Quotes: Turn of the Millennium

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    Film — Live-action 

So, what you're telling me is that the music is about to stop, and we're going to be left holding the biggest bag of odorous excrement ever assembled in the history of capitalism.
John Tuld, Margin Call

    Live-action TV 

21st century history is not one of my strong points. Too depressing.
Dr. Bashir, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine ("Past Tense Pt. 1")

Well, all’s well that ends well. Though that’s easy for Shakespeare to say — he’ll be around for another millennium. But what of our own millennium? will it all end well? No one of course can know, but that of course doesn’t stop anyone from guessing. And the nature of these predictions always revolve around the usual suspects: salvation and/or self–satisfaction. With that in mind, I humbly add my own prophecy of what the dawn of the new millennium shall bring forth: one thousand more years of the same, old crap.
Jose Chung, Millennium

The 21st century is when everything changes, and you've gotta be ready.
Jack Harkness, Torchwood

A black man will be elected President of the United States. —I'm sorry, that's in the year 10,000.
Conan O'Brien, "In the Year 2000"

    Music 

Two thousand zero zero party over
Oops out of time.
— "1999", Prince

It is the distant future... the Year 2000
— "Robots (The Humans are Dead)", Flight of the Conchords

Frankly, Mr Shankly, I'm a sickening wreck
I've got the 21st century breathing down my neck
— "Frankly, Mr. Shankly", The Smiths

Is this not the rat age
The demented Photostat age
The time of no room?
We've broken the genetic code
And left it bleeding by the road
Where murderers loom
— "The Rat Age", T. Bone Burnett

Got no car
Got no money
I got nothin' nothin' nothin' not at all
Got no god
Got no girlfriend
Got no god, got no girlfriend, and I know
I know that neither want me
No hope kids are bruised
—"No Hope Kids", Wavves

    Stand-up Comedy 

I read junk-mail; I eat junk food; I buy junk bonds; I watch trash sports. I'm gender-specific, captial-intensive, user-friendly, and lactose-intolerant. I like rough sex; I like tough love; I use the f-word in my email, and the software on my hard drive is hardcore; no soft porn! I bought a microwave at a minimall; I bought a minivan at a megastore! I eat fast food in the slow lane! I'm toll-free, bite size, ready to wear, and I come in all sizes! A fully-equipped, factory-authorized, hospital-tested, clinically-proven, scientifically-formulated medical miracle! I've been pre-washed, pre-cooked, pre-heated, pre-screened, pre-approved, pre-packaged, post-dated, freeze-dried, double-wrapped, vacuum-packed, and I have an unlimited broadband capacity!
George Carlin, "Modern Man"

We're a heavily medicated society. All the drugs we take: Prozac, Effexor, Valium. I thought for the last ten years, we've been on some weird fucking drug — the whole country — called 'Fukitol.' What a weird fucking drug. And we're just coming out of it and we're kind of waking up. Fuckin' A! It's weird: It's like you're going, 'last thing I remember was the economy was working and there was a budget surplus.... What about the economy?' Well, we had to bail out the banks. 'Again?' Fuck, yeah! 'And now who's the president?' A black guy. 'Yeah, right. Yeah, there's a black president and a Latino on the Supreme Court.' There is. 'Oh, my God! Who's the president? Jesse Jackson?' No, his name is Barack Hussein Obama.' Now you're fucking with me!'
Robin Williams, Weapons of Self-Destruction

    Video Games 

The price of petroleum has skyrocketed and the world economy in confusion. The 21st century was expected to be one of chaos.
Metal Gear Solid, dossier on the Zanzibar Land disturbance

After Y2K, the end of the world had become a cliché. But who was I to talk? ...Everything was subjective. There were only personal apocalypses. Nothing is a cliché when it's happening to you.

    Web Original 

00s: The numerals spell it all. Zero economic opportunity after college, zero sense in the general public, cultural zeroes, zero understanding and tolerance, near zero entertainment, politicians with zero intelligence and zero scruples, hysteria, panic, hatred and witch hunt frenzy stirred up by political cretins and a sensationalistic zero IQ media (esp. TV news). It's the Decade of Duh.

As we move into 2012, the final year of human existence, I wanted to take a look back on the last great apocalypse— Y2K. We've rebuilt society since the Millennium Bug destroyed everything we knew, but for what? So our souls look better as they're being pulled from the gnarled teeth of Ah Pukuh in twelve months?

Smash TV takes place in the grim, cold future of 1999, only a few short years after the conquest of Earth by the New Order Nation.

I’m sure you’re like 'Punk'd? How current. What’s next, a BREAKING story from the set of Pimp My Ride?', but honestly, this story is worth traveling back in time to 2003. Dust off your Von Dutch trucker hat and grab a Pepsi Twist (remember that shit? It was like drinking cola-flavored Pledge)
Michael K., "And Now For The Time Justin Timberlake Threatened To Kick Dax Shepard’s Ass On The Set Of Punk’d"

Zuckerberg is a billionaire of the modern age. Call me old-fashioned, but I like men who are able to buy and sell control of my fate to look the part. There's something too humiliating about being inferior to someone who needs to be told not to wear socks with sandals.

The Cold War is dead and gone. Indeed, the entire apparatus of the future is long since gone, and has in fact quietly disappeared into the rear view mirror.

If they ever make a film about the recession, they’re going to struggle for “the great speech” scene. That bit when Michael Collins demands of his audience “who will take my place?” or in Into the Storm (2009) where Brendan Gleeson delivers a stirring rendition of Churchill’s “we will fight them on the beaches” speech...Newspapers seldom print whole speeches these days, so they are typically anchored around vacuous sound bytes.

    Real Life 

...twentieth century and Second Christian Millennium are saying goodbye. Personally, I thought they'd never go without taking us with them.
Gore Vidal, Vanity Fair, 1999

The last thing I ever wanted was to be alive when the three most powerful people on the whole planet would be named Bush, Dick and Colon.

I came of age in the Sixties, when there were chances, when it was all there waiting. Now they seep out of school — to what? To nothing, to fuck-all. The young (you can see it in their faces), the stegosaurus-rugged no-hopers, the parrot-crested blankies — they’ve come up with an appropriate response to this, which is: nothing. Which is nothing, which is fuck-all. The dole-queue starts at the exit to the playground.
Martin Amis, Money

I really didn't foresee the Internet. But then, neither did the computer industry. Not that that tells us very much of course—the computer industry didn't even foresee that the century was going to end.