"You think I'm a loser? Because I have a stinking job that I hate, a family that doesn't respect me, and a whole city that curses the day I was born? Well, that may mean loser to you, but let me tell you something. Every day when I wake up in the morning, I know it's not going to get any better until I go back to sleep. So I get up. I have my watered-down Tang and my still-frozen Pop Tart. I get in my car with no gas, no upholstery, and six more payments. I fight honking traffic just for the privilege of putting cheap shoes onto the cloven hooves of people like you. I'll never play football like I thought I would. I'll never know the touch of a beautiful woman. And I'll never know the joy of driving through the city without a bag over my head. But I'm not a loser. Because, despite it all, me and every other guy who'll never be what they wanted to be, is out there, being what we don't want to be, forty hours a week, for life. And the fact that I didn't put a gun in my mouth, you pudding of a woman—MAKES ME A WINNER!"
— Al Bundy, Married... with Children
I'm just a singer
Who already blew his shot
I get along with old-timers
Cause my name's a reminder
Of a pop song people forgot
Who already blew his shot
I get along with old-timers
Cause my name's a reminder
Of a pop song people forgot
— Mike Posner, I Took A Pill In Ibiza
I've been on a network... It was heaven. But the second you get used to it they go find someone who isn't "going through a bitter divorce" and doesn't "reek of gin". Before you know it, you're stuck in a dead end gig surrounded by people going nowhere, doing the news in your tightie whities
— Don, How I Met Your Mother
Oh, the critics, they used to say
I was the new Olivier
Thought I'd be the toast of Sundance, or maybe Cannes
Ah, but don't bother trying to IMDb me
The only place you might possibly see me
Is riding my little boat around Adventureland
[...]
I woulda killed if I'd been in "Speed-the-Plow"
But what's the difference? That's all behind me now
Now I'm paying the rent, and I'm swallowing my pride
And I'm working on the Jungle Cruise ride
— "Weird Al" Yankovic, Skipper Dan
"I'm just a fat, washed up jock who can't get his head around the fact his high school football career didn't play out the way that he planned. The only way I'm content and competent is with a gun in my hand or a price on my head."
— Michael De Santa, Grand Theft Auto V
I almost got drunk at school at fourteen,
Where I almost made out with the homecoming queen,
Who almost went on to be Miss Texas,
But lost to a slut with much bigger breast-as,
I almost dropped out, to move to LA,
Where I was almost famous for almost a day
Where I almost made out with the homecoming queen,
Who almost went on to be Miss Texas,
But lost to a slut with much bigger breast-as,
I almost dropped out, to move to LA,
Where I was almost famous for almost a day
"I don't know. Look at me...I used to be the king. Now I'm a fat, old, fat joke. When I was young, I could have won this fight easily."
"I met with [Kevin] McCarthy in the spring of 2021 in a Bakersfield dessert joint—Dewar's—where he and his high-school buddies used to go for milkshakes after football practice. He was scrolling through his phone to find photos of himself with old teammates. Being a big shot back in the day clearly remained a core part of McCarthy's identity. Between licks of his chocolate ice-cream cone, he also kept showing me pictures of himself with celebrities."
— Mark Leibovich, The Atlantic: The Most Pathetic Men In America
"Come on, Vern. The kids haven't changed; you have. You took a teaching position because you thought it'd be fun, right? Thought you'd have summer vacations off. And then you found out it was actually work, and that really bummed you out."
— Carl Reed to Richard Vernon, The Breakfast Club
