History WarpThatAesop / Film

'''''[[IncomingHam WELCOME]]''''', '''[[LadiesAndGerms ladies, gentlemen, and tropers]], to DarthWiki/DarthWiki's Favorite GameShow'''...

'''''[[PowerEchoes WARP... THAT... AESOP!!!!!]]'''''

'''Film Round! Ready.... GO!'''

Visit entries from: [[DarthWiki/WarpThatAesop Main Page]] || WarpThatAesop/AnimeAndManga || WarpThatAesop/ComicBooks || WarpThatAesop/FanFic || [[WarpThatAesop/AnimatedFilm Film - Animation]] || '''Film - Live Action''' || WarpThatAesop/{{Literature}} || WarpThatAesop/LiveActionTV || WarpThatAesop/{{Music}} || WarpThatAesop/MusicVideos || WarpThatAesop/ProfessionalWrestling || WarpThatAesop/TabletopGames || WarpThatAesop/{{Theater}} || WarpThatAesop/{{Toys}} || WarpThatAesop/VideoGames || WarpThatAesop/{{Webcomics}} || WarpThatAesop/WebOriginal || WarpThatAesop/WesternAnimation || WarpThatAesop/{{Tropes}} \\

----


* '''Almost all kids' films about dogs:''' People who don't own dogs are evil quasi-Nazis who want all dogs dead for no explicable reason.
** More like "If you hate dogs, you can go to hell!"
** Oh, and if you happen to own a [[RightHandCat cat]] and dislike dogs, you're ''definitely'' a villain!
** If you don't consider yourself a "dog person", you just need to be converted into one and stop being such a jerk.

* '''[[RomanticComedy Romantic Comedies]]''': A man and a woman can't start a relationship unless he apologizes to her. Even when it's [[Film/{{Hitch}} not his fault]], [[Film/FortyDaysAndFortyNights he's actually the victim]], and/or the woman is [[WhyWouldAnyoneTakeHerBack not very nice at all]].
** Men should pursue the woman he wants, even if she's said she's not interested. It's romantic and brave and she will come around in the end. Women should never pursue men ever, in any way, shape or form. You will come across as overbearing and desperate and he will laugh about you with his friends.
** If you don't MeetCute, don't even bother. You'll likely end up being the DoggedNiceGuy or the DisposableFiance.
** If you divorce someone, certain events will happen that will make you remember why you fell in love and married them in the first place, and make you ''forget'' why you ended up divorcing in the end.
** You are incapable of choosing the right partners on your own, and require the meddling of family and friends to play matchmaker and show you who's ''really'' right for you. And they ''will'' know, so if your family doesn't support your current relationship, it's sure to fail in favor of the person they prefer for you.
*** Playing off of this, you or your crush's current significant other will always be a jerk, neglectful, or not understanding. You are therefore justified in either dumping them for the crush your family supports, or instigating a relationship with your crush who's already taken.
** If you see a situation that makes it look like your lover is cheating on you, never bother to ask if it's true. Instead storm off in anger and don't speak to him/her until they apologize or reveal that it was just horrible writing. Because common sense is non-existant in [[RomanticComedy Romantic Comedies RomComs.]]
*** Take all of his/her excuses for horrible behaviour at face value. It was all just a bunch of contrived screenwriting trying to create meaningless drama.
* '''Every reboot/remake ever made:''' The 80s was awesome. That's why it needs copious amounts of CGI, 21st Century pop music and references to things that happened ''after'' the year 2000 to recapture that feeling.
** Found a movie that stood the test of time? Contradict that achievement by making the exact same film and hoping for the exact same reaction from a completely different generation that's grown up in a completely different zeitgeist. It's not like the new movie should have it's own identity.
** It's not plagiarism if you can get Creator/NaomiWatts involved.

* '''Just about every single horror/slasher movie:''' Never leave the city, not even for a vacation. Murderers and sadists only live in suburbs or rural areas.
** Being [[NatureAdoresaVirgin a female virgin]] will save your life and probably stop the bad guy, being a [[{{Nerd}} white male virgin]] will cause the audience to cheer when you inevitably die and being [[MadonnaWhoreComplex a woman of any colour who has sex]] will cause you to get slaughtered [[DeathbySex in the most erotic way possible]].

* '''Most Creator/TomHanks Films:''' Never [[Film/ForrestGump go running]] or get on a [[Film/TheTerminal plane]], [[Film/CaptainPhillips boat]], [[Film/CastAway plane]], [[Film/{{Apollo 13}} spacecraft]], or [[Film/{{Sully}} plane]] with [[MemeticMutation a character played by Tom Hanks.]]

* ''Film/TwelveYearsASlave'': All white people who aren't Creator/BradPitt or Creator/BenedictCumberbatch are evil and want to enslave all black people.

* ''Film/AceVentura'': Hey, guys! Being an obnoxious weirdo will get you chicks!
** If you are less than divinely perfect at something, then you deserve to be mocked and abused by everyone. And if this leads to you having a mental breakdown, then it's YOUR fault.
** Transsexuals are evil.

* ''Film/AceVenturaWhenNatureCalls'':
** Spitting in one's face is a sign of utmost respect.
** You should never [[CaughtWithYourPantsDown interrupt a man who is practicing]] [[ADateWithRosiePalms his mantra.]]
** It's really hot in these rhinos.
** Always bring a Slinky when ascending an exceptionally long flight of stairs.
** If a sequel is considered funnier than the first film, it will still make less money.

* ''Film/AdventuresInBabysitting'':
** Teenagers, when you're babysitting, no matter how dangerous things get, never call the police. Just handle it yourself. It will all work out in the end. One of your charges needs to go to the emergency room? Go ahead and take him. Don't try to get in touch with his parents, even though you know where they are and could always send the police. You're trying to show them you're mature and responsible, and you've got it all under control, and that counts more than the kid's health or safety. The hospital won't need parental consent to treat him or anything. They won't even ask. It's not like there's going to be a bill.
** Parents, it's fine that the babysitter you've got watching your kids is scarcely older than your oldest one. It's not like you need anybody with a bigger age difference. He won't at all resent the implications of being babysat by somebody so close to his own age.
*** ... especially if she's a Playboy model look-alike.
** You probably shouldn't be friends with stupid and unlucky people.
** [[Film/FullMetalJacket Private Pyle's]] secret identity is Thor.

* ''Film/TheAfricanQueen'': Never let anything get in the way of your dreams of committing patriotically-inspired acts of terrorism.

* ''Film/AliceInWonderland2010'': You are not wholly you until you slayed someone (or at least are ready to.)

* ''Film/AliceThroughTheLookingGlass'' Family is the '''most important''' thing in your life! Therefore:
** If your mother wants to sell out your (and your father's) dream and subordinate you to a person hating you and willing to humiliate you, you should publicly and unconditionally submit to her. Hopefully this will get her to reconsider at the last moment.
** Saving your friend's family is worth risking TheEndOfTheWorldAsWeKnowIt.

* ''Film/AmericanBeauty'':
** Ephebophilia is totally acceptable provided the person in question isn't a virgin.
** Blackmailing one's boss will not have legal repercussions; do it.
** Masturbating in bed next to one's spouse will not have marital repercussions; do it.
** For that matter, neither will blowing half the family's yearly income on a car one wants without consulting one's spouse. In fact, this is actually quite a turn on.
** Drug dealers make great boyfriends.
** Only men deserve sexual gratification. Women should be made to feel ashamed for seeking it out.
** All homophobes are really closet homosexuals who need a hug.
** If a homosexual person comes on to you, don't turn them away, however gently: they ''will'' turn homicidal.
** Buying a car is an expression of independence and individuality. Buying a couch is shallow and materialistic.
** Leaving your mentally ill mother to fend for herself is A-OK if you're doing it for love.
** If someone is continually seen to be videotaping you, they're probably an interesting, sensitive soul.
** Showing a girl a video of a plastic bag blowing in the wind is a fast track to getting laid.
** Being a devoted and loyal father, husband and breadwinner for decades will only lead to your being made the target of your family's neglect and disdain. So don't bother.
** However, if you try to stand up for yourself and have a little fun, you'll get shot. So don't bother with that, either.
** Everyone who smokes marijuana and listens to Music/PinkFloyd is an EruditeStoner who has life figured out better than you do.
** Inane self help tapes and meaningless mantras drive you to kill.
** Quitting your well paid job and becoming a fast food cashier while supporting a family is okay if you're doing it to stick it to the man.

* ''Film/AmericanHistoryX'': As demonstrated by the ending, black people really are the murderous animals the white power gang said they were.
** Alternately: if you're a died-in-the-wool bigot and begin to have some doubts about your way of life, might as well double down on your bigotry rather than listen to those doubts. It's not like karma will forgive you for your past actions.
** Being a neo-nazi gets the girls but if you grow as a person they'll dump your ass.
** If you have misconceptions about race, going to prison will solve them.

* ''Film/AmericanJustice'': The best response to being arrested for a crime you didn't commit is to murder the entire police department.

* ''Film/AngelsInTheOutfield'': God approves of cheating.
** God is more concerned with the outcome of a baseball game than stopping world hunger and preventing genocides.

* ''Film/AngelsRevenge'': A schoolteacher, a lounge singer, a stuntwoman, a martial arts instructor, a supermodel, a junior police officer, and a high school student are the most qualified people to destroy all of [[UsefulNotes/LosAngeles LA's]] drug cartel operations.
** Violence and torture are a-okay if they're used by sexy heroines against drug pushers.
** In order to recruit members to your guerrilla cause, get a famous singer to help you. Because [[Series/MysteryScienceTheater3000 fame equals trustworthy]].
*** Sadly the last one is far more TruthInTelevision than we'd like.

* ''Film/AnnaAndTheApocalypse'': The more of a prick you are, the more likely you'll survive the ZombieApocalypse. Unless you [[MoralEventHorizon sacrifice your fellow survivors to the zombie horde]], then you're as good as dead.

* ''Film/{{Apocalypto}}'': Non-white cultures are either noble savages or decadent and corrupt dictatorships that worship clearly false gods. The only hope is to wait for Europeans to come save you. (by destroying and plundering your civilization)
** It's a good thing those Spaniards showed up in a nick of time to stop the barbaric Mayans from committing genocide against themselves by sacrificing thousands of people to the gods.

* ''Film/{{Apollo 13}}'': Never number a mission [[ThirteenIsUnlucky 13]] or launch a spacecraft at [[TemptingFate 13:13]].

* ''Film/AreWeThereYet''':
** It's completely acceptable for children to be rude and even antagonistic to future step-parents.
** Faking your kidnapping, almost getting yourselves lost, and getting a man to (accidentally) destroy his own vehicle is regular kid behavior.
** A woman is ''totally'' worth dealing with out of control, misbehaving children.
** Bratty children will receive little to no comeuppance for their destructive behavior.

* ''Film/TheArtist'': Remember, ladies, stalking the man you're worried about and stealing all of his possessions is the only way to stop his alcoholism. Never try to get him outside help, it'll just make things worse.

* ''Film/{{Atonement}}:'' It's okay to frame an innocent man for rape and completely ruin his life if you write a book about it decades afterwards.

* ''Film/BackToTheFuture'': Guys, punching out someone is the best way to get a girl to like you, become popular and be successful in life. Girls, you should determine at the age of seventeen who your future husband will be based on one kiss.
** Changing the past is unthinkable, unless you did it by accident, when it will work out better for you. Changing the future is A-OK, and we need to do it ''right now'', not note it and fix it naturally.
** The first kiss between two people will set their future in stone.
*** Changing the future to become wealthy and famous is bad. Except when you do it.
** Someone who would have died in the past without your time-traveling intervention is a perfect choice for a spouse. You two should stay in the past and just lay low. No no, it's even fine for you two to reproduce. And build a gigantic, impossible to miss time machine.
*** On that same tack, time machines are inherently bad for the universe and should be destroyed. Unless you want to tell your friend in the future that you're doing okay, in which case you build a bigger, louder one.
** Remember the guy who tried to rape your wife in high school? Give him a key to your house. Nothing bad can possibly come from it.
** On that note, the best way to make sure your daddy-o pal hooks up with your future mom is to stage a scenario where you fake AttemptedRape.
** No matter what you do, your uncle will always end up in jail.
** Ladies, if a strange boy gets hit by your father's car, take him into your room and strip him naked! Additionally, the best way to learn his name is to look at his underwear.
** A teenager and a senior citizen hanging around with each other, neither one apparently having friends his own age, isn't weird at all.
** If you find an unconscious woman in an alley, don't take her back to her home. You could be causing a paradox that could destroy all of time and space.
** If a man isn't confidently violent, his family will turn out to be a bunch of losers. After all, only the man is responsible for how his kids turn out.
** If you need to borrow transportation devices from little kids, it's OK to just grab it out of their hands over their protests. As long as you give it back when you're finished, all will be forgiven. And if the kid manages to steal a better one from someone else in the meantime, you won't even have to give it back.
** Be careful where you leave your boots or bears will eat them.

* ''Franchise/{{Batman}}''
** ''Film/Batman1989'': It's perfectly acceptable to kill everyone in your way, curb stomp anyone, and give mixed signals to your girlfriend if the bad guy killed your parents when you were a wee boy.
*** Smitten with someone else? Go ahead and drop your girlfriend out the window, the police won't go after you anyway.
** ''Film/BatmanReturns'':
*** Girl Power is always a good thing, and so in the end everyone else is either a fat-head, a horrible butcher, or a corrupt corporate executive. All Hell is therefore acceptable if you're a woman that just got pushed out the window.
*** The RichIdiotWithNoDayJob is always morally above the sewer freak even though they both kill people with little remorse,extra points to the rich guy cuz' one these victims was a fat mook.
*** The best way to resolve an argument with a politician you can't buy is to push for a recall vote using a sewer-dwelling recluse as a potential candidate.
** ''Film/BatmanBegins'': If you're an initiate in a secret warrior society and you find your final test--killing a person in cold blood--morally repugnant, be sure to demonstrate your repugnance by killing everyone else in the room instead.
*** Or, "murder is okay, as long as it's done through massive explosions." Or maybe "to ninjas".
*** Flipping over police cars and causing uncountable potential deaths is necessary if you have a sick person in the car with you.
*** Murder is wrong; but letting someone die when it's well within your capabilities to save him is perfectly acceptable.
** ''Film/TheDarkKnight'': Never take action against a [[MonsterClown psychopathic clown]] plaguing your city with the murder of innocents because he wants you to reveal your secret identity until he kidnaps someone you care about. Then you're allowed to destroy as much public property as you want.
*** If said psychopathic clown turns your city's handsome beacon of hope into an insane murderer, and you don't want the city to find out lest they despair, simply take the blame for the murders yourself and stalk off into the night as a hated outlaw. Under no circumstances should you let the police blame the MonsterClown who's actually responsible.
*** People are better off if they have somebody to hate and fear, rather than somebody to respect and admire. If you lose your shining beacon of hope, don't try to find another one, just turn against the one who's trying to help you. (Sadly, this is also a Truth in Television)
*** Government and other authority figures that lie to their people are only doing so to protect them!
*** Dressing up as a bat and fighting a vigilante war on crime is wrong if you're not a rich orphan.
*** Killing is wrong for YOU, not me.
** The crazy murderous lunatic is the only person who has noticed that the constant death of poor people and soldiers sucks. Also that money isn't everything.
*** It's okay to commit an act of arson (and at least a few second degree murders) to avoid executing a criminal, let your corrupted former mentor die in a train crash, push your tortured former friend to his death off of a building, but killing the evil clown who murdered dozens of people including the love of your life is crossing the line and must not be done.
*** If you take an oath that you'll never kill anyone, it's ok to follow that when confronting a murderous sociopath holding hundreds of people hostage, and also ok to throw it out the window when confronting your mentally disturbed friend armed only with a handgun. I mean, he ''did'' move in on that girl you were planning to get with.
** ''Film/BatmanVSupermanDawnOfJustice'': In a battle between two iconic figures; one being an alien who looks completely human with the power to fly without wings and lift sunken ships out of the ocean and the other being an aging furry, the line between awesome and {{Narm}} is that their mothers have the same name.
*** Your boyfriend will solve all of your problems, so push your luck for all it's worth.
*** Scrawny redheads are evil. Hunks are just misunderstood.
*** If you suspect an all-powerful but benevolent alien that can be reasoned with might snap and turn against humanity, even if you yourself admit that the odds are very low if non-existent, start planning to kill him and execute said plan as soon as possible. Don't try and talk it out with said alien or figure out what events ''would'' cause him to snap and prevent said events from happening, or even develop plans to deal with him but keep them dormant until it looks like he ''will'' snap - MurderIsTheBestSolution.

* ''Film/BeautyAndTheBeast2017'': Using a washing-machine is empowering.

* ''[[Film/BigMommasHouse Big Momma's House: Like Father Like Son]]'': Go to college, because pleasing your parents is more important than pursuing your dreams.

* ''Film/BigFatLiar'': If someone steals something of yours; the best course of action is to go on a RoaringRampageOfRevenge and destroy their entire career

* ''Film/BlackSwan'': Masturbation may lead to: increased self-confidence and enhanced dancing ability, but also paranoia, hallucinations, and self-violence.

* ''Film/{{Blockers}}'':
** Women shouldn't be allowed to make decisions on their own. They should be treated as property to be guarded and fought over.
** If you're a father, beating the shit out of your daughter's boyfriend will prove that you're a caring person and not a deranged psychopath with severe anger management issues, [[KarmaHoudini and you will face no legal consequences or even verbal reprimand for your violent behavior at all]]. All that will happen is that your daughter love you even more now that she knows you don't trust her judgement, and she will happily conform to your possessive, outdated idea that she's still a little girl.
** Your children matter. Other children do not.

* ''Film/BloodDiamond'', ''Film/GloryRoad'', and many others: There will always be [[WhiteMansBurden a rich, shapely, intelligent, attractive, plucky and/or charismatic white person to help out the po' black folks.]]

* ''[[Literature/TheBlueLagoon Blue Lagoon]]: The Awakening'': The best thing about living on a deserted island? Even if you don't shave, brush your teeth, wash yourself with soap, or apply sunblock each day, you'll always look as fresh as a daisy. And you'll be able to have all the casual unprotected sex you want with no repercussions. Survivalism? Don't worry about it!

* ''Film/BlueValentine'': Remember that if you're pregnant, currently single, and the father happens to be an abusive bastard, you must rush into a marriage with a guy you've barely been dating for a few weeks, it's perfectly okay.

* ''Film/TheBluesBrothers'': As long as it's in a good cause, you have no need to follow laws. Oh, and car crashes never, ever kill anyone unless they drop from a height of a hundred yards or more, so drive any way you want.
** Unless you're wearing a nice watch. Car crashes ''always'' break watches.
** When some weirdo tells you he's on a mission from God, BELIEVE HIM.

* ''Film/BohemianRhapsody'': Being gay will make you lonely, gaslit and dying of [=AIDs=]. Best stick with chicks, bro.

* ''Film/TheBoondockSaints'': Same as ''Series/{{Dexter}}'' above, only replace "murderers" with "mobsters."

* ''Film/{{Braveheart}}'': English people are '''EVIL!'''

** ''Film/ThePatriot'': [[BritainIsOnlyLondon English people]] are ''still'' '''EVIL!'''

* ''Film/TheBreakfastClub'':
** Hey, freak? All that it will take for you to be happy and accepted is to relinquish any semblance of individuality and get into clothes and makeup like all the other girls.
** And hey, Princess? The Bad Boy only verbally abuses you because he ''loves'' you. He's definitely the one you need to date.
** We're more alike than we're different, right? Except for you, Geek... you get to write the paper while JerkJock and Bad Boy get some.
** The reason your principal is such a {{Jerkass}} (and occasionally borderline abusive) is because he has forgotten what it's like to be young. Make fun of him.
** If you aspire to be like Music/JohnLennon, you will end up as an AlmightyJanitor. And you will have more common sense than an educator with twenty years' experience.
** Problematic teenagers are just misunderstood victims. Their parents and all the adults around them are the ''real'' monsters and it's always their fault, no matter what. ''Always.''

* ''Film/TheBridgesOfMadisonCounty, Film/BrokebackMountain, Coming Home, Film/DoctorZhivago, Film/TermsOfEndearment, Dangerous Beauty, Film/{{Dune}}, Film/TheAwakening, Film/NorthAndSouth, Ethan Frome, For Better Or For Worse, The Film/TheEnglishPatient, Film/TheScarletLetter, The Tudors, The Six Wives of Henry VIII, Peter The Great, Film/TheDeadZone, Film/TheNotebook'': Adultery is A-OK if your True Love happens to be a person you're not married to. (Even if your spouse is a decent person who loves you deeply, someone who depends upon you for their survival, someone you have children with, or someone who was compelled to marry you by [[ArrangedMarriage outside forces]].) Feel free to chuck their feelings in the bin and pursue your own lusts at will.
** This doubly applies if you're a woman. If you're a man, you should be prepared to [[TheUnfairSex take a little flak for it.]]
*** Unless you're very handsome. Then it becomes romantic.
*** Or gay. Then it's noble and subversive.
*** In the ''Film/BrokebackMountain'' book, Ennis rapes Jack, so rape is apparently an act of love.
** And adultery is ''always'' sexy because forbidden fruit is always sweeter.
*** Again, only for women. Or men if the right soundtrack is playing ''and'' the sex is in a bed, not in an elevator or other unsavory place; if a married man does it in a nonsanctioned location, the woman he's sleeping with is inevitably a psycho stalker.

* ''Film/BruceAlmighty'': If you [[RageAgainstTheHeavens complain about God]] enough, he'll [[GodForADay give you his powers]] for a few weeks. Sure you might encounter a few problems, but most can be avoided by you not being an idiot, and the ones you do encounter, you can [[MeaningfulEcho clean up in five minutes if you want to]], so you can get back to using the universe, and all its inhabitants, as your [[CosmicPlaything playthings]].
** The best way to improve your sex life is to gain God's powers.
** Be nice to everyone because they might become omnipotent and torment you with their god-powers.

* ''Film/ButImACheerleader'': A few:
** All straight people are evil homophobes.
** If you've even so much as looked at a person of the same gender, you're homosexual.
** Homosexuality is a terrible disease that must be cured by a legally insane ultra-conservative [[TheFifties 1950s]] housewife.
** Gay sex is so much more fun than straight sex.
** All NZ girls, [[{{Goth}} goths]], and foppish people are gay.
** If your child has homosexual tendencies, send her to rehab to [[IncrediblyLamePun steer her straight]].
*** Alternatively: "[[Film/MontyPythonAndTheHolyGrail We have found a lesbian,]] [[BurnTheWitch may we burn her?]]"
** [[Film/ThisFilmIsNotYetRated A lesbian masturbating through her clothes is inherently more morally decadent than a straight man masturbating naked.]]

* ''Film/CampNowhere'': Hey kids! If your parents are hassling you, just gather your friends, hire some wacky guy, and invent your own phony summer camp! You'll do fine, you'll have a great summer, and you'll fool everyone for at least six weeks. [[NotCheatingUnlessYouGetCaught Just don't get caught.]]

* ''Film/{{Casablanca}}'': Keeping a man who knows every resistance leader in a place where he can be kidnapped is good strategy.
** Women who are married to handsome war heroes should try to commit adultery with bartenders. Don't worry, the bartender won't want them anyway.
** Letters of transit signed by a RebelLeader will obtain the favor of TheGovernment.
** In espionage, proper tradecraft has little importance compared to ThePowerOfFriendship and ThePowerOfLove. Remember that if you ever become a spy.

* ''Film/CatsAndDogs'': Cats. Bad. Dogs. Good.
** In the sequel, it's perfectly okay to hire an inexperienced loose cannon who is a liability. As long as he is a total racist.

* ''Film/CharlieAndTheChocolateFactory'': Your father pulled an {{I Have No Son}} and abandoned you when you were a ''child'' because he disagreed with your career plans? Reconcile with him! He just wanted to protect you because he loved you!

* ''Film/ChristmasWithTheKranks'': If you decide to go somewhere else for Christmas, it's okay for the neighbors to harass you, because you're a horrible person.
** Forget what all the other Christmas movies told you. Materialism is the reason for the season.
** If you fail to conform to the whims of society, then harassment and attacks against you are totally justified.
** Not celebrating Christmas is a big enough deal in suburban America to make the front-page in the local newspaper.
** Skipping Christmas for saving money and going on a cruise to spend some time with your significant other and take a break from the holidays stress will make you a selfish, childish, sinful person... That is unless you or your significant other is dying of cancer where it's totally acceptable and no one will judge you for it.
** Getting a tan in a tanning booth is unchristian.
** Don't trust the cops. They are only there as part of the mob and not as a means of enforcing any laws or protecting your rights as a citizen.
** Being upset that your nosy neighbors ruined your vacation for their own selfish reasons makes ''you'' the selfish one.

* ''Citizen Toxie: The Toxic Avenger IV'': Plastic surgery is bad.
** Straight men are good. [[DepravedBisexual Bisexuals are evil]].

* ''Film/{{Clerks}}'': Once you blame your best friend for everything wrong with your life, he is absolved of anything he did wrong that made your life miserable that day and that makes his philosophy about acting like a jerk at work right.

* ''Film/CloudAtlas'': Everything in the universe is completely connected to everything. Your very existence depends on the outcomes of both the past and the future. Oh, and the future and past and every soul that has ever lived depends off of your existence. Better not fuck that up. No pressure, or anything.

* ''Film/CoolCatSavesTheKids'': All bullies have no friends and so to resolve your bullying problem, you just have to tell them to stop.
** If you have no friends that means you must be a horrible bully with no redeeming qualities.
** Kids should open anonymous texts which tell them they've won a load of money in a "secret contest".
** Bullies always say the exact opposite of the truth. If a bully says you're fat, it's because you're actually thin. [[WebVideo/YourmoviesucksDOTorg If a bully says that you wear glasses, it's because you actually don't.]] [[note]]This comes from Butch telling Maria she has ugly hair because her hair is pretty.[[/note]]
** If someone sends you a text containing an insult, then sends you another text, make sure to read the second text- [[WideEyedIdealist after all, it could contain an apology!]]
** Only fat people can be bullies.
** Stealing sweets from other kids can get you arrested.
** Look both ways before crossing the road, unless you're chasing down a bully.

* ''Film/{{Crash}}'': If a guy feels you up, he's going to save you from doom eventually, but only if he's a cop. Therefore, it's okay to be felt up as long as the guy feeling you up is an authority figure.

* ''Film/CriesAndWhispers'': You're a bad person if you don't want to cuddle with the undead, rotting corpse of your family member.

* ''Daddy's Home 2'': You should never try to discipline your bratty stepdaughter; just telling her you love her will certainly change her ways.
** There's nothing wrong with having a crush on your stepsister, even as a preteen boy.
** Divorce is a humorous subject, especially in front of an audience.
** If someone continously writes about you in the journal they always seem to have with them, it's only because they're jealous of/admire you.

* ''Film/TheDayAfter'' and ''Film/{{Threads}}'': ScareEmStraight actually works.

* ''Defending Your Life'': Fear is always bad. This includes fear-based instincts like self-preservation.

* ''Film/DiaryOfAMadBlackWoman'': If you've been cheated on by your husband (bonus points if he has two kids behind your back) and forcefully removed out of your house while the [[{{Jerkass}} mistress is watching the whole time]], you'd be crazy if you acted bitter and angry from the whole thing and swore off all men.

* ''Film/{{District 9}}'': Humans will generally have an epiphany that causes them to stop being racist, baby-murdering assholes when you give them the ability to use gravity guns and robot suits. Also, [[spoiler:an alien race that has been subjected to 26 years of forced abortions, economic marginalization, segregation, flagrantly illegal and inhumane medical experimentation, and general misery at the hands of humans will totally accept you as their own if you look enough like them and save one of them with your cool giant robot suit that you stole]].
** The only way for humans to empathise with others is to physically become one of them.
** If you're part of a historically marginalized group that's endured segregation and multiple violations of your rights, don't try to change the system and co-exist. Get back in your ship and go back to where you came from.

* ''Film/{{Disturbia}}'': Hey guys. Want to get a girl to fall for you in two seconds flat? Spy on her while she's stripping down to a bikini for an entire week, and just tell her all the details of what she does like what she reads, how she looks at herself in a mirror, and how she as OCD for opening a door a certain way. She'll think it's sweet and get busy with you until your next door neighbor murders someone.
** If you cannot expose your neighbor for being a killer due to being on house arrest, it's perfectly fine to ask your friends to risk their lives and enter his house for you. And they'll still be your friends......if they're alive after the ordeal.
** If you're going to steal, why aim low? Steal from Hitchcock.
** Speaking ill of the dead will get you no punishment.

* ''Film/DoTheRightThing'': It's wrong for people to burn a pizza house down. But when minority groups aren't properly represented, something has to be done.
** Rioting is a reasonable action to take if you have been wronged.

* ''Film/DodgeballATrueUnderdogStory'': Gym monkees are all assholes. Only workout to be at the minimum standard.

* ''Film/DragMeToHell'': Gypsies are rightly shunned and discriminated against, since they are evil, spiteful demons who will consign your immortal soul to hell for any perceived slight.

* ''Film/DragonballEvolution'': If you get one perfect wish, don't wish for anything to actually help the world, just bring your dead mentor back to life.

* ''Film/{{Drive}}'': Love interest's husband got his life on the line because mob members are trying to get him to do a job and he refuses? Get yourself involved and totally screw things up. You'll be able to kick everyone's asses and get away just barely alive.

* ''Film/DropDeadFred'': If someone comes into your life acting like a [[TheSociopath sociopathic jerk]] and nearly ruins everything, it's always for a good reason.
** Also, being a crazy jerk to someone is the best way to help them deal with their troubled childhood.

* ''Film/EllaEnchanted'': The British are inept or evil. Black women are inept and ignorant. Young, attractive American women are utterly oppressed in today's society by their evil British master/mistresses. Celebrities are oppressed by their rabid fans. A happy ending occurs only when everyone except the Asian chick gets some.

* ''Film/EmpireRecords'':
** Anyone who holds up a business at gunpoint is just jealous of the staff and wants to work there.
** People will make fun of you for liking rap, metal and Music/WhitneyHouston.
** Making out with your boyfriend in public is perfectly legal.
** Gluing currency to the floor isn't considered illegal, either; it's ''art''!
** Dancing looks similar to having an epileptic fit.

* ''Film/{{Enchanted}}'': LoveAtFirstSight doesn't exist. So make sure you spend, ooh, at least three days getting to know the naive woman-child who adores housework, children and fluffy animals before you dump your long-term girlfriend (don't worry about her; she might seem like a smart, independent career woman, but ten seconds with a fairytale prince will sort that right out.)
** The best place to keep your emergency credit card is not in a fireproof safe or lockbox along with your passports, but in your sock drawer, where your six-year-old can have easy access.
*** Because not having anything to wear to the dance is definitely an emergency.
** Successful female scientists and businesswomen don't make good, desirable role models for young girls; only princesses do.
** It's perfectly fine to marry a guy you barely know after getting dumped by your long time boyfriend. Things will work out for the best.
** If you accidentally fall into a different universe, don't make any effort to go back if you find someone and get married, despite the fact that you may have family and friends waiting for you.

* ''Film/ExistenZ'': Life is just a game so killing people has no negative consequences.
** If you murder a Chinese waiter just tell people in the restaurant "it was a misunderstanding over the cheque" and they'll all turn back to their tables as if nothing happened.

* ''Film/{{Exodus}}'': the proper way to win the heart of a woman is to take them into a war zone and make constant ideological sermons to them.
** Jewish guys are just as [[MatzoFever lucky in love]] as Jewish girls. But only if they are {{Badass Israeli}}s.

* ''Film/FatherOfTheBride1991'': Fathers, if you don't want your daughter to get married even when she's old enough, you have every right to still be overprotective over her.

* ''Film/FerrisBuellersDayOff'': Hey kids - neglect your education and leech off the sympathy and good-will of everyone around you -- everyone will love you, and you'll get to do whatever you want with absolutely no consequences.
** P.S. -- authority figures are just intellectually inferior [[JerkAss jerkasses]] who just want to spoil your fun. Don't listen to em'. Ever.
** If you are a high school principal concerned about a truant student, it is perfectly okay to knock out his pet dog with a flowerpot and break into his house. If you frighten his twin sister in the process, who cares?
** Charisma is basically a superpower.
** Being spoiled and entitled is awesome as hell!

* ''Film/TheFighter'': The number of problems that can be solved by beating up a Liverpudlian approaches infinity.

* All the ''Film/FinalDestination'' movies: Never try to save anyone's life, they'll just die in some worse way a little later.

* ''Film/ForrestGump'': If you do what you're told, never question authority and drift through life without direction or purpose, you will become a football star, a war hero, a ping-pong champion and a millionaire. People who want to question authority and actually engage society in tumultuous times are just the product of child sexual abuse, will end up addicted to drugs, live miserable lives and die of AIDS.
** Doubly funny, given that must of the people involved in that film actually have had to deny that warped Aesop.
** Also, it's perfectly okay to go running to a faithful (and now wealthy) childhood friend for security and shelter after squandering most of your profligate youth on attractive bad boys who mistreated and abused you. And because your friend has both a mental handicap and a trusting nature, you can even convince him your illegitimate child is his without fear of him doubting you!

* ''Film/FortyDaysAndFortyNights'': Erections are entirely voluntary. [[DoubleStandardRapeFemaleOnMale Even if the guy having it is asleep]].
** [[TruthInTelevision Young males require a steady diet of sexual gratification.]] Abstaining for even a few weeks will literally drive a guy into delirium.

* ''Film/GangsOfNewYork'': Scars from having a burning-hot knife pressed against your face won't tarnish your good looks too much, as long as you're as handsome as Creator/LeonardoDiCaprio.
** Bringing a child to watch a massive, bloody street brawl is just fine. If the child's father is laying on the ground bleeding to death, you ''have'' to make the child watch as his arch enemy finishes him off.
** Massive, bloody street brawls resulting in large death tolls and mutilations are the only way to solve conflicts. Assassinations and guns are for wimps who have no honor.

* ''Film/TheGame'': if you don't like someone's personality, feel free to drive them to the point of suicide in an attempt to make them adopt a new one.

* ''Film/TheGarbagePailKidsMovie:'' Got a bunch of ugly freaks that like to steal things and beat people up? Don't allow authorities to take care of them, just shove them into a tiny little garbage pail, that'll keep them quiet.

* ''Film/{{Gattaca}}'': Humanity will immediately and invariably misuse any technology it creates.
** You, too, can achieve your dreams if you have grit, moxie, guts, determination, spirit, criminal contacts, a willingness to engage in fraudulent misrepresentation for long periods, and a near-sociopathic disregard for the risks any medical conditions you may possess pose to your co-workers.
** This also sums up ''Film/InTime''.

* ''Film/{{Ghostbusters 1984}}'': Strapping sirens and flashing lights on your car gives you permission to drive like a maniac without getting a ticket.
** Government agencies that protect the environment are just big bullies pushing small businesses around.
** If a business is keeping a nuclear reactor in the middle of a highly populated city, it's clearly the environmental government agency who's in the wrong when they force the business to shut the reactor down.
** It is heroic to make a business out of imprisoning the souls of deceased people who did nothing wrong aside from exist and scare the living.
** If someone asks you if you are a God, you'd better say yes.

* ''Film/GhostbustersII'': No matter how many people witness it, never save the day. You'll only get sued into near poverty.

* ''Film/{{Glitter}}'':
** 1983 looks nothing like 1983.
** If everyone tells you how amazing you are, your road to stardom will be expedited.
** Cats live for a very long time.
** That emotionally abusive, domineering and jealous alpha Male with a short temper is your soulmate and only wants what's best for you.
** Silver streaks just randomly appear on your body for no good reason.

* ''Film/GodsNotDead'' and ''Film/GodsNotDead2'': Christians are good, atheists are bad and they don't really not believe God, they actually just hate him due to past childhood traumas.
** Also atheists only want to wipe out Christians.
** Atheists actually do believe in god and just like to blame him for their problems.
** If your teacher belittles your beliefs, don't report him to higher ups. Just debate him in front of your class.
** Creator/FriedrichNietzsche is the first and only important philosopher.
** Public-university Philosopher 101 classes are just HollywoodAtheist {{Propaganda Machine}}s that have never heard of theistic philosophy.
** You mention Jesus at all in public school and the government will eat you alive.
** The only way to truly redeem yourself is to get hit by a car and die.
** If someone is dying from being hit by a car, don't go get him help just use this time to proselytize to him instead.
** Christians are an oppressed minority being bullied by mean atheists and it's ''never'' the other way around.
** There's no such thing as a moral non-Christian. The only way to be righteous is to be a Christian.
** If someone reveals an incredibly sad memory of their mother dying, use this to utterly destroy them emotionally because that's the good, Christian thing to do after all.
** Someone's death is a joyous occasion instead of disturbing.
** Only Christian teachers care about their students, teachers who aren't on the other hand view them as too much work.
** Atheist parents do not care that their child is dead, doubly so when they find out that he converted to Christianity before he died.

* ''Film/GodsNotDeadALightInDarkness'': The Problem of Evil isn't important enough in a religious debate.

* ''Film/TheGodfatherPartII'': Whoever has the least friends wins.

* The ''[[Film/{{Godzilla 1998}} first American Godzilla]]'' movie: The American Military is far better than anyone else's, even when they end up causing MORE damage than the giant pregnant lizard they're trying to shoot.
** Likewise- "It's OK to blame people for YOUR mistakes...no matter HOW big they are."
*** Also- "Screw allegory and all that Hiroshima and Nagasaki crap! Everyone knows that bombing the life out of something is the ONLY way to solve a problem."
** That's a lot of fish.

* ''[[Film/AllMonstersAttack Godzilla's Revenge]]'': Violence is always the answer. Also, it's a GOOD idea to hang out with the creepy old man and daydream constantly about a talking dinosaur and what appears to be a cat on acid.

* ''Film/GoneGirl'': Never wrong a woman! [[MoreDeadlyThanTheMale She will ruin your life,]] and make you wish you were never born!

* ''Film/{{Grease}}'': Want to get that guy you like back? Just get a trampy makeover and take up smoking, you'll be back together in no time!
** This is an especially good idea if ''you'' dumped ''him'' for being too sexually aggressive!
** TheFifties were such an idyllic time that even the juvenile delinquents were harmless!
** The Vice-Presidency is a higher honor than the Presidency.

* ''Film/TheGreatDictator'': Fascism is hilarious!
** That is, you know...kind of the point. Most tyrannical leaders become much less frightening when they are openly mocked; Chaplin's intent was to try and drive home how ridiculously stupid all of Hitler's ideas were by poking fun at them with the best techniques he used: slapstick comedy.
** Hitler and Creator/CharlieChaplin actually ARE the same person!!
*** Just like you thought when you were a kid!

* ''Film/GroundhogDay'' and ''Film/DonnieDarko'': Suicidal people aren't suffering from psychological problems, they're just time travelers attempting to escape a time loop! They'll come back...really.

* ''Film/HalloweenIIISeasonOfTheWitch'': Irish people are child-killing cultists.

* ''Film/TheHangover'': Stealing is fine if you fix everything later.
** Being completely wasted at the time is a perfectly valid excuse to do whatever the fuck you want. Hey, Creator/MikeTyson said it, so it must be true!
*** Legally, this is actually true. Involuntary intoxication is an absolute defense to pretty much any crime. The "involuntary" part is, however, mandatory. Just intoxication has the opposite legal effect in most cases.
** Animal cruelty is '''FUNNY''', dammit!

* ''Film/TheHappening:'' Nature hates and wants to kill us so we should be environmentalists!
** [[WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons Oh, so Mother Nature wants a favor, eh? Well she should have thought of that before she started plaguing us with floods and droughts and poisonous monkeys. Mother Nature ''started'' the fight for survival, and now she wants to quit because she's ''losing?'' Well I say hard cheese!]]
** After firing your warning shot across the bow of one of the more offensive countries of the world for its reckless destruction of the environment, the next target of [[GaiasVengeance your vengeance]] should ideally be the country that produces nearly all its power in the least harmful way possible.

* ''Film/Hellboy2004'': Demons and psych patients are the best choices to save the world.
** All UrbanLegends are real.
** It was just 45 seconds or so. Believe me, NO ONE will miss the Moon for 45 seconds.

* ''Film/{{Hereditary}}'': Don't do drugs. Or else, you'll [[spoiler: accidentally kill your younger sister, making your mom insane with grief, making your dad burned to death, and making you possessed by a pagan demon worshiped by a ReligionOfEvil]].

* ''Film/HighSchoolMusical2'':
** Consumerism and materialism are the best things ever.
** Interracial couples via LastMinuteHookup are all well and good, but they won't last to the next movie. No, the girl will simply go back to drooling over the [[MightyWhitey pretty white hero]] as if nothing had ever gone on between her and the black guy.

* ''Film/HocusPocus'': Virginity is dangerous. Get rid of it immediately.
-->'''WebVideo/TheNostalgiaChick:''' This Halloween, if you're still a virgin, ''STOP IT!'' You never know when your virginity might accidentally unleash an undead Creator/BetteMidler from beyond the grave.
** Because still being a virgin at the age of ''15''[[hottip:*:At most]] makes you a complete loser! Seriously, if it hasn't happened by then, it never will.

* ''Film/HomewardBoundTheIncredibleJourney'': Never ever go on a trip and leave your pets in the care of a good friend, they'll get lonely and believe you abandoned them. Plus they'll end up going on a dangerous trek to find you.
** It's okay to yell at and blame your stepfather for your pet going missing, it's not like any of this was beyond his control or anything.
** If you fall into a raging river and go over a waterfall, remember that it's your own fault for ignoring advice on how to properly get across a river all because you refused to get wet.
** Flinging a cat across the yard using a seesaw is hilarious and acceptable, especially if she mouthed off to you earlier.
** The only way to truly appreciate having a family is to go on a hazardous journey through mountains and forests to get back to them.

* ''Film/{{Hook}}'': Child warfare is okay if they're dressed in bright colours.
** Courtesy of the [[Magazine/{{Mad}} Mad Magazine]] spoof: If you fall in love, you want to grow up. And when you grow up, you die. Therefore, love equals death.

* ''Film/{{Hop}}'': Remember children, if you work hard you can overcome the negative preconceptions of others and go on to live your dream, but only if you're white, male and middle class. If you're ethnic and/or of the working class, then trying make a better life for yourself will only result in horrible disfigurement, leaving you a grotesque and lonely abomination.

* ''Film/HouseOfSandAndFog'': Remember to check your mail regularly because if you don't, an innocent family will '''die'''.

* ''Film/TheHouseBunny'': Shut up, woman.
** You'll never be desirable to anyone if you don't look like Catherine Zeta fuckin' Jones.
*** You can do anything,[[{{Fanservice}} as long as you take your clothes off at some point]]
*** Contrary to that, all scantly clad remotely attractive women should be hated and denied any form of personal growth while more [[TheGlassesComeOff plainly dressed women are worthy of intellectual development]].

* ''WesternAnimation/HowTheGrinchStoleChristmas'': Committing a large number of counts of burglary, sabotaging everyone's favorite holiday, and putting children in danger will be completely forgiven if you say you're sorry and/or were only doing it because you didn't fully understand the holiday in question.
** [[Film/HowTheGrinchStoleChristmas 2000 film version]] extension: If someone suggests you should be punished, mistrusted, or less-than-fully-respected for mass-burglary after you apologize, they're a more despicable person than you.
** Being mocked in elementary school justifies mass-burglary and vandalism when you become an adult.

* ''Film/{{Hugo}}'': Disabled war veterans are suitable objects for mockery, derision, and physical humor. It also says he was an orphan, so that's funny, too.

* ''Film/TheHumanCentipede'': Learn to change a tire.
** Never ask a German for help, because they'll just use surgery to turn you into a freak.
** There's nothing wrong with accepting a drink from someone who states "I don't like human beings."

* ''Film/IAccuseMyParents'': You can be forgiven of any crime if you're dumb enough.

* ''Film/{{Idiocracy}}'': Everyone dumber than you should be neutered or euthanized. [[UtopiaJustifiesTheMeans It's for the best]].
** Good, intelligent people can't have kids. Idiotic white trash, on the other hand, have more kids than Catholic rabbits!
** Intelligence, taste, empathy and other such traits can only be passed on genetically! LAMARCK WAS '''RIGHT'''!

* ''Film/InBruges'': Your ability to appreciate art and culture is directly proportional to your ability to stifle your internal conscience.
** There's just no good reason to go to Belgium.

* ''Film/{{Inception}}'': Don't get therapy for your problems, take drugs and hallucinate yourself better.

* ''Film/IndependenceDay'': in America's darkest days, those who deserve to survive will be the heroic President, handsome rookie marines, sexy strippers with a heart of gold, cute kids, and useful Jewish nerds. Those who do not deserve to survive are hippies, working women (except said sexy stripper), Area 51 scientists, and war veterans with mental problems (though they'll get a hero's death, don't you worry).
** If a giant wall of fire is blasting down a tunnel, simply duck into a side room (without even the need to close the door) for safety.
** Humans are doomed to be a warlike people. The only way they will stop fighting each other is if aliens come along and give them someone else to fight with.
** Finally to that For all of humanities disgust and moral pacifist aversion to mass genocide its perfectly OK and even applauded and encouraged if it only happens to other sentient species outside of our planet.
** If you aren't American, then your nation's government will impotently await orders from the great {{Eagleland}} instead of organizing their own defense/counterattack.

* ''Film/InglouriousBasterds'': You can behave as brutally as you want, as long as your targets are AcceptableTargets, especially [[ThoseWackyNazis Nazis]].
** In fact, patriotic war crimes ''can'' be a crowd pleaser as long as it's ''your'' guys doing it to ''them''.
** The historical record means absolutely nothing if you can [[spoiler:get a badass BolivianArmyEnding out of it]].
** [[ArtisticLicenseHistory All teenagers who were drafted into the German Army were Nazis]] (members of the Nazi political party) and therefore deserved mutilation or death.

* ''Franchise/IronMan'':
** Any Franchise/MarvelCinematicUniverse movie starring him in a significant role[[note]]''Film/TheAvengers2012'', ''Film/AvengersAgeOfUltron'', ''Film/CaptainAmericaCivilWar'', ''Film/SpidermanHomecoming'', ''Film/AvengersInfinityWar'', ''Film/AvengersEndgame'' - only had a brief cameo in ''Film/TheIncredibleHulk'', so it doesn't count[[/note]]: You can be a callous dick to every single person on the planet and still come out looking like the good guy.
** Creator/AynRand was right... [[Film/CaptainAmericaCivilWar until she wasn't]].
** ''Film/IronMan1'': Every significant problem in the world can be solved by having the best weapons, but only as long as ''you're the only one with them''. The optimal course of action is to build exactly one of the most powerful weapon imaginable and keep it at arm's reach at all times.
*** Wasn't that half of the plot of ''ComicBook/CivilWar''?
*** Because they were made in [[strike: EagleLand]] [[MemeticMutation A CAVE! WITH A BOX OF SCRAPS!!!]].
*** And because ReedRichardsIsUseless.
*** To win a war in the Middle East against guerrillas with stolen and smuggled weapons, you will need at least one incredibly advanced bulletproof flying superweapon. (Hilarious because it's ''true'')
*** If your best friend is in the military, ditch him while the two of you are in a war zone. What's the worst that could happen?
*** If your life depends on a unique piece of technology, tell your assistant to destroy the only back-up because you're not "sentimental".
*** You invented a fully functional artificial intelligence? Make it your personal butler! Who needs Nobel Prizes anyway?
** ''Film/IronMan2'': It's in the public interest for an unstable, alcoholic billionaire, elected by no one, accountable to no one, to be the exclusive owner of the world's most powerful conventional weapons system.
*** Never tell your friends that you're dying. It's better that they think you've lost your mind.
*** If someone won't give you something you want, you should steal it.
*** Wanting to make money off of something you help invent is BAD! But only if you're from Russia - being a successful American businessman is something to strive for.
*** Don't question anyone older than you. Especially if they try to convince you that the Russian person who fled one Cold War nation in hopes of peace is more likely to try to weaponize technology that was partly his than the American person who ''owns a weapons company''.
*** The periodic table of elements has blank squares that have gone unnoticed for generations by chemists and high-school poster vendors.
*** Chemists? Feh! An engineer/weapons designer is just the guy to discover this new element.
** ''Film/IronMan3'': Never trust anyone claiming to be from Homeland Security. However you ''can'' trust the bar full of drunks, the white Southern sheriff, and the shifty kid you met five minute ago.


* ''Film/It1990'': You can always trust someone as long as they reveal their name to you, even if they have a floating fetish.

* ''Film/ItsAWonderfulLife'': The entire universe revolves around your existence and no one could function without you!
** Also, apparently, being a librarian without a husband is some sort of awful FateWorseThanDeath, and the revelation that without you, your wife would have been one is almost so terrible you will [[GoMadFromtherevelation realize you need to live again]].
** If you want to prevent somebody from killing themselves by jumping off a bridge, the best thing to do is to jump off the bridge yourself so that they'll jump off to save you.
** If you're a teenage girl and want your mother to stop meddling in your love life, lie to her and say that your boyfriend is having sex with you at that very moment!
** UsefulNotes/TheHaysCode had such a stupidly tight stranglehold over standards in Hollywood that [[KarmaHoudini it didn't even allow one to stand up to their asshole of a boss.]]
** If that [[TheMillstone miserable and useless drunk]] [[NiceJobBreakingItHero whose constant screw-ups eventually caused heartache for you]] just happens to be your Uncle, then you shouldn't bother calling him on it, either. After all, [[HonorBeforeReason family is family.]]

* ''Film/JacobsLadder'' - you could get much worse than PTSD.

* ''Film/JamesBond'':
** ''Film/DrNo'': Nuclear weapons should never fall into the wrong hands.
** ''Film/FromRussiaWithLove'': Beware of the odd assassination methods.
** ''Film/{{Goldfinger}}'': Gold is a man's kryptonite.
** ''Film/{{Thunderball}}'': [[WesternAnimation/RockosModernLife Diving day is a very dangerous day.]]
** ''Film/YouOnlyLiveTwice'': Just because you're a versatile actor who [[FakeNationality can change his nationality at the drop of a hat]] doesn't mean you should attempt to look Asian.
** ''Film/OnHerMajestysSecretService'': A bulletproof car is probably a better investment than poison darts and a talking watch.
** ''Film/DiamondsAreForever'': [[EveryManHasHisPrice Every man--]] [[MoneyDearBoy and actor--]] [[EveryManHasHisPrice has his price.]]
** ''Film/LiveAndLetDie'': Never trust a man with a half-painted face.
** ''Film/TheManWithTheGoldenGun'': Only Shakespearean actors can save a film from being complete dreck.
** ''Film/TheSpyWhoLovedMe'': You don't need lines [[EnsembleDarkhorse to make a great impression.]]
** ''Film/{{Moonraker}}'': Just because you ''can'' capitalize on the popularity of a [[Film/ANewHope successful film]] doesn't mean that you ''should''.
** ''Film/ForYourEyesOnly'': [[EveryoneHasStandards Even an alcoholic, misogynist racist killer will not sleep with a little girl.]]
** ''Film/{{Octopussy}}'': [[WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons This film is what Americans think are so great about the British, especially if they must have seen it...twice.]]
** ''Film/AViewToAKill'': Even Nazi Superbabies have little knowledge about marketing skills or saving money.
** ''Film/TheLivingDaylights'': "Cello" comes from the old Czechoslovakian word meaning "millstone".
** ''Film/LicenceToKill'': James Bond was never meant for children.
** ''Film/GoldenEye'': Being an evil genius, a billionaire or a tyrant is fine, but you will never be as sexy as Alec or Xenia.
** ''Film/TomorrowNeverDies'': Rupert Murdoch makes a great villain.
** ''Film/TheWorldIsNotEnough'': One bad performance can bring down the integrity and popularity of an entire film.
** ''Film/DieAnotherDay'': Whitewashing will never be popular with the fans.
** ''Film/CasinoRoyale2006'': Poker is the difference between life and death.
** ''Film/QuantumOfSolace'': A widespread Writer's Strike is probably not the best time for the lead actor to share a story writing credit.
** ''Film/{{Skyfall}}'': Even counterproductive stereotypes cannot get in the way of great storytelling and acting.
** ''Film/{{Spectre}}'': It's perfectly logical that a {{Prettyboy}} with a scar on his face machinated a decade worth of your misery.


* ''Film/JasonX'': Even if ''every single person'' who could conceivably be blamed for your woes has been dead for centuries and you've caused ''thousands'' of deaths due to your RoaringRampageOfRevenge, there's no a reason whatsoever to consider halting it and putting the past to rest.

* ''Film/JemAndTheHolograms'': No matter what happened, you can always gain forgiveness through the power of cheesy singing.
** It's perfectly OK to steal someone's car, so make sure to film it for the judge.
** You should rename the band without even consulting it's members.
** Don't tell everyone about the contracts you sign, let it be a surprise! And don't even tell everyone about why you had to make those tough choices.

* ''Film/JesusChristSuperstar'' (1974 version): Hell is a disco.
** Actually, this sounds pretty accurate.

* ''Film/JohnTuckerMustDie'': If you're unpopular in school and you have zero friends, stepping out your comfort zone makes you a fake bitch.

* ''Film/JohnWick'': Don't commit a crime unless you are certain the victim of your crime isn't worse than you.
** Always be sure the guy you beat half to death is dead or else consider your life forfeit.
** You KickTheDog, expect your entire empire collapsed within the week by one guy.
** Don't fuck with Hotel chains.
* ''Film/JohnWickChapter2'': Never ever make a deal ''ever.'' You try getting out of following through on the deal, bad things will happen to you. You honor that deal, bad things will happen to you.
* ''Film/JohnWickChapter3Parabellum'': Don't be homeless or you'll get maimed disproportionately compared to the others guilty of the same crime.

* ''Film/JohnnyEnglish'': The culprit is the one you immediately suspect, particularly if he's from a country you dislike.

* ''Film/JudgmentAtNuremberg'': [[AllGermansAreNazis All Germans really are Nazis]].

* ''Film/{{Juno}}'': Teen pregnancy is a normal part of growing-up [[BabiesMakeEverythingBetter which will cause your ex-boyfriend/best-guy-friend to get back together with you, and make you closer to your family, all while learning a bunch of valuable life lessons along the way.]] Also, as soon as you deliver you'll be able to waltz right back into the life you had before you got knocked up.

* ''Film/JupiterAscending'': It's shallow to resent your own poverty.
** Don't use your newfound authority to stop entire races from being exterminated just to make consumer goods, just get back to your own boring life.

* ''Film/JurassicWorld'': People who don't get on well should be put in mortal danger together. FireForgedFriends are the best friends (there shall now be a long and controversial discussion about whether this TruthInTelevision or not).

* ''Film/JustCause'': Don't ever try to help a death row inmate who you think may have been wrongly convicted of murder. They really ''are'' guilty of the crime, and will repay you by trying to murder your family.

* ''[[Film/TheKid1921 The Kid]]'': The Child Protective Service is an evil organization that enjoys taking children away from loving parents. How dare they take a little boy away from a dirt-poor surrogate dad that found the child by a trash can and uses him to break windows while he walks down the street selling glass.

* ''Film/KillBill'':
** Ripping off the plotline for ''Film/HardToKill'' isn't that bad of an idea.
** Only a moron would admire the artistic outlines of how the people killed in a massacre are positioned.
** Dogs are capable of busting up an entire living room set.
** The punishment for displaying racism, xenophobia ''and'' misogyny against your boss is [[OffWithHisHead death.]]
** A White woman can single-handedly defeat an entire army of well-trained ninjas, but she's certainly no match for a lone, drunken White man with a shotgun filled with gravel.
** No one could survive being blinded in the middle of nowhere with a Black Mamba in their vicinity...or can they?

* ''Theatre/TheKingAndI'':
** Non-Western countries are backward, barbaric places in need of a Western teacher to reform them with her own culture's values. If the ruler never sees eye-to-eye with her, he should die so his son can take over and Westernize the country under her influence.
** Women, if you think for yourselves, the men you love will die, and you'll end up alone.

* ''Film/TheKingsSpeech'': It's perfectly acceptable to hire a man with no credentials to help you with your speech problems, after all, they know more than those snobby little professionals do.
** Stutterers have no friends.
** British defense policy is based on the assumption that soldiers will never fight for a monarch who happens to stutter. Even though they have in the past fought for monarchs who were tyrants, drunkards, adulterers, incompetent fools, insufferable snobs, and once or twice even clinically insane. But fighting for a stutterer is beyond the pale. Therefore the king must learn to speak without stuttering or TheGoodKingdom is doomed.

* ''Film/KnockedUp'': If you get a one-night stand pregnant, she'll drop all her plans to form a family with you.
** Even if you're a 20-something stoned slacker; getting a job, moving out and kicking your marijuana habit can be done in no time at all. Job seekers are just lazy!

* ''Krippendorf's Tribe'': Lying is a fun group activity that can bring a family closer together. Misuse of a school's funds to pay the family's living expenses is good parenting. Someone who tries to expose the lying and cheating of others (in order to maintain some semblage of acedemic professionalism) is a nasty bitch who deserves no respect. Bonus lesson: it's OK to secretly videotape yourself and your ladyfriend having sex, then show the video to the whole world. She'll forgive you.

* ''Film/TheLastSamurai'': When change comes to your country, irrationally resisting it with all your might is the correct course of action.
** Killing for the right reasons will cure your PTSD.
** If you're a foreign soldier and are surrounded by the enemy, grab the enemy's color and start waving it around while growling. The general will spare you, welcome you to his family, take walks with you, train you to fight like him, and eventually will even die for you. He will not just order his men to kill your insane ass on the spot or drag you off to a POW camp.
** If you kill someone, you will get his kickass armor (and the ability to use it perfectly without training), his CloserToNature Zen philosophy, and his wife.

* ''Film/LawrenceOfArabia'': If you kill enough Turks, Arabs will worship you. This is a desirable thing.
** If a group of military men has kidnapped, gang-raped and beaten you, don't worry. They'll just let you go once they are finished. That's the way it always works.

* Any ''LifetimeMovieOfTheWeek'': Remember, girls, [[TheUnfairSex all men are evil and want to rape you.]] And crying in the shower is the solution to all your problems!
** And speaking of [[ShowerOfAngst showers]], always be sure to take a long lingering one right after you're raped. Don't wait for the forensics team. You wouldn't want to leave a trace of evidence that could conceivably help convict the bastard.[[note]]Unfortunately, this part is TruthInTelevision. Rape victims often describe themselves as feeling "dirty" after the incident, and want to be "clean".[[/note]]
** Gender stereotypes are oppressive and are the leading cause of both rapes (ImAManICantHelpIt being one major cause) and fragile, easily victimized women. Therefore, feminism is good because it desires to reject those stereotypes and create a world with both strong women capable of handling themselves and men capable of keeping it in their pants when the women around them don't want it... Naah, that's not a FamilyUnfriendlyAesop, at least not in the West.
*** Likewise to all that dont trust men....''EVER''. They're ''all'' secretly predatory or generally psychotic or extremely sociopathic in some way or another, so, ladies, either live an entire lifetime of chastity (without even talking in person to a living male--''he might trick you into doing something you don't want to do'') or become a lesbian (although even your same-sex lover may try to abuse you too).
*** And the best way to defy gender stereotypes (as these films have shown us) is to depict all women as victims. And nothing helps bury the myth that men are inherently predatory than depicting the vast majority of men as being predatory.
** Looking at softcore internet porn will ruin your relationships, turn you into the school's porn freak, and cause you to become [[UnusualEuphemism addicted to]] [[ADateWithRosiePalms energy drinks]].
** Teenagers are either bullies, rapists, insane, stupid, disobedient, and/or disrespectful whiny brats.

* ''{{Film/Limitless}}:'' Drugs will make you rich, get you laid, and if you keep using them, the negative side effects all disappear!

* ''Film/Little2019:''
** If you so happen to be a middle school-aged teenager driving a car, nobody will take legal action against you.
** Others can be bullying jerks towards you with no [[KarmaHoudini repercussion]], but if you’re [[DoubleStandard the bully, you’ll most definitely suffer]] LaserGuidedKarma yourself.

* ''Film/TheLongKissGoodnight'': Never, ''never'' use the peephole. (See ''Killing Joke'', above.)

* ''Film/LooneyTunesBackInAction'': Spite is never a good reason to make a film, especially if the film doesn't have a lot of support from the executives, vaguely follows the source material and ends up not being that great in the long run.
** If you want to use copyrighted characters, ask first.

* ''Film/LoveAndOtherDrugs'': Trying to find a cure for the horrible disease that's slowly eating away your loved one's life makes you a terrible person because it means that you don't want to accept him/her for who he/she is!

* ''Film/MadeasBigHappyFamily'':
** You're a bitch for (rightly) resenting your family for acting like the family is perfect when it's anything but.
** Having conceived a child through an incestuous relationship with your Uncle makes you the bad guy, not him. Also, your family members will always throw this in your face to make sure that they "get the last word in".

* ''Film/MadeaGoesToJail'':
** Prostitutes make better partners than intelligent attorneys.
** If you went through a traumatic experience in your past, never try to get help and move on from it; just wallow in your misery and lash out at everyone else until your best friend has a breakdown and has to beg for your forgiveness. Only ''then'' can you move on.
** It's possible to make brownies without any access to an electric or gas appliance.

* ''Film/MadMaxFuryRoad'': Never give a woman a position of authority in your organization. She ''will'' betray you.
** You must save the women from abuse only if they are young and hot. Never bother with old or fat ones.
** If a worked up guy holds you and your friends at gunpoint and couldn't care less about your well-being, you can insult him all you want, he absolutely won't lose it and shoot you dead.
** Betraying your comrades and leader is okay if it gets you laid.
** Women are good and men are evil, unless they are subservient to women.
** Killing people in desert car chases is an excellent way to cure your mental conditions.
** Feminism is all you need to create a stable civilization out of an apocalyptic wasteland.

* ''Film/MammaMia'': Being a "lone wolf" apparently means shunning commitment, until you meet another "lone wolf" (i.e. another person who shuns commitment), at which point you immediately throw yourself at them and beg them to marry you.
** It doesn't matter that he didn't offer any support when you were growing up, your father is a critical part of your identity. You should lash out at your single mother for this reason.
** Call off that expensive wedding even though you still like the guy. Because... reasons. [[WhyWasteAWedding Your mom and her newly-reconciled ex will be right there to tie the knot in your place.]]
** Not only should you take your mother's promiscuity in stride, but you should also steal her diary and divulge its saucy secrets to your friends. And sing a song about it.

* ''Film/ManOfSteel'': Always do what your father says, even if his way of thinking got him killed and ultimately gets in the way of saving the planet.
** Politicians and the military are incapable of understanding environmentalism, no matter how much damage they've obviously done.
** If you wear an abstract symbol as tribute your long-lost culture and it looks like a Roman letter, people will ignore your explanation and misinterpret it for decades to come.
** Meta Aesop: If you've destroyed a machine that could wipe out all life, prevented an alien race from breeding out humanity and killed a bloodthirsty warlord to save a frightened family, you'd better be either Batman, played by Christopher Reeve or a member of the Avengers. If you're none of these, everyone will accuse you of being a violent sociopath.

* ''Film/ManOfTheHouse'': College cheerleaders are wiser about relationships and parenting than middle-aged law enforcement officers, so asking them to stop dressing like sluts is unjustifiably cruel.

* ''Film/ManosTheHandsOfFate'': So long as you show a healthy distrust of unusual modes of speech and physical features, and do not work too hard to learn about anything, you will be safe.
** Making films on a bet is a great idea! Especially if you're a fertilizer salesman with zero movie-making experience!

* ''Film/MasterAndCommander'': [[TruthInTelevision Cool people kill Frenchmen]].

* ''Film/TheMatrix'': Everything you know is a lie. But it's a lie that has stunning dress sense.
** Also, everyone around you who doesn't have stunning dress sense might be One Of Them. So it's okay to massacre them ''en masse''.
** Cops are evil and should be shot on sight.
** ScaryShinyGlasses will make you good at kung-fu in no time.
*** Computers make you learn kung-fu in seconds.
** French people are decadent and evil.
** Don't listen to anyone, [[HypocriticalHumor because we say so]].
** The nature of reality is unknowable, so eat, drink, and be merry, because you'll never find any meaning.
*** Technically this is a completely valid philosophical position called Solipsism.
** But waking people up to a cruel dystopia where there's not enough food for even a few people to go around is OK as long as it's in the interest of The Truth.

* The ''Film/MenInBlack'' Films: All real humans have uniform facial proportions. Anyone who looks even a little bit weird is clearly an alien.
** Unless they're insanely hot, in which case they're just aliens with better disguises.
** Tampering with a stranger's memory and possible psyche is okay. It's not like they're your problem or anything.

* ''Film/{{Metropolis}}'': If you're an abused worker, it's completely okay to destroy your workplace. So what if the machines you operate are the whole reason why the city runs to begin with? The evil witch told you to do it!

* ''Film/TheMist'': Don't go to the grocery store, order your food on the internet and have it delivered.
** Hehe. Nope. The people who stayed home didn't fare very well. The TRUE Aesop is if a fog of obviously unnatural origin rolls in, reduces visibility to near zero AND all forms of communication suddenly cease to work, the right thing to do is run to your car (without the groceries you just bought), round up your family and try to get the hell out of Dodge without even a gun. If you decide to seek shelter, gather information and/ or supplies and try to enact a careful, logical strategy to deal with the situation, you are a coward without any trace of chivalry and {{Eldritch Abomination}}s will either kill you or make you WISH you were dead.

* ''Film/TheMonsterClub'': The best thing to do after a vampire attack is to accept the vampire's invitation to a nightclub.

* ''The Mortal Instruments'' (film adaptation):
** If the man who's trying to murder your TrueCompanions and summon an army of demons into the world tells you he's your real, long-lost father, ''listen to him!'' It's not like he might be trying to distract you or anything.
** It can't be incest if you're physically attracted to her.



* ''Film/MotelHell,'' ''Film/LeatherfaceTheTexasChainsawMassacreIII'', ''Film/WrongTurn'', ''Film/TheHillsHaveEyes2006'', etc.: All gas station attendants are secretly conspiring to murder you.

* ''Film/MoulinRouge'': If you work hard to write a play, sabotage your efforts by falling in love with the investor's {{Love Interest|s}}. Nothing could possibly go wrong, it's not like other people's livelihoods are on the line too.
** Thinking that somebody is hot is the same thing as true love.
** It's fine to manipulate people out of their money as long as they're a cartoonish villain.
** It doesn't matter how big your relationship issues are, you can always get him/her back by singing!

* ''Film/MrSmithGoesToWashington'': No matter how adamant you are or how many people believe in you, the powers that be will turn everyone against you and get their way unless they feel guilty about it.
** Everyone who opposes you is part of or manipulated by a mass PropagandaMachine. Therefore, it's okay to ignore everyone else's wishes and push for whatever you want!
*** Considering the current state of American politics, [[HarsherInHindsight this is likely the Aesop the original audience got from the film]].

* ''Film/{{Multiplicity}}'': It takes four men to make one woman happy, and even then they can't quite cover all the bases. Ladies, you need your husband's permission if you want to go back to work. If he balks at the idea, manipulate him by crying. Making men feel guilty is what tears are for.

* ''Film/MuppetsMostWanted'':
** Performer agents are evil and corrupt. Even more than normally thought.
** Somebody steal your friend's identity? Don't tell the authorities, let him get away with it because you prefer him to said friend. Just don't forget to play the "too stupid to know any better" card when the police arrest the guy and you'll get off scott-free!
** Meta example: It's okay to write a film with a blatant IdiotPlot if you throw [[LampshadeHanging Lampshade Hangings]] everywhere. Then it automatically becomes clever!

* ''Film/{{Newsies}}'': Child labor is okay, as long as you pay the kids reasonably well.

* ''Franchise/ANightmareOnElmStreet'': Springwood, Ohio is a terrible place for children.
** Don't bother trying to punish child predators. They'll just come back with magic powers.

* ''Film/NineMonths'': BabiesMakeEverythingBetter. Anyone who doesn't conform to this trope must secretly be miserable.

* ''Film/NoCountryForOldMen'': He who mass-murders, wins. He who challenges mass-murderers, dies. He who gives up, lives...despite being confused for the rest of his life as to why the mass-murderer keeps winning.
** If you're a well-known criminal, you will be able to evade any arm of the law. Police or vigilantes will come for you as individuals, rather than as large groups. You will be able to heal from any injury and get away with any crime. (This also applies to ''Manga/{{Monster}}''.)
*** The American Southwest is policed by disorganized idiots.
** NoGoodDeedGoesUnpunished.

* ''Film/{{Norbit}}'': Fat women are evil bitches.

* ''Film/OBrotherWhereArtThou'', ''Film/OceansEleven'', ''Film/Studio60OnTheSunsetStrip''... actually, let's just say "Way Too Many to count": Hey! You know that girl that you've been basically stalking? And has told you in no uncertain terms that they are not interested, and in fact might be justified in pursuing a restraining order against you? Keep at it! After all, it's not like anyone has ever shot a president over this kind of thing. [[UsefulNotes/RonaldReagan Oh wait...]]

* ''Film/{{Obsessed}}'':
** If a woman is sexually harassing and stalking you, don't bother going to your supervisors with the matter who can have the woman fired and possibly sued: just tell your sexist, one-dimensional best friend who thinks it's funny and have a few, stern (and completely ineffective) lectures with her. ''Clearly'' it will back her off.
** Not telling your domineering and distrustful wife about an obsessed coworker is bad, but telling her about it is even worse. You can't win.
** Temps can afford Christian Loubotin heels.
** Your average two-year-old drinks formula, sleeps in a crib and cannot utter a single word.
** A stay-at-home mother who has no funds in her name can kick you out of your own home.

* ''Film/TheOmen'': You should stay away from cannibalistic doomsday {{Cult}}s, because they'll brainwash you into ritually murdering your adoptive son.
** How is "stay away from cannibalistic doomsday cults" a warped aesop? That actually seems like really good advice.
** Someone you know dying in a freak accident is perfect justification to kill your son, no matter how repulsive you found the idea immediately before said accident.

* ''Film/OnTheWaterfront'': Speak up or you're a failure as a human being.
** Labor unions and Screenwriters with socialist leanings are just like TheMafia.

* ''Film/TheOogielovesInTheBigBalloonAdventure'': If you have something stuck on top of a tree, just climb up, fetch it and jump off to safely.
** You should be very worried that your partner is going to fuck a fish.
** Cheer up your disabled friends with gifts they can't possibly use, and really rub it in with an awful song and dance number.
** It's perfectly safe to lean over tall structures at approximately 47.9°.
** A guy walks up to you wearing a cowboy costume and offers bubbles? Go into the back of his truck, you'll join him in a wobble and have a great time together!

* ''Film/{{Orphan}}'': Mercy killing a suffering animal is a cruel thing to do.

* ''Film/PansLabyrinth'': Don't eat grapes.

* ''Film/Passengers2016'': Crippling loneliness and idealising someone you don't know is an excuse for condemning someone else to die in the same lonely place you will, when otherwise they would have been able to wake up in a wonderful, brave new world. It'll work out that two people are needed to prevent a crisis, so utilitarian logic apparently dictates that you did the right thing. The other person will end up loving you anyway - after all, there's no one else around for them to get attached to.

* ''Film/ThePassionOfJoanOfArc'':
** Events that originally took 23 days to unfold can all happen in the space of less than a day.
** One of the many terrible tortures that the Catholic Church forced upon people was making people stare at a spinning wheel of spikes. OH MY GOD THE HORROR!

* ''Film/ThePassionOfTheChrist'': The Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world.
** Actually, that's the original intended [[AnAesop Aesop]] of passion plays.
** The essential message of the Gospel is [[BigNo '''AAAAAAAARGH]] [[{{gorn}}OH GOD THE PAIN YAAAAAGH!''']]
** Forget EvilIsSexy: {{Satan}} is really a strange-looking anorexic woman.
** Satan's main evil plan is to unleash what looks like [[Film/AustinPowers Mini-Me]] upon the world.

* ''Film/PatchAdams'': It's perfectly fine to wake patients up from sleep, annoy medical students and steal from hospitals.
** Who needs medical research and centuries of experience? Just toss it aside because laughter is the best medicine.
** All doctors are just stuffy people who can't take a joke and want to enforce cruel traditions.

* ''Film/PayItForward'': If you're nice to random strangers, you'll get showered in media attention, a new father, and millions worldwide mourning you when you die!
** You ''will'' die though, and not too late.

* ''Franchise/PiratesOfTheCaribbean'': Pirates are just misunderstood [[TheWoobie Woobies]] who only long for [[strike:anarchy]] freedom and take their {{Wangst}} out on everyone else because they have no other outlet for it.
** If you are unwilling to become an outlaw, you deserve to die.
** If you're a goddess, imprisoned in human form a long time ago by the lover ''you'' betrayed, it's perfectly acceptable to take your anger out on an unrelated bunch of people -- even if they are more than willing to free you and desperately in need of your help. ''Especially'' if they're fighting against the same guy who helped seal you up.
*** You expect otherwise from a [[JerkassGods deity with a Greek name?]]
*** If you betray your lover, just tell them [[AppealToInherentNature that it's your nature]] and that they wouldn't love you if you were different.
** Your friends will all betray you the second they get their chance. Despite this, you should remain friends with them. You'll all end up on the same team eventually.
** Its perfectly okay to borderline hate someone that even vaguely annoys you or doesn't share the same moral values as you (in fact you should dislike them even ''more'' because of it). In fact you would be perceived as a pillar of virtue if you would go as far to let them die.
** If you work for someone who kills someone without you knowing about it, you're just as bad as they are and can only [[RedemptionEqualsDeath redeem yourself by sacrificing yourself]].
** It doesn't matter if it's a man-eating sea monster, [[BeautyEqualsGoodness if its beautiful there must be some good in it.]]

* ''Film/{{Pixels}}'': Sitting on your ass playing video games will make you an action hero so you you can replace the military and save the world!

* ''Film/{{Porkys}}'': If a small businessman refuses to become a pimp for you, and then defends himself when you repeatedly assault him as punishment for his refusal, it is perfectly acceptable to destroy his livelihood.

* ''Film/ThePrestige '': It's perfectly okay to kill someone through your own arrogance, [[spoiler:talk your twin brother into maiming himself]] and drive your wife to suicide, for none of these are as bad as rigging up a state-of-the-art magic trick that can make a bird disappear without killing it.

* ''Film/ThePrincessBride'': If you kill one person, you deserve to die, no matter what reparations you offer or how long it's been. But if you become a pirate lord and kill a whole bunch of people, it's no biggie as long as you quit as soon as you get reunited with the love of your life!
** Six-fingered people are evil!

* ''Film/ThePrincessDiaries'':
** People will make fun of you for acting/dressing weird, and they will also hate and make fun of you for dressing like everybody else.
** If you're completely unaware of someone's crush on you (and also ditch your plans to attend your best friend's talk show), it totally justifies you being publicly humiliated by the popular kids and the paparazzi at a beach party.

* ''[[Film/ThePrincessDiaries The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement]]'': You need to marry some hot guy to prevent some villain from taking control of the kingdom? You don't need to make tough choices when you can just give a lame speech and let go of any responsibility.

* ''Film/PumaMan'': Not only are British people evil, but anyone from South America who happens to be vaguely heroic should gleefully put himself in second position to a talentless American cretin possessing approximately one heroic bone in his body.
** [[Series/MysteryScienceTheater3000 Dinosaurs went extinct because they no longer knew how to love each other.]]
** It's physically possible to fall at a 60 degree angle.

* ''Film/ThePunisher1989'': Organized criminals are basically decent people, as long as they're ''Caucasian''.

* ''Film/ThePurge'': When anything and everything is legal, the only crime worth committing is murder.

* ''Film/RacingStripes:'' It's not irresponsible at all to bet the house and farm that is your livelihood on the outcome of a horse race.
** Technology is evil, nature is good.
** HardWorkHardlyWorks.

* ''Film/TheReader'': Mass murder is understandable if the murderer is illiterate and female.

* ''Film/RepoTheGeneticOpera'': Feel free to be a drug-addicted spoiled brat or a murderous psychopath, because you'll still inherit all of your father's vast wealth.
** Poisoning's effects will immediately stop the moment you have a short seizure and watch your parent/poisoner die, and you've barely ever stepped outside of your home and are completely naive to the world (except your short experience learning all about how to harvest from bodies and sell drugs for money and tricks-- and what else do you need in life!) but you can totally make it alone in the world as an attractive young girl! All on her own! On the streets! And don't take the huge company offered to you, despite it being more powerful than government itself. I mean, at the expense of your sheltered, poisoned life, that's just wrong. Let the selfish, lusting/violent/drug-addled kids inherit it.

* ''Film/RevengeOfTheNerds'': The best way to win the heart of an unobtainable girl is to have sex with her while pretending to be her boyfriend. Chances are, even though you already snuck into her dorm without her permission and have been secretly watching her undressing for days, she'll like it and not issue a restraining order.

* ''Film/RidingInCarsWithBoys'':
** The best advice to pass on throughout multiple generations is to act strict and resentful towards your parents and offspring and to never accept any responsibility for your actions.

* ''Film/TheRoadWarrior'' When the world goes to Hell and everyone you meet wants to kill you for a tank full of gasoline it is a great idea to sucker in a half-crazed uber-warrior, lie to him, use him to destroy all of your enemies and then abandon him to die in the desert. After all there is no way he could survive, track you down, slaughter you all and steal your reserves of fuel -- or any reason he'd want to.

* ''Film/RockItsYourDecision'': Avoid Christianity like the plague because it'll turn you into a frothing at the mouth {{Jerkass}} who verbally abuses their friends and family.
** Always judge songs by their titles rather than the actual content.
** Screw sticking up for your interests, just blindly listen to what your pastor says.
** Rock music is the only type of music that compels you to dance along and snap your fingers.
** Having emotional responses to music means that the music is actually controlling you and therefore leading you down the path to sin!
** If your friends tell you you're going overboard, they're just evil sinners trying to tempt you back into your old wicked ways.

* ''Film/{{Rocky}}'': A true expression of The American Dream: Guy gets the courage to beat up guy for money.

* ''Film/TheRockyHorrorPictureShow'':
** Sexual deviants tend to also be murderers.
** All transsexuals are lusty cross-dressing freaks that will chase AnythingThatMoves. Also, they can convert heterosexuals, so stay away!
** If you give in and just do whatever the rapist murderer psychopath wants you to do, you will have a great time and everything will be okay.
** Eating meat is probably a bad idea.
** Always be sure to pull your lover's hair before having sex with them.

* ''Film/TheRoom'':
** Someone cheating on you is a perfectly acceptable reason to commit suicide.
** When a man and a woman have an affair, the woman is an evil conniving bitch and the man is a hapless victim of this wicked seductress. A woman showing a man her boobies completely absolves him of all responsibility for his actions, making everything he does the woman's fault.

* ''Film/TheSandlot'': Go ahead. Sexually harass the lifeguard at the local swimming pool. The worst that will happen is that she'll call you a little pervert and ban you and your friends from the pool forever. But that's just for show. Secretly she's into you. Everybody will think you're a hero. Eventually she'll marry you, and you'll have nine children together.

* ''Film/TheSantaClause:'' If you want to take over someone's job, kill them. TruthInTelevision for certain people, for instance vice presidents.

* ''Film/{{Saved}}'':
** All male single ice-skaters are gay.
** Jesus loves you. Everyone else thinks you're an asshole.
** Having sex with your gay boyfriend won't turn him straight.
** A bible is not a weapon, you idiot!
** The symptoms of pregnancy can easily be confused with the signs of cancer.
** Everyone prefers a Christmas tree over a Hannukah bush.
** The muffin shop is closed!
** There's only two reasons why a teenage girl would go to a Planned Parenthood: pregnancy or terrorism.
** The most rational explaination for a teenaged girl being moody is DemonicPossession.
** [[EveryoneIsSatanInHell Santa = Satan.]]
** If Music/MandyMoore is playing a blonde in her acting roles, then chances are she's probably evil.
** Anybody can do an exorcism.

* ''Film/SavingChristmas'': In a religious debate, ViolenceIsTheOnlyOption.
** The druids made hot chocolate.
** Christmas was tailor-made for rich people. Anyone who can't afford more than one fridge and a [=McMansion=] aren't doing it right.
** St. Nick was an AxCrazy fundamentalist that would cripple you for life if you were a Christian that wasn't Christian ''enough''. God help you if you ween't Christian at all.
** If people think your movie is SoOkayItsAverage, then it's obviously a conspiracy to undermine whatever group you are in.
** Christianity itself encourages materialistic excess. All that stuff about "giving everything to the poor" was just the Bible being poetic.

* ''Franchise/{{Saw}}'':
** ''Film/SawVI'': When in doubt, always save the women. [[SarcasmMode Men don't deserve to live.]]
** ''Saw'' in general: Amputees are clearly people who didn't enjoy their life enough.
** You can be the closest thing to pure evil and still be forgiven/loved/admired/lusted after [[DracoInLeatherPants as long as]] [[EvilIsSexy you're hot enough.]]

* ''Film/ScottPilgrimVsTheWorld'': The best way to prove your devotion to a girl is by flamboyantly murdering everyone who ever loved her in the past - and in public, too.
** If you ever date a girl, you will certainly be attacked by her seven evil [[strike: ex boyfriends]] exes.
** People turn into coins when they die, so killing makes you rich.
** You can only obtain self-respect by murdering people whose lifestyle isn't to your liking.

* ''Film/{{Serenity}}:'' "It doesn't matter ''what'' you believe. Just... ''believe!''"

* Sex Education films, up until the mid 60s: Pre-marital sex is not only wrong, but will leave you mentally and physically scarred for the rest of your life. Your life for the foreseeable future will be left in ruins. It doesn't actually matter how many times you do it or how few partners you actually have. Once is all it takes to wreck you. Doubly so if you're a girl: Venereal Disease or pregnancy are the ''only'' possible outcomes.

* ''Film/SgtKabukimanNYPD'': Every Japanese stereotype you've ever heard is 100% accurate.
** Most of the New York police are complete idiots.

* ''Film/ShaPoLang'': Don't throw your enemies off tall buildings - they might land on your wife.

* ''Film/{{Signs}}'': God meant for aliens to kill millions of humans, so we could learn to appreciate our fellow survivors more.
** Sure, God let millions of people around the world die, gave you an obsessive/compulsive daughter, and let your wife die horribly, but it's okay! You've got your faith restored because he saved YOU!
*** Belief should derive from the fear of the unknown, rather than evidence or logic.
** When your race finally expands its dominion into space and other star systems, locate a planet covered at least 70% in a substance that can kill you and regularly precipitates the same substance worldwide. Just attempt to take over this planet by landing naked and unarmed.
** Should earth be invaded by aliens/demons, we have nothing to worry about. They're a bunch of suicidal morons who can't handle a wooden door.

* ''Six Pack'' has several:
** If you run away to tour with a NASCAR driver, everything will be all right.
** Child labor laws don't apply if the children are willing to do the work.
** Screw getting an education--just become a pit stop mechanic the second you're legally able to enter the pit. Everything will work out just fine.

* ''Film/TheSixthSense:'' Extraordinary abilities are a curse; it's better to be a good little sheep, just like everyone else!

* ''Film/SkyHigh2005''
** If a beautiful and popular girl appears to be interested in you, she's obviously up to no good.
** Even the most weak and useless of superhumans is still unimaginably far above any mere human.
** If you're romantically interested in a boy, don't tell him how you feel. In fact, don't take any initiative in starting the relationship at all. Eventually, he'll just realize on his own that he feels the same way and get up the courage to ask you out.
** All adults are crazy.
** Women are always smarter than men.

* ''Film/{{Skyfall}}:'' Qualifying exams exist for a reason. If someone fails all of them, but you pull rank and have them reinstated anyway, don't then place your life in their hands. They're probably going to fail again.

* ''Film/SlumdogMillionaire'': Those impoverished, starving Indian kids you see on TV, they're not millionaires. That's not because they live in a country struggling to survive after years of Western oppression; not because of their culture's rigid caste system; not because socialism strangles their economy, not because they aren't given the opportunities. No, they're not millionaires because "It Is Written".
** Or, more simply: ''Disney/{{Aladdin}}'' is a completely plausible and realistic story if you swap the Genie for a gameshow host.
** Gambling is the solution to poverty. (This is most likely the ''intended'' moral, considering the film was made by the same company as the titular game show.)

* ''Film/TheSocialNetwork'': It's okay to hire someone of whom is a pedophile drug addict and has been a part of two failed companies as a partial owner of your multi-billion dollar website. Oh, and if he gets busted by the police and gives your company a bad name, just band-aid it and let him continue to be part of your company.

* ''Film/SonsOfTheDesert'': Deceiving your wife and helping your friend do the same is a-okay as long as you tearfully admit to it afterwards.
** Female-on-male domestic abuse is hilarious.

* ''Film/{{Sparkle}}'':
** If you have an average voice but wear a slutty dress while displaying said voice, people will soon be calling you the next Diana Ross.
** Your strict, overly pious and unsupportive mother only wants what's best for you.
** If you're angry with White people while in the midst of rioting your own neighborhood, then hell, go tear ''their'' shit up.
** Fat women have no personality beyond a love of food.
** Becoming a famous singer will fix any and all problems that you and your family may have.

* ''Franchise/SpiderMan''
** ''Film/SpiderMan1'': Just wait. Eventually, she'll get to falling for you.
** ''Film/SpiderMan2'': Missed your chance the first time? Just wait, these things go in cycles.
*** Alternately: [[ScienceIsBad technology wired]] [[CyberneticsEatYourSoul into your brain]] will not ''only'' lead to complete insanity, but also being powerful enough to beat the hero into a pulp.
*** A ''real'' superhero must be on call 24/7 non stop and not even take a short break to eat a hot dog and let the ''actual'' police catch simpler criminals like purse snatchers and muggers (because the NY police can't catch a cold or....something??) and if they do they're [[SuperDickery dicks]] who don't care enough for the public.
*** The actual police are hilariously incompetent. This isn't even the CompetenceZone principle, because that's age: this is that when the main vigilante superhero (i.e. protagonist) decides he needs time away, the actual police will seemingly fail simple arrests and crime will increase by ''75%''.
*** If your experiment fails with horrific consequences, the best thing to do is to repeat it on a larger scale.
** ''Film/SpiderMan3'': With great power, you may shove people's faces into trains and dance at a professional level to annoy your ex.
*** Relationship problems are caused by parasitic aliens. Furthermore, if someone offers you baked goods, accepting them makes you evil.
*** Killing an EldritchAbomination, yelling at the landlord, dressing in black clothes and getting emo hair, and wanting to show off to your ex makes you a bad person. Good people are good all the time!
*** Never be even mildly upset with the state of the people and things around you no matter how bad it is, it may turn you into a Mass Murdering (albeit alien symbiote controlled) madman.
*** No matter how many times you save an ''entire city'' or rescue countless numbers of people there, don't do anything bad in public--''not....even....ONCE''--because if you do the city will form a AngryMob and instantly demand that you be automatically arrested for your indiscretion or mistake, or even ''killed''
*** The moral of ''Spider-Man 3'' has been summed up by some detractors as "Two wrongs don't make a right, because one wrong ''does''." The film argues that getting revenge is wrong, and should never be confused with justice--by showing that the man who causes the death of Uncle Ben [[spoiler: actually is a nice guy and had a somewhat sympathetic backstory]]. How often is that going to be the case with people who killed your loved ones in real life? Because if that sort of rare circumstance is all they use to prove that revenge is wrong, then We Haven't Learnt Anything Yet. By that logic, either termination with extreme prejudice is still justified every time a villain doesn't meet those criteria, or else ''every'' villain is implied to be that way, and in turn, implied to deserve more tolerance. Neither conclusion is very appealing.
*** Technically, the film ''did'' show other examples, unrelated to Sandman, of why Peter's angry behavior was a problem. '''UNFORTUNATELY''' it backfired, since [[spoiler: they mostly involved him out of costume, doing all sorts of embarrassing things that seem completely alien to Spider-Man films]]; the result being that the audience hated it just as much as the characters!
** ''Film/TheAmazingSpiderMan'': it's okay to steal the intellectual property from a major corporation-[[PayEvilUntoEvil hey, they're probably evil anyway.]]
*** If you try to save some poor uninformed veterans from being the victims of irresponsible experimentation you will be transformed into a giant mutant lizard.
*** [[JustForFun/TelevisionIsTryingToKillUs Resisting arrest is okay if you're in a hurry. Don't worry, the police will let you go.]]
*** It's okay to break a promise you made to your girlfriend's father on his deathbed to protect his daughter.
*** [[ILetGwenStacyDie That one is guaranteed to backfire soon]].
*** Or, looking at it from another angle: it's okay to use a deathbed promise to guilt-trip a boy into promising he'll stay away from the girlfriend he genuinely loves. Doubly so if that girlfriend, whose happiness you are destroying, is your own daughter. I mean, since when has your daughter's a) heart and b) ability to control her own life ever mattered?

* ''Film/StarshipTroopers'': Egalitarianism is for fascists!
* ''Film/StarTrekIIITheSearchForSpock'': The death of your first officer: Risk your life and career to bring him back. The death of your son: Yeah, whatever, a moment's BigNo and out.
** How illogical.
** Uh, given there was ''no way TO bring his son back'', I don't think that quite works.
** How dare you try to make this make sense? [=KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!=]
** Have we forgotten his whole "I've never trusted Klingons" speech from VI?
*** You mean the one that was [[WhatTheHellHero called out]] in the movie itself, and ultimately ''disproved''?

* ''Film/StarTrekInsurrection'': Finders keepers, losers weepers! If you're the first to discover a planet with rejuvenating powers, then ''the whole planet'' is yours and yours alone, and anyone who wants to share these powers, particularly within your own group, can fuck off and (quite literally) die!

* ''Film/StarTrekIntoDarkness'': Vulcans display racist tendencies, so not only is it appropriate to be racist it's also logical.

* ''Film/SteelMagnolias'': It's much better to quickly give birth to a biological child that you will not live to see grow up than to try and be patient and attempt to get a child through an adoption; either way, the clock is ticking.

* ''Film/TheStrangeThingAboutTheJohnsons'': If your husband is getting molested and raped by your own son, don't step in until it's too late.

* ''Film/StrangerThanFiction'': You're only worth not killing if you're completely ready and willing to die; if you're begging on your knees for your life to be spared, then you don't quite deserve to live.

* ''Film/{{Stripes}}'': Military discipline and following orders are unnecessary impediments to tactical success. Stealing classified hardware and crossing national borders with impunity works much better.

* ''Film/SuckerPunch'' (from WebVideo/RedLetterMedia): Women can only empower themselves by seducing men then stabbing them in the throat when they're not looking.
** Also, sexy cosplay and elaborate fantasy worlds can apparently forgive both stilted, offensive writing and villains who [[KarmaHoudini evade comeuppance.]]

* ''Film/{{Sunrise}}'': Did your husband just try to kill you in order to leave you for another woman? Forgive him; as long as he chases you into a foreign city, buys you food, and apologizes in a church, all will be fine.
** Drunk pigs are hilarious.

* ''Film/{{Surrogates}}'': If you see one them youngsters on their newfangled machines, you should kill them because NewMediaAreEvil and they aren't making meaningful social connections! Or, if you're feeling merciful, just break their machine to force them to talk to you until they go out and get another one.

* ''Film/{{Taxi}}'' (US remake): Screw drivers education! All you need to do is sing "Everlasting Love" while driving and you can go from not knowing how to get out of parallel parking to stuntman levels of driving skill.
** Also it's perfectly acceptable to bring civilians with you while pursuing criminals who committed an armed robbery.

* ''{{Film/Ted}}'':
** Ladies, if your boyfriend is an immature ManChild who would rather party, do drugs, and [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking play with stuffed animals]] than spend time with you, deal with it. Any attempts at changing him will just make things worse and make you [[ResetButton wish everything was back to "normal" again]].
** Keep chasing after that woman who’s not interested in you and already has a boyfriend. Rather than finding another woman to fall in love with, just fall into a deep depression.

* ''Film/{{Ted 2}}'':
** It’s perfectly normal to get married to a stuffed teddy bear. Nobody will think it’s strange at all.
** Babies will fix all bad relationships. No exceptions.

* ''Film/{{Thor}}'': [[spoiler: If you find an orphaned child of your enemies, leave it for dead. It'll get just get jealous of your real kid and conspire against you]].

* ''Film/ThorRagnarok'': It’s okay not to tell your kids that they have an evil and nigh-omnipotent older sister until you're about to die and the seal keeping her away is mere minutes from breaking. They'll manage to deal with her despite being completely unprepared, and they won't be mad at you for lying to them their whole lives.

* ''Film/{{Tootsie}}'': Women are either neurotic messes, hypocritical teases, brainless bimbos, or butch executives. Fortunately, a man of principle can show them how to be a ''real'' woman.

* ''Film/TheToxicAvenger'': People are either completely good or completely evil. No grey areas.
** Vigilantism is okay if the people getting murdered in the streets are evil. Any cop who thinks otherwise is a Nazi.

* ''The Toxic Avenger Part II'': Big business is evil and care more about needlessly polluting than profit.
** One small New Jersey town not liking your corporation is a big enough threat to send in an army of supervillain goons to occupy it and enslave the people on American soil.
** Japanese rapists are bold enough to rip a woman's top off in broad daylight. Never go to Tokyo, ladies.

* ''The Toxic Avenger Part III: The Last Temptation of Toxie'': {{Satan}} is immune to evil-detection powers.
** No one would thinks its worth the good PR to hire the massively popular superhero of your small town to work for you.
** Corporations are run by the Devil and should not be trusted.
** [[DeusExMachina Let God fix your problems for you.]]

* ''Film/{{Trainwreck}}'':
** ''(noun)'': A woman who has her own place, a steady job at a magazine company and a devoted boyfriend who is either a {{Hunk}} or a surgeon to sports stars; but sleeps around, smokes weed and hasn't settled down by the age of 30. Hear that, ladies? '''You're a failure unless you become a housewife!'''
** ''(noun)'': A 2015 romantic-comedy starring Creator/AmySchumer.

* ''Film/{{Trainspotting}}'': Junkies have better taste in music than ex-junkies.

* ''Film / Transcendence '': Having unwavering faith in AI and trusting it completely will make the world into a paradise. Having any concerns or desire to exercise caution when it comes to new technology is only ever the result of ignorance and foolishness, and will make you become a violent terrorist. Advancements in science only ever lead to good things, any drawbacks are all in people’s heads.

* ''Film/Troll2'': You can't piss on hospitality!

* ''Film/TrueGrit'': If your father is killed, you should hire a U.S. Marshall to go after the killer, and you should go with him, no matter how young or inexperienced you are, just go right on ahead and get your revenge.

* ''Film/TheTrumanShow'': Want a good idea for a television show? Get some random infant and film his entire life, lying to him about the whole setup for however long he lives.
** If a loved one tries to leave you, drown him.
** [[ParanoiaFuel All of your friends and loved ones are lying to you every second of the day.]]

* ''Film/TwentyEightDaysLater'': Never, ''ever'' trust the military, even after a ZombieApocalypse and even if said military personnel is headed by the [[Series/DoctorWho Ninth Doctor]] because they will try to rape your women.
** [[http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2012/jun/14/culture-coverup-rape-ranks-us-military Sadly]], this seems to be truth in television.
** And furthermore, because they wanted to rape your women, all of the other remaining humans on earth must die in a brutally violent fashion. Don't worry. It's not like they could be traumatized, or browbeaten into going along with it or anything. They're not really people.

* ''Film/TwoThousandOneASpaceOdyssey'': Trying to fix broken stuff only gets you killed.
** Faced with two irreconcilable directives regarding your teammates, both of which directives must be followed, TakeAThirdOption and kill your teammates. Problem solved, and the mission saved.

* ''Film/{{UHF}}'': Donating to the less fortunate will ruin your life.

* ''Film/{{Us}}'': Never wander away from your parents, even if they are inattentive and selfish pieces of shit. Don't let your children do the same either.

* ''Film/TheVillage:'' Technology fucks us over; we should all just live like the Amish!
** Hey, have a blind child in your house? You do? GOOD! Because he/she is the ''only'' one that can save the town! Have him/her march into danger ALONE with naught but his/her cane and know that he/she will survive whatever is gonna kill him/her, obtain whatever it is your town needs and make it back. Why do you know this? Because your blind child is pure of heart!

* ''Film/{{Watchmen}}'': You can't make a movie without someone falling to his knees to deliver a gratuitous BigNo.
** Slow motion automatically makes everything ''awesome''. See also ''Film/ThreeHundred'', ''Film/TheMatrix'', and any film made in the past ten years. Every action scene ''must'' have slow motion, and a "whooshing" sound for those too stupid to recognize that they're looking at something moving slow.
** Wait...no "In a world where [[PhysicalGod physical gods]] exist, the only way to create world peace and prevent the deaths of millions...is to kill thousands and blame it on an aforementioned god"?
*** That was the actual Aesop.
** Don't bother to even try to make any part of the world or even society in general a better place. Even if you had GodModeSue level powers its wouldn't stop or change the events of history (even though it should) because the future is set in stone and absolutely ''Nothing'' can truly change it.
** The smarter you are the more forever alone you are.
** Prostitutes are horrible people who abuse their children.
*** Sadly, quite a bit of TruthInTelevision there.
** Free will absolutely, positively does not exist.
** Penises are '''''frightening'''''.

* ''Film/WeddingCrashers'':
** Gay people are creepy, depraved molesters.
** A girl having lost her virginity to a guy has no way of knowing if she truly loves him. A girl who sleeps around a lot, however, has every way of knowing. Never mind that she could be viewing him as merely a boy toy like everyone before him.
** Your best friend should be willing to put up with rape and being molested by her brother in order for you to get with their sister. If he is not willing, well... he never was your friend to begin with!

* ''Film/WeirdScience'': Playing God is A-OK, so long as you always win.

* ''Film/WelcomeToTheDollhouse'':
** Childhood bullying is funny!
** The YoungestChildWins.
** The "Special People's Club" is a club for retards.
** The bully who continuously threatens to rape you is really in love with you.
** If you try to fight back against your bullies, you'll end up accidentally harming a teacher instead.
** Anyone who thinks that marijuana should be legalized is a cunt.
** Going to Disney World as a part of a glee club is considered punishment.

* ''Welcome Home, Roscoe Jenkins'': Hey you may be one of the most successful members of our family, but you forgot where you came from! Yes, we teased you, picked on you, and made you feel like complete and utter crap. But hey, proving us that you could become more than a walking ButtMonkey is just not right because you were just competitive with everyone that bet you could be nothing but a piece of crap anyways.
** Oh hey, you sent me a new tv too! But I don't need a generous gift from my own son because my old busted tv works fine, and it's because the tv is new fangled and came from someone who forgot where he came from.

* ''Film/WhatHappensInVegas'': Marry for money and when you don't love your spouse, stay together. Eventually, you'll start loving each other again.

* ''Film/{{Whiplash}}'': Being a harsh, cutthroat, bullying asshole makes your students better drummers.

* ''Film/WhyDidIGetMarried'':
** Women who are dealing with marital issues can depend on God, their friends, self-help books and other reliable sources to overcome their problems; men, on the other hand, are expected to just "man up" and get over it.
** You can [[EasilyForgiven easily forgive]] your friend for both openly cheating on your other friend and blurting out all of your secrets to the point it causes trouble with your own marriages.
** Losing around 25 pounds from being previously morbidly obese will cause your philandering fat-shaming ex-husband to begin to develop feelings for you again.
** It doesn't matter how many times you get married, you still aren't allowed to have a last name.
** Any attempts to tell your best friend about her philandering husband and her backstabbing friend having an affair behind her back will only make you out to be an obnoxious bitch by your other friends.
** It’s completely normal for a grown woman to constantly shout and scream at/about her husband like a petulant child. Nobody will see her as immature at all.
** Not wanting to have another child because of your demanding job makes you out to be selfish.
** Any and all problems in a relationship is always solely the woman's fault. Puts her career first? Her fault. Doesn't want to cope with her emotions? Her fault. Is loud, combative and an alcoholic? Her fault. Just so happens to actually be a caring and supportive wife although you are an emotionally abusive cheater and overall {{Jerkass}} and she's also morbidly obese? You better believe that that's her fault.
** And while on the subject of emotional abuse and infidelity, don't bother assertively calling your friend out on his reckless behavior or defending your other friend; just grimace in "disappointment" and crack jokes at his expense.

* ''Film/WhyDidIGetMarriedToo'':
** Did choosing your [[FamilyVersusCareer career over your marriage and family]] directly [[spoiler: cause the death of your son and indirectly cause the death of your husband? Who cares about that: you'll still get an undeserved happy ending while most likely getting nailed by Wrestling/TheRock, too]]!
** Apparently, just being fat is enough to be labeled the [[HotGuyUglyWife ugly wife to your smoking hot husband]], even though no one else gives you grief over it.
** Stressing about being unemployed and getting upset at your wife’s (supposed) affair makes you out to be a big asshole.
** Complain about your husband not having a good paying job & then complain more when he gets a job & is earning more money than you. This just proves that women can never be satisfied when it comes to their partners.
** You can catch a thirteen foot fish with ease.
** Aggressively yelling "fix it" at your friends going through marital problems will automatically fix those said problems.

* ''Film/WhyHim'':
** If you're a perverted and foulmouthed douchebag, you don't have to change your behavior. You can make people like you by throwing millions of dollars and fancy gadgets at them.
** If your boyfriend has made a bad impression on your parents via an accidental webcam transmission, don't bother making him clean up his act for when they actually meet him in person. Things will work themselves out.
** A boorish jackass with a FreudianExcuse knows more about raising your child than you do, and is a great role model for a teenage boy.

* ''Film/WillyWonkaAndTheChocolateFactory'': You can live in happiness too, if you act like a condescending prick at other peoples misfortunes.
** Bed-ridden people are just depressed, and could get out of bed and start dancing if they really wanted to.
** Slavery is a perfectly acceptable solution to corporate espionage.
** Ordinary childhood vices (i.e. overeating, gum-smacking, brattiness and too much TV) deserve outlandishly gruesome punishments with no guarantee of survival.

* ''Film/TheWizardOfOz'': It is perfectly acceptable to withhold life-saving information from a child, endanger their life and use them to murder your rivals if there is a lesson for the child in the end -- no matter how flaky the lesson might be. Also, when you land in a strange country and are threatened with death by someone with obvious and frightening magical powers you should blindly follow the first advice anyone offers no matter how bizarre or half-witted they might seem.
** Twisters are not deadly, they're a perfectly safe form of transportation to mythical worlds.
*** For you. For bystanding witches, not so much.
** If you accidentally commit manslaughter, the victim's possessions belong to you so long as the victim was unpopular. Looting gems from a corpse in front of dozens of witnesses and then holding on to them when the deceased's extremely powerful relative asks for them will work out for the best in the end.
** Keep a bucket of liquid that will melt your flesh just lying around. WhatCouldPossiblyGoWrong
** When visiting a new land, be sure to accept credit for killing the first person you saw, even if the weather actually did it. Just call it an accident.
** When travelling, team up with every mentally unstable stranger you encounter.
** Getting back to your dystopic homeland is worth undertaking a hopelessly difficult assassination quest. Even if you're an underage girl with mentally unstable companions.

* ''Film/TheWizardOfOz'', ''Film/{{Signs}}'', ''et al.'': Never. Underestimate. Water. (Alternatively: when in doubt, peril or otherwise, try water.)

* ''Film/WonderWoman2017'': You can't stop a war just by killing one bad person,[[spoiler: so keep killing bad people until the war ends]].

* ''Film/WrongTurn'':
** Barbed wire is the strongest, most-versatile substance on Earth.
** Inbreeding = Super-Humans.
*** Super-humans who can be bullied into subservience by a sufficiently sociopathic "father figure."

* ''Film/XMenFirstClass'': TheBlackDudeDiesFirst, because the deaths of Nazis and traitors don't count.

* ''Film/{{Zardoz}}:'' THE GUN IS GOOD, THE PENIS IS EVIL!!!! GO FORTH AND KILL!!!!
** THE GUN IS GOOD, THE PENIS IS EVIL, THE ACID IS AWESOME!!!

* ''Film/{{Zoolander}}'': Binge and purge, girls, and you'll end up looking like Christine Taylor.
** But you'll still have a disease. And women feel bad about eating disorders, but men never do.

----

* ''Film/MadMaxFuryRoad'': Never give a woman a position of authority in your organisation. She ''will'' betray you.

** [[EveryoneIsSatanInHell Santa=Satan.]]

** Straight men are good. Bisexuals are evil.

* The ''[[Film/{{Godzilla 1998}} first American Godzilla]]'' movie: The American Military is far better than anyone else's, even when they end up causing MORE damage than the giant pregnant lizard they're trying to shoot.
** Likewise- "It's OK to blame people for YOUR mistakes...no matter HOW big they are."
*** Also- "Screw allegory and all that Hiroshima and Nagasaki crap! Everyone knows that bombing the life out of something is the ONLY way to solve a problem."
** That's a lot of fish.

* ''Franchise/ANightmareOnElmStreet'': Springwood, Ohio is a terrible place for children.
** Don't bother trying to punish child predators. They'll just come back with magic powers.

* ''Film/BohemianRhapsody'': Being gay will make you lonely, gaslit and dying of AIDs. Best stick with chicks, bro.

** In espionage, proper tradecraft has little importance compared to the PowerOfFriendship and the PowerOfLove. Remember that if you ever become a spy.

* ''Film/{{District 9}}'': Humans will generally have an epiphany that causes them to stop being racist, baby-murdering assholes when you give them the ability to use gravity guns and robot suits. Also, [[spoiler:an alien race that has been subjected to 26 years of forced abortions, economic marginalization, segregation, flagrantly illegal and inhumane medical experimentation, and general misery at the hands of humans will totally accept you as their own if you look enough like them and save one of them with your cool giant robot suit that you stole.]]

* ''Film/DodgeBallATrueUnderdogStory'': Gym monkees are all assholes. Only workout to be at the minimum standard.

* ''Film/ExistenZ'': Life is just a game so killing people has no negative consequences.
** If you murder a Chinese waiter just tell people in the restaurant "it was a misunderstanding over the cheque" and they'll all turn back to their tables as if nothing happened.

* ''Film/{{Hereditary}}'': Don't do drugs. Or else, you'll [[spoiler: accidentally kill your younger sister, making your mom insane with grief, making your dad burned to death, and making you possessed by a pagan demon worshiped by a ReligionOfEvil.]]

* ''Film/{{Hop}}'': Remember children, if you work hard you can overcome the negative preconceptions of others and go on to live your dream, but only if you're white, male and middle class. If you're ethnic and/or of the working class, then trying make a better life for yourself will only result in horrible disfigurement, leaving you a grotesque and lonely abomination.

* ''Film/MoulinRouge'': If you work hard to write a play, sabotage your efforts by falling in love with the investor's LoveInterest. Nothing could possibly go wrong, it's not like other people's livelihoods are on the line too.

* ''Film/ThePrincessDiaries'':
** People will make fun of you for acting/dressing weird, and they will also hate and make fun of you for dressing like everybody else.
** If you're completely unaware of someone's crush on you (and also ditch your plans to attend your best friend's talk show), it totally justifies you being publicly humiliated by the popular kids and the paparazzi at a beach party.

* ''[[Film/ThePrincessDiaries The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement]]'': You need to marry some hot guy to prevent some villain from taking control of the kingdom? You don't need to make tough choices when you can just give a lame speech and let go of any responsibility.

** Rock music is the only type of music that compells you to dance along and snap your fingers.

* Sex Education films, up until the mid 60s: Pre-marital sex is not only wrong, but will leave you mentally and physically scarred for the rest of your life. Your life for the forseeable future will be left in ruins. It doesn't actually matter how many times you do it or how few partners you actually have. Once is all it takes to wreck you. Doubly so if you're a girl: Venereal Disease or pregnancy are the ''only'' possible outcomes.

* ''Film/{{Skyfall}}:'' Qualifying exams exist for a reason. If someone fails all of them, but you pull rank and have them reinstated anyway, don't then place your life in their hands. They're probably going to fail again.

* ''Film/SkyHigh2005''
** If a beautiful and popular girl appears to be interested in you, she's obviously up to no good.
** Even the most weak and useless of superhumans is still unimaginably far above any mere human.
** If you're romantically interested in a boy, don't tell him how you feel. In fact, don't take any initiative in starting the relationship at all. Eventually, he'll just realize on his own that he feels the same way and get up the courage to ask you out.
** All adults are crazy.
** Women are always smarter than men.

*** The actual police are hilariously incompetent. This isn't even the CompetenceZone principle, because that's age: this is that when the main vigilante superhero (ie. protagonist) decides he needs time away, the actual police will seemingly fail simple arrests and crime will increase by ''75%''.

*** The moral of ''Spider-Man 3'' has been summed up by some detractors as "Two wrongs don't make a right, because one wrong ''does''." The film argues that getting revenge is wrong, and should never be confused with justice--by showing that the man who causes the death of Uncle Ben [[spoiler: actually is a nice guy and had a somewhat sympathetic backstory.]] How often is that going to be the case with people who killed your loved ones in real life? Because if that sort of rare circumstance is all they use to prove that revenge is wrong, then We Haven't Learnt Anything Yet. By that logic, either termination with extreme prejudice is still justified every time a villain doesn't meet those criteria, or else ''every'' villain is implied to be that way, and in turn, implied to deserve more tolerance. Neither conclusion is very appealing.

* ''Film/TheStrangeThingAboutTheJohnsons'': If your husband is getting molested and raped by your own son, don't step in until it's too late.

* ''Film/TheArtist'': Remember, ladies, stalking the man you're worried about and stealing all of his possessions is the only way to stop his alcoholism. Never try to get him outside help, it'll just make things worse.

* ''Film/TheBreakfastClub'':
** Hey, freak? All that it will take for you to be happy and accepted is to relinquish any semblance of individuality and get into clothes and makeup like all the other girls.
** And hey, Princess? The Bad Boy only verbally abuses you because he ''loves'' you. He's definitely the one you need to date.
** We're more alike than we're different, right? Except for you, Geek... you get to write the paper while JerkJock and Bad Boy get some.
** The reason your principal is such a {{Jerkass}} (and occasionally borderline abusive) is because he has forgotten what it's like to be young. Make fun of him.
** If you aspire to be like Music/JohnLennon, you will end up as an AlmightyJanitor. And you will have more common sense than an educator with twenty years' experience.
** Problematic teenagers are just misunderstood victims. Their parents and all the adults around them are the ''real'' monsters and it's always their fault, no matter what. ''Always.''

* ''[[Literature/TheBlueLagoon Blue Lagoon]]: The Awakening'': The best thing about living on a deserted island? Even if you don't shave, brush your teeth, wash yourself with soap, or apply sunblock each day, you'll always look as fresh as a daisy. And you'll be able to have all the casual unprotected sex you want with no repercussions. Survivalism? Don't worry about it!

* ''Film/TheBluesBrothers'': As long as it's in a good cause, you have no need to follow laws. Oh, and car crashes never, ever kill anyone unless they drop from a height of a hundred yards or more, so drive any way you want.
** Unless you're wearing a nice watch. Car crashes ''always'' break watches.
** When some weirdo tells you he's on a mission from God, BELIEVE HIM.

* ''Film/TheBridgesOfMadisonCounty, Film/BrokebackMountain, Coming Home, Film/DoctorZhivago, Film/TermsOfEndearment, Dangerous Beauty, Film/{{Dune}}, Film/TheAwakening, Film/NorthAndSouth, Ethan Frome, For Better Or For Worse, The Film/TheEnglishPatient, Film/TheScarletLetter, The Tudors, The Six Wives of Henry VIII, Peter The Great, Film/TheDeadZone, Film/TheNotebook'': Adultery is A-OK if your True Love happens to be a person you're not married to. (Even if your spouse is a decent person who loves you deeply, someone who depends upon you for their survival, someone you have children with, or someone who was compelled to marry you by [[ArrangedMarriage outside forces]].) Feel free to chuck their feelings in the bin and pursue your own lusts at will.
** This doubly applies if you're a woman. If you're a man, you should be prepared to [[TheUnfairSex take a little flak for it.]]
*** Unless you're very handsome. Then it becomes romantic.
*** Or gay. Then it's noble and subversive.
*** --> In the ''Film/BrokebackMountain'' book, Ennis rapes Jack, so rape is apparently an act of love.
** And adultery is ''always'' sexy because forbidden fruit is always sweeter.
*** Again, only for women. Or men if the right soundtrack is playing ''and'' the sex is in a bed, not in an elevator or other unsavory place; if a married man does it in a nonsanctioned location, the woman he's sleeping with is inevitably a psycho stalker.

* ''Film/TheFighter'': The number of problems that can be solved by beating up a Liverpudlian approaches infinity.

* ''Film/TheGame'': if you don't like someone's personality, feel free to drive them to the point of suicide in an attempt to make them adopt a new one.

* ''Film/TheGarbagePailKidsMovie:'' Got a bunch of ugly freaks that like to steal things and beat people up? Don't allow authorities to take care of them, just shove them into a tiny little garbage pail, that'll keep them quiet.

* ''Film/TheGodfatherPartII'': Whoever has the least friends wins.

* ''Film/TheGreatDictator'': Fascism is hilarious!
** That is, you know...kind of the point. Most tyrannical leaders become much less frightening when they are openly mocked; Chaplin's intent was to try and drive home how ridiculously stupid all of Hitler's ideas were by poking fun at them with the best techniques he used: slapstick comedy.
** Hitler and Creator/CharlieChaplin actually ARE the same person!!
*** Just like you thought when you were a kid!

* ''Film/TheHangover'': Stealing is fine if you fix everything later.
** Being completely wasted at the time is a perfectly valid excuse to do whatever the fuck you want. Hey, UsefulNotes/MikeTyson said it, so it must be true!
*** Legally, this is actually true. Involuntary intoxication is an absolute defense to pretty much any crime. The "involuntary" part is, however, mandatory. Just intoxication has the opposite legal effect in most cases.
** Animal cruelty is '''FUNNY''', dammit!

* ''Film/TheHappening:'' Nature hates and wants to kill us so we should be environmentalists!
** [[WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons Oh, so Mother Nature wants a favor, eh? Well she should have thought of that before she started plaguing us with floods and droughts and poisonous monkeys. Mother Nature ''started'' the fight for survival, and now she wants to quit because she's ''losing?'' Well I say hard cheese!]]
** After firing your warning shot across the bow of one of the more offensive countries of the world for its reckless destruction of the environment, the next target of [[GaiasVengeance your vengeance]] should ideally be the country that produces nearly all its power in the least harmful way possible.

* ''Film/TheHouseBunny'': Shut up, woman.
** You'll never be desirable to anyone if you don't look like Catherine Zeta fuckin' Jones.
*** You can do anything,[[{{Fanservice}} as long as you take your clothes off at some point]]
*** --> Contrary to that, All scantly clad remotely attractive women should be hated and denied any form of personal growth while more [[TheGlassesComeOff plainly dressed women are worthy of intellectual development]].

* ''Film/TheHumanCentipede'': Learn to change a tire.
** Never ask a German for help, because they'll just use surgery to turn you into a freak.
** There's nothing wrong with accepting a drink from someone who states "I don't like human beings."

* ''[[Film/TheKid1921 The Kid]]'': The Child Protective Service is an evil organization that enjoys taking children away from loving parents. How dare they take a little boy away from a dirt-poor surrogate dad that found the child by a trash can and uses him to break windows while he walks down the street selling glass.

* ''Theatre/TheKingAndI'':
** Non-Western countries are backward, barbaric places in need of a Western teacher to reform them with her own culture's values. If the ruler never sees eye-to-eye with her, he should die so his son can take over and Westernize the country under her influence.
** Women, if you think for yourselves, the men you love will die, and you'll end up alone.

* ''Film/TheKingsSpeech'': It's perfectly acceptable to hire a man with no credentials to help you with your speech problems, after all, they know more than those snobby little professionals do.
** Stutterers have no friends.
** British defense policy is based on the assumption that soldiers will never fight for a monarch who happens to stutter. Even though they have in the past fought for monarchs who were tyrants, drunkards, adulterers, incompetent fools, insufferable snobs, and once or twice even clinically insane. But fighting for a stutterer is beyond the pale. Therefore the king must learn to speak without stuttering or TheGoodKingdom is doomed.

* ''Film/TheLastSamurai'': When change comes to your country, irrationally resisting it with all your might is the correct course of action.
** Killing for the right reasons will cure your PTSD.
** If you're a foreign soldier and are surrounded by the enemy, grab the enemy's color and start waving it around while growling. The general will spare you, welcome you to his family, take walks with you, train you to fight like him, and eventually will even die for you. He will not just order his men to kill your insane ass on the spot or drag you off to a POW camp.
** If you kill someone, you will get his kickass armor (and the ability to use it perfectly without training), his CloserToNature Zen philosophy, and his wife.

* ''Film/TheLongKissGoodnight'': Never, ''never'' use the peephole. (See ''Killing Joke'', above.)

* ''Film/TheMatrix'': Everything you know is a lie. But it's a lie that has stunning dress sense.
** Also, everyone around you who doesn't have stunning dress sense might be One Of Them. So it's okay to massacre them ''en masse''.
** Cops are evil and should be shot on sight.
** ScaryShinyGlasses will make you good at kung-fu in no time.
*** Computers make you learn kung-fu in seconds.
** French people are decadent and evil.
** Don't listen to anyone, [[HypocriticalHumor because we say so]].
** The nature of reality is unknowable, so eat, drink, and be merry, because you'll never find any meaning.
*** Technically this is a completely valid philosophical position called Solipsism.
** But waking people up to a cruel dystopia where there's not enough food for even a few people to go around is OK as long as it's in the interest of The Truth.

* ''Film/TheMist'': Don't go to the grocery store, order your food on the internet and have it delivered.
** Hehe. Nope. The people who stayed home didn't fare very well. The TRUE Aesop is if a fog of obviously unnatural origin rolls in, reduces visibility to near zero AND all forms of communication suddenly cease to work, the right thing to do is run to your car (without the groceries you just bought), round up your family and try to get the hell out of Dodge without even a gun. If you decide to seek shelter, gather information and/ or supplies and try to enact a careful, logical strategy to deal with the situation, you are a coward without any trace of chivalry and {{Eldritch Abomination}}s will either kill you or make you WISH you were dead.

* ''The Mortal Instruments'' (film adaptation):
** If the man who's trying to murder your TrueCompanions and summon an army of demons into the world tells you he's your real, long-lost father, ''listen to him!'' It's not like he might be trying to distract you or anything.
** It can't be incest if you're physically attracted to her.

* ''Film/TheOmen'': You should stay away from cannibalistic doomsday {{Cult}}s, because they'll brainwash you into ritually murdering your adoptive son.
** How is "stay away from cannibalistic doomsday cults" a warped aesop? That actually seems like really good advice.
** Someone you know dying in a freak accident is perfect justification to kill your son, no matter how repulsive you found the idea immediately before said accident.

* ''Film/ThePassionOfJoanOfArc'':
** Events that originally took 23 days to unfold can all happen in the space of less than a day.
** One of the many terrible tortures that the Catholic Church forced upon people was making people stare at a spinning wheel of spikes. OH MY GOD THE HORROR!

* ''Film/ThePassionOfTheChrist'': The Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world.
** Actually, that's the original intended {{Aesop}} of passion plays.
** The essential message of the Gospel is [[BigNo '''AAAAAAAARGH]] [[{{gorn}}OH GOD THE PAIN YAAAAAGH!''']]
** Forget EvilIsSexy: {{Satan}} is really a strange-looking anorexic woman.
** Satan's main evil plan is to unleash what looks like [[Film/AustinPowers Mini-Me]] upon the world.

* ''Film/ThePrestige '': It's perfectly okay to kill someone through your own arrogance, [[spoiler:talk your twin brother into maiming himself]] and drive your wife to suicide, for none of these are as bad as rigging up a state-of-the-art magic trick that can make a bird disappear without killing it.

* ''Film/ThePrincessBride'': If you kill one person, you deserve to die, no matter what reparations you offer or how long it's been. But if you become a pirate lord and kill a whole bunch of people, it's no biggie as long as you quit as soon as you get reunited with the love of your life!
** Six-fingered people are evil!

* ''Film/ThePunisher1989'': Organized criminals are basically decent people, as long as they're ''Caucasian''.

* ''Film/TheRoadWarrior'' When the world goes to Hell and everyone you meet wants to kill you for a tank full of gasoline it is a great idea to sucker in a half-crazed uber-warrior, lie to him, use him to destroy all of your enemies and then abandon him to die in the desert. After all there is no way he could survive, track you down, slaughter you all and steal your reserves of fuel -- or any reason he'd want to.

* ''Film/TheRockyHorrorPictureShow'':
** Sexual deviants tend to also be murderers.
** All transsexuals are lusty cross-dressing freaks that will chase AnythingThatMoves. Also, they can convert heterosexuals, so stay away!
** If you give in and just do whatever the rapist murderer psychopath wants you to do, you will have a great time and everything will be okay.
** Eating meat is probably a bad idea.
** Always be sure to pull your lover's hair before having sex with them.

* ''Film/TheRoom'':
** Someone cheating on you is a perfectly acceptable reason to commit suicide.
** When a man and a woman have an affair, the woman is an evil conniving bitch and the man is a hapless victim of this wicked seductress. A woman showing a man her boobies completely absolves him of all responsibility for his actions, making everything he does the woman's fault.

* ''Film/TheSantaClause:'' If you want to take over someone's job, kill them. TruthInTelevision for certain people, for instance vice presidents.

* ''Film/SgtKabukimanNYPD'': Every Japanese stereotype you've ever heard is 100% accurate.
** Most of the New York police are complete idiots.

* ''Film/TheSocialNetwork'': It's okay to hire someone of whom is a pedophile drug addict and has been a part of two failed companies as a partial owner of your multi-billion dollar website. Oh, and if he gets busted by the police and gives your company a bad name, just band-aid it and let him continue to be part of your company.

* ''Film/TheSixthSense:'' Extraordinary abilities are a curse; it's better to be a good little sheep, just like everyone else!

* ''Film/TheWizardOfOz'': It is perfectly acceptable to withhold life-saving information from a child, endanger their life and use them to murder your rivals if there is a lesson for the child in the end -- no matter how flaky the lesson might be. Also, when you land in a strange country and are threatened with death by someone with obvious and frightening magical powers you should blindly follow the first advice anyone offers no matter how bizarre or half-witted they might seem.
** Twisters are not deadly, they're a perfectly safe form of transportation to mythical worlds.
*** For you. For bystanding witches, not so much.
** If you accidentally commit manslaughter, the victim's possessions belong to you so long as the victim was unpopular. Looting gems from a corpse in front of dozens of witnesses and then holding on to them when the deceased's extremely powerful relative asks for them will work out for the best in the end.
** Keep a bucket of liquid that will melt your flesh just lying around. WhatCouldPossiblyGoWrong?
** When visiting a new land, be sure to accept credit for killing the first person you saw, even if the weather actually did it. Just call it an accident.
** When travelling, team up with every mentally unstable stranger you encounter.
** Getting back to your dystopic homeland is worth undertaking a hopelessly difficult assassination quest. Even if you're an underage girl with mentally unstable companions.

* ''Film/TheWizardOfOz'', ''Film/{{Signs}}'', ''et al.'': Never. Underestimate. Water. (Alternatively: when in doubt, peril or otherwise, try water.)

* ''Film/{{Tootsie}}'': Women are either neurotic messes, hypocritical teases, brainless bimbos, or butch executives. Fortunately, a man of principle can show them how to be a ''real'' woman.

* ''Film/{{Trainwreck}}'':
** ''(noun)'': A woman who has her own place, a steady job at a magazine company and a devoted boyfriend who is either a {{Hunk}} or a surgeon to sports stars; but sleeps around, smokes weed and hasn't settled down by the age of 30. Hear that, ladies? '''You're a failure unless you become a housewife!'''
** ''(noun)'': A 2015 romantic-comedy starring Creator/AmySchumer.

* ''Film/{{Trainspotting}}'': Junkies have better taste in music than ex-junkies.

* ''Film / Transcendence '': Having unwavering faith in AI and trusting it completely will make the world into a paradise. Having any concerns or desire to exercise caution when it comes to new technology is only ever the result of ignorance and foolishness, and will make you become a violent terrorist. Advancements in science only ever lead to good things, any drawbacks are all in people’s heads.

* ''Film/Troll2'': You can't piss on hospitality!

* ''Film/TrueGrit'': If your father is killed, you should hire a U.S. Marshall to go after the killer, and you should go with him, no matter how young or inexperienced you are, just go right on ahead and get your revenge.

* ''Film/TwentyEightDaysLater'': Never, ''ever'' trust the military, even after a ZombieApocalypse and even if said military personnel is headed by the [[Series/DoctorWho Ninth Doctor]] because they will try to rape your women.
** [[http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2012/jun/14/culture-coverup-rape-ranks-us-military Sadly]], this seems to be truth in television.
** And furthermore, because they wanted to rape your women, all of the other remaining humans on earth must die in a brutally violent fashion. Don't worry. It's not like they could be traumatized, or browbeaten into going along with it or anything. They're not really people.

* ''Film/{{Thor}}'': [[spoiler: If you find an orphaned child of your enemies, leave it for dead. It'll get just get jealous of your real kid and conspire against you.]]

* ''Film/ThorRagnarok'': It’s okay not to tell your kids that they have an evil and nigh-omnipotent older sister until you're about to die and the seal keeping her away is mere minutes from breaking. They'll manage to deal with her despite being completely unprepared, and they won't be mad at you for lying to them their whole lives.

* ''Film/TwoThousandOneASpaceOdyssey'': Trying to fix broken stuff only gets you killed.
** Faced with two irreconcilable directives regarding your teammates, both of which directives must be followed, TakeAThirdOption and kill your teammates. Problem solved, and the mission saved.

* ''Film/{{UHF}}'': Donating to the less fortunate will ruin your life.

* ''Film/{{Us}}'': Never wander away from your parents, even if they are inattentive and selfish pieces of shit. Don't let your children do the same either.

* ''Film/WeirdScience'': Playing God is A-OK, so long as you always win.

** Did choosing your [[CareerVersusFamily career over your marriage and family]] directly [[spoiler: cause the death of your son and indirectly cause the death of your husband? Who cares about that: you'll still get an undeserved happy ending while most likely getting nailed by Wrestling/TheRock, too!]]

* ''Film/WonderWoman2017'': You can't stop a war just by killing one bad person,[[spoiler: so keep killing bad people until the war ends.]]

* ''Welcome Home, Roscoe Jenkins'': Hey you may be one of the most successful members of our family, but you forgot where you came from! Yes, we teased you, picked on you, and made you feel like complete and utter crap. But hey, proving us that you could become more than a walking ButtMonkey is just not right because you were just competitive with everyone that bet you could be nothing but a piece of crap anyways.
** Oh hey, you sent me a new tv too! But I don't need a generous gift from my own son because my old busted tv works fine, and it's because the tv is new fangled and came from someone who forgot where he came from.

* ''Film/BigFatLiar''
** If someone steals something of yours; the best course of action is to go on a [[RoaringRampageOfRevenge]] and destroy their entire career

** It is heroic to make a business out of imprisoning the souls of deceased people who did nothing wrong aside from exist and freak out the living.

* ''Film/GhostbustersII'': No matter how many people witness it, never save the day. You'll only get sued into near poverty.

* ''Film/JohnnyEnglish'': The culprit is the one you immediately suspect, particularly if he's from a country you dislike.

** If you have no friends that means you must be a horrible bully with no redeeming qualities. (This is actually quite a harmful aesop because in real life it's often the victims who don't have friends, not the bullies, and now in addition to being bullied they're told it's their own fault.)

** If you have no friends that means you must be a horrible bully with no redeeming qualities. (This is actually quite a harmful aesop because in real life it's often the victims who don't have friends, not the bullies, and now in addition to being bullied they're told it's they're own fault.)

** ''Film/IronMan'': Every significant problem in the world can be solved by having the best weapons, but only as long as ''you're the only one with them''. The optimal course of action is to build exactly one of the most powerful weapon imaginable and keep it at arm's reach at all times.

** If your teacher belittles your beliefs, don't report him to higher ups just debate him in front of your class.

* ''Film/Hellboy2004'': Demons and psych patients are the best choices to save the world. And UrbanLegends are all real.

* ''Film/{{Hereditary}}'': Don't do drugs. Or else, you'll [[spoiler: accidentally kill your younger sister, making your mom insane with grief, making your dad burned to death, and making you possesed by a pagan demon worshiped by an evil cult.]]

* ''Film/HocusPocus'':

* ''Film/{{Hop}}'': Remember children, if you work hard you can overcome the negative preconceptions of others and go on to live your dream, but only if you're white, male and middle class. if you're ethnic and/or of the working class, then trying make a better life for yourself will only result in horrible disfigurement, leaving you a grotesque and lonely abomination.

* ''Film/{{Knocked Up}}'': If you get a one-night stand pregnant, she'll drop all her plans to form a family with you.