exiles from the Moon and Yukari, announcing the fact. That's the kind of thing a child would do. Its not enough to just one-up someone. There's no point if they don't know.
She makes Sakuya and Marisa fight Yorihime first because she wants to be the last boss but gets bored and fights her before Reimu.*
Then she has a pool built in her mansion because from her way of thinking, all the wonders of the moon sucked and the only thing really worth remembering is that they had large bodies of water.
Kidnap the fairy of spring so that you can have the first party.
There's an earthquake about to happen? What if we have the entire mansion floating above the ground?
This were-beast seems smart. Lets take her home and have her teach Flan. And it works out because common-sense is a weakness in Gensokyo. A child's way of thinking works in a land where wordplay dictates what a person can do. At least if you have a vampire's level of power. I think everyone hates the moon because SSIB was so mediocre. It just wasn't that great. CILR paints a much better picture but not as many people have read that. SSIB is a horrible first impression for both the mooninites and the Moon itself.
edited 1st Aug '11 9:40:44 PM by Bocaj
Maybe it was a secret war that the government has kept from us, hiding the evidence at Area 51.
Maybe this is the Remilia discussion.
Maybe the "war" was a comedy of errors on both sides.
Maybe the Lunarians are behind the recent suspension of the shuttle program, in which case they are irredeemably evil. Srsly, screw the Lunarians. If they were responsible for Apollo 13, then they have unleashed Tom Hanks upon the world and may their many gods have mercy on their souls for that.
edited 1st Aug '11 8:39:54 AM by Clarste
The Small Vampire Noblewoman
Remilia Scarlet gave a devious smile as she stood before the doorway of the Scarlet Devil Mansion. She had no plans for the day, everything was normal. Boringly normal. Remilia had decided the best way for her to spend her day was to grace a certain shrine maiden with her presence. "Sakuya! Your master calls!" Despite the command, her voice had a playful tint to it. She was going to have at least some degree of fun today. Sakuya appeared right in front of her as if she was always there, something that always made Remilia chuckle to herself. "Yes, Milady?" "Fetch me my parasol Sakuya! The Hakurei Shrine shall be blessed by a visit from Remilia Scarlet!" "...Do you wish for me to come along?" "Of course! Who will hold the parasol over me as we sour through the skies? Or do you expect me to do it myself?" "Of course not Milady." With this, the two set foot outside the mansion, the maid holding the parasol over her master's small body, covering it completely in shade. As they walked through the garden, the redhaired gatekeeper rose her head from the flowers she was tending to. "Going out Miss Remilia, Miss Izayoi?" "Yes, Meiling, we are. Be sure that no one else intrudes on the Palace Scarlet while we are away." "...And if it is that pesky Marisa? You know I can't deal with her and her Master Spark!" "Oh, don't worry about her, my dear Meiling. She is one of the fun ones! Her and that shrine maiden* ." "Uh, OK then. Have fun!" "Oh, I will, I most certainly will!" Remilia began to chuckle to herself as she and Sakuya took flight. As the two of them flew over the Misty Lake, the various fairies gather there began to scatter and panic. Remilia began to playfully chase them, with Sakuya diligently flying by her side, holding the parasol over her and protecting her from the sun's rays. "Foolish fairies. Always good for a laugh, wouldn't you say Sakuya?" "Certainly Milady, although I wish you wouldn't risk yourself over such minor creatures." "Do you underestimate me Sakuya?" "Of course not Milady, I just fear for the sun." With this, the two began to close in on the Hakurei Shrine. However, much to Remilia's displeasure, Reimu already had guests over, not including the oni and old turtle who were always freeloading. As Remilia and Sakuya began to land, Remilia noticed that they were talking about...things not at all worth her time. "We should make a union! Miko union!" "Did you come all the way here just to say that?" "Just think, we could have regulated miko wages, and miko strikes and miko signs and miko..." At this point, the two noticed the vampire and maid standing directly behind them. Remilia was not at all amused by the inane nonsense conversation she had arrived in the middle of, and the green haired shrine maiden could feel the glare Remilia was drilling into her back. "...and I'll be miko gone! Bye Reimu!" And she flew off. "I can't believe how happy I am to see you Remilia." Despite this, Reimu didn't sound grateful. Rather, she sounded bored. "Sanae keeps finding stupid reasons to fly over here and try to get me to join some stupid club of hers. First it was Miko Rangers, then it was Miko..." "I do not care. You will stop talking about that other shrine maiden now. You will talk to me, about things of my choosing. Today, you shall treat Sakuya and I to tea. "It's never donations from you, is it?" Reimu sighed and opened the door for her home. Remilia and Sakuya quickly sat down at the table, Sakuya folding the parasol in a flash of light. Reimu closed the door behind her and walked into the kitchen, where she began preparing the tea, noting in her usual bored voice: "Tea is preparing now. Please wait warmly until it is ready." Remilia smiled contently at watching the shrine maiden toil at her command. She turned to Sakuya. "Now, watching our former foe treat us as if we were graceful masters, doesn't that just make you feel accomplished?" "If you insist Milady." "Now that I think about it, the two of you have much in common, you know." "Forgive my disagreement Milady, but I must protest. I pride myself on my devotion to you and my service as a servant of House Scarlet. This shrine maiden barely keeps her own shrine and home clean." "I heard that!" Reimu quipped. Remilia chuckled. "You sure seem easy to agitate today Reimu. Did you have a bad sleep? Do you need me to grace you with my nightly presence, tuck you in and nibble on your neck? Do you feel yourself worthy of such a gift?" Remilia licked her lips. Reimu simply stared at her, then poured the tea into her cup. The rest of the day proceeded without incident, or note. Eventually, Remilia convinced Sakuya to tell Reimu about the strange blond girl who visited the Mansion some months before, how she insisted on seeing Remilia and how she sang praises on her and the mansion. Reimu speculated that it was just Yukari fooling around again. After they were done talking about that, Remilia and Sakuya rose from their chairs and left as suddenly as they appeared. By the time they returned to the mansion, the sun was already starting to go down. Remilia walked through the gate and into the mansion proper as if she had just returned from victory in battle. As soon as the door closed behind them, Sakuya disappeared, already going off to finish the chores that had piled up while she was gone. Such a dutiful maid. I am proud of myself for that one. Remilia thought to herself. Remilia was still in a good mood, so she decided to personally descend to the basement. She didn't visit the library today, although she could hear Patchouli chewing out the little devil for throwing her new arcane tomes of snake magic at her. No, today Remilia decided to visit someone else who she hadn't visited in some time. She arrived at a worn wooden door at the end of a dark hallway. She gave a elegant knock. "Who's there?" "Who's...Do you not remember the knock of the Lady of House Scarlet?" "Who?" "...it's your sister Flan. Can I come in?" "Oh, Remilia? Sure!" The door opened, and the cheerful blonde girl leaped out and pushed Remilia to the ground, hugging her. Remilia grimaced. This was unbecoming of a noblewoman. "Do...Do you know how strange this looks?" "I'm just happy!" "Do you intend to let go?" "Nope! Can't a sister hug her sister? Can't a snake wrap around it's prey? Snakes bug me." "Focus Flandre, focus! I am not a snake!" "Oh I know that. You don't bug me. You are not a bug!" "Snake." "Snakes aren't bugs." "You are doing this on purpose aren't you?" "Maybe~" Flandre let go of Remilia and the both of them stood back up. Remilia sighed as Flandre gleefully circled around her. At least she is happy.... Remilia thought to herself. Flandre had always been the one thing Remilia worried about the most, and if she was content, the rest of the world would soon follow. "So, Flandre, mind gracing your beloved sister about how you have been fairing since my last visit?" "Oh, I thought you'd never ask! Well, me and the devil got yelled at by Patchs the other day for..."
...I didn't expect it to be that long. And it kinda doesn't go anywhere. She and Sakuya go to Reimu's, have tea, come back, then Remilia visits Flandre. It doesn't have a recurring motif, a real plot, or any of that. Very slice of life-ish. Only not nearly as good. I tried to recapture the "hammy Remilia" from "The Mansion Calls", but in such a casual, nothing really going on story, it was hard to do. The Reimu part was going to be longer (basicly, before ordering Reimu to make them tea, Remilia would make Reimu sing a song praising her on threat of destroying the shrine. She would then tell Sakuya to do it anyway, and then I realized I was not going anywhere with that.)
edited 1st Aug '11 11:28:05 AM by Otherarrow
edited 1st Aug '11 9:50:13 AM by Clarste
edited 1st Aug '11 10:10:55 AM by Otherarrow
edited 1st Aug '11 10:20:27 AM by Clarste
edited 1st Aug '11 10:36:25 AM by Otherarrow
edited 1st Aug '11 10:37:24 AM by asterism
edited 1st Aug '11 10:59:14 AM by Clarste