The first-years are being Sorted. Harry, being in the P-section of the list of students, spends his waiting time looking over the teachers at the Head Table.
McGonagall keeps her strict face on while calling the names on the list. Dumbledore seems like a stereotypical Wise Old Man on his golden throne. Snape, whose identity Harry doesn't know yet, seems to be watching Harry with a dour look on his face. Quirrell seems to be freaking out at finding himself in a crowded hall. Sinistra, Vector and Trelawney don't seem too interested in the Sorting. Sprout applauds every student who does not get Sorted into Slytherin. Flitwick applauds every student, but will only smile at Ravenclaws.
Someone comments on Flitwick using a racial slur, to which Penelope Clearwater replies that the Charms Master does indeed have goblin ancestry, which completely throws Harry because it implies that goblins are some subspecies of human. He objects, using an analogy of a vehicle that's half carriage, half boat, thus prompting Miss Clearwater to sharply inquire as to what is wrong with a carriage-boat hybrid. Trying to figure out how to ask about goblin genetics without coming off as rude, Harry manages to learn that goblins come from Lithuania.
Hermione gets Sorted into Ravenclaw, and Harry absently wonders in what sort of crazy alternative universe she wouldn't be. Neville goes to Hufflepuff and Draco goes to Slytherin, and Sally-Anne Perks makes her one and only appearance.
Then Harry's name gets called, and from Minerva's perspective we see the teachers behaving exactly like they were when Harry looked at them, but with names this time. Severus Snape crumples a heavy silver goblet with one hand. Everyone cheers for Harry, especially the Gryffindors, with Harry himself feeling embarrassed that they cheer him for defeating a Dark Lord he can't remember ever meeting, and worries what they would think if they knew the Dark Lord in question might not be dead after all. He is fine just being a child prodigy. He puts on the Hat, wondering in the back of his mind whether the thing is really conscious, and in the front of his mind whether the Hat knows any forgotten magics and whether it remembers Sorting the Dark Lord. The Hat's reaction is:
- Sorting Hat: "Oh, dear. This has never happened before..."
Tropes present in this chapter:
- A Glass in the Hand: Snape's reaction to the crowd cheering Harry, especially the Weasley twins' side-jab at Snape himself.
- Mathematician's Answer: Where do Goblins come from? Lithuania.
- Mythology Gag: Ironic reference to Hermione's house placement in canon.In what weird alternative universe would that girl not be Sorted into Ravenclaw?
