: Richie please I'm begging you, no I'm threatening you, if you don't shut up I'm gonna cut your head off. Shove it in the microwave, wait until it goes ping, mash it up with a bit of milk and butter and ram it up your backside. SO JUST SHUT UP!
Richie: Fine, if you wish it we shall sit in silence.
:It could save your life.
: This morning I coughed so hard I sucked my trousers up my backside.
: And completely by surprise, you're going to die. Yeah, everyone will think it was an accident except me, the strange enigmatic figure with the chainsaw.
Richie: Ahh... the morning... the morning. How glad I am that I've always spurned regular lovers, because, of course, by sleeping alone, I get me all to myself. And I always know I'm going to wake up next to the most attractive person in the world.
(Eddie emerges from under the duvet)
Eddie: Blimey, I wouldn't want to face that crowd: they're getting a bit restless. Battersea bouncers really do bounce.
: It is Filthy Ralph
, the improsario, promoter, pornographer and common theif.
Richie: I know who Filthy Ralph is.
Filthy: Richie, I've got bad news for you
Policeman: You're nicked
Richie: Oh come on, I wasn't that bad
: It was your alibi, it collapsed. Mr Forsyth followed us here. It's prison for us!
Filthy: Don't worry Richie, these days prison food is quite acceptable. Mind you, it's not so nice when they nail you to the table and ram it up you backside.