A column on an obscure website. Constructive criticism wanted.

WARNING: Shameless self promotion ahead!

A friend of mine started a webstie, primarily as a vehicle for his webcomic (I helped write a couple of upcoming comics, go me!) called Project OGC. To get some more varied content I've started writing a column, the first of which can be found here.

But anyway, I'd really appreciate any constructive criticism anybody has for the column. Even if it's just "terrible, give up!" Also, more shameless self promotion, it's a fledgling website, so regular readers would be lovely.

Let's see... you use too much parabombing; you rely on assumed reader reactions too much; I think that you'd do better if you avoided scatological humor like the cocksack (it doesn't mesh with the style of the rest too well); «But, is this a good thing? Has our rampant demand for more realism done us a favour? Yes, oh dear Christ, yes it is.» is a bit awkwardly ordered. Other than that, it was interesting and somewhat funny.

Thank you kindly, especially the comment on it being interesting and somehwat funny. I'll try to avoid the parabombing in future. I actually agree with what your saying about some of the humour not meshing well, I attribute that to the fact that I wrote parts of it at various different times and indeed, days. But yeah, I definitely agree with much of what you said. I'll try to take it on board.

I would tend to agree with the above opinion. There were one or two points where you make a jump which my mind honestly didn't even consider. So yeah, perhaps cut back a bit on anticipating the expectations of the reader, or perhaps just try to do it in a more general fashion. Also I noticed a missing word here and there. I think there was a 'at' missing when you mentioned Halo and 99.999999% somewhere in the middle, and I'm sure there's at least one more.

So yeah, a bit mored editing, a big more fine tuning when attempting to keep pace with the reader. Though otherwise it was pretty good. Not exceptional, but interesting enough.

Don't try to be so funny. It comes across to me as forced.

I'll have to take that one up with my editor. Grumble, grumble. I'll into consideration what your saying about assuming reader reactions, although most of what I want to do in the future is going to be less analytical in nature.

The primary purpose of the whole deal is humour, but your are correct in some of it being forced, there were times when I was going "Fuck, I need to make a joke here."

Again thanks for the criticism. A lot of what's been said comes down to the fact I think it's suffer due to me giving myself truly poor conditions to write it in. One thing I'm happy about though is my fervent attempts to keep it reader friendly hasn't seemed to be obvious. By that I mean I kept most of my tendencies towards Crossing the Line Twice and Black Comedy in check.

I'm the aforementioned proprietor of the aforementioned website.

I took the job of editing the article after its completion, so I'll take the blame for any mistakes that were made due to my lack of concentration. I was flying a jet at the time. I'm a huge badass. If you don't start visiting the website regularly, I'll murder the balls out of you with all of my guns and whatnot.

First off:

Especially you, Adrian (three paragraphs in and I’ve already stolen a joke from Yahtzee, great start)!

Don't explain the joke! Those of us who watches Zero Punctuation would chuckle at the sight of the actual joke, and those who don't would chuckle at the joke. The explanation only leads to groans from those who recognized it and confusion for everyone else.

On a more positive note, I like the name. Simple and includes the word Rant. That ensures that I know this is your opinion and I can disagree if i want, something that is always good.

Also, the subject of religion in video games is a bit weird first topic. Not a bad topic, but I would've expected something a bit more general the first time out.

There was a lot of excess stuff. Here are just a few lines whose removal probably would've improved the piece, IMO.

Now, anyway, tired and cliché humour aside, this is hopefully going to be weekly thing where I will look at an event, item or person – or, dare I say it, thing – in a (hopefully) humorous manner.

...(ooh, edgy), and religion is shoved down our throats.

(pew! pew!)

Especially you, Adrian (three paragraphs in and I’ve already stolen a joke from Yahtzee, great start)!

• I think that joke is only funny if there's a direct connection to the way Yahtzee originally used it.

(notably the first two)

(HOLY SHIT SPOILERS)

I liked it though - it was much more analytical and think-y than flat out humorous, but that's no bad thing.

I'd give a longer critique, but I'm tired.

edited 29th Nov '10 12:01:11 AM by Wheezy

The primary purpose of the whole deal is humour, but your are correct in some of it being forced, there were times when I was going "Fuck, I need to make a joke here."

No, I understand. When I write stuff, I'm the same way. I'm not a funny guy...but most people want more than just cold analytical text.

I think you need to square up more Acceptable Targets. Making fun of Democrats, Twilight, Michael Bay, Kanye West, and fat people on Wii/Kinect seems popular these days.

edited 29th Nov '10 12:51:17 AM by KingZeal

Oh I do love acceptable targets! They just seem a bit. . . too easy. Plus I really want to make irrational hatred of Peter Molyneux a recurring thing.

Anyway, thanks guys, these comments, especially you Sidewinder and Wheezy have been really helpful. If anyone cares the next one should be going up at some point this week, which will be much less analytical and much more humour. I'm still trying to find my style of writing so further comments would be lovely.

edited 29th Nov '10 4:40:48 PM by Wagrid

Just post it here, or I'll never remember to look for it.

I will at that! Cheers for showing an interest.

NEW COLUMN! Now with pictures!