Karen: My father drank a lot...
Leo: So did mine. In fact he died from it. He came home late one night very drunk, my mother was yelling at him. I'm not sure about what, but I heard the yelling downstairs from my bedroom. She came upstairs and he went out to the garage and shot himself in the head.
Karen: Is that why you drank and took drugs?
Leo: I drank and took drugs because I'm a drug addict and an alcoholic.
Karen: How long did it take you to get cured?
Leo: I'm not cured. You don't get cured. I haven't had a drink or a pill in six and a half years, which isn't to say I won't have one tomorrow.
Karen: What would happen if you did?
Leo: I don't know. But probably a nightmare the likes of which both our fathers experienced, and me too.
Karen: And so after six and a half years you're still not allowed to have a drink?
Leo: The problem is, I don't want a drink, I want ten drinks.
Karen: Are things that bad?
Leo: [laughing slightly] No.
Karen: Then why?
Leo: 'Cause I'm an alcoholic.
Karen: ...I don't understand.
Leo: I know. It's okay. Hardly anyone does. It's very hard to understand.
Leo: So did mine. In fact he died from it. He came home late one night very drunk, my mother was yelling at him. I'm not sure about what, but I heard the yelling downstairs from my bedroom. She came upstairs and he went out to the garage and shot himself in the head.
Karen: Is that why you drank and took drugs?
Leo: I drank and took drugs because I'm a drug addict and an alcoholic.
Karen: How long did it take you to get cured?
Leo: I'm not cured. You don't get cured. I haven't had a drink or a pill in six and a half years, which isn't to say I won't have one tomorrow.
Karen: What would happen if you did?
Leo: I don't know. But probably a nightmare the likes of which both our fathers experienced, and me too.
Karen: And so after six and a half years you're still not allowed to have a drink?
Leo: The problem is, I don't want a drink, I want ten drinks.
Karen: Are things that bad?
Leo: [laughing slightly] No.
Karen: Then why?
Leo: 'Cause I'm an alcoholic.
Karen: ...I don't understand.
Leo: I know. It's okay. Hardly anyone does. It's very hard to understand.
Waylon: Well, hell, y'all know I'm Waylon and I'm an addict. And the fact is I want to be clean today more than I want to be high.
It's good to be here. Hell, it's good to anywhere clean. Even Baltimore. I been clean a few 24 hours now and I'm still dead certain my disease wants me dead. Yeah, I'm in here talkin' shit about how strong I am, how strong I feel, but my disease is out there in that parking lot doing push-ups, on steroids, waiting for the chance to kick my ass up and down the street.
Scars on my hands, on my feet, two bouts of endocarditis, Hep C and whatnot knocking down walls and kicking out windows in my liver. I lost a good wife, bad girlfriend, and the respect of anyone that ever tried to loan me money or do me a favor. Pawned my pickup, my bike, my National steel guitar, and a stamp collection that my granddad left me.
And when it was almost over for me and I was out there on them corners not a pot to piss in, and anyone that ever knew me or loved me cussing my name, you know what I told myself? I said, “Waylon, you’re doing good.” I surely did. I thought I was God’s own drug addict. And if God hadn’t meant for me to get high he wouldn’t have made being high so much like perfect.
Now, I know I got one more high left in me but I doubt very seriously if I have one more recovery. So if there’s anybody out there that sees that bottom coming up at them, I’m here to talk sense. I don’t care who you are what you done or who you done it to.
If you’re here, so am I.
