Could someone look this over for Grammar and Spelling errors?

I hope this goes here >.>

I just whipped up a creepypasta based on the Gold/Silver cloning glitch and how it can go horribly wrong. Only issue is that I feel my typing can be a little... Stiff at times

So can somebody take a look at this and point out how I could improve the flow, along with any general spelling or grammar errors I made?

Twins

Gold kicked the PC. "Damn thing, crapping out at a time like this!" he shouted, furious at the machine. He had just deposited a Rattata he had in his party and was switching boxes when the machine locked up. It happened every now and then, and didn't usually affect trainers. However, it was just saving his box settings. The words 'SAVING. DON'T TURN OFF THE POWE' were etched on the screen, mocking him. To make matters worse, all of his Pokeballs were in the machine so he could check their data.

After a few more kicks, the young trainer resigned himself to restarting the system. Freezes were such a rare occurance these days. When the machine rebooted, he was brought back to the box he had open prior. He sighed and switched boxes again, this time with success, and then withdrew all five of his Pokemo-

Wait. Five? He should only have four! He put them all back in the PC to check them. Rattata was both on the PC and in his party. On a whim, he withdrew the rodent from the box, and let both Rattata out.

They were perfectly identical in every way, both holding Berries. They even moved in the same way for a little bit. Perfect copies. Well, almost perfect. There was something wrong with the eyes of the one that was in his party. Gold's jaw was wide open in disbelief.

"What the... But how... Huh!?" he stammered, dumbfounded. Somehow, the machine duplicated his Rattata. Standing there for several minutes, he finally pulled himself together, giggling with glee. He could easily sweep trainers now! Money problems? Just clone a Pokemon holding a nugget! Want a team of powerful Pokemon? Just train one and clone it before a big battle! The possibilities were endless!

~~~~~

Several hours of experimenting later, Gold had gotten into a rythym, cloning the Pokemon without fail. However, the process was taking too long. He already had cloned his partner, his strongest Pokemon, Croconaw, once. Curious, he tried cloning both at the same time. Success. All four. Success again. Grinning, he gave five of them nuggets - always requiring at least one Pokemon in his party - and cloned them, including the original. He then rebooted the PC.

Something was wrong. Whenever he went to the box, it showed a garbled mess and locked up. He was worried for his friend, but decided to just leave it be for a while so it could sort itself out. He went and captured some Sentret to clone for Nuggets, letting them go to the PC. He then went back, and found the PC was accessible again. The screen was still garbled though, and one Croconaw - the original - had a messed up name.

He swapped for it and fingered the ball. Shaking, he let out the Pokemon. His back was facing the young, scared trainer. "T-Torrent? A-a-are you... Are you ok?" Gold stammered out.

The Croconaw turned around, and Gold screamed.

~~~~~

The police arrived a few hours later, reporting to calls of screams - both Pokemon and Human - coming from the small house. They entered and found a bloody mess all over the place. "What the fuck happened here?" asked one officer, looking for any survivors. He stopped when he saw movement. In the corner was what looked like an injured Croconaw. He approached it. "Heya buddy. Don't worry, I won't hurt you..." he calmly told the water type. Torrent snapped his head up, and the officer nearly vomited.

The Croconaw had half its head missing, replaced with something impossible. Something beyond description. Something so shocking that the officer's brain filtered it as white noise, unable to handle the impossible sight. Torrent grinned and lunged at the officer, ready to have another snack.

There are a few spelling and grammar errors, But I think if you ran it through Word it would pick them up.

I was a generation one Pokemon trainer. Ah, the good ole days of swimming up and down the beach hoping to catch a missingno.

I liked the story. There's something entrancing about it. It's like Lovecraft meets Pokemon.

Is this a stand alone or part of something larger?

I'd read it for grammar errors, but I was too enticed/horrified by the story line to pay attention.

I guess I must be harder to horrify than Carbonpillow and AHR, because I didn't find it all that scary.

The ending was rather... short, compared to the rest of it. You spent a lot of time building up a creepy atmosphere, but the ending just felt dull.

Plus, I could kinda see it coming a while off. Not the whole part-of-his-head-being-wrong, that was certainly unexpected enough; but just Torrent eating everyone and that.

You could have spent a little more time building it up. There was plenty of opportunity to expand on the polive officer's point of view- were none of Gold's other Pokemmon out? Did none of them feel subtly wrong? That would have given it a slightly more alien feel, and built up tension before the reveal.

^ Seconded. Grammar is fine, no significant errors that I could see on a quick once-over.

Especially during the 1st cloning scene: what was wrong with its eyes? Show us. Elaborate a bit more- have the errors become a bit more pronounced, suddenly level off, then have the big climax. It entices the reader more into your story.

Also, give some hint as to what the thing behind the white noise is. Don't tell us necessarily, but suggest at it.

Decent creepypasta. I skimmed and only picked up a few mistakes.

• no comma before "and didn't usually affect trainers"
• "and then withdrew all five of his Pokemo" should be followed with an em dash, not a hyphen.
• it's spelled "rhythm"
• it's spelled "okay" or "OK" (capital letters)
• Pokémon and Pokéball need the accent.
• "both Pokemon and Human" should be separated with em dashes, not hyphens.

Very creepy. Much pasta.

I must say, though, it would veritably help if you could pepper your prose with some more florid descriptions of the eldritch phenomenon upon which the central horror is conceited.

Holy crap, this thread is old. A lot of the people who have posted in this haven't been around Writer's Block in, like, years.