I'll Give You a Million
Jack Blaine and Duncan Williams (Kennan Wynn and George Petrie), a pair of heartless elderly millionaires, come up with a peculiar wager against one another. Duncan offers Jack $1 million in exchange for his soul, and Jack accepts with eagerness, as he's an atheist and doesn't believe in the concept of the soul. When Jack falls ill and dies of liver failure shortly after the contract is signed, another party soon becomes interested in his soul, prompting Duncan to race to the soul and claim what's rightfully his.
Tropes:
- Bad Guys Play Pool: Duncan and Jack spend a lengthy scene playing billiards, offering one another extravagant sums of money for every ball sunk.
- Card-Carrying Villain: Duncan and Jack flaunt their wealth and rotten attitudes to everyone they come across.
- Chromosome Casting: The only woman featured in the episode is Jack's housekeeper Jenny, who calls Duncan to let him know Jack is dead.
- Deal with the Devil: It's implied that Jack previously made a deal with Satan to have his former partner killed, thus explaining his money and why Satan is so interested in obtaining his soul, saying he already has "liens on this property".
- Dramatic Thunder: Thunder and lightning appear outside the window as Jack and Duncan toast to their deal, and it keeps happening throughout the rest of the episode.
- Dragged Off to Hell: Jack and Duncan, as Satan takes advantage of their contract through loopholes therein.
- Evil Old Folks: Jack and Duncan, naturally.
- Foreshadowing: Duncan is ribbed for his ailing liver by Jack early in the episode. In the second act, it gets worse, and liver failure kills him.
- Karma Houdini Warranty: Duncan and Jack have spent their lives using their wealth to screw people over. It only takes one contract for karma and damnation to catch up with them.
- Loophole Abuse: Duncan offers Jack the titular million if he buys his soul, the stipulations being that if the buyer dies before taking the soul, the contract is null and void. If, however, the buyer dies of foul play, the million has to be paid back with interest. Jack dies of liver failure, but his ghost returns to tell Duncan that he has to take his soul, otherwise "he" will take it. Duncan can't bring himself to go along with this, and in trying to burn the contract, he dies of a heart attack. Satan then shows up and, taking advantage of the "null and void" clause, takes both of their souls, as he's had "liens on this property" for some time.
- Man of Wealth and Taste: Satan appears as a man wearing an exquisitely tailored morning suit.
- Satan: He shows up at the end of the episode, taking the form of a man wearing a dapper morning suit, in order to take both Duncan and Jack's souls to Hell.
- Villain Protagonist: Jack and Duncan, a pair or rich old men who use their fortunes to make people suffer just for kicks.
- Voice of the Legion: Satan, when he appears in the ending. Jack's ghost has one as well.
