History Quotes / ItsNotSupposedToWinOscars

->Film/FiftyShadesOfGrey'' is going to win Oscars in the same universe where [[Creator/ParisHilton Parasite Hilton]] is going to sweep the [[UsefulNotes/GrammyAward Grammys]], Creator/ToriSpelling is going to sweep the Emmys, Creator/MerylStreep is going to sweep the [[UsefulNotes/GoldenRaspberryAward Razzies]], I’m going to win a Pulitzer for my dedication to writing about dick cheese and Creator/LindsayLohan is going to win something besides another court date. But ''Fifty Shades of Shit''[=’s=] screenwriter, Kelly Marcel, thinks that at the 2016 Oscars, 2015′s Best Actress Oscar winner, Creator/JanuaryJones for ''[[HotterAndSexier The Mother Theresa Story]]'', will say the words, 'And the Oscar goes to JAMIE DORNAN,' as hell freezes over...If anybody’s going to get an Oscar for ''Fifty Shades of [[PornWithPlot Mom Jizz]]'' it better be the tampon, because it probably gives the most multi-layered performance in that shit.''

-->-- '''''[[http://dlisted.com/2014/08/13/jamie-dornan-will-get-an-oscar-for-playing-christian-grey-so-says-fifty-shades-of-greys-screenwriter/ Michael K.]]''''', "Creator/JamieDornan Will Get An Oscar For Playing Christian Grey, So Says ''Fifty Shades Of Grey''[='=]s [[SmallNameBigEgo Screenwriter]]"

->"Movies like ''[[Film/AceVenturaPetDetective Ace Ventura]]'', ''[[Film/TeenageMutantNinjaTurtles Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles]]'' and ''Film/FearAndLoathingInLasVegas'' were all panned by critics, but it's pretty obvious they weren't made to be liked by them. ''Ace Ventura'' worked on an immature level that spoke to the inner silliness of most kids. ''Ninja Turtles'' was great for fans of the cartoon, but it's just too damn ridiculous to grab someone looking to be challenged. And ''Fear and Nothing in Las Vegas'', by design, is meant to not be liked and keep you in a raunchy and uncomfortable place. These films hit their specific audiences perfectly...If anything, we'd be more concerned if critics ''did'' like these movies."

->''[[Film/TheMummy1999 The Mummy?]]'' It is an Action Picture wrapped up in a Comedy in a Romance in an Adventure and in a little bit of Horror and a thrill a minute kind of rollercoaster popcorn movie. I can still hear Rachel [Weisz] wisper into my ear after a take: "You know, they are going to take away our equity cards over this." and I am like, "Why? Because we played it to big?"

->''[[Film/TheMummy1999 The Mummy?]]'' It is an Action Picture wrapped up in a Comedy in a Romance in an Adventure and in a little bit of Horror and a thrill a minute kind of rollercoaster popcorn movie. I can still hear Rachel [Weisz] wisper into my ear after a take: "You know, they are going to take away our equity cards over this." and I am like, "Why? Because we played it to Big?"
-->-- '''Creator/BrendanFraser'''

->''[[Film/TheMummy1999 The Mummy?]] It is an Action Picture wrapped up in a Comedy in a Romance in an Adventure and in a little bit of Horror and a thrill a minute kind of rollercoaster popcorn movie. I can still hear Rachel [Weisz] wisper into my ear after a take: "You know, they are going to take away our equity cards over this." and I am like, "Why? Because we played it to Big?"

->''[[Films/TheMummy1999 The Mummy?]] It is an Action Picture wrapped up in a Comedy in a Romance in an Adventure and in a little bit of Horror and a thrill a minute kind of rollercoaster popcorn movie. I can still hear Rachel [Weisz] wisper into my ear after a take: "You know, they are going to take away our equity cards over this." and I am like, "Why? Because we played it to Big?"

->''[[TheMummy1999 The Mummy?]] It is an Action Picture wrapped up in a Comedy in a Romance in an Adventure and in a little bit of Horror and a thrill a minute kind of rollercoaster popcorn movie. I can still hear Rachel [Weisz] wisper into my ear after a take: "You know, they are going to take away our equity cards over this." and I am like, "Why? Because we played it to Big?"

->''[[TheMummy1999? The Mummy?]] It is an Action Picture wrapped up in a Comedy in a Romance in an Adventure and in a little bit of Horror and a thrill a minute kind of rollercoaster popcorn movie. I can still hear Rachel [Weisz] wisper into my ear after a take: "You know, they are going to take away our equity cards over this." and I am like, "Why? Because we played it to Big?"
-->-- '''Creator/BrendanFrasier'''

->''It didn't matter what ''[[Film/IndependenceDay ID4]]'' was about, but the trailer had a shot of [[JustHereForGodzilla the White House getting butt-fucked by a death ray]], and who doesn't want to see that? Instant blockbuster.''

!!Creators:

->''"Let [[Creator/{{Disney}} Walt]] make chicken salad and win awards. I'll make chicken shit [[MoneyDearBoy and make money]]!"''
-->--'''Leon Schlesinger''', producer of the original '''''WesternAnimation/LooneyTunes''''' shorts.

->''"I started watching a lot of previously lost 1930s rubber hose cartoons: [[Creator/MaxAndDaveFleischer Fleischer Talkartoons]], Lantz Oswalds, Creator/UbIwerks, and Creator/{{Terrytoons}}. For decades these cartoons have been derided by cartoon historians and even some of the animators themselves. These cartoons have attributes that far surpass their seeming limitations. They were extremely inventive and the animators were encouraged to do what comes naturally to cartoonists and animators. They were allowed to draw and animate in their own individual styles. In the early 1930s, there were no set bible of rules for how to animate. The medium was too young."''
-->-- '''Creator/JohnKricfalusi''' defending early 1930's cartoons

->''"One evening I introduced the editor of ''The New Yorker'' to several hundred of the essential players, as stars and magnates of the largest multitude are currently known. I quoted myself: 'To be truly commercial is to do well that which should not be done at all.' [[StunnedSilence Silence like the tomb]] engulfed these words. But the commercialites have [[BlueAndOrangeMorality their own weird integrity]], and their productions are often rather better than those of the ''[[TrueArtIsIncomprehensible auteurs]]'', as 'serious' directors are inappropriately known in these parts."''
-->-- '''Creator/GoreVidal''', ''Palimpsest''

->''"Someone like Creator/JeanLucGodard is for me intellectual counterfeit money when compared to a good [[MartialArtsMovie kung-fu film]]."''
-->-- '''Creator/WernerHerzog'''

->''"When you talk about a great actor, you're not talking about Creator/TomCruise."''
-->-- '''Creator/LaurenBacall'''

->''"I'd just as soon do a big-budget movie as an independent one. Sometimes the independent movies can get a little too arty-farty. You watch the IFC Channel and you want to throw up."''
-->--'''Creator/MickeyRourke'''

->''"There was a group of us girls coming up. A lot of us are surviving. Some of us are not. I used to go to auditions with Creator/TaraReid. So, you know, we didn’t all make it. We’re not all still here. I do love ''{{Film/Sharknado}}''."''
-->-- '''Creator/ElizabethBanks'''

->''"How much money did ''[[Film/TransformersAgeOfExtinction Transformers 4]]'' make? Exactly. Those people can complain -- they all go to the theater. They're gonna love it. And if they don't love it, [[DearNegativeReader they can fuck off]], and that's the end of that."''
-->--'''Creator/MeganFox''' on Creator/MichaelBay's critics

->''"I had a big argument with an actress friend of mine who said, 'The worst actors are in [[SoapOpera daytime!]]' And I don't even take it personally, because it's just out of ignorance. If she had said the worst acting is in day''time'', I could go along with it, because time does not permit anybody to have the kind of quality that we'd like. It's like doing summer stock, and you can't compare summer stock to a Broadway show. It's tough."''
-->-- '''Sam Behrens''' on ''Series/SunsetBeach''

->''"It was only later that I realized that the older fans had reacted badly to it, so I went, 'Well, it's a shame that they have, but it wasn't meant for them.'"''
-->-- '''Matthew Graham''' on [[Recap/DoctorWhoS28E11FearHer "Fear Her"]]

->"''You ain't ever gonna get an Academy Award for doing Film/{{Crank}} and you certainly won't for doing all the other movies I've done.''"
-->--'''Creator/JasonStatham'''

->''I'm not looking to be Creator/FrancisFordCoppola. I see this more like those 1950s rock & roll movies.''
-->-- '''Music/{{Prince}}''' on ''Grafitti Bridge''

!!Reviews

->''Believe it or not, but it is kind of hard pulling a review together when a movie is basically perfect in being what it wants to be, but what it want to be is fairly humble as far as ambition goes. There is basically nothing to critizize as ”wrong” about WesternAnimation/{{Coco}}.''
-->-- '''WebVideo/MovieBob'''

->I feel kinda sorry for ''Film/MadMax''. It's such good video game adaptation material. Christ knows why it's been fucking around with ''movies'' for so long. Movies are all like, "Ooh, look! A little film about S&M perverts driving around a desert and blowing each other up. Well, the Academy need look no further for the best dramatic screenplay candida[[HaHaHaNo fnahahahahah!]]"

->''"Every medium, of course, has things like this. Not every song is "[[Music/SongsOfLoveAndHate Famous Blue Raincoat]]", and not every movie is ''Film/TheFountain''. (And as an aside, that is the best song and best movie ever, and if you disagree you are wrong) ...Frankly, the world would be no worse off if Sugar Ray's "I Just Wanna Fly" were eradicated, and that was a horrifically popular song. But all the same, there is some sort of line between acts of creation that matter and ones that don't."''

->''"Hey, it’s [[Creator/SylvesterStallone Stallone]], not [[Creator/RobertDeniro DeNiro]]. The man's emotional depth as an actor is basically a kiddy pool."'

->''"Now if you'll permit me, I'd like to compare ''Film/RevengeOfTheSith'' with what is widely believed to be one of the greatest motion pictures ever made: ''Film/CitizenKane''. Is that fair? [[HypocrisyNod NOPE]]!"''
-->-- '''[[WebVideo/RedLetterMedia Mr. Plinkett]]'''

->''"Bill Condon's struggle to lift the ''{{Film/Twilight}}'' saga above its adolescent supermarket trash novel trappings isn't so much a Herculean effort as it is Sisyphean."''

->''"Should I even mention the plot of this movie? Do you ever think ''Film/HudsonHawk ''will have some brilliant [[Creator/DavidMamet Mamet]] dialog or tight scripting?"''

->''"It didn't matter what ''[[Film/IndependenceDay ID4]]'' was about, but the trailer had a shot of [[JustHereForGodzilla the White House getting butt-fucked by a death ray]], and who doesn't want to see that? Instant blockbuster."''

->''"''Film/FiftyShadesOfGrey'' is going to win Oscars in the same universe where [[Creator/ParisHilton Parasite Hilton]] is going to sweep the [[UsefulNotes/GrammyAward Grammys]], Creator/ToriSpelling is going to sweep the Emmys, Creator/MerylStreep is going to sweep the [[UsefulNotes/GoldenRaspberryAward Razzies]], I’m going to win a Pulitzer for my dedication to writing about dick cheese and Creator/LindsayLohan is going to win something besides another court date. But ''Fifty Shades of Shit''[=’s=] screenwriter, Kelly Marcel, thinks that at the 2016 Oscars, 2015′s Best Actress Oscar winner, Creator/JanuaryJones for ''[[HotterAndSexier The Mother Theresa Story]]'', will say the words, 'And the Oscar goes to JAMIE DORNAN,' as hell freezes over...If anybody’s going to get an Oscar for ''Fifty Shades of [[PornWithPlot Mom Jizz]]'' it better be the tampon, because it probably gives the most multi-layered performance in that shit."''

->''"There is a sense that ''Out of the Shadows'' is a film comfortable with its own shoddiness."''

->''"Neelix getting his rocks off with [[BoldlyComing a buxom Klingon babe?]] What the hell is all this ''shit''? ...At least most of the episode is played for laughs (or at least I hope that it is--most of the material is really very daft so there is [[{{Narm}} no other way to view it!]]) so it is b-movie watchable, but throughout I was scratching my head thinking ‘why am I watching this?’ which has become my default ''Voyager'' setting."''

->''"...if I was hard pressed to find something actually good about the show, I’d have to say that it does a decent job with [[ComicBook/LoisLane Lois]]. Not the best job, and not even the best on TV — she’s not as smart, sassy or well-acted as Dana [=DeLaney=] on ''WesternAnimation/SupermanTheAnimatedSeries'', but that’s like comparing the Mona Lisa to fingerpaints."''

->''"Some people like to use the word ['overanalyzing'] as a replacement for 'this movie's dumb, and you're going to ruin it for me if you make me use my brain!'"''
-->-- '''WebVideo/YourMovieSucksDotOrg'''

->''"But SO many people keep telling me 'Oh, it's a popcorn movie! Can't you just have fun? Nyeh...' Well, let me tell you something; a water slide is fun. All the slipping and sliding, it's just great. But if someone took you off the waterslide, shook you, gave you a noogie and then spat in your face and put you back on the water slide, you'd be like... 'That wasn't fun; that was weird and annoying.' And THAT'S this movie."''
-->-- '''WebVideo/TheNostalgiaCritic''', ''Film/IndependenceDay'' Review

->''"DEMO, look, you always do this, this over-analytical nitpicky-mcdickie bull-malarkey. Why can't you just ignore these negative aspects you've detailed thus far, and enjoy the good and memorable segments for what they are?" Oh, my God. You are so '''right'''. If you ignore the bad parts of shows, then they'll be good! Because then all you have left is the '''good parts'''! How come no one else is doing this?! Holy shit, literally '''every show in existence''' is a 10/10 now, this is revolutionary! I'm gonna go rewatch ''[[Horrible/AnimeAndManga Abunai Sisters]]''! Why haven't we thought of this before?!\\

Oh, because I'm not a tool, that's why. I forgot. And for a minute there I thought I might be able to fit in."''
-->-- '''Demolition D+''' [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k9h7dsmO38c on]] ''Anime/AldnoahZero''

->''"Do people really think that kids have no taste? It sounds to me like they’re saying that kids will enjoy anything, no matter how boring or ill-conceived, because kids just like looking at puppets on the TV screen. And I know for a fact that that’s wrong.\\
\\

->''"It boils down to 'This is supposed to be bad, you're wrong for wanting it to be good.'"''
-->-- '''WebVideo/TheMysteriousMrEnter'''

->''"Moviegoers who knowingly buy a ticket for ''Film/TheMummyTombOfTheDragonEmperor'' are going to get [[ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin exactly what they expect]]: There is a mummy, a tomb, a dragon, and an emperor. And the movie about them is all that it could be. If you think ''The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor'' sounds like a waste of time, don't waste yours. I, as it happens, have time to waste..."''
-->-- '''Creator/RogerEbert''', ''Film/TheMummyTombOfTheDragonEmperor'' Review

->''"It's like being dead for 90 minutes, except you get to eat popcorn."''
-->-- '''[[WebVideo/RedLetterMedia Rich Evans]]''', "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bl5UH6EZXIM&t=28s The Nerd Crew, Episode 2]]"

->'''Brian:''' [The song] has no edge.\\
'''Stewie:''' Neither does a summer breeze or a letter from an old friend!
-->-- ''WesternAnimation/FamilyGuy''

->''"Movies like ''[[Film/AceVenturaPetDetective Ace Ventura]]'', ''[[Film/TeenageMutantNinjaTurtles Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles]]'' and ''Film/FearAndLoathingInLasVegas'' were all panned by critics, but it's pretty obvious they weren't made to be liked by them. ''Ace Ventura'' worked on an immature level that spoke to the inner silliness of most kids. ''Ninja Turtles'' was great for fans of the cartoon, but it's just too damn ridiculous to grab someone looking to be challenged. And ''Fear and Nothing in Las Vegas'', by design, is meant to not be liked and keep you in a raunchy and uncomfortable place. These films hit their specific audiences perfectly, where any other rational human being, with little context, would see them as insane ravings. If anything, we'd be more concerned if critics ''did'' like these movies."''

->''I cannot tell you how many times I have heard that defense of Creator/MichaelBay. Like, "It's a Michael Bay, it's not supposed to be good." Would you say that about food? Like "Some food's not supposed to taste good, okay? Just... eat it!"''
-->-- '''Creator/LindsayEllis''', "[[https://youtu.be/ZhmyIb5CF9s?t=5m23s The Whole Plate | Genre]]"

->''"Let [[Creator/{{Disney}} Walt]] make chicken salad and win awards. I'll make chicken shit and make money!"''