Quotes / Cricket Rules

To recap on the rules, it's rounders with extra gay stuff.
Frankie Boyle, Mock the Week: Unlikely Things For A Cricket Commentator To Say

Dana: Kim, do you know anything about cricket?
Kim: What's goin' on?
Dana: A guy in New Delhi just did something.
Kim: What?
Dana: Jeremy won't tell us.
Jeremy: I honestly don't know! And I wouldn't have even brought it up except that whatever this guy did it was huge.
Natalie: What did he do?
Jeremy: He took all ten wickets in an inning.
Natalie: What does that mean?
Jeremy: I don't know!
Sports Night 1x21, "Ten Wickets"

The bowler's Holding, the batsman's Willey.
Brian Johnston ("Johnners"), BBC cricket commentator. In a 1976 Test match at The Oval in London, Michael Holding of the West Indies did in fact bowl to Peter Willey of England, but no one seems to know for certain if Johnston actually said these words on the air.

It's either [girl's softball], or a cricket match between Scotland and Bermuda. Now, I am an educated man, Charlie, but when someone tries to explain cricket to me, all I wanna do is hit 'em in the head with a teapot.
President Bartlet, The West Wing

"Cricket is a funny game."
Virtually every commentator, player and spectator in the history of the game

Cricket Commentator: The new bowler has a cover point, long-on, square leg, extra cover and two short legs.
Peter: What the hell is he talking about?
Englishman: Oh, it's Cricket. Marvelous game, really. You see, the bowler hurls the ball toward the batter who tries to play away a fine leg. He endeavors to score by dashing between the creases, provided the wicket keeper hasn't whipped his bails off, of course.
Peter: Anybody get that?
Family Guy "One If By Clam, Two If By Sea"