Quotes / Airport Novel

"There's a bomb on the plane. There's a spy on the plane. I'm reading this on the plane."
Three Panel Book Review, on the genre in general.

Hans Moleman: Do you have anything by Robert Ludlum?
Store cashier: Get out!
The Simpsons, "The Joy of Sect," at the "Just Crichton and King Bookstore"

Female holidaymaker: Hi, we're looking for—
(Bernard silently hands her a copy of "Tempapocalypse")
Bernard: Here's one for you. (hands the man a copy)
Female holidaymaker: How do you know what we both want?
Male holidaymaker: We don't like the same stuff anyway.
Bernard: You're going on holiday. You want trash. But different kinds of trash. You, you want social themes, believable characters. You, you want suspense, thriller. This does you both. It's this temp. She's 29 and she can't get a boyfriend. Oh my god.
Female holidaymaker: Sounds great!
Male holidaymaker: No way.
Bernard: And she's got twelve hours to stop a nuclear war with China.
Male holidaymaker: Well, one copy each!
Black Books, on what is possibly the perfect airport novel.