Tear Jerker / The Garden of Evening Mists

• Yun Ling reflects on her aphasia.
  Once I lose all ability to communicate with the world outside myself, nothing will be left but what I remember. My memories will be like a sandbar, cut off from the shore by the incoming tide. In time they will become submerged, inaccessible to me. The prospect terrifies me. For what is a person without memories? A ghost, trapped between worlds, without an identity, with no future, no past.
• Tatsuji's father, who builds airplanes, learns that the government want him to build more and more aircraft as quickly as possible. It doesn't matter if they aren't good quality because they aren't meant to come back: they're for the tokko programme, otherwise known as the kamikaze pilots. Then Tatsuji comes home and says he's volunteered for the programme. Tatsuji's father is so devastated he kills himself.
  'Life is fair, is it not?' he said. 'I built the airplanes that sent other people’s sons to their deaths. So it has to be balanced out—my son must die too.' He looked steadily at me. 'Understand that I am not compelling you to disobey your orders. I accept that you must carry out your duty. In turn, you must accept what I have to do.'
  ...He held the blade in his right hand and opened his robe. He breathed slowly, deeply, savoring each breath. The garden was silent, the birds were gone. I picked up the katana, ready to sweep down in case his pain became too great to bear, in case he hesitated.
  But he never wavered.
• Tatsuji's past. He felt he had to go on a suicide mission even though he didn't want to, even though his lover Teruzen tried to convince him not to. His first two attempts failed because of a malfunctioning plane and bad weather, but he insisted on trying again. Teruzen saved his life by stealing his plane and going on the mission in his place. In an especially cruel bit of irony, Teruzen leaves right as the war ends.
  And it was at that moment that the sky changed color. It turned completely white, before breaking up into streaks of red and magenta and purple. I closed my eyes tight, but still the light came through, blinding me. It was only weeks later that I found out that the Americans had dropped their first atomic bomb on Japan. At that instant, as Teruzen flew off in my place to meet the ship, the war was effectively over.

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