History WMG / TheCabinInTheWoods

One theory is that each of the group were meant to be a different archetype than the one they were given. The list follows
Dana: The Whore - this is due to her [[TeacherStudentRomance affair with her professor]]
Curt: The Fool - this is due to the ease the Facility's drugs effected his as well as his [[SenselessSacrifice attempt to jump the ravine]]
Jules: The Scholar - this due to her being pre-med student before the films events
Marty: The Virgin - this is more speculated as a claim was made that he had been love with Jules
Holden: The Athlete - this is mainly to due with him being at the college on an athletic scholarship

Exalted 1st edition has multiple end scenarios for resolving the setting meta-plot, and one of them leads to the creation of the ''TabletopGame/ClassicWorldOfDarkness''. Exalted 2nd edition meanwhile implies that Creation is the 'true history' of ''our'' world. So by slotting these in with ''Cabin in the Woods'' basically the Exalts once and for all re-defeated an escaping army of the Yozi/Neverborn (both of whom fit the description of the Ancient Ones as the 'old gods who used to rule the world' to a T) at the price of [[TheMagicGoesAway creation and magic fading to almost nothing]], including [[TheCall Exaltations]] all going away as well. But the seal required a ritualistic sacrifice every year, with the failure to maintain resulting in the Yozi/Neverborn escaping to rampage (exalts as a group have traditionally been quite willing to perform regular human sacrifice when it suits their needs). Obviously this is what's happening at the end of the movie, after all that's only the hand of ''one'' Ancient One we see and plenty of Second and Third Circle Demons are quite [[AFormYouAreComfortableWith humanoid]] and [[AttackOfThe50FootWhatever quite large]] [[VoluntaryShapeshifting when they feel like it.]]

[[WMG: The Ancient Ones represent the corporate producers funding the staff, which is televising these stories for Hell.]]

[[WMG: The Ancient Ones are us. Yes, ''all'' of us.]]

[[WMG: This entire film is a prequel to ''Literature/TheSalvationWar'' series]]

[[WMG: The Button is punishment if a country massively fucks up]]

[[WMG: One year Hadley couldn't work - he was sick, death in the family, whatever. The Merman was called that year.]]

[[WMG: The ritual succeeded somehow [[CrazyEnoughToWork because Marty killed that zombie with a trowel.]]]]

[[WMG: ''The Cabin in the Woods'' takes place in ''Literature/TheLaundryFiles'' universe.]]

[[WMG: The Director was accepted as the Fool, thus making the sacrifice successful.]]

[[WMG: The plan failed because "upstairs" wanted it to fail, and the Ancient Ones are classic exploitation horror movies of the '50s, '60s and '70s]]

[[WMG: The movie is a stealth prequel to ''Film/ThisIsTheEnd''.]]

[[WMG: The Ancient Ones were thwarted shortly after their return]]

-->'''{{ComicBook/Blade}}:''' Comicbook/DoctorStrange said he and ComicBook/TheSpectre would handle the "ancient ones". We just need to worry about the monsters running around here.
-->'''[[Series/BuffyTheVampireSlayer Buffy Summers]]:''' This place is locked down. No way out. You guys know what that means, right?
-->'''Comicbook/GhostRider:''' Yes. [[PreAssKickingOneLiner It means there's nowhere for them to run.]]
-->'''Film/VanHelsing:''' (''smirk'') I'm starting to like [[FishOutOfTemporalWater the future.]]

[[WMG: The "human" monsters are from hell, or this universe's equivalent.]]

[[WMG: Mordecai is a monster from the ancients.]]

[[WMG: The movie is in the same universe as ''TabletopGame/{{Exalted}}'']]

[[WMG: The entire thing was a BatmanGambit by none other than Count {{Dracula}} himself]]

[[WMG: The Ancient Ones didn't destroy the universe, they [[ResetButtonEnding reset it]].]]

[[WMG: Earth is completely and totally fine]]

[[WMG: The Organization use the recordings of their sacrifices as snuff films, and this led to their downfall]]

[[WMG: Each college kid represents a different movie genre or genre within horror]]

[[WMG: Kevin was once a part of the sacrifice]]

[[WMG: The button was part of the plan]]

[[WMG: The ritual was always going to fail]]

[[WMG: We are the Ancient Ones]]

[[WMG: Dana is a Slayer]]

[[WMG: Sitterson and Mordecai cut a deal with Maintenance to rig the betting pool.]]

[[WMG: The movie is canon with ''Manga/{{Devilman}}''.]]

[[WMG: Kevin the Intern was ObfuscatingStupidity.]]

[[WMG: The ritual was doomed to failure from the beginning... and not just on account of Marty]]

[[WMG: The button to release all the killers isn't a case of the organization holding the IdiotBall...]]

[[WMG: The Ancient Ones aren't really an active existential threat to humanity.]]

[[WMG: The Facility's people actually ''protected'' Marty just prior to the events shown on camera.]]

[[WMG: The Director was a former surviving virgin.]]

[[WMG: The Buckner Cabin isn't the ''only'' place the American division of the Organization holds the ritual.]]

[[WMG: The movie an allegory not just for horror, but more specifically, ''badly written'' horror.]]

[[WMG: Kevin is Curt's cousin.]]
Though Curt doesn't actually have a cousin, Kevin takes on the role as his cousin. It would explain why his movies are in the basement, and it would give him motive to kill Curt and his friends out of jealousy or some other reason. Or, more likely, he develops an unrequited crush on Dana.

This is the ''real'' reason we left Earth-That-Was...

That's it. Some things you just need to believe about life, you know?