A Small Rant on "The Legend of the Tailed Beasts:We now know how all the Tailed Beasts look like ever since Masashi Kishimoto revealed them in the recent artbook. Yet people all around the internet still believe in that phony "Legend of the Tailed Beasts" crap floating around the internet. I would like to take a few words from the description of the legend before we start: —"Featuring the Nine Bijuus from the Japanese Legend and the tale itself, this is a brand fresh official collection of information." - I would like to disect this sometime soon, but I'll probably let you guys do it. First, let me say this: The so-called "Bijuu Legend" is fake. It is just a fan-made theory that a Japanese guy (or Chinese guy, I forget) made up. This guy just mixed up some Japanese Yokai with some Chinese myths (the Eight Immortals, Tools of Power). In other words it's just an damn fanfic. IT IS NOT ACTUAL JAPANESE LEGEND! How people can believe this is an Actual Japanese Legend I may never know. But I do want to give kudos to the author of this tale. This story is so elaborate, well thought out, and many different things were researched it seems like a real legend. Too bad that it sometimes falls into critical research failure. Now, for the moment you've all been waiting for: Let's break down the Tailed Beasts themselves. I will not do the Shukaku or the Nine Tailed Fox, since the "Legend" is mysteriously in accord with Kishi's original designs and whim. (Note that the names of the beasts are not the real names of the actual Bijuu) 2 - Nibi no Nekomata is a pretty close call. Although the real Bijuu is a cat, it's not a winged furry cat. It is a cat made of flaming soul fires, as we all know. NO. WINGS. Get it through your head! 3 - Sanbi no Isonade... oh boy. The real Bijuu is a green turtle/clam hybrid, as we all know, and not a three tailed shark. Also, the real Isonade (yes, it exists in Japanese myths) doesn't have 3 tails. It also had a hook on it's tail as well, and I seem to not see one (or two more) on the Ancient Mutant Bijuu Turtle, do I? 4 - Yonbi no Sokou... compared to Yonbi no Saru... "HAHAHAHAHAHA!" Seriously, the real four tails is a giant red Oozaru looking thing while the Sokou is a chicken with snake tails. WTF is that? This is one of the best looking Bijuu as well, and my new favorite one. Kishi says it's a shout out to Dragon Ball, since it looks like an Oozaru and it's host is named Roshi. What a drastic change in looks, and it's only gonna get more drastic from here. 5 - Gobi no Hokou, everybody's favorite of the Bijuu. The legendary five-element-tails white wolf .... Too bad it's a five tailed horse-dolphin-whale... WTF is it? Just look at it and see. Apparently, Kishi calls it an Irukauma (horse-dolphin crossbreed). This Bijuu is probably the only one that I wish was better looking than it's made-up counterpart. Although, I admit it looks really pretty... 6 - Rokubi no Raijuu, A.K.A. the six-tailed Pikachu. While the real Bijuu is a six-tailed slug... WTF?!!! OK, take that back. THIS is the beast I wished looked better than it's fake counterpart. Seriously, A SLUG?!!! Kishi, you already gave us a giant slug. Why would you give us a larger one with extra tails? Man, this one is unoriginal. At least I hope it doesn't suck as much. 7 - Shichibi no Kaku. First off, Kishi decided to avoid the dreaded "shi word" and call it the Nanabi. Second, it's not a bland seven tailed midget-badger as many believe [Note: Just because I used the word "Midget" doesn't mean it's still not huge]. The real thing is a giant beetle with wings for tails (except the seventh tail , for some reason). I also want to point out that I feel sorry for the host, Fuu, since Kishimoto has not given she/he a definate gender yet. God, I hope she's a girl. 8 - And finally, Number 8, Hachibi no Hachimata. You may also know it as the Yamata-no-Orochi. Yet we all know the real thing is inside Killer Bee (Awesomest Naruto character of 2008) God, I remember when Orochimaru came out of Sasuke and busted out his Yamata no Jutsu on Itachi while everyone was saying "ZOMGF TEH HABICHI!!11! OROHCIMAUR HAD TEH BIIJU INSIED HIM ALL THE TIEM!!!" And I just stood back and laughed when they saw the REAL Bijuu summoned by MC Eight-Tails. All the hopes of Are all your dreams crushed already? Well, here's the final seal on the coffin: The author of the story himself actually admitted the story is fake. The fact that it is mistaken as Actual Japanese Legend boggles his mind as well. Yet, I want to know how everyone could have believed in this story... and especially how people considered this an Actual Japanese Legend I believe that the person who first posted this legend in English for the Naruto fandom to know about thought that it was a real legend because he found it in a Japanese fansite, and unfortunately didn't know his Japanese mythology, Well, I've made my opinion straight. All I want is for people to dismiss this story as an Actual Japanese Legend. Boy, talk about your Cultural Mistranslation... Also, I found an even better rant here. It's much more convincing and more factual than mine. http://community.livejournal.com/yokaimonsters/57605.html While we're at it, check out a statement regarding the Legend from the Naruto-Fan forums as well: http://forums.narutofan.com/showthread.php?t=110272
Just For Reference:Rule #1: Do not talk about /b/ Rule #2: Do NOT talk about /b/! Rule #3: We are Anonymous. Rule #4: Anonymous is legion Rule #4.2: Anonymous is Sparta. Rule #4.2: Anonymous is MADNESS. Rule #5: Anonymous never forgives. Rule #6: Anonymous can be a horrible, senseless, uncaring monster. Rule #7: Anonymous is still able to deliver. Rule #8: There are no real rules about posting. Rule #9: There are no real rules about moderation either. Enjoy your ban. Rule #10: If you enjoy any rival sites, DON'T. Rule #11: All of your carefully picked arguments can easily be ignored. Rule #12: Anything you say can and will be used against you. Rule #13: Anything you say can and will be turned into something else.-fixed. Rule #14: Do not argue with trolls. It means they win. Rule #15: The harder you try, the harder you will fail. Rule #16: If you fail in epic proportions, it just may become a winning fail. Rule #17: Every win fails eventually. Rule #18: Everything that can be labelled can be hated. Rule #19: The more you hate it, the stronger it gets. Rule #20: Nothing is to be taken seriously. Rule #21: Original content is original only for a few seconds before getting old. Rule #22: Copypasta is made to ruin every last bit of originality. Rule #23: Copypasta is made to ruin every last bit of originality. Rule #24: Every repost is always a repost of a repost. Rule #25: Relation to the original topic decreases with every single post. Rule #26: Any topic can easily be turned into something completely unrelated. Rule #27: Always question a person's sexual preference without any real reason. Rule #28: Always question a person's gender - just in case they are a man. Rule #29: In the internet, all girls are men and all kids are undercover FBI agents. Rule #30: There are no girls on the internet. Rule #31: TITS or GTFO - the choice is yours. Rule #32: You must have pictures to prove your statements. Rule #33: Lurk more, it's never enough. Rule #33.2: Also known as MURK THE FUCK LOAR. Rule #34: There is porn of it. No exceptions. (this is the most well known rule) Rule #35: The exception of rule 34 is the citation of rule 34. Rule #36: If a porn of something cannot be found, it will be made. Rule #37: Anonymous does NOT forgive. Rule #38: A cat is fine too. Rule #39: One cat leads to another. Rule #40: Another cat leads to Zippo Cat. Rule #41: It needs more Desu. No exceptions. Rule #42: It is delicious cake. You must eat it. (cake is used to make images "work safe" so they are edited over penis) Rule #43: It's a trap. (all trap related rules are variations of this one) Rule #44: /b/ sucks today. Rule #45: Cock goes in here. Rule #46: They will not brink back Snacks. (4chan mod who is no more) Rule #46.2: Moot should be charged with *** Rule #47: You will never have sex. (unrelated pun) Rule #48: ??? (underwear gnomes) Rule #49: Profit. (underwear gnomes) Rule #50: No matter what it is, it's somones sexual fetish. No exceptions. Rule #51: There will always be even more fucked up shit than what you just saw. Rule #52: You cannot divide by zero. Rule #53: No real limits of any kind apply here - not even the sky. Rule #54: CAPSLOCK IS THE CRUISE CONTROL FOR COOL. Rule #55: EVEN WITH CRUISE CONTROL, YOU STILL HAVE TO STEER. Rule #56: Nothing is impossible. Rule #57: F*ck Gaston. Rule #58: Nothing is sacred. Rule #59: The more beautiful and pure a thing is, the more satisfying it is to corrupt it. Rule #60: Even one positive comment about Japanese things can (and most likely will) make you a weaboo. Rule #61: When one sees a lion, one must get in the car. Rule #62: There is always furry porn of it. Rule #63: There is always a female version of a male character. No exceptions. Rule #64: It's been cracked and pirated. No exceptions. Rule #65: It needs more pumpkin. No exceptions. Rule #66: If you /r/ it and Popcorn Mariachi!9i78bPeIcI does not have it, end yourself. Rule #67: The pool is always closed. Rule #68: There is no cure for Space Aids. Rule #69: Zombie Jesus loves you. (note this can also be Raptor Jesus) Rule #70: France will own EVERYONE one day.
My idea for the Expy/Captain Ersatz debate:I say we purge Expy with it's original definition and send all other entries that don't match to Captain Ersatz. From that point on, we redefine Captain Ersatz and split the Trope into two. The new definiton of Captain Ersatz (and my definition that i have believed in):
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Leave Your Comments Here!You deserve a Mo W for compiling all those rules. - Wicked223