History NotAlwaysRight / SisterSites

Sister sites to Website/NotAlwaysRight. [[http://https://notalwaysright.com/romantic/ Not Always Romantic]] (faux pas made by boyfriends/girlfriends/spouses/partners) and [[http://notalwaysright.com/related Not Always Related]] (about stuff said/done by other family members) came out in 2011, followed by [[http://notalwaysright.com/learning Not Always Learning]] (cases that happen in school environments) in 2013, [[http://notalwaysright.com/friendly Not Always Friendly]] (stuff that happens in conversations with friends) in 2014, [[https://notalwaysright.com/hopeless Not Always Hopeless]] (bad situations turned really good) in 2016, [[https://notalwaysright.com/healthy/ Not Always Healthy]] (stories from medical offices) in 2017, and [[https://notalwaysright.com/legal/ Not Always Legal]] (stories than involve legal issues) in 2018.

Website/NotAlwaysWorking, started in 2012, has grown big enough to need a separate page all for itself.

!!This website's sister sites contain examples of:

[[foldercontrol]]

[[folder: Not Always Romantic]]
* AccidentalInnuendo: "[[http://notalwaysright.com/talking-about-his-light-saber/ Now you know how I feel all the time!]]" [[labelnote:Context]]The speaker's talking about the difficulty of finding clothes in her size.[[/labelnote]][[invoked]]
* AcronymConfusion: "[[http://notalwaysright.com/wrestling-with-the-concept/ What does]] [[{{Wrestling/WWE}} Vince McMahon]] have to do with adopting a gorilla?" [[note]]World Wrestling Entertainment, until 2000, used to be the World Wrestling Federation - shortened to WWF, the same acronym as the World Wide Fund for Nature.[[/note]]
* ActionGirlfriend:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-good-service-for-those-in-service/ "I love you, beautiful, but stop scaring people."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/punch-drunk-love/ "Now we can leave."]]
* {{Asexuality}}: The narrator's best friend in [[http://notalwaysright.com/no-ship-sherlock/ this story.]] Doesn't stop the narrator's other friends from [[ShipperOnDeck shipping it]], though.
* AffectionateNickname: Several, although "[[http://notalwaysright.com/pet-names-unleashed/ my dumb pig]]" is probably the strangest.
* TheAllegedCar: [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-an-open-and-shut-door-case/ This couple]] owns one, although it just got that way due to age.
* BattleCouple: [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-good-service-for-those-in-service/ These two.]] And she outranks him.
* BewareTheNiceOnes:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/putting-the-knee-into-a-jerk/ This girl]], who injures a guy who wouldn't leave her alone. What makes it more [[SugarWiki/MomentOfAwesome awesome]] is that she did it [[DoesNotKnowHisOwnStrength by accident]]!
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/attack-of-the-nerds/ A stereotypical thug thinks beating up a girl's geeky boyfriend will make her fall in love with him,]] but when the guy proceeds to [[WouldHitAGirl injure her by pushing her into a bookshelf]], the geeky boyfriend ''[[CurbstompBattle flattens]]'' the guy.
* BilingualBackfire: [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-yogurt-is-the-only-thing-well-cultured/ *in Spanish* "Have a great day, pig!"]]
* [[BluffTheImpostor Bluff the Ex]]: How [[http://notalwaysright.com/its-an-ex-tra-small-world/ one woman and her sister]] catch [[ClingyJealousGirl her husband's ex]] in a lie.
* {{Bridezilla}}: One gets a karmic slapdown in [[https://notalwaysright.com/fall-of-bridezilla/118156/ this story]]. After throwing her sister out of the wedding for daring to become pregnant (after ''three years'' of trying), Bridezilla's only reaction to her sister's miscarriage is to decide sister can be in the wedding after all. Bridezilla's mother immediately announced she wasn't going to pay for the wedding and dumped full financial responsibility onto 'zilla. The wedding was cancelled within 24 hours by the potential groom.
* BuffySpeak:
** Justified [[http://notalwaysright.com/telepathingy/ here]].
** [[http://notalwayright.com/the-birth-of-a-new-name/ "The thing... with the stick when you might be having a baby... You pee on it?"]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/feel-good-language/ "You know, exercising is proven to release feel good thingies in your head."]]
* CaptainObvious: While watching a bike race -- [[http://notalwaysright.com/his-brain-is-coming-last/ "I think the guy in the front is winning."]]
* ClingyJealousGirl: [[https://notalwaysright.com/not-cover-crazy-girlfriends/101249/ This girl]] accuses a person whose phone number her boyfriend called about once a week of trying to "steal her man". The number in question was the company number of an insurance office. Even when ''told'' that her boyfriend was probably just hashing out insurance details with them, she refuses to listen.
* ClosetKey: A case of IncompatibleOrientation turns into this [[http://notalwaysright.com/dont-let-that-butterfly-flutter-by/ here]]. May instead be an example of IfItsYouItsOkay.
* CloudCuckooLander: "[[http://notalwaysright.com/no-fork-in-the-road-for-these-two/ We'll get to have spork babies!]]"
* ConsummateLiar: [[http://notalwaysright.com/tbc7/ This lady]] has a serious problem. The sad thing is, she seems to know she has a problem, but without professional help it's entirely likely that she will keep burning bridges this way, and probably losing jobs like the girl in [[http://notalwaysright.com/liar-liar-new-hire-fired-stop-hanging-out-on-my-telephone-wire/ this Not Always Working story]], until she has ''nothing'' and ''no one'' left and is ''less'' than a living wreck.
--->"No, wait! I never told you but I really have problems. I've been a mythomaniac for years. I'm a living wreck. But you're such a great person, and you can help me! I need you!"
* CrazyPrepared: For the WackyMarriageProposal: "[[http://notalwaysright.com/how-to-wipe-out-a-relationship/ We had another cake that said 'Thanks Anyway!' just in case.]]"
* ADateWithRosiePalms: Mentioned [[http://notalwaysright.com/very-musically-hands-on/ here]].
* DiscriminateAndSwitch: [[https://notalwaysright.com/age-before-bigotry/ This]] story features a woman who is introducing her older sister's wife to her coworkers. One coworker is horrified and speechless... because she thinks the wife is underage. Once the wife assures her that she is 26, the coworker says, “Oh, thank God! Don’t scare me like that!”
* DistractedByTheSexy:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/was-thinking-about-nailing-you/ This guy.]] Hoo boy, this guy.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/an-uncontrollable-force/ This person]] combined with GeekyTurnOn.
* DoubleEntendre:
** "[[http://notalwaysright.com/thats-what-she-liked/ [Boyfriend's Name] was in [My Name].]]"
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/dont-stick-the-light-saber-in-your-end-o/ "I want you]] like [[Franchise/StarWars Han Solo wants Leia's buns."]]
* EntitledToHaveYou: [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-friend-zone-contains-no-true-friends/119398/ This poster's friend]] belongs to the "I want sex with you, so you have to say yes" version of this trope. Never mind that the poster is HappilyMarried and has no interest in cheating on her husband.
* EpicFail: [[http://notalwaysright.com/alls-well-that-girlfriends-well/ This man]] tries to hook up with a stranger, only to find that she's a lesbian. And his pick-up lines are terrible. And he's trying to cheat on his girlfriend. Who is nearby. [[spoiler:And she later dumps him and dates the other girl.]]
* EvilFormerFriend: {{Discussed}} by [[http://notalwaysright.com/whats-your-poison/ this couple]], where they start discussing the best way to murder each other should one of them go evil.
* ExiledToTheCouch: [[http://notalwaysright.com/bosomless-buddies/ These two dopes]], who are probably lucky they weren't thrown out of their apartment.
* ForgivenButNotForgotten: While she was able to forgive him and stay together, [[http://notalwaysright.com/choosing-where-to-eat-is-such-an-affair/ this wife]] still rags her husband about an affair he had eight years prior.
* ForScience: [[http://notalwaysright.com/studied-with-the-naked-eye/ An attempted (but failed) invocation]]
* FunWithAcronyms: [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-adventures-of-roy-the-unfortunate-bear/ "Flattened Animal Rescue Team"]]
* GeekyTurnOn:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/800-ears-but-she-wasnt-listening/ Guess it depends on the kind of fight]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/greedo-versus-cupid/ Han shot first.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/relationstarships/ I threatened to step on the Death Star.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/b-and-a-for-some-t-and-a/ ...did you just enter the Konami Code on my boobs?]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/transformers-is-kind-of-hammy/ Starscream demands more ham!]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/dating-zapp-brannigan/ Kif, I have made it with a woman. Inform the men.]]
* GenreSavvy: The boyfriend in [[http://notalwaysright.com/typecast-for-a-lifetime/ this story]] guesses who the BigBad of a movie is within the first five minutes. His reasoning is that "this is a {{Lifetime movie|OfTheWeek}}, and he has a penis."
* GreenEyedMonster: [[https://notalwaysright.com/getting-shirty-shirt/106253/ This girl]] blows her top upon her boyfriend looking at another girl's chest, and refuses to hear or believe his (truthful) explanation that he was just reading her shirt(it was a parody CharacterAlignment chart). Naturally, 99% of the comments are some variant of "Dump her", since such explosive behavior can be a sign of an abusive relationship.
* HurricaneOfPuns:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/punning-cheeses-is-a-bries/ Lots of cheese puns here]].
** When advertising starts [[http://notalwaysright.com/compose-yourself/ Rubinoff on you]].
* HypnotizeThePrincess: Implied [[http://notalwaysright.com/working-smarter-not-harder/ here]]. What else would require books on seduction and hypnotism?
* HypocriticalHumor:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-trying-to-dance-around-the-issue/ This guy]] tries to tell a woman who politely rejected his offer to buy her a drink that he's a "nice guy" and "deserves a chance". This as he's [[HairTriggerTemper completely flying off the handle]] at her for said polite rejection.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/off-color-dating-technique/ This one guy]] is quick to accuse someone else of being a racist for ignoring him, but then calls him an offensive slur.
* IHaveBoobsYouMustObey:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/scratching-vs-squeezing/ Direct quote]] from ''Webcomic/{{Misfile}}''.
** How [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-spoony-snooze/ this wife]] gets some extra sleeping time.
* INeedToIronMyDog: [[http://notalwaysright.com/crushed-by-a-stammer/ Here.]]
* IncorruptiblePurePureness: [[https://web.archive.org/web//http://notalwaysright.com/old-fashioned-not-quite-as-old-as-you-think/ This story]] is probably as close as most of us will ever get.
* IsItSomethingYouEat: [[http://notalwaysright.com/every-flavor-beans/ Apparently "ceramic" means "tasty".]]
* ItsAllAboutMe:
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/transitioned-without-you/90855/ This girl]] demanded that her boyfriend come out as trans so she could have a girlfriend.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/fall-of-bridezilla/118156/ One "bridezilla"]] pulls her sister out of the wedding when she becomes pregnant, despite knowing that she had been trying for three years so this was always a possibility. A few months later, the mother, with tears in her eyes, says that the sister lost the baby. The bridezilla just dismisses it by saying that at least now, she can be in the wedding. [[LaserGuidedKarma The mother, now furious, announces she won't finance the wedding, and the would-be groom calls the whole thing off the next day.]]
* LaserGuidedKarma:
** Happens occasionally, but rarely is it as satisfying as [[http://notalwaysright.com/make-rainbows-not-war/ this story]]. A homophobic player in a shooter game keeps calling the submitter slurs, angering the players on both teams, who tell him to shut up. Instead, he turns the slurs on one of his ''own'' teammates, who is also gay. His teammates respond by completely abandoning him and permitting the submitter's team to [[CurbStompBattle repeatedly kill him in game]] which frustrates him to the point he quits. The homophobic player is banned from the team since he was only filling in for his sick brother, and the gay teammate later dates the submitter.
** Comes with a side order of IWasBeatenByAGirl in [[http://notalwaysright.com/shouldnt-make-off-the-cuff-remarks/ this]] story, in which a guy with an extensive rap sheet for DomesticAbuse tries to slap around his current girlfriend for postponing a date because she was working late ... as a prison guard. [[TooDumbToLive And then he goes back to her house the next day to "teach her a lesson"]].
** In [[https://notalwaysright.com/10-reasons-why-youre-probably-better-off-without-your-ex/39160/ this story]] (the 10th one in the list), while waiting to audition for a play, a girl repeatedly insults and threatens her boyfriend's ex-girlfriend (the submitter), calling her a slut and lying that the boyfriend said his ex got him drunk and was all over him. It turns out that the ex-girlfriend is actually the director of the play the rude girl was going to audition for. [[MuggingTheMonster Whoops.]] Needless to say, the girl promptly gets kicked out of the theater (and as the cherry on top, her boyfriend dumps her three months later).
* LethalChef: [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-couple-that-slays-together-stays-together-part-5/ Apparently.]]
* LoveAtFirstSight: [[http://notalwaysright.com/espresso-ing-his-intentions/ Here]].
* ManlyGay: [[http://notalwaysright.com/nice-road-truckers/ You never know]] when one of these will be standing behind you when you decide to be a homophobe.
* MasculineGirlFeminineBoy: [[http://notalwaysright.com/bullying-jocks-are-just-cupid/ Here.]]
* TheMatchmaker: [[http://notalwaysright.com/cupids-arrow-doesnt-always-fly-straight/ This guy]] and his girlfriend both get hit on a lot at work, so they arrange "dates" with the people whose numbers they've received, sending one of each of theirs to the same place at the same time. Neither gets the person they were hoping for, but there's this connection between two people who [[ContrivedCoincidence just happened to be stood up in the same manner, in the same place, at the same time.]]
* MeetCute: Too many examples to list.
* {{Meganekko}}: Apparently, [[http://notalwaysright.com/how-to-start-a-relationship-make-contact/ this girl]].
* MistakenForGay: [[http://notalwaysright.com/fathers-just-have-to-be-told-straight/ This girl]] was rather surprised by it.
* MistakenForPrankCall: This [[http://notalwaysright.com/guilty-of-perpetrating-a-prank/ not-so-savvy officer]].
** His wife must be [[TooDumbToLive pretty dumb to prank call a police station enough times to make him suspicious like that.]]
* {{Mondegreen}}: [[https://notalwaysright.com/this-artist-is-doomed/ Aya Surani?]]
* MuggingTheMonster: In [[http://notalwaysright.com/acting-out-and-kicked-out/ this story]], a girl starts badmouthing another at an audition over issues pertaining to a boy they both dated. The first girl had assumed the other was also auditioning, but it turns out that she was going to ''direct'' the play instead. As the cast would have to work closely and get along, the second girl [[LaserGuidedKarma immediately dismisses the first]], as that obviously was not going to happen between them.
* MundaneMadeAwesome: [[http://notalwaysright.com/stale-rice-krispie-fail/ “LET IT BE KNOWN ON THIS DAY, I HAVE FALLEN FOR THE RICE KRISPIE GODDESS!]] [[LargeHam I’LL BE BACK FOR YOOOOUUUUUUU—”]] At which point his friends drag him out of the restaurant.
* NoodleIncident: [[https://notalwaysright.com/set-fire-to-the-rain-2/44937/ “Somehow, we set an artificial waterfall on fire.”]]
* OverprotectiveDad: [[http://notalwaysright.com/at-least-all-the-options-are-out-in-the-open/ This]] guy wants to be one someday.
* PickACard: [[http://notalwaysright.com/love-is-in-the-cards/ A truly stunning bit of sleight of hand.]] In a strange twist, he has her sign her name on the card with a Sharpie. When the card revealed isn't her card, he apologizes and walks away, and she returns to her drink...only to find that her coaster is now the card she had picked, still with her signature but also with the man's phone number on it. Three years into their marriage, he refuses to tell her how he pulled that trick off.
* PitySex: [[http://notalwaysright.com/pickup-lines-with-strong-legs/ One guy with disabilities]] tries to use this trope to hit on a waitress.
* PrecociousCrush: [[http://notalwaysright.com/espresso-ing-his-intentions-part-3/ At least he realizes he's too young now.]]
* PuppyLove: The Young Love tag is all about this.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/blooming-in-adversity/ Here's one]] with all of the SlapSlapKiss that it usually entails.
** A particularly [[{{Squee}} adorable]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/old-school-romance-meets-pre-school-romantics/ one]].
* ARareSentence:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/bra-cing-conversation/ "My boobs are sending you things."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-weightless-weight-comment/ "Honey, this is probably the only time for the rest of our lives it’ll be safe for me to say this...]]
* RealityEnsues:
** Discussed [[http://notalwaysright.com/love-in-the-time-of-zombies-part-2/ here]]. A couple gets into the topic of what they would do in a zombie apocalypse. The boyfriend's response is the typical protect-his-loved-ones kind of deal. His partner, though, decides that [[BringMyBrownPants they'd be too horrified by the situation to do anything]].
** Also [[http://notalwaysright.com/till-undeath-do-us-part-part-27/ here]] - a wife, having been reading earlier stories with the name, asks her husband what he would do if she became a zombie. He responds that, since she stays at home and thus close to the arsenal, is a better shot than he is, and is a black-belt, while he works at a hospital, is chubby, and has a bad back, he cannot think of any realistic zombie scenario in which she turns before he does.
*** Similarly done [[http://notalwaysright.com/till-undeath-do-us-part-part-34/ here]], where a boyfriend asks his girlfriend the same question, and she tells him she would likely turn first, what with her working in a hospital while he lives in Texas, "where everyone already is in family clans, lives on farms, and is heavily armed". He tries to argue that this also means, if they were overrun, there would be nowhere for them to escape to - she counters, and wins the argument, by reminding him she works on the same floor as her hospital's morgue.
** And [[http://notalwaysright.com/love-in-the-time-of-no-zombies/ here]] -- the response is a straight "Zombies don't exist."
** In [[https://notalwaysright.com/hasnt-quite-got-that-killer-instinct/ this one]], the concept of MurderTheHypotenuse gets a reality check.
---> You would murder the person I love... and that's supposed to make me love you?
** A girl who doesn't want to kiss yet is dating a guy who is aggressively trying to push her to give him her first kiss. Finally, he drops the ultimatum - kiss him, or he's leaving her. [[DidntThinkThisThrough Much to his shock]], [[https://notalwaysright.com/his-fate-was-sealed-with-a-non-kiss/ she shows him the door]].
* RecursiveCrossdressing: [[http://notalwaysright.com/la-femme-lolita/ A woman pretends to be a man dressed as a woman]].
* RubberBandAI: Discussed [[http://notalwaysright.com/how-to-get-behead/ here]]. The submitter [[DisproportionateRetribution will behead anyone who suggests adding it]] to a racing game they may make at some point in the future.
* ShoutOut: [[http://notalwaysright.com/fully-grown-not-fully-responsible/ Funnily enough to]] ''WebVideo/DragonBallZAbridged''.
* SomethingElseAlsoRises: A guy buys his girlfriend a new dress. When she tries it on, [[http://notalwaysright.com/re-dress-the-dress-situation/ his soda water fizzes and spills over]].
* SophisticatedAsHell: [[http://notalwaysright.com/maturity-bubble-burst/ This submitter's boyfriend]] concludes a lengthy explanation about current happenings in the property market with "...All right, I’m gonna go poopy-poop".
* StalkingIsLove: {{Discussed|Trope}} [[http://notalwaysright.com/creeping-towards-romance/ here]].
* StrangeMindsThinkAlike:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/toasting-to-true-love/ This couple]] are planning on buying a new toaster - and they both independently wonder whether they can bring a piece of bread to the store in order to see if it fits.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/got-a-good-handle-on-the-choices/ This couple]] independently give the exact same response to a selection of door handles the girlfriend's parents are considering.
* TakeThat: [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-in-a-rush-to-have-another-one/ This submitter]], after having her first baby, currently considers herself the least sexy person on the planet. Her boyfriend responds, "you are ''not'' Radio/RushLimbaugh."
* ThatCameOutWrong[=/=]ComplimentBackfire: A number of comments made to one's partner that didn't sound half as positive or romantic the speaker imagined, such as [[http://notalwaysright.com/love-is-blind/ this one]]: "But, I don't want to have my glasses on when I look at you."
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/having-a-ball/ “I love balls. I used to have over a hundred of them when I was younger.”]]
* TrueBeautyIsOnTheInside: [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-true-meaning-of-seeing-clearly/ That's the best thing about being blind.]]
* {{Tsundere}}: [[http://notalwaysright.com/persistence-pays-and-pisses-off/ This girl]] should be the new mascot for the trope.
* WackyMarriageProposal:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/how-to-wipe-out-a-relationship/ This]], among others.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-taco-proposal/ Like this.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/indecent-proposal/ This one wasn't even supposed to be one... before it hilariously became one.]]
* WaxingLyrical:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-the-one-that-he-wants/ "I've got chills."]] [[{{Film/Grease}} "Are they multiplying?"]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/crossing-that-fine-fine-line/ Twice here]] with songs from ''Theatre/AvenueQ''.
* WhosOnFirst:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-silly-habibi/ This couple]] discovers the Arabic word for "my beloved" completely by accident.
** In this case, it's [[http://notalwaysright.com/going-into-a-song-and-dance-about-it/ "Our song should be 'Your Song'"]]. The submitter even references the skit.
* WrenchWench: [[http://notalwaysright.com/engine-failure/ Wrong girl to brag to.]]
* YeOldeButcheredeEnglishe: [[http://notalwaysright.com/ye-olde-sweeteth-romance/ "I hath been questing for yonder chili chocolate bar."]]
* YouMakeMeSic: [[http://notalwaysright.com/dont-date-her-if-i-was-you/ "I would correct your grammar."]]
* YourCheatingHeart: An entire tag for it. [[http://notalwaysright.com/busted-pipes/ Several]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/from-runaway-bride-to-ex-wife/ examples]], often cross-posted from Not Always Right, of it being revealed by customer screwups.
* ZombieApocalypse: [[http://notalwaysright.com/?s=Till+Undeath+Do+Us+Part Many]], [[http://notalwaysright.com/?s=Love+In+The+Time+Of+Zombies many]] posts about it.
[[/folder]]

[[folder: Not Always Related]]
* AbusiveParents: Occasionally.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-mothers-love-is-priceless-for-everything-else-theres-credit-cards/ This mother]] is going to be the reason her daughter makes some therapist very wealthy someday.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/having-some-daddy-electrical-issues/56085/ This father]] destroyed the OP's room upon receiving a vague letter from the teacher, thinking it was something bad. Turned out the [=OP=] had received a scholarship to a University and the teacher wanted to surprise the parents. Not surprisingly, the [=OP=] and the father no longer speak.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/wish-he-could-just-sell-him-on-ebay/123258/ This step-dad]] covers for the money he fritters away on gambling by selling his step-child's (the submitter's) belongings, including a set of rare ''Pokémon'' cards they and their (considerably nicer) mother went through a lot of effort to procure, and mocks and threatens the submitter when they confront him over it. Needless to say, this leads to a serious CallingTheOldManOut moment, and the only time the submitter has made contact with the step-dad since leaving was through their mother to request that he get them the same set of cards for their birthday (and given that 15 years have passed since the initial incident, [[LaserGuidedKarma the card set is going to be far more expensive than they were in the late 90s]]).
* ActorAllusion: [[invoked]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/putting-the-ship-in-fellowship/ If they say fire at Will, but he's not there, who do they shoot?]] [[Creator/OrlandoBloom Legolas.]]
* ACupAngst: "[[http://notalwaysright.com/time-for-d-dinner/ I'm always feeding my boobs. I need them to get big and strong.]]"
* AmazinglyEmbarrassingParents: And siblings, and grandparents, and cousins, and...
* ArtisticLicenseGeography[=/=]GlobalIgnorance: [[http://notalwaysright.com/asian-persuasion-part-2/ This]] woman who claims to not eat Asian Food, but then claims to love General Tso’s chicken, not realizing China is part of Asia.
* AssShove: [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-on-her-pokemon-gold-behavior/ Hell hath no fury like a geek burned.]]
* AttentionDeficitOohShiny: [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-shrimpy-life-span/ "Which is shorter, Shrimpy’s life span or my brother’s attention span?"]]
* AudienceParticipation: A couple of stories make use of the comments feature by asking commenters to title the story. Whether or not this will start being done on the other Not Always sites remains to be seen.
* BackseatDriver:
** One poster noticed that his father was unusually eager to help him get his first car. [[https://notalwaysright.com/back-seat-parenting/ Then he drove his mother on an errand, and found out why.]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/thats-some-serious-motion-sickness/129561/ This poster's father]] had a full meltdown over how his kid was going to smash into another car in the parking lot ... which would have been quite the accomplishment since they ''hadn't started the engine yet''.
* BilingualBackfire:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-borderline-infraction/ Here.]] May overlap with LittleMissBadass.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/they-understand-what-you-are-seine/ "Listen, you inbred sons of syphilitic w***s."]]
* BlackComedy: [[https://notalwaysright.com/funerals-dont-have-to-be-funereal/118856/ This poster and their family takes great amusement when the poster's great grandmother is late for her own funeral, just as she predicted.]]
* BleepDammit: [[http://notalwaysright.com/children-speak-the-truth-brush/ This one-sentence story]] includes the word "bitch" twice. It is censored one time, but not the other.
* BrandNameTakeover: [[http://notalwaysright.com/what-a-pile-of-crock/ Here]] is an example of somebody who fails to understand the concept.
* BrainBleach: [[http://notalwaysright.com/was-no-honeymoon-boon/ "... I’m really wishing I could forget it again."]]
* BrickJoke: [[http://notalwaysright.com/power-up-count-down/ three... two...]]
* ComicallyMissingThePoint:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/potty-mouth/ This girl]] is chastised by her mother for saying "Missy has a shitty diaper!", and her mother suggests using the word "messy" instead. The girl corrects herself, saying "Messy has a shitty diaper!" instead.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/smoked-through-a-second-opinion/ This aunt]] visits her doctor and is told, due to her smoking habits, she's developing emphysema and will be "lugging around an oxygen tank within two years". Her reaction is [[IgnoredEpiphany that she needs a new doctor]].
* ComputerEqualsMonitor: [[http://notalwaysright.com/now-try-explaining-a-floppy-disk/ This person]] has trouble explaining to his younger cousin why this isn't always the case, since said cousin has almost exclusively owned or used computers that were all-in-one.
* CoolOldGuy[=/=]CoolOldLady: Some of the grandparents.
* CreepyChild: [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-shot-of-the-truth/ This kid]] does a decent impression of one.
* CuteMute: Well, not ''permanently'' mute, [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-quiet-afternoon-is-in-the-cards/ but extremely cute.]]
* ADateWithRosiePalms: "...[Y]ou have to love and respect yourself and no one can hurt you...[Older sibling], do you love yourself?" / [[http://notalwaysright.com/making-a-birds-and-the-bee-line-for-the-punch-line/ "Frequently."]]
* DidntThinkThisThrough: [[https://notalwaysright.com/sleeping-through-this-particular-lesson/130829/ A pregnant woman's husband]] demonstrates what she needs to do with her prescribed medication by popping one of the pills into his mouth and downing some water, remembering too late that the pills were ''sleeping pills'' meant to help his wife get to sleep. Making matters worse is the fact that the man, a pastor at a church at the time, had a church meeting to attend and spent the entire meeting trying to force himself to stay awake. Whoops.
* DidYouDie: [[https://notalwaysrelated.com/youll-die-get/ "Did your dad die when he was four?"]]
* DinosaursAreDragons: [[http://notalwaysright.com/its-a-dragon-make-no-bones-about-it/ The grandmother in this story]] thinks so.
* {{Dissimile}}:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/kentucky-fried-comedy/ "A priest, a rabbi and a minister walk into a bar. Only there’s no rabbi and no priest, and it’s not a bar, it’s a KFC. And the minister is me and I’m not a minister."]]
** [[https://notalwaysrelated.com/dressing-dressing-something-else/ “It’s a lot like ranch dressing, only without the ranch flavor, and with blue cheese instead.”]]
* DiscriminateAndSwitch: A surprisingly large amount of parents react to their kids coming out of the closet by sighing in relief that they weren't something else (some of them nowhere near as dramatic as coming out usually is).
* ADogAteMyHomework: [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-victim-of-a-cliche/ Apparently, it does happen.]]
* EatsBabies: When a pregnant mother tells her son she has a baby in her tummy [[http://notalwaysright.com/pregnancy-gives-you-weird-eating-habits/ here]], the son thinks that she ate one.
* EmpathyDollShot: [[http://notalwaysright.com/all-bear-witness/ This writer]] predicted one.
* EvilLaugh: [[http://notalwaysright.com/which-one-is-pinky-and-which-one-is-brain/ These two girls.]]
* ExactWords:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/happy-holidays/ When you ask a family member to hang up the holiday decorations]], you should specify ''which'' holiday.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/out-of-touch-with-what-is-actually-happening/ "Stop not touching me!"]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/just-another-manic-monday/56313/ This submitter's grandfather]] kept insisting that he would quit smoking on Monday, only to assert each week that it wasn't going to be ''that'' Monday. The right Monday finally came... just not the way they expected.
* EyeScream: You know those mothers who won't let their kids have an air rifle claiming the kid will shoot their eye out? [[https://notalwaysright.com/keep-eye-one/91541/ Well, this story makes that claim well-founded.]]
* {{Facepalm}}: One of those kinds of [[http://notalwaysright.com/too-civil-for-civil-war/ conversations]].
* FailedASpotCheck: In her excitement, [[https://notalwaysright.com/not-even-remotely-listening-3/131410/ this mom]], elated to be visiting her kid (the submitter) where they live now, fails to notice that at some point while she was raving about the things she and the submitter will be doing during said visit, she picked up a TV remote instead of her phone after setting it down for a moment and spoke into it for ''eight minutes'' straight.
* FridgeHorror: [[invoked]] [[DefiedTrope Defied]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-big-baby-booboo-part-2/ here]]; after the submitter's aunt, who thought her pregnancy symptoms were constipation, does several things to relieve it that could harm the fetus, the submitter makes sure to note at the end that the baby was born perfectly healthy.
* FromTheMouthsOfBabes:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/grammar-is-going-down/ Remind me to teach you the importance of prepositions when you get back.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/he-must-have-brown-hair/ "...my dad calls me shit-head!"]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/all-little-girls-dream-of-their-red-wedding/ "Mama, the Lannisters send their regards... Now you die! Die! Die!"]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/mom-put-you-in-the-cross-hairs/ "I DIDN'T PLAY WITH THE SCISSORS. MY MOMMY DID IT, NOT ME! GO FUSS AT HER!"]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/hell-be-saying-mating-for-life/ “Look, uncle! That man and woman, they’re mating!”]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/death-is-a-real-scream/ If you bury them deep enough, you can't hear them scream.]]
** "[[https://notalwaysright.com/putting-them-into-an-inappropriate-pickle/114532/ I have known for years that the Naughty-Man is really just Father and Uncle playing 'Hide The Pickle'!]]"
* FunWithAcronyms:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/timelord-for-bed/ "Tap And Regulated Directional Inclined Spray!"]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/stop-trying-our-patience/ Squeal Tires On Pavement]] (or "Stop Teasing Old People").
* {{Gasshole}} [[http://notalwaysright.com/gone-with-the-wind-part-2/ To be fair, the poster noted being backed up.]]
* GirlOnGirlIsHot: [[http://notalwaysright.com/les-be-more-than-friends/ "Are you two gonna do lesbo stuff?"]]
* GoshDarnItToHeck: [[https://notalwaysrelated.com/used-double-f-word/ “Oh fiddle farther!”]]
* HiccupHijinks: [[http://notalwaysright.com/unprotected-hiccups/ This family]] seems to have found a cure that works for them.
* HorribleCampingTrip: [[https://notalwaysright.com/nightmare-vacation-the-next-generation/125454/ A family vacation to Jersey Shore goes awry]] when the then eight-year-old submitter's aunt and uncle ask to come along (their marriage is on the rocks and think a vacation will help calm everything down) and bring along their three kids (who both bring one friend each) and cram themselves along with everyone there already into the four bedroom beach house, causing the house to be very crowded and causing stress or everyone involved (including a pregnant aunt who can never use the toilet as it's almost always occupied). Then not only do the aunt and uncle begin constantly having fights, but their kids all end up having falling-outs with their respective friends that they brought and begin constantly fighting as well (which ends up injuring the submitter when one of the cousins attempts to burn their former friend's hands on something only for the submitter to do so instead) and the submitter's [[ScrewPolitenessImASenior drama-loving grandmother]] enables the fighting parties' behavior and picks fights with everyone as well. To make matters worse, it rains for the entire duration of the vacation, so the fighting parties are stuck with each other and can't leave to cool down and those who aren't fighting and just want to have a relaxing vacation can't get away from ''them''. [[DownerEnding The end result]] is that it decimates what's left of the fighting aunt and uncle's marriage, creates a number of family feuds (some of which are still on-going), and when the submitter gets invited on another vacation 20 years later [[HistoryRepeats that has an eerily similar setup the one that started the mess back then]] (complete with a pregnant relative and a couple having marriage troubles), they and their brother head for the hills.
* HypocriticalHumor:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/ruined-in-the-twink-of-an-eye/ "You've got to be careful of what you eat, you don't want to become unhealthy. Do you want me to get Twinkies when I'm at the store?"]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-monster-of-a-rewrite/ "You can't force people to do something they don't want to do! Now you have to rewrite this story in a way you do not want it written! Several times!"]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/has-beef-with-venison/ "Why do we even call [deer meat] venison, though?]] We don't invent special words for other animals, like beef." [[SarcasmMode "Gee, that beef sure is having fun, frolicking in the field."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/airing-dirty-laundry-in-public/ From a mother who asked her college-age daughter to bring some laundry home for her to wash]] -- "...and you know college students: here she comes, SWANNING in with a bag full of laundry!"
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-manner-of-speaking-with-your-mouth-full/ "She’s not showing good manners!"]] Said through a mouthful of chips.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/ironic-meets-moronic/ "I do wish the Muslims would realise we westerners are not all the same."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/classic-dad-behavior/ Turn your reasonably quiet metal music off!]] But don't tell me to turn my loud classical music down while you're trying to sleep.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/woke-up-on-the-wrong-side-of-the-bed/ This uncle]] lambasts his sister for being asleep when their mother couldn't get an answer from her at 3 AM. When asked why he waited for five hours before doing anything about this, he gives the excuse that he was asleep.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/jumping-the-gun-on-that-one/ This aunt]] goes on a spiel about how the submitter's dad is "raising a murderer" because the submitter just got a rifle as a Christmas present, despite said submitter being a legal adult, having taken multiple gun safety courses, and having been a competitive shooter for years. This all in response to the submitter's dad pointing out that said aunt is letting her ten-year-old son drink an alcoholic beverage. [[FromBadToWorse And then she gives her car keys to said intoxicated ten-year-old so they can get ready to leave, while claiming the submitter's family are the dangerous ones.]]
* IAlwaysWantedToSayThat: [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-wax-is-waning/ Literally.]]
* ICallHimMisterHappy: [[http://notalwaysright.com/needs-imp-plants/ This argument]].
* IGotARock: [[http://notalwaysright.com/christmas-is-off-to-a-rocky-start/ This poor kid.]]
* IHaveNoDaughter: [[https://notalwaysright.com/bye-bi-mom/108861/ This mother]] kicks her bisexual daughter and her girlfriend out the ''minute'' she realizes that they're dating, yelling "Good Riddance!" when the daughter decides to move in with the girlfriend instead to rub salt in the wound.
* IHaveThisFriend: [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-mothers-condomnation/ This story]] claims the subject of the story is "my 17-year-old cousin", but at the end the narration switches to first-person after that person is embarrassed for [[DidIJustSayThatOutLoud saying too much]].
* IgnoreTheFanservice: [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-being-a-complete-tool/ This teenage boy]] is more enthralled by a tool belt than he is by the scantily-clad woman wearing it.
* InherentlyFunnyWords: "Eggplant" was this for [[http://notalwaysright.com/egging-them-on/ this kid]].
* InsaneTrollLogic:
** Why you [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-really-feline-those-flavors/ never see cats near ice cream shops]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/step-up-to-the-step-family/ This stepmother]] simultaneously tells her son he doesn't have to listen to what his step-sister tells him, and punishes that step-sister when he doesn't listen to her and promptly injures himself.
* InnocentInnuendo:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/it-horn-ts-her-to-this-day/ Horny! Horny!]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-daughterhood-of-the-virginal-pants/ I finally got into my boyfriend's pants!]]
* InsultBackfire: [[https://notalwaysrelated.com/shes-a-pearl-before-swine/ In this story]], a daughter says that a classmate said she looked like a wild swine. Her grandfather agrees, because a wild swine is a strong, courageous, and intelligent animal, who routinely stands up to hungry wolf-packs, and who, when grows up, becomes the most caring mom in the whole forest.
* IsItSomethingYouEat: [[http://notalwaysright.com/also-hates-dragonfruit/ "Lizard?!]] I thought [an iguana] was a fruit!"
* IsThatCuteKidYours: Invoked often, but not usually in such polite phrasing. For some reason, a lot of people seem to think that young women/teen girls who travel with small children ''must'' be unwed teen mothers. Honestly, have these people never heard of babysitting?
* IWantGrandkids: [[http://notalwaysright.com/still-puppy-loves-you/ One mother]] with a gay kid seems to be willing to accept a puppy as a reasonable substitute.
* {{Jerkass}}: [[http://notalwaysright.com/committing-family-tree-son/ Even on Not Always Related, unfortunately.]]
* LameRhymeDodge: [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-definitive-r-ticle-on-movie-ratings/ R we sure it's rated PG? Yes we are!]]
* LaserGuidedKarma: [[https://notalwaysright.com/free-flow-thievery/117646/ A sister]] who constantly takes her sibling's stuff without permission experiences this trope when she grabs an ice cream bar out of the freezer, throws away the "do not eat" label on it, and chows down. Turned out it wasn't an ice cream bar, it was [[IAteWhat a dog laxative]].
* LastMinuteBabyNaming: Combined with LineOfSightName in [[https://notalwaysright.com/their-second-child-was-called-desk/56175/ this case]], where the parents chose a name ahead of time, but forgot to allow for the effects of painkillers on Mom. Fortunately, the nurses kept the birth certificate away from her long enough that the poster was ''not'' named Window.
* LethallyStupid: [[http://notalwaysright.com/babysitting-on-a-knife-edge/ This one grandfather]] who can't seem to figure out why his daughter-in-law won't let him and his wife watch their granddaughter for a few days.
* LiteralMinded:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/smacks-of-mischievousness/ "Give Nana a big smack on the lips!"]]
** A common metaphor from UsefulNotes/TheAmericanCivilWar was "seeing the elephant" to mean one's first experience of combat, and a film about the soldiers used that phrase as its title. [[https://notalwaysright.com/no-elephant-room/108061/ This poster's kid]] was disappointed that there were no elephants in the film.
* LogicBomb: [[http://notalwaysright.com/cold-concentrated-logic/ This person]] attempts this with their brother.
* LoopholeAbuse:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/eggs-pecting-revenge/ This kid]] offers his brother 20 dollars to break three eggs over his head... unfortunately for the brother, the submitter never said anything about ''having'' to break the eggs.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/let-it-snow-let-it-snow-let-it-bro/ These brothers' wives]] said that they couldn't buy themselves game systems for Christmas. They said nothing about buying one for the ''other'' brother, though. The men's mother suggested the wives buy each other expensive jewelry next year.
* {{Malaproper}}: [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-saucy-mistake/ This girl]], for instance.
* MamaBear: [[http://notalwaysright.com/niece-to-meet-you/ "Well, that proves it. If you anger a mother, you must have a death wish..."]]
* TheMatchmaker: [[http://notalwaysright.com/stupid-cupid/ This grandfather]] is determined to marry off his granddaughters.
* {{Mondegreen}}:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/put-you-at-a-loss-for-words/ "Life's a butter dream."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/straight-from-the-horses-mouth/ The horse]] [[Music/SimonAndGarfunkel on 7th Avenue]].
* MustHaveNicotine: [[http://notalwaysright.com/of-breath-smoke-and-breast-strokes/ This mother]].
* MyBelovedSmother:
** And why she didn't [[https://notalwaysright.com/a-bridal-shower-of-criticism/ go to the wedding]].
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/clinging-hope-theyll-cling/ Another mother]] wasn't happy about her kid choosing a college three hours away from home, so she slashed his tires to keep him from moving out.
* NamesTheSame: [[invoked]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/metal-defector/ "So, fun fact: Passenger is the name of both a singer-songwriter AND a Swedish metal band from the 90s..."]]
* NoodleIncident: There's probably [[http://notalwaysright.com/very-good-at-being-bad/ a very juicy story behind this comment...]]
* NotAMorningPerson: [[https://notalwaysrelated.com/the-universal-way-to-say-i-need-coffee/ Maybe,]] but he's good at getting rid of spam phone calls.
* OhCrap:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/ah-fathers-part-3/ This teen here]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/forgot-to-pick-up-the-last-weight/ This dad]].
* OlderThanTheyLook: [[http://notalwaysright.com/well-aged-wine/ Wait... you're her daughter? Just show me your ID then; if you're old enough to drink than she sure as h*** is!]]
* ParentalFavoritism: Unfortunately, [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-a-gifted-father/ there's an example of this, too]]. Fortunately, it's limited to the father - who, of course, [[EntitledBastard calls the submitter an "awful selfish daughter" for not wishing him a happy birthday as payback for this incident]].
* {{Pun}}: [[http://notalwaysright.com/they-all-get-it-in-the-end/ Prostatitis? Does that come from a prostitute?]]
* PunnyName: [[http://notalwaysright.com/uncle-benkenobis-sauce/ A. Wan]] [[Film/StarWars Kenobi]].
* RatedMForManly: [[http://notalwaysright.com/sets-the-crow-bar-high-for-useless-purchases/ I don't know but it makes me feel manly.]]
* RelativeError:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/blood-is-thicker-than-honesty/ This story]] is more like the trope turned inside out.
** "Thank you, but even if I swung that way, [[http://notalwaysright.com/les-be-friends/ she is my sister]]."
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/?s=Putting+The+Relation+Into+Relationship And many more.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-mother-of-all-girlfriends/ And this one,]] made even more surprising seeing that it was another relative who made this assumption.
* RougeAnglesOfSatin: [[http://notalwaysright.com/thai-ten-up-on-spelling/ Chicken Thai]].
* {{Scotireland}}: [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-total-eire-head/ This mom]] can't seem to keep the two straight.
* ShaggyDogStory: [[https://notalwaysrelated.com/in-a-vicious-motor-cycle/ This]] motorcyclist forgets things enough times to come back into the house three times before departing. Only forty-five minutes and a trip to his place of work later does he realise he doesn't work Sundays.
* ShapedLikeItself:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/new-heights-of-stupidity/ "I was the same height as me when I was 16!"]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/food-for-thoughtless-part-3/ "Dad, what's chicken made out of?"]] The response? "Chicken."
* ShoddyKnockoffProduct: [[https://notalwaysright.com/failed-the-battery-of-tests/55349/ "Dunicell" batteries.]]
* SideBet: Betting on loved ones' sexual orientations is apparently very common:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/coming-out-can-be-a-gamble/ "Coming Out Can Be A Gamble"]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/no-disorientation-on-the-orientation/ "No Disorientation on the Orientation"]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/straight-betting/ "Straight-Betting"]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/what-can-you-bi-for-five-bucks/ "What Can You Bi for Five Bucks"]]
* SilentSnarker: [[https://notalwaysright.com/playing-the-mothering-eye-roll/53326/ “I can actually hear you rolling your eyes over the phone right now.”]]
* {{Squee}}: [[http://notalwaysright.com/underworld-overheard/ This]] ''Film/{{Underworld}}'' fangirl.
* StayInTheKitchen: [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-beastly-gloves-are-off/ This grandmother]] balks at her granddaughter dressing as Gaston from ''Beauty and the Beast'', saying that girls should only dress as girls. Luckily, it only takes a removal of the gloves to fool the grandmother into thinking as much.
* StealthHiBye: [[http://notalwaysright.com/some-relatives-you-never-see-anymore/ This guy]]. They call him Ninja Brother.
* StrangeMindsThinkAlike: [[http://notalwaysright.com/unrelated-banter/ Even when only one of them's asleep.]]
* TakeAThirdOption: [[http://notalwaysright.com/to-have-and-to-hold-a-cup-of-coffee/ What this father wants to do]].
* TalkingWithSigns: [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-quiet-afternoon-is-in-the-cards/ This little girl.]]
** [[TheTapeKnewYouWouldSayThat The Notecards Knew You Would Say That]]
* ThatCameOutWrong:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/cracking-up/ "We should do crack more."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/in-laws-are-the-butt-of-all-family-jokes/ "Hey, feel my butt. It feels weird."]]
* TheresNoKillLikeOverkill: [[http://notalwaysright.com/no-one-can-bug-you-like-a-mother-part-2/ This mother's]] suggestion for killing a roach -- drop a big wad of wet paper towels over it, stomp on the paper towels, scoop it all up into a plastic bag, seal the plastic bag, put it in the trash, seal up the trash bag, take the trash bag out into the yard, douse it with gasoline, and set it on fire.
* TwinSwitch: Discussed by some twins [[http://notalwaysright.com/no-twin-tactics-required/ here]], after having just moved.
* UnusualEuphemism: [[https://notalwaysright.com/got-that-dead-right/55782/ This family uses "dead" as a substitution for sleep.]] It leads to an OpenMouthInsertFoot moment for the submitter, as their mother wanted a day asleep, and Tuesday doesn't work, because she's attending a seminar at a ''[[CrossesTheLineTwice funeral home]]''.
* UpUpAndAway: What [[http://notalwaysright.com/moms-always-intercede-for-their-super-seed/ this father]] thinks his baby should be able to do.
* WaxingLyrical: [[http://notalwaysright.com/thats-what-makes-her-beautiful/ "You're insecure...]] [[Music/OneDirection I don't know what for]]."
* WhosOnFirst:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-sin-line-between-boys-and-girls/ "Where's Heaven?"]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/ill-give-you-forever-21-guesses/ Guess.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/fighting-a-losing-battle/ "No! I! Won!"]]
* YouNoTakeCandle: [[http://notalwaysright.com/hes-been-dealt-with/ "You can't math!"]] "Yeah? Well ''you'' can't ENGLISH!"
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Not Always Learning]]
* AbuseMistake:
** When a gym teacher finds out a student is fasting for [[UsefulNotes/{{Islam}} Ramadan]], he promptly excuses the student from running laps. Then the teacher happens to mention this to some other teachers, one of whom [[https://notalwaysright.com/fasting-day-isnt-hard-enough-already/91722/ calls in the school's Child Protective Services contact,]] believing that the student has an eating disorder and that the student's parents either don't care about his eating disorder or are the cause of it. "[Ramadan is] just a made up thing that people use to not feed their family." Luckily, every other adult in the room immediately realizes the mistake.
** When a teacher arrives at school with a black eye and bruised face, she tells her class that she fell on the stairs at home. One of the toughest guys in the class responds, [[https://notalwaysright.com/domestic-violence-101/101736/ "Are you sure that’s what happened? Or do you have a boyfriend the guys and I need to talk to?"]][[note]]It was just a fall.[[/note]]
* AccentDepundent:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/will-need-to-say-hell-marys/ This story]] works best with a West Texas accent, as the writer notes at the end. [[invoked]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/sperm-of-the-moment-answer/ This]] {{Mondegreen}} is more understandable if you know that the British pronunciation of cement is "SEE-mint" as opposed to the American "suh-MENT".
* AccidentalInnuendo: When the two finalists in a class competition both have the first name "Jack", the teacher announces [[https://notalwaysright.com/end-day-theyre-jerks/97023/ "Let's have a Jack-Off."]][[invoked]]
* AccidentalPublicConfession:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/adopting-a-new-teaching-style/ This example]] doubles up with TomatoInTheMirror; not only did the ''class'' not know that the submitter was adopted, ''neither did the submitter''.
** Inverted [[https://notalwaysright.com/o-dear/ here]], where the teacher ''thinks'' they are in this trope before the student reveals that they already knew they were adopted.
* {{Acrofatic}}: [[http://notalwaysright.com/revenge-is-sweat/ this woman.]]
* ActuallyPrettyFunny:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/drawn-to-the-teacher/ This student]] got in the habit of drawing cartoons depicting his (generally disagreeable) biology teacher in humiliating situations, then throwing said cartoons in the trash after class. Said teacher revealed at the end of the year he'd actually ''rescued'' most of those drawings from the trash because he actually enjoyed them.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/nothing-halts-a-lesson-like-a-spot-of-rabies/ This]] kindergartener got bored reading Dick and Jane, so he convinced the class that Spot has rabies. According to the quip at the end, the teacher ''and'' the principal thought it was pretty amusing.
** "I think I’m going to have to write [[http://notalwaysright.com/ashen-cheer/ that one]] in my last wishes."
** "I guess that is technically true. [[http://notalwaysright.com/politically-incorrect-and-technically-correct/ Full credit for that answer]]."
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/caught-red-bearded/ This teacher's assistant]] once answered the phone using "Captain Redbeard's room", referring to the teacher who, true to the name, had a red beard and was once the captain of the football team. Given the reaction of the teacher's assistant to the caller, it's implied that the caller was the teacher himself (certainly someone she didn't want to hear that), and the laughter on the line--and the fact that the staff called the teacher "Captain Redbeard" for the rest of the year--further implies this trope.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/terrorising-your-students/ This law teacher]] made and used an exam using the students' names for DumbCrooks or other silly situations, as a way to vent stress from putting up with them in class. The students loved it.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/handy-with-drama/ This student's goofy ad-lib]] during a rehearsal was used in the performance, according to the last line.
* AddedAlliterativeAppeal: All the alternate religion-themed drug-use slogans proposed [[http://notalwaysright.com/high-heaven/ here]] use it.
* AdultsAreUseless:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/doesnt-get-the-principle-of-bullying/ This principal]] ''really'' misses the point of bullying, to the point that two parents watching a demonstration of the [[SarcasmMode brilliant counter-strategy]] call the principal out on it. He could probably learn a great deal from [[http://notalwaysright.com/gets-the-principle-of-bullying/ this teacher]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-those-who-can-teach-speech/ This principal]] is even worse: he actually threatens to punish the one teacher who is actually trying to help a victim of bullying.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/was-bra-ced-for-a-different-reaction/ Here]] most of the adults involved are useless.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/need-to-fire-their-fire-planner/ This]] seven-year-old OP is the OnlySaneMan on a school fire drill.
* AllGermansAreNazis: [[http://notalwaysright.com/international-relations-are-history/ Assumed by this seven-year-old]].
* AlphaBitch: [[http://notalwaysright.com/may-have-been-a-sister-but-nobody-missed-her/ This sorority sister]] [[MuggingTheMonster Mugs the Monster]], and eventually gets kicked out for her behavior.
* AnalogyBackfire: [[http://notalwaysright.com/that-lesson-bombed/ In this class]], the teacher tries to get across the meaning of a tragic World War II poem by comparing it to bombs falling on their school. Unfortunately for the teacher, bombs falling on their school is something the students ''want''.
* AnswersToTheNameOfGod:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/answering-to-a-high-school-er-power/ This teacher]] retorts with a "Smith-Will-Suffice" type line.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/oh-my-professor/ This professor]] [[AGodAmI introduces himself as such]].
* ArmorPiercingQuestion: "[[https://notalwaysright.com/race-card-is-double-sided-2/38098/ Are (your parents) racist, too?]]"
* ArtisticLicenseBiology: "[[https://notalwaysright.com/fallopian-noobs/ [Boy] has something stuck in his fallopian tubes!]]"
* ArtisticLicenseGeography[=/=]GlobalIgnorance:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-great-district-of-confusion/ "I am going to tell my professor you guys are giving out maps of Colombia!"]] Note that the map in question is a map of the ''District'' of Col'''u'''mbia -- Washington, D.C.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/why-cartesians-need-to-coordinate-with-cartography/ This math teacher]] doesn't seem to realize the impossibility of ''driving'' from Japan to China. ([[DontExplainTheJoke Japan is a set of islands.]])[[note]]It's technically possible to drive from Japan to China, but it would involve taking a car ferry to either Vladivostok in Russia or Busan in South Korea first in order to get around both the whole water thing and North Korea, with the latter involving a second car ferry from Incheon to get to China. Since you still have to ride boats across water, calling it "driving" from one to the other is something of a stretch.[[/note]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/do-juneau-how-stupid-you-sound/ Here's a case]] that qualifies as CriticalResearchFailure, as the ''entire class'' calls out the ignorant student. [[invoked]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/contimental/ "The continent of Africa just elected their first woman president."]] Doubles as ComicallyMissingThePoint.
** Here's one by a ''teacher'' who's supposed to be ''teaching the subject'': [[http://notalwaysright.com/california-dreaming/ The capital of California is Los Angeles.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/down-blunder/ This teacher]] went to Australia, thinking it was actually Austria and being confused when nobody he met there spoke German.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/just-burst-their-kentucky-fried-bubble-part-2/ This receptionist]] tries to turn an exchange student from the UK away from an international dorm, reasoning that she can't be an international student because she's white.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/losing-the-race/ This student.]] Her team was supposed to make a presentation about black women in South Africa during the 1960s... but she instead makes a biography about Oprah Winfrey. When her teammates point out that Oprah is African-American and not South African, her response is [[ComicallyMissingThePoint "You can't say South African! It's racist!]] [[WeAllLiveInAmerica It's African-American!]]" It gets worse once the rest of the class point this out.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/no-vocation-for-location-part-9/ Here]] we have an [[UpToEleven absolute trainwreck]] of poor geography knowledge: "Oh yeah, [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paris Paris]]. Isn’t that the country in England, [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Italy shaped like a shoe]]?"
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/common-sense-having-an-off-season/ Not one, but two university/college students]] do not understand how hemispheres work. Specifically, they confuse the east/west divide with the north/south divide and believe that it's winter in Germany when it's summer in North America.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/turns-out-not-so-great-britain/ This university secretary]] insists a student who was born in England but lived in America his whole life needs to take an English-language proficiency test despite the student speaking perfect English. Even worse, she doesn't believe his explanation that England is part of United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, one of the countries exempt from the test, because England is not in the name of the country. Thankfully, her supervisor is smarter and makes sure to educate her staff better about the UK so nothing like that will happen again.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/totally-incontinent/ Three students]] who have no idea where Egypt is.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/mexicant-believe-youre-hearing/ This American teacher]] arrogantly claims Mexico is located in South America when it's actually in North America. When one student points out the mistake, he sends the student to the principal for "disrupting the class" only to learn later to his anger and embarrassment that not only did the principal agree that the student was correct and did nothing wrong but he was going to have a talk with the teacher later.
** Maybe, like [[https://notalwaysright.com/mexicant-believe-it-2/ this student]], the above teacher mistakenly thought Mexico was part of the US.
--->[[LampshadeHanging How did I get to seventh grade without knowing that?!]]
* ArtisticLicenseHistory:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/every-school-needs-an-animus/ Stories]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/every-school-needs-an-animus-part-2/ named]] "Every School Needs [[Franchise/AssassinsCreed An Animus]]", in which students believe the ''Assassin's Creed'' series is true to history.
** UsefulNotes/WorldWarI: [[http://notalwaysright.com/losing-the-war-against-ignorance/ the war where]] we [[TheWarOnTerror prevented Saddam Hussein from obtaining WMDs]] by [[UsefulNotes/TheAmericanCivilWar freeing the slaves.]] After which [[UsefulNotes/CivilRightsMovement Rosa Parks became the President]], which caused [[UsefulNotes/WorldWarII Hitler]] to lead the South in secession.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/et-tu-brute-spoilers/107136/ One student]] thought Julius Caesar was a fictional character while another thought Caesar was a woman.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/that-class-is-bombing/38993/ This senile history teacher]] has the events of World War 2's Pacific Theater in reverse, believing that Japanese attacked Pearl Harbour in reposnse to the US atomic bombings of Nakasagi and Hiroshima.
* ArtisticLicenseStatistics: [[http://notalwaysright.com/when-you-can-truly-say-that-math-is-gay/ "So I read this thing on the Internet that said that one in four girls will turn out to be a lesbian. ...That means one of us here has got to be gay!"]]
* AsianAndNerdy: [[http://notalwaysright.com/might-i-suggest-a-stereotypewriter/ Here's one guy]] who seems to think this is the norm.
* AskAStupidQuestion: [[http://notalwaysright.com/vh1-behind-the-sarcasm/ This teacher]] gives a sarcastic response to why she'll be on leave for the next month and a half. At least one student is SarcasmBlind, and the rest don't seem to know how to respond.
* AssimilationAcademy: [[http://notalwaysright.com/blue-in-the-face-over-the-dino/ The teacher from this story]] sends a student to the office for coloring dinosaurs imaginatively rather than what color they "really" were. The student's mom calls the teacher (and principal, who sides with the teacher) on their idiocy before pulling the student out of that school entirely.
* AttentionDeficitOohShiny:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/one-way-to-ring-in-the-new-year/ A rare teacher example.]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/whats-cooler-is-a-castle-filled-with-transformers/125288/ A group of kindergarten students]] pass by a castle on a class field trip (note this story takes place in Kentucky). While they wonder what a castle is doing there for a second, the topic quickly changes over to wishing that they could be Franchise/{{Transformers}}
* AttentionWhore: The girl [[https://notalwaysright.com/its-a-con-text/108889/ this story]] calls "Problem Girl" is notorious for going to great lengths to get attention and is unpopular because of it. Judging by the fact students don't seem to blame her apparent learning disability for her actions, not even the other special needs students like her. If students don't shower her with attention, she's prone to do "some pretty crazy things to make sure [they] will", and she attempts a WoundedGazelleGambit (that thankfully fails due to her incompetence) on the poor girl that makes the mistake of calling her out.
* AxCrazy: [[https://notalwaysright.com/theyre-gunning-for-you/90404/ This student]] was planning to shoot his teacher because the teacher stopped him from trying to pick a fight with another student.
* BadassBookworm / GeniusBruiser: [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-power-of-a-kenya-do-attitude/ This security guard and self-taught electrical engineer]].
* BeatBag: [[http://notalwaysright.com/will-have-some-high-cats-tonight/ This student]] unsuccessfully tries it. Protip: [[DoWrongRight If you're going to try and scam someone this way]], A) try to make sure that they would want the product you're purporting to sell, and B) [[WhatAnIdiot don't use a container where the seal hasn't yet been broken]].
* BeCarefulWhatYouWishFor: "What exactly are you looking to get out of this class?" "[[http://notalwaysright.com/doesnt-get-with-the-programming/ Oh, a passing grade.]]" Come end of semester, the smart-mouthed and class-cutting student gets exactly that: a passing grade... two letters below the one they'd actually ''earned''.
* BeliefMakesYouStupid:
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/like-tolkien-to-a-brick-deeping-wall/32952/ This woman.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/freedom-of-screech/ "You don’t need freedom of speech if you let Jesus think for you."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/irish-fooling-herself/ This college student]] thinks an Irish man will come to her in the US because she made a deal with Jesus.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/he-was-there-in-spirit/ A story]] about the often-heard argument against evolution.
** Also occasionally inverted, as seen [[http://notalwaysright.com/troll-hunting/ here]]. One guy is like ''"You're wearing a cross necklace? You're probably a homophobic racist like the rest of them!"''
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/mother-is-magma-nimous/ This mad mom]] thinks that the science teacher is an atheist teaching their kids about Satan... because she doesn't think volcanoes are real. In Washington, the location of ''five'' active volcanoes (Mt. Adams, Mt. Baker, Glacier Peak, Mt. St Helens, and Mt. Rainier), one of which (Mt. St Helens) erupted quite famously in 1980.
* BigBrotherInstinct: [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-standard-setting-for-the-older-brother/ "Because that's my little sister, and she has standards."]]
* BigYes and BigNo: [[http://notalwaysright.com/playing-with-fire/ This kid]] yells both in sequence at a fire alarm that turns out to be a false alarm.
* BilingualBackfire:
** Subverted here, when [[http://notalwaysright.com/parlez-snooze-francais/ this French teacher]] expects a backfire but none occurs, [[FlockOfWolves because the student in question was the only one in the entire class who actually learned French, instead of cheating by using translators]].
** A kid [[http://notalwaysright.com/lost-in-transl-asian/ here]] tries to insult another student in Spanish, thinking that they didn't understand the language. Too bad for him the student did.
* BleepDammit: An unintentional meta example with [[http://notalwaysright.com/dont-wankourage-bad-behavior/ this story]], where the word "wieners" is censored but the word "[[DidNotDoTheBloodyResearch wank]]" (in the title) is not.
* BrandNameTakeover: Even extends into the ''[[http://notalwaysright.com/hes-a-cultural-geicon/ animal kingdom]]''. According to one student, a certain species of small green lizard is known as a ''Advertising/{{Geico}}'', not a ''gecko''.
* BreadEggsMilkSquick: "[[http://notalwaysright.com/puts-his-own-spin-on-it/ ...we have the printmaking studio!]] This is the largest studio space in the building and includes two etching presses, two lithography presses, and... [[ItMakesSenseInContext and various medieval torture devices]]."
* {{Bowdlerization}}: According to the student (and the professor!) in [[http://notalwaysright.com/writing-off-their-handwriting/ this]] quote, they actually changed it from "My handwriting is like a drunk epileptic spider that fell in an inkpot and had a seizure on the page" to "My handwriting is like a drunk spider that fell in an inkpot and tried to walk on the page."
* BrickJoke:
** A student asks their teacher about his habit of bringing a Wiffle bat to class, and the teacher will only say that it "comes in handy every now and then". [[http://notalwaysright.com/shouldnt-bat-a-drooping-eyelid/ Three months later]], the student learns the answer firsthand.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/this-is-how-you-remind-me-what-is-on-the-exam/ Nickelback]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/punch-time-line/ This student]] asks the teacher if she gets a joke involving a time traveller a couple of minutes before telling the joke.
* BullyingADragon: [[http://notalwaysright.com/he-beat-him-to-the-punch/ This one student]] who lunged after another kid, knowing full well that he studied martial arts. The other kid knocked the wind out of him with one kick.
* BunnyEarsLawyer:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/disbelieving-his-beliefs/ This teacher]] may be nuts, but he uses his eccentricity to make a point.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/gives-new-meaning-test-hard/ A student who signs his tests "Megapenis"]] has the highest grades in the class.
* ByThePowerOfGrayskull: Invoked but subverted by [[http://notalwaysright.com/masters-degrees-of-the-universe/ this professor]].
* CallingMeALogarithm: [[https://notalwaysright.com/a-specie-ous-argument/33313/ This woman]] takes offense to her daughter's teacher referring to the human species as ''homo sapiens.''
-->'''Angry parent:''' Most people in the world identify as hetero sapiens, thank you very much. We don’t like being lumped together with f***!
* CampingACrapper: [[http://notalwaysright.com/dying-to-use-the-bathroom/ This student will never forget what the most common place for medieval assassination was.]]
* CassandraTruth: [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-a-grade-is-silent/104299/ The teacher here]] continually calls the submitter "Ellie," laughing when the submitter tells the teacher that her name is Aileen, believing that the student is merely joking. This continues for the entire semester, culminating in the teacher failing Aileen for having never showed up. The subsequent meeting with Aileen, her counselor, and the teacher revealed she wrongly failed and confused Aileen for another student that actually was named Ellie (who had never attended the class).
* ChainOfCorrections: [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-tower-of-baboons/ A lesson gets sidetracked by one of these.]]
* CheatersNeverProsper: A very common theme.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/el-burro-sabe-mas-que-tu/ This bully]] tries to cheat the protagonist, but said protagonist feeds her bad info that the cheater accepts without question. "[[GratuitousSpanish El burro sabe más que tú]][[note]][[BilingualBonus The donkey knows more than you]][[/note]]", indeed.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/be-sure-to-copy-the-right-copy/ This student]] apparently has a habit of copying the answers from other students. It backfires when said student copies the answers off a classmate who doesn't have the same copy of the test that the cheater does.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/be-sure-to-copy-the-right-copy-part-2/ "During the test, [other student] was asking me for the answers. ...So I gave him the wrong answers."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/those-who-cant-cheat/ This student]] is accused of copying off another pair of students by a teacher that doesn't like [[AmbiguousGender him/her]]. Said student then, as part of an agreement with the teacher, deliberately fails the next test to catch the real cheaters. Sadly, [[KarmaHoudini the cheaters were never punished]] because they were the teacher's favorite students.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/searching-for-history-repeated/ Another student writing down the wrong answers to catch cheaters.]] In this case, the teacher ''knows'' that the student knows better, and is puzzled until the student lets the teacher know why it was done. Next day, both cheaters are ridiculed, then moved to different parts of the classroom where they ''couldn't'' cheat off anyone.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/cant-cheat-at-his-game/ This student]] admits to attempting to cheat at a physics exam by writing down formulas on the desk. The teacher catches this and orders everyone to change seats for the exam.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/time-to-assay-the-essay-situation-part-2/ Double whammy here]]. Not only is a student about to get another student in trouble by taking money to write an essay for him, he isn't even ''competent'' in grammar. Bonus points for the submitter (who's a teacher) being asked to check the essay-writer's work -- which allowed her to report both students.
** What's the result of three students handing in the exact same essay? [[http://notalwaysright.com/time-to-assay-the-essay-situation-part-3/ This.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/felt-cheated-by-the-grade/ Another]] student deliberately puts down wrong answers to trap a cheater - then surreptitiously changes them all to the proper answers afterwards before handing the test in.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/what-is-french-for-emasculated/ Here]], a student who's better at French gets a JerkJock to say he has a TeenyWeenie.
** Ignorance is when you get the answers wrong on a test. [[http://notalwaysright.com/ignorance-versus-stupidity/ Stupidity is copying the ignorant student's wrong answers on your own]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/shouldnt-do-a-copy-of-a-copy/ "Practices improved when doctors realized they needed to stop copying my work."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/failed-at-cheating/ "This test is rigged." "No, you just suck at cheating."]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/a-testing-set-of-circumstances-2/36483/ "You b***! I’m going to fail!"]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/only-getting-a-middleearth-grade-2/38622/ This cheater]] copy's another student answers but fails the test because the student he copied from actually wrote wrong answers using Lord of the Rings before erasing them with the correct answers.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/figuring-dummies-dummy/97051/ When a student learns his classmates]] have been copying his work to pass, during the final exam, he submits an exam paper with wrong answers for the cheaters to copy before switching it with the real one with correct answers.
* ChirpingCrickets: [[http://notalwaysright.com/an-offtweet-sense-of-humor/ Invoked by the author here.]]
* CloudCuckooLander: [[http://notalwaysright.com/following-this-conversation-is-fruitless/ "I thought]] about how it should really be ‘im-grapefruit-ment’ because grapefruits are sour and getting impeached would be a sour experience.” Er, okay then.
* ClusterFBomb:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/this-apple-doesnt-foul-far-from-the-tree/ Well, that certainly answers the teacher's question.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-mommys-curse/ It certainly does.]]
* ComicallyMissingThePoint:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/an-income-figure-of-speech/ We're not poor, we're middle class!]]
** In [[http://notalwaysright.com/se-habla-mexicanol/ this story]], a student's partner asks if Mexico's official language is Mexican. The student assumes that he's joking and says yes, since it's not like they're doing this in a Spanish class, to which the partner replies with surprise at being right.
** After a teacher calls Ernest Hemingway a "lefty", referring to his political views, [[http://notalwaysright.com/about-to-get-left-behind/ this student]] wonders what being left-handed has to do with anything.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/one-small-problem-with-that/ This student]] wants his teacher to check a problem for him. Normally, this is good behavior... but he asks during an exam. He can't understand why the teacher can't just give him the answer.
** In [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-class-is-having-a-day-off/ this story]], a student teacher asks for a response, and after getting nothing, says that he'll start calling out names. He begins with [[Film/FerrisBuellersDayOff "Bueller? Bueller?"]] and a girl replies "Is the answer Bueller?!"
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/swearing-by-the-wrong-word/ This kid]] thinks he got in trouble for saying the word "gob" - as in, telling his teacher to "shut her f***ing gob".
** Courtesy of the language barrier: [[http://notalwaysright.com/doesnt-know-what-the-devil-he-is-saying/ this teacher]] scolds her Japanese student for his rudeness after he tells her to "go to hell." The student promptly looks horrified.
--->'''Student:''' "Sorry, sorry, sorry! Umm. Let's go to Hell together!"
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/losing-the-race/ This class asks a student]] why she made a biography on Oprah when it was supposed to be about South African women. She calls everyone racist for saying "South African", [[WeAllLiveInAmerica as opposed to "African-American"]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-quite-slaving-over-the-historical-accuracy/ Wait. Did slaves get paid?]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/its-hard-work-when-youre-hardly-working-part-2/ This student]] is stated in the beginning of the story to have ''not once'' turned in any work for a class - and then he expects the teacher to tell a potential employer that he is a hard worker.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/red-light-plight/ “Does this really mean ‘I bought my girlfriend in Amsterdam’?””]] “I had a look and told her, “No. It means ‘I bought ‘a‘ girlfriend in Amsterdam’.”
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/what-leftist-nonsense/124228/ This teacher and principal]] can't seem to grasp that the submitter only uses their left hand to write since the right hand was amputated long ago and are more interested on how to make a defiant student use their right hand that doesn't exist.
* ConversationalTroping: "[[http://notalwaysright.com/of-fourth-walls-and-poke-balls/ No breaking the fourth wall!]]"
* ConvictionByCounterfactualClue: [[https://notalwaysright.com/misogyny-is-a-lie-ability/ These criminal law students]] are given an exercise to see how well they can spot a lie. Only one student is shown to take a guess - and he's always wrong, because his logic is always [[StayInTheKitchen "you're a girl"]].
* CoolAndUnusualPunishment:
** Using a cell phone in the library with a "no phones" policy? [[https://notalwaysright.com/stretch-the-rules-and-your-librarian-might-snap/ Snap!]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/witness-versus-witless/ One girl]] gets into a fight to defend a disabled friend. Her "punishment" (given out only because it was required by the rules)? Write an essay about how to win a fight.
** Fail to hand in your work on time, and [[https://notalwaysright.com/hand-in-your-work-or-face-the-music/ this teacher]] might announce it over the intercom... or worse, ''[[DreadfulMusician sing]]''.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/teaching-is-not-his-only-calling/ This professor]] will utterly humiliate anyone who has a cell phone ring in his class.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/pardon-his-french/ Insulting the French, in front of your French professor?]] He assigns the guilty student an essay on France-USA relations.
* CrazyPrepared: [[https://notalwaysright.com/cant-catch-red-handed/ This student]] is so used to people thinking her red hair is artificial because of her mixed Japanese-Irish heritage. When a teacher accuses her of breaking the school dress code, she pulls out a DNA test and detailed explanation of how her genes produce her hair colour. Apparently this has happened a lot.
* CrimeOfSelfDefense:
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/was-bra-ced-for-a-different-reaction/35572/ This story]] has a girl get in trouble for decking a boy after he undid her bra.
** Taken UpToEleven [[https://notalwaysright.com/a-bad-detention-retention/36141/ here]], where a kid gets in trouble just for ''being choked out by the [[ScrewTheRulesIHaveConnections vice-principal's son]]''.
* CriticalResearchFailure: [[invoked]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/do-juneau-how-stupid-you-sound/ "You thought Alaska was an ISLAND?"]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/losing-the-race/ This student]] apparently thinks the correct term to call a South African person is "African-American", despite them ''not being American''. When the rest of the class points this out, the student calls them racist.
** Likewise, [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-united-states-of-africa/ this teacher]] refers to people in Africa as "African-Americans", even after a student points out they are ''not'' American. Worse, the teacher also makes the opposite mistake of assuming white Africans cannot be native to the continent.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/its-no-joker/ This student]], in trying to one-up the submitter when questioned about heroes, states that people like Franchise/{{Superman}} and Franchise/{{Batman}} can't be heroes, because they have superpowers. Batman [[BadassNormal does not have superpowers]]. [[YouKeepUsingThatWord She also claims that heroes with powers are "anti-heroes"]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/native-idiocy/ "Hmm… well, I’m half German and half Irish, so I don’t think I have much European in me."]] Cue most of the class bursting out in laughter.
* {{Crossdresser}}: [[http://notalwaysright.com/show-your-professor-some-puppy-love/ This professor]], during one Halloween.
* CrowdSong:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/well-that-was-f-u-n/ Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/take-me-or-leave-me-confused/ These theater students]] get bored in the dressing room and start singing "[[Theatre/{{Rent}} Take Me or Leave Me]]".
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-class-got-a-bit-haddaway/ Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more!]]
* CryingWolf: [[http://notalwaysright.com/weve-reached-the-tripping-point/ This kid]] falls afoul of it, but not for the usual reason--it wasn't so much that the teacher didn't ''believe'' him, but that the teacher was so sick and tired of him pulling that stunt that she looked the other way when it happened for real.
* CuteBruiser: [[http://notalwaysright.com/she-beat-him-to-the-punch/ This first grade girl.]]
* DarkIsNotEvil: [[https://notalwaysright.com/old-classic-music-routine/38994/ One new clerk]] calls the police on a guy with tattoos and piercings for taking one little girl after school. Had she bothered to check the school's files before calling, she would have realized that he was the girl's uncle and was registered to pick her up if her father wasn't available. The file even had his picture. She didn't last for very long.
* DeadpanSnarker: In response to a drama queen playing up a case of asthma (if she even ''has'' asthma) and claiming she could die if she doesn't get a drink of water, this teacher responds: [[http://notalwaysright.com/this-teachers-logic-is-unquestionable/ "I think we can live with that."]]
* DeathOfTheAuthor: [[invoked]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/reading-too-much-into-it/ This author]] doesn't much care for one professor's interpretation of the use of blue for a room.
* DelayedReaction:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/at-ones-wits-end/ This girl]] has one to a teacher's StealthInsult.
** This is how [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-so-punchy-punch-line/ these two students]] became friends.
* DeliberateValuesDissonance: [[http://notalwaysright.com/unagreeably-agreeable/ To this teacher's surprise]], both his male and female students agree that the male protagonist in a Chinese story they were studying was a jerk. Possibly due to different cultural values, the teacher expected some students to side with the protagonist.
* DeliciousDistraction: [[https://notalwaysright.com/barking-mad/ During a lockdown drill]] (in which a police dog was simply allowed to run though the halls with his handler, instead of being given orders), the dog went into full alert ... over a ham sandwich in a student's locker.
* DeusAngstMachina: [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-power-of-a-kenya-do-attitude/ This security guard]] was rendered homeless three times by the time he was 22 due to faulty wiring. So he teaches himself electrical work (very well)... and his house burns down due to a drunk driver when he is 23.
-->'' So I gave up and moved to America.''
* DidIJustSayThatOutLoud:
** What [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-science-of-self-incrimination/ this student]] was likely thinking when they made a snarky remark when the teacher commented about a news article about lewd websites.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/singing-from-the-same-joke-book/ All but outright stated]] after the student makes a joke insulting the band director. Luckily the director had a sense of humor.
* DidntThinkThisThrough:
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/series-unfortunate-choices/90409/ This teacher]] should have thought twice before giving a five year to read Literature/ASeriesOfUnfortunateEvents.
** In [[https://notalwaysright.com/its-a-con-text/108889/ this story]], a serial AttentionWhore's [[WoundedGazelleGambit attempt to falsely accuse the submitter of cyberbullying her]] [[HoistByHisOwnPetard falls apart in spectacular fashion]] when she sends more bullying texts and bursts into the office of the teacher she talked to while the submitter ''doesn't have access to her phone because she's in his office about to be punished for the "bullying"''.
* {{Dismotivation}}: [[http://notalwaysright.com/easily-obvious/ These]] students ''aren't'' stupid, despite completely failing a very easy multiple choice test.
-->'''Teacher''': I'll make a deal with everyone: if you come to class every day, listen, take notes, and study one hour before the test, I'll make the next test easy.\\
'''Student''': [[ComicallyMissingThePoint If we do that, OF COURSE it will be easy!]]
* DisproportionateRetribution:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/easily-gets-hopping-mad/ This teacher]] forced the submitter, then a first grader, to stand facing a chain-link fence, then after five minutes, shouted at the submitter and forced him/her to stand silently in a corner long enough to not only miss lunch, but for another teacher to ''declare the submitter missing''. What did the submitter do to deserve ''that''? For the former punishment, the submitter hopped down ''two steps'', which apparently was enough to make him/her a "demented animal" in that teacher's mind, and for the latter punishment, the submitter sneezed and banged his/her head on the fence, which apparently equaled "making a commotion". Needless to say, that teacher was removed from supervisory duties.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/needs-to-be-brailled-out-of-that-class/ This teacher]] drags the submitter (then a first grader on the first day of school) to the principal's office in tears because he's "too immature" and "obviously not ready" for school because he won't speak sign language. The principal has to reveal to her what was [[FailedASpotCheck clearly in the submitter's file]] ... that the submitter doesn't speak sign language because he's ''[[InternalReveal blind]].''
** Why did [[https://notalwaysright.com/its-a-con-text/108889/ this horrible girl]] attempt to accuse another girl, the submitter, of cyberbullying her, which would have resulted in criminal prosecution if Problem Girl hadn't got herself caught in her own lies? Because the submitter had called Problem Girl out for pretending to be pregnant.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/after-a-few-hundred-years-a-guy-cant-change-his-look/132438/ A group of kids]] are banned from recess for the day for the heinous crime of coloring Santa Claus's suit a color other than red on their Christmas coloring pages. (Or, in the case of one poor kid, coloring Santa's suit red, but coloring his gloves ''green''.)
* TheDitz: But of course.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-klass-of-2015/ "K as in 'chicken'."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/so-slow-it-hertz/ This student is studying computer science]]... and he doesn't even know what an internet browser is.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/doesnt-enjoy-bird-watching-but-quite-likes-the-woods/ I swear]] I'm not dumb! I know who Tiger Woods is!
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/somethings-not-right-clicking-with-this-student/ This student]] somehow confuses a paper test (from a computer screenshot) for an actual computer.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/i-sea-the-class-as-half-fool/ Here]] we have two ''college'' students who don't know [[GlobalIgnorance geography]] ''or'' [[WritersCannotDoMath basic math]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/welts-in-your-wouth/ "One of my M&Ms has a W on it!"]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/back-to-the-teacher/ A series of convenient events]] convinces a girl that a ventilation cabinet is actually a time machine.
* ADogAteMyHomework: Yes, it happens. [[https://notalwaysright.com/its-a-dog-gone-conclusion/ Almost]] [[https://notalwaysright.com/its-a-dog-gone-conclusion-part-2/ always]] [[https://notalwaysright.com/its-a-dog-gone-conclusion-part-3/ lampshaded]].
* DoubleStandard:
** "[[http://notalwaysright.com/policy-as-mad-as-a-hatter/ Kids are allowed to have their PHONES on them]][[note]]Ostensibly to keep in touch with their parents, but this privilege is frequently abused[[/note]], but HATS aren’t allowed because they’re a distraction?"
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/tolerating-intolerance-can-be-intolerable/33034/ A Christian student]] is called out by his teacher for finding Hindu Mythology ridiculous and hard to believe yet he has no problem in believing with the ridiculous parts of the Bible.
* DoWrongRight: A teacher finds a crudely-drawn penis on the classroom whiteboard, and lectures the vandals in front of the entire class... [[https://notalwaysright.com/they-had-it-coming/92314/ about the incorrect anatomy]].
* EducationThroughPyrotechnics: Why one of the best jobs for a PyroManiac is "[[http://notalwaysright.com/firing-up-a-passion-for-science/ Science Teacher]]".
* EekAMouse: [[http://notalwaysright.com/putting-a-rodent-in-your-class/ Somehow she didn't notice it until that afternoon.]]
* ElSpanishO: [[http://notalwaysright.com/el-burro-sabe-mas-que-tu/ This bully]] seems to think the Spanish language works this way.
* EntendreFailure: [[http://notalwaysright.com/biology-101-one-on-one/ Biology lesson.]]
* EntertaininglyWrong: In [[https://notalwaysright.com/their-thinking-is-continents-apart/ this story]], the poster claimed her (visibly white) mother was African-American and a classmate accuses her of lying; it is eventually explained that [[ExactWords she meant her mother was an American born in Africa]] which her mother confirms.
* EskimosArentReal: [[https://notalwaysright.com/gotta-carveem-all/37617/ This student]] mistakes a narwhal for a kind of Franchise/{{Pokemon}}.
* EverybodyHatesMathematics: Naturally, there are a few stories about people complaining about math.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-getting-into-the-vulcan-science-academy/ This student]] says the usual "When am I going to use this" line. Too bad he said it in a ''Logic'' class.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/math-can-be-a-slippery-slope/ In this story]] a student asks how Calculus could be useful, so the teacher gives a situation, albeit a [[SpaceWhaleAesop pretty unlikely one]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/they-should-stick-to-sin-language/ Another complaint]], with an amusing response.
* EveryoneIsJesusInPurgatory: [[invoked]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/reading-too-much-into-it/ Here.]] The author disagrees.
-->'''College Student''': Our professor told us that [character]'s room being blue is a symbol of his loneliness and isolation. Is that what you meant?\\
'''Author''': No. I just like blue. You can tell your professor they’re full of s***.
* ExactWords:
** How [[http://notalwaysright.com/rounding-numbers-and-grounding-kids/ this teacher]] once got away with returning home late. As he warns, however, ItOnlyWorksOnce.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/cant-grease-their-way-into-it/ This person]] tries to argue against a return policy with this logic. It's ''not'' water damage, it's ''taco grease''. Who cares if it makes the book illegible in entirely the same manner?
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/cracking-on-the-first-week/ "Students are to wear bottoms high enough so that no undergarments are showing."]] A student tries (and fails) to get around this by [[GoingCommando not wearing underwear]].
** The class is playing an {{Expy}} of ''Series/FamilyFeud''. One team tries to call themselves the Llamas, but the professor insists it be a family name and calls them the "Lamas" (like the Dalai Lama.) The team then asks the professor to add another L, and he [[http://notalwaysright.com/your-spelling-is-lludicrous/ changes the name to the "Lamals."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/makes-you-want-to-hit-the-bottle/ One teacher,]] annoyed with her class singing "The Song That Never Ends" asked them to pick a song that actually does end. Well, the [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/_Bottles_of_Beer next song they pick]] does actually end... eventually.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-longing-to-move-belongings/ This student gets their stuff moved by the teacher]], and the next time the student leaves the classroom, said student tells the teacher not to move their stuff. The teacher moves the desk instead.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/never-going-figure/92310/ This teacher]] tells a homophobic student he's been taught by a gay teacher for the past three years, and the student switched to another class. However the teacher himself isn't gay but the student's history teacher ''is,'' and he and his husband are going to meet the student's parents.
** "[[https://notalwaysright.com/sodium-so-dum-3/129663/ We didn't hear anything unexpected, officer!]]" The science teachers were detonating unwanted sodium samples in the rain, and a neighbor had reported hearing explosions. If you know and plan the explosions, they're not unexpected...
* ExtremeOmniGoat: [[http://notalwaysright.com/pray-he-is-only-kidding/ Apparently]], the [[ArtisticLicenseBiology only actual omnivore in existence]].
* {{Facepalm}}:
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/english-history-one-oh-dumb/ Teacher: *palm meets face* “Let me stop you right there.”]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/try-to-appeal-that-answer/ Me: *double facepalm*]]
* FailedASpotCheck:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/for-goodness-psych/ This professor]] fails his listen check.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/students-can-be-fired/ This student]] fails to notice that her hand is on fire.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/when-double-take-is-aptly-named/ This professor]] fails to realize which sister is which when they decide to prank him. He's a psychology professor, so he later uses the incident as an example in the section of the class having to do with memory and pattern recognition.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/cantonese-believe-im-hearing/108024/ The submitter and their friend]] both fail to notice their classmates in the background listening in to their conversation.
* FawltyTowersPlot: [[http://notalwaysright.com/revenge-is-sugary-sweet/ This professor]] first chews out the student for using a cell phone in an ''empty'' classroom, claiming grounds for expulsion. Right on cue, the professor's own phone rings, and she answers it, talking in the classroom. When the student calls her out on the DoubleStandard, she claims the call was from her boss, the dean. Naturally, the dean happens to walk by the classroom, and having overheard that last comment, asks what he had allegedly done. The student reports ''exactly'' what just happened. While the professor ''wasn't'' fired, the student was compensated for a laptop the professor had damaged by spilling the student's coffee on it, and a different professor taught the course for the rest of the term.
* FemaleMisogynist: [[http://notalwaysright.com/dread-every-period-with-this-teacher/ This]] Sunday School teacher, who gives a sermon on how periods are evil, to a female student who dared to have one.
* FreudianSlip: Appropriately enough, [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-fraudulent-slip/ when finishing a discussion about Freud]].
* FridgeHorror: The implications for "all the kings' horses" in the old nursery rhyme "Humpty Dumpty" are [[http://notalwaysright.com/sent-to-the-glue-factory/ discussed in this class]]. [[invoked]]
* FromTheMouthsOfBabes:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/dont-wankourage-bad-behavior/ “Sensei! Do Americans really have giant wieners?”]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/fight-and-focus-on/ "Trojans? Is that a condom shirt?!"]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/let-sleeping-with-teachers-lie/ "So the university makes you do that so you can practice sleeping with other teachers?"]]
* FunWithAcronyms: [[http://notalwaysright.com/it-was-a-cownjugal-visit/ Somebody... Please... Enter... Respectively... Moo?]]
** "[[http://notalwaysright.com/flawed-banter-grades-low/ Fat B***es Get Laid!]]"
* HandsGoDown: [[http://notalwaysright.com/first-grade-problems/ These]] first graders all wanted milk-coated cookies.
* HateSink: [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-professor-transplant/ This]] college professor. The anecdote even starts off with ''"We have a very important test coming up in two weeks for a class with a notoriously terrible, cruel, opinionated, self-centered, professor, who is on the verge of being kicked out of the university."'' You have to wonder why on Earth the professor won't let this test slide because a student needs to go in for ''kidney-transplant surgery''. It's pretty damn hard to fake that.
* HeadDesk:
** The last line of one entry: [[https://notalwaysright.com/needs-lift-abilities-get-lift/ Me: “No…” *proceeds to bang head on desk*]]
* HehHehYouSaidX:
** "[[http://notalwaysright.com/their-poo-h-d-is-a-total-waste/ Toxic dump...]] Sorry. The imagery is just...."
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/obviously-they-prefer-fartissimo/ I can't do PP!]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/and-drums-for-an-comedic-rimshot/ The inevitable joke]] about a guitarist who forgets to take a certain string.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/maturity-0/117277/ "4q…"]]
* HenpeckedHusband: [[http://notalwaysright.com/happy-wife-happy-life-lessons/ This young man]] gets an early start on this attitude.
* HoistByHisOwnPetard:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/judge-not-lest-ye-get-jumped/ This Bible-thumper]] quotes verse in laying down judgments about the students she tutors. The students revolt by [[BotheringByTheBook Bothering By the Good Book]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/putting-the-lesson-on-hold/ This professor]] subjects herself to the same humiliation as she would have for any of her students.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-touching-conclusion/ This student]] attempts to get the submitter kicked off a class trip by falsely accusing him (the submitter) of touching him (the other student) during a test. It fails because other students in the class spoke up in favor of the submitter, and the [[LaserGuidedKarma other student was kicked off the trip instead.]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/you-just-fd-yourself/91206/ One jerk student]] tries to humiliate a submitter's presentation file by adding pornography in their work and making it look it was his. Too bad the submitter's friend was able to show the presentation was modified by the jerk student thanks to the program's file logs which gets the jerk an F and a detention.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/composing-her-own-demise/90397/ This music teacher's]] harsh training which curtails freedom and creatvity ends up making the students worse and got her fired.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/its-a-con-text/108889/ This]] AttentionWhore's attempt to escalate a WoundedGazelleGambit backfires because the teacher she first approached is talking to the submitter (the girl she accused of cyberbullying) and her mother about the alleged bullying and has been for several minutes, meaning the submitter had no means ''of'' bullying her at the time the new texts were sent.
* HonestJohnsDealership: [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-slow-and-the-delirious/ Revealed by a young lady]] who knows more about cars than the guy would like. His blatant StayInTheKitchen attitude does ''not'' help his case.
* HowManyFingers: [[http://notalwaysright.com/giving-the-teacher-the-one-finger-salute/ This teacher]] asks the question while holding up all five fingers. After insisting that the answer was "four" because [[RulesLawyer the thumb doesn't count as a "finger"]], one student responds with the question, with [[FlippingTheBird the answer being "one"]].
* HumanSacrifice: [[https://notalwaysright.com/translations-at-war/ Here]]:
--> Teacher: “What do you guys think was the most important factor in winning a battle in the Civil War?” ...
--> Exchange Student: “Human sacrifice.”
* HurricaneOfPuns:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/so-many-wheys-to-milk-a-pun/ Two students]] banter back and forth with cheese.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/over-ewe-sed-ram-blings/ Here's a particularly ba-a-a-ad one.]]
* HypnoFool: In [[http://notalwaysright.com/their-minds-were-clear-before-he-even-started/ this story]], a hypnotist tells a group of students, "And now... I turn down the gravity!" All of them act like he's turned the gravity ''up.''
* {{Hypocrite}}:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-smoker-of-two-evils/ Sweets are bad for you!]] But cigarettes are A-OK apparently.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/practice-what-you-teach/ I will not tolerate plagiarism!]] Now let's look at this [=PowerPoint=] presentation which has information I just copied from some other websites... (Apparently, the teacher got even ''worse'' as the year went on.)
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/cant-get-a-word-in-nursewise/ Your brother is in college?]] Why didn't you say so earlier, when I wasn't letting you say so earlier?
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/revenge-is-sugary-sweet/ No cellphones in class!]] Now, excuse me while I take this call...
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/truly-blind-faith/ Retarded and homosexual people deserve to die!]] But don't make fun of teen mothers, you could offend someone!
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/two-rights-make-her-wrong/ This teacher]], after teaching a class what rights they have as students, tries to force them to miss both lunch period and most of the class following that in favor of taking a mock test by arguing that, as students, they have ''no'' rights. Between this incident and generally being totally incompetent at what she does, the teacher is fired before the week is out, and the citizenship class she was teaching is scrapped after its first year.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-ironic-side-of-genocide/ This student who doesn't understand genocides]] says that they should get rid of all stupid people.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/waxing-philosophical-about-this/ This guy]] tries to brag about having received a Ph.D. at the end of the story, despite it being entirely about him not knowing what "Ph.D." actually stands for.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-mommys-curse/ This mother]] who curses out her son for swearing and using the "N" word while using it herself, and failing to understand where he gets it from.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/forget-you/ This lecturer]] has been getting the submitter and others in trouble with their apprenticeship for being five minutes late getting back from lunch. The very next day after they complain, the lecturer is ''half an hour'' late, and tries to tell them [[DoubleStandard he's allowed to be late because he has important things to do]] - like forgetting about the lesson entirely, as he admitted when he entered the room.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/coming-midterms-bad-teacher/90171/ This algebra teacher]] tells his students he's willing to help tutor them in math but won't help the submitter who the teacher hates and tells her to figure it out for herself.
* IAmNotShazam: [[invoked]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/frown-on-charlie-brown/ This professor]] who thinks [[ComicStrip/{{Peanuts}} Charlie Brown]] is called "Peanut". And she's an art appreciation teacher no less!
* IAmNotSpock: [[invoked]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/desecrating-science-and-history-at-the-same-time/ A teacher makes a mistake along these lines here,]] confusing the commander of Apollo 13 with [[Creator/TomHanks the actor]] who played him in [[Film/{{Apollo 13}} the film]].
* IAmSpartacus: After [[http://notalwaysright.com/methodist-and-the-madness/ this Bible teacher]] states that Methodists are going to Hell, an ''actual'' Methodist student objects. Eventually, the entire class claims to be Methodists and walks out.
* IMeantToDoThat: [[http://notalwaysright.com/this-professor-is-making-me-nervous/ Invoked by this professor]]. Thankfully, it fit into the lesson he was teaching that day.
* INeedToGoIronMyDog: [[http://notalwaysright.com/signs-its-time-for-a-break/ I need to see a fast dentist]]. ItMakesSenseInContext.
* INeverSaidItWasPoison: [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-picture-is-worth-a-thousand-woes/ A security guard catches a camera thief with this method.]]
* IWasBeatenByAGirl: [[http://notalwaysright.com/she-beat-him-to-the-punch/ A grade four bully loses to a grade one girl.]]
* IgnoredEpiphany: [[http://notalwaysright.com/some-students-auto-be-expelled/ This student]] believed he could flunk high school and still get by fine as a mechanic. His teacher, who was a mechanic for 20 years, easily demonstrates that he still needs an education to succeed at that job. The student's response? "F*** YOU, OLD MAN!"
* ImADoctorNotAPlaceholder: "[[https://notalwaysright.com/time-to-assay-the-essay-situation/ You can’t expect me to mark essays! I deal in science, not WORDS.]]"
* ImAManICantHelpIt: "[[http://notalwaysright.com/unproductive-mis-conceptions/ You can’t expect people to control their population just by not having sex.]]"
* InherentlyFunnyWords:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/they-can-butt-in-just-this-once/ Flying buttresses]]. The teacher is GenreSavvy enough to let the class get the laughs out of their systems before continuing.
** "[[http://notalwaysright.com/why-does-every-joke-sound-like-chicken/ Well, I didn't have a joke. But people just laugh when I say 'chicken'!]]"
* InnocentInnuendo:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/now-play-the-thong-song/ "I pulled off my G string!"]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/tests-can-make-you-testy/ "Wow, if this is a quizzie, I’d hate to see your testes."]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/graded-a-bee-minus/34134/ Somebody stole my beeotch!]]
* InsaneTrollLogic:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-a-uniform-assessment/ Students getting their grades docked for not wearing their PE uniform]], when said uniform is on back-order and they will not receive it for another couple of weeks. Thankfully, in this case it's an accident, rather than deliberately failing kids over things beyond their control.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/this-multiplication-doesnt-add-up/ This substitute teacher]] gives a student a low grade in their math test ''because she actually worked out and solved the problems'', rather than memorizing a table with the answers on them, even though all of the student's answers were correct. She then tries to argue that memorizing the answers out of context is more productive than learning how to find them out on one's own.
*** Likewise, [[http://notalwaysright.com/stopping-the-problem-before-it-multiplies/ this teacher]] is actually failing the submitter because she is getting multiplication questions correct. Her dad puts her in a different school within the week.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/should-i-stay-or-should-i-go-or-stay-or-go-or/ You can stay here. Except you can't. But you can, but you also can't.]] The submitter actually ponders at the end whether an honest-to-God real security guard was really being that stupid, or if it was a dehydration-induced hallucination.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/keeping-partnership-civil/90180/ This teacher]] tries to claim banning same-sex marriage is not bigotry since he can't marry a man since he's already married which a student calls out on the teacher for his poor excuse and won't explain and defend his views.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-dangerous-right/90651/ This substitute teacher doesn't believe in left-handedness.]] She outright states that the submitter is a victim of child abuse and that his parents were drug addicts who tortured him into being left handed.
* InsistentTerminology:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/cant-erase-that-outburst/ This student]] [[DidntThinkThisThrough ends up giving away that he threw a piece of eraser at another student]], because that student thought it was a spitball at first.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/giving-sporting-chance-2/ This student]] hates gym, and is assured by the guidance counselor that they will not be taking gym. The submitter is instead put into [[InNameOnly "Today's Sports,"]] which is different from gym simply because it's an elective, as opposed to a health class. The student in question is not happy with this.
* TheInternetIsForPorn: [[http://notalwaysright.com/prince-albert-was-a-dck/ This teacher]] learns the hard way about doing a Google image search on Prince Albert. ([[DontExplainTheJoke "Prince Albert" is a certain style of male genital piercing]])
* IsThatCuteKidYours: It happens [[http://notalwaysright.com/invasion-of-the-snotty-dispatchers/ here]], but the man helpfully points out that he and the woman he was with, along with the four kids they were supervising, were all from different countries, and they were wearing clothes that indicated that they were part of an international exchange project.
* ItWasHisSled: [[invoked]] [[SubvertedTrope A subversion]]--apparently, at least one student doesn't realize [[http://notalwaysright.com/stupidity-will-be-the-death-of-you/ the title character is going to die]]...in ''Theatre/DeathOfASalesman'' (for those who don't know the play, the title ''is'' meant literally).
* ItMakesSenseInContext: [[http://notalwaysright.com/several-musical-notes/ "In the second and third movement I kind of picture Mary and Jesus in the Millennium Falcon..."]] Unfortunately, no context is given.
* ItsWhatIDo: In [[http://notalwaysright.com/you-throw-tests-like-a-little-girl/ this story]], after a physical fitness test, a teacher remarks that a class seems to have the condition of 12-year-old girls. One of the students points out that they ''are'' 12-year-old girls.
* JapaneseRanguage: [[http://notalwaysright.com/lets-cut-the-clap/ "Then, another man began to crap. Soon, everyone is crapping. I think they enjoyed my song, after all."]]
* {{Jerkass}}: Unfortunately.
** Many stories tagged with "[[http://notalwaysright.com/category/bully bully]]", naturally, fall under this.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/rewarding-behavior-part-2/ This teacher]] calls for a parent-teacher conference ''just to insult a completely different former student''.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-victory-in-tragedy-part-2/ This teacher]] gives a student detention for being a few ''seconds'' late, which would be bad enough by itself - but it's made worse by the fact that the student's little brother had died the night before and the student been up all night. Fortunately another teacher and a counselor intervened, and when that failed the principal intervened personally.
*** While it's no ''excuse'' for the teacher's actions, perhaps the teacher had to deal with a few students like [[http://notalwaysright.com/dying-to-get-out-of-detention/ this]] in the past, and thought ''this'' student was pulling a similar stunt.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/truly-blind-faith/ This student]] outlines their plan for if they ran the world - [[DoesThisRemindYouOfAnything round up all the "retards and gays" in special camps where they would be shot down daily]]. Add in Holocaust denial and self-serving hypocrisy (teen mothers "didn't do anything wrong" because his/her sister is one, but the groups s/he hates were "cursed by God" so it's okay) for the perfect trifecta of asshole.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/royally-screwed-over/ This teacher]], after complimenting a student on their ''Literature/TheOnceAndFutureKing'' project (calligraphy on a parchment scroll, having [[DoingItForTheArt learned calligraphy just for this]]), gives them a B- because ''the lines weren't completely straight''. For comparison, another student who just did the project on notebook paper and mistook a pair of kings for each other got a higher grade - when this is pointed out, the teacher tells the student "if you're going to do something, do it right!"
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/making-the-teacher-get-the-picture/ This teacher]] is apparently giving her students' Father's Day artwork to the wrong people just to be an asshole to them.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/group-fail/ These girls]] do next to no work for a presentation, forcing the submitter to do it all - and then they try to tell the teacher ''they'' were the hard-workers and the ''submitter'' was the lazy one.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/race-fail/ This teacher]] deliberately fails a first-grade student, even though all their answers were correct. Turns out it's because the student is one of the only Caucasian people in a class made up predominately of Hispanics, as evidenced by the teacher saying to her face that "I don’t care how blond or blue eyed you are, you will fail my class".
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/coming-midterms-bad-teacher/90171/ This algebra teacher]] mocks and treats the submitter like she's stupid due to the latter being a quiet person and not very good in math. When the submitter asks the teacher for help, he refuses and says she should figure it out for herself. When the student gets hospitalized for a week, causing her to miss her midterms, the teacher refuses to let her take her exam and gives her a zero, claiming the submitter faked being sick so she could had time to study in spite of the fact the whole school was informed and proof was given. The submitter's father complains to the principal about what the teacher did, which causes the principal to order the teacher to allow the submitter to take her midterm exam in a quiet classroom. Instead, the teacher tries to fail the submitter again by not allowing her to take her exam in a quiet classroom, but in a noisy classroom to distract her so that she will fail the exam and coldly tells her she deserves it for "skipping" the midterms. Thankfully, the principal has had enough with the jerkass teacher and makes sure the midterm he sabotaged would not be included in the submitter's final score. The submitter got a new teacher who was more willing to help with her math problems, and the jerkass teacher was [[LaserGuidedKarma written up and later fired because other students and parents reported he did the same thing to them.]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/sadly-know-type-teacher/110182/ This teacher]] acts like a jerk to a young boy because she doesn't believe he doesn't have a computer to type in his essays and accuses him of being a liar. And when his mother tells the teacher it's actually true, the teacher calls her a bad parent and demands that she buy a computer, not caring that the mother is poor and computers are too expensive (as this took place during the 1990s).
* JerkassHasAPoint: In a class about medicine, [[https://notalwaysright.com/thats-one-killer-learning-curve/ one "teeny tiny" mistake really can have dire consequences]].
* JerkassRealization: [[http://notalwaysright.com/bullied-into-self-realization/ These two students]] realize the reason they were never bullied in school: They ''were'' the bullies.
* TheKeyIsBehindTheLock:
** "[[http://notalwaysright.com/in-need-of-fool-tuition-reimbursement/ You want me to pay full tuition to get to the point where I’ll only have to pay half tuition.]]" Thankfully, once the student says this, the employee at the financial office realizes their own mistake, though this is right after having phrased it ''slightly'' differently and not getting through to them.
** "[[http://notalwaysright.com/scheduling-a-scheduling-appointment/ So, before I can meet with a registrar who can help fill out my schedule, I need to fill out my schedule first, so I can get a registrar to help me fill out my schedule?]]" Unfortunately, this time the submitter fails to get the other person to understand the problem.
* KnowNothingKnowItAll: Much like doctors and nurses on Not Always Working, there are a sad number of stories where teachers seem to believe that they know more than their students simply by virtue of ''being'' a teacher, rather than having actually learned anything to do with their subject. Worse, these are usually the types who have also determined that their entire job is to be seen as the smartest person in the classroom, and as such will [[DisproportionateRetribution attempt to punish any student that proves to know better than they do]].
* LargeHam: [[http://notalwaysright.com/masters-degrees-of-the-universe/ "BY THE POWER]] [[ByThePowerOfGrayskull OF GRAYSKULL!"]]
* LaserGuidedKarma:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/flipping-out-over-the-desk/ After this incident]], where a teacher ''flips a student's desk'' because she knew the student wouldn't pass a neatness check, the student's mother shows up in the classroom to respond in kind, then pulls her child from that teacher's class. The teacher is later investigated and fired, and her teaching license revoked.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/teachers-acting-rashly/ A mean teacher]] who refuses to let a student with fifth disease rash leave class early to call her parents despite the evidence appearing on her skin. When the student came back to school after getting cured, she learned the mean teacher got fifth disease.
* LikeIsLikeAComma: [[http://notalwaysright.com/we-like-like-this-student/ After her teacher warns her about middle school and especially the popular girls]], the brilliant student plans to invoke this trope with a little ObfuscatingStupidity to be a smart and popular girl. The teacher wholeheartedly agrees.
* LiteralMetaphor: [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-bloody-good-performance/ An unintentional version here.]] A musical director describes the cast's less-than-energetic rehearsal as "anemic", not realizing that most of the students present had just donated to a blood drive, meaning they literally ''were'' a bit anemic at that point.
* LiteralMinded: [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-right-answer-requires-the-write-question/ This university receptionist]] asks a student if he had a pencil ready to take down some information. The student takes it to mean that he literally needs a pencil, instead of the pen he had handy, and fumbles around for one, eventually hanging up after fruitless searching. The receptionist asks from then on if they have something to write with.
* LoopholeAbuse:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/gotta-hand-it-to-this-student/ This university professor]] has strict formatting rules for submitted essays... too bad he forgot to mention they had to be ''typed''.
** A student, giving an improvised two-minute speech regarding war, runs out of material a minute in. [[http://notalwaysright.com/war-is-good-for-one-thing-apparently/ So he asks for a minute of silence for those who died.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/cracking-on-the-first-week/ This student]] tries to get around a rule that says undergarments must not be visible. However, he tries this by wearing ''no undergarments at all.''
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-f-bomb/ This student]] apparently believes plagiarizing an entire paper for her essay is perfectly acceptable, because nobody actually ''said'' that cheating isn't allowed. Naturally, she doesn't win when she tries to appeal her grade. Most public US universities DO have a schoolwide "Academic Dishonesty" policy, under which plagiarism is punishable by immediate expulsion, no refunds-- so yes, there WAS a rule, and that girl's lucky all the TA did was fail her.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/recourse-use-resource/97025/ This professor]] administers a test where the students are allowed to use "any resource in the room" for reference, since the class is more about knowing how to find the information they need than about memorizing it. Mid-test, one student realizes ''the professor'' is a resource, and asks for help with a particularly difficult question. After a {{beat}}, the professor tells them where to find the answer, and then [[ObviousRulePatch patches the loophole for future tests]].
** One middle-school English teacher let students score points for reading books, but forgot to set a cap on the number of points students could earn. [[https://notalwaysright.com/book-one-experience/98806/ Cue one bookworm student]] reading and turning in the forms for 130 books, earning an A ''without doing a single regular assignment''. [[ObviousRulePatch Next semester, the syllabus was changed to limit points from reading books.]]
* MakesJustAsMuchSenseInContext: [[invoked]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/this-robot-is-really-in-disguise/ As this person admits]].
* {{Malaproper}}: [[http://notalwaysright.com/for-his-punishment-he-was-concubined-to-quarters/ This teacher.]] ("[[YouKeepUsingThatWord I don’t think that word means what she thinks it means.]]")
* MamaBear:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/she-has-a-mother-thing-coming-part-2/ This one does her part]] in the civil rights movement by standing up to an abusive teacher.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/bad-con-duct/ This one]] would make the above proud, too.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/anger-management-versus-desk-management/ And this one]] who managed to walk in at just the right moment.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/flipping-out-over-the-desk/ This mama]] responds in kind to a teacher's ''flipping her child's desk'' in front of the rest of the class. Said teacher is later fired.
** When a teacher questions whether or not a student does their own work, [[http://notalwaysright.com/mother-will-tell-you-in-her-own-words/ this mother]] responds in an [[TranquilFury understated manner that still got the teacher's attention]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-bad-detention-retention/ This mama]] won't let her child serve a detention a second time after they've already served it...especially when [[CrimeOfSelfDefense said child didn't really deserve the detention]] ''and'' the instigator had thus far [[KarmaHoudini gotten off scot-free]] thanks to being [[ScrewTheRulesIHaveConnections the son of the vice-principal]].
* MamasBabyPapasMaybe: [[http://notalwaysright.com/that-would-be-a-miraculous-child/ One student]] wonders what happens if a girl has a baby and [[ArtisticLicenseBiology they don't know who the mother is]].
* AManIsAlwaysEager: If a student propositions a TA, [[http://notalwaysright.com/soon-to-be-lonely-and-jobless/ the TA is not supposed to accept]].
* MathematiciansAnswer:
** "Which tooth did you lose?" ''*holds up tooth*'' "[[http://notalwaysright.com/the-whole-tooth-and-nothing-but-the-tooth/ This one!]]"
** "When will you be four?" "[[http://notalwaysright.com/from-the-mouth-of-babes-3/ On my next birthday.]]"
* MayanDoomsday: [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-devil-maya-care-attitude/ This kid's parents believed it.]]
* MillionToOneChance: [[https://notalwaysright.com/you-are-commonly-uncommon/124232/ This first-aid teacher]] decided to show the class some photos of injuries they'd never encounter in real life, just to see if they could work out the correct treatment. Out of four photos, ''three'' of them were ones that happened to either the poster's relatives or her friend's relatives.
* MisplacedKindergartenTeacher:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/socially-unacceptable/ This teacher]] has her sociology students, in a university, write down words they use to describe other people. That's the whole lesson. She giggles if any students give "naughty, sweary" words (as she puts it). The narrator of the story takes advantage of this to [[StealthInsult insult her to her face]], with such words as [[ManChild infantile]] and patronizing, and [[IResembleThatRemark she just cheers him/her on for having a big vocabulary.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/addressing-the-big-safety-elephant-in-the-room/ This vice-principal]] at a high school does an intercom speech regarding students jaywalking on school property... in a style that would be better suited for elementary school students.
* MissConception: [[http://notalwaysright.com/like-they-do-on-the-discovery-channel/ A variation.]]
-->'''Female Student''': ''*grabs her breasts*'' Hey, how does milk get in these anyway?
* MistakenForRacist: "I don't like [[Disney/ThePrincessAndTheFrog Tiana]]. I just don't like her color... [[https://notalwaysright.com/royal-colors/ I don't really like green]]."
* MistakenForServant: [[http://notalwaysright.com/continuing-education-meets-continual-aging/ Well,]] mistaken for ''teacher'' in this case. Even ''by'' the teacher.
* {{Mondegreen}}: [[http://notalwaysright.com/his-answer-is-not-satisfactchll/ Brings a spontaneous performance]] of "[[Film/SongOfTheSouth Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah]]" to a halt.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/sperm-of-the-moment-answer/ The semen floor!]]
* MoonLogicPuzzle: [[http://notalwaysright.com/acting-in-seine/ Employed by this teacher]] as a hint, after the question itself goes unanswered. It works[[note]]"I'm a gorilla" --> "Me [[Film/KingKong Kong]]" --> Mekong[[/note]].
* MRSDegree:
** The basic assumption behind [[http://notalwaysright.com/married-to-a-bad-idea/ this story]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/trying-to-reverse-engineer-bigotry/ This substitute]] also seems to assume this about a female student in an engineering class. When the student is blocked from entering the class for the second day in a row, [[IAmSpartacus the entire class leaves in disgust]] until the regular teacher returns.
* MuggingTheMonster:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/this-professor-dean-finitely-wont-be-back/ This professor]] tries to force a military veteran to move forward from the back of the classroom, and won't brook any argument. After the veteran leaves in disgust, one of the students (also disgusted with the professor's behavior) mentions that the veteran's uncle is the dean. The professor "resigned for personal reasons" a week later.
** In [[http://notalwaysright.com/assuming-makes-an-essay-out-of-you-and-me/ this story]], a student fails to recognize his professor and insults him, earning him an extra homework assignment. To the student's credit, he actually does a half-decent job on the assignment. Lesson learned, we hope.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/she-beat-him-to-the-punch/ This bully]] is just ''asking'' for a fight. ([[LiteralMetaphor No, literally, he is.]]) A grade one girl [[IWasBeatenByAGirl gives it to him]].
** Tried and failed by a student who expected a passing grade in a required-for-graduation course despite not attending a single class or completing a single assignment. [[https://notalwaysright.com/grade-and-student/105290/ "You will give me a passing grade, or my lawyer will be contacting the school."]]
* MundaneSolution: Sometimes, ''this'' is the answer the teacher is looking for.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-jump-from-logic/ Sometimes, the solution really is that simple]]. Even better, the student actually gave that answer as a joke.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/avoiding-deaths-door/ "You are in a burning building. You have a paper clip, a pencil, and a sweat-sock. How do you get out?"]] The student's solution? [[spoiler:Leave by the door. The question doesn't say anything about being ''trapped'' in the building.]] Unlike the previous example, it's evident that the teacher didn't intend this answer, but let it stand anyway.
** Another one meant as a joke: [[http://notalwaysright.com/forward-thinking/ this student]] realizes that you can get a pair of skis through any door regardless of how long they are.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/apparently-the-glove-doesnt-fit/ This one]] was certainly expected.
* MyBelovedSmother: [[http://notalwaysright.com/mom-knows-how-to-make-a-meal-out-of-it/ This mother]] is a little too desperate to make sure that her college-student son's eating enough.
* MyGodWhatHaveIDone: [[http://notalwaysright.com/bullied-into-self-realization/ Two friends come to the realization they were bullies.]]
* NaiveNewcomer: [[https://notalwaysright.com/americans-friendlier-others/90650/ This Japanese student]] doesn't realize those "friendly" American ads for people who want a late night chat are in fact phone sex lines.
* NamesTheSame: [[invoked]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/so-much-for-clearing-her-name/ This poor girl]] keeps getting called to the vice-principal's office because someone else with the ''exact same name'' is causing trouble. Thankfully, the people at the office generally realize their mistake when the first girl shows up.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/when-sally-met-sally/ This teacher]] took most of the semester to realize there were two girls named Sally in the class. By that time, she'd already marked the wrong Sally truant for an entire week.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/giving-the-professor-a-bad-name/ This professor's students]] tell him of a death row inmate in another state who happens to share his name. The professor promptly wonders if he happens to be the same classmate from his high school days who ''also'' shared his name.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/math-class-is-full-of-numbers/ This math class]] (which is over twice as large as it usually is) has a ''lot'' of students that share names, which the professor discovers during roll call.
* NeverMyFault: [[https://notalwaysright.com/calculus-versus-dumbledores-army/ This substitute teacher]] refuses to admit he messed up a high school class's calculus exam by entering the questions incorrectly into the computer with incorrect answers which failed all of the students when the answers the class wrote down were correct and they actually passed the exam. Instead, he wrote to the local newspaper and school board and accused the students of cheating the exam by blackmailing the school and should be expelled as [[InsaneTrollLogic students who are part of a study group leads to gang activity]].
* NiceJobBreakingItHero: [[http://notalwaysright.com/wont-be-snowed-under-with-work/ This teacher]] gets annoyed at a student for staring at falling snow out the window instead of working, pointing out that nobody else in the class is doing so - turns out this is only because they didn't ''notice'' the snow, until the teacher very helpfully pointed it out to them.
* NoIndoorVoice: [[http://notalwaysright.com/there-is-no-substitute-for-good-volume-control/ Behold 'The Screamer'.]] Who is an '''adult''', not a child.
* NoLongerWithUs: [[http://notalwaysright.com/his-teaching-style-is-just-heavenly/ Assumed by this student.]]
* NoodleIncident: [[https://notalwaysright.com/caving-in-to-the-question/ One student]] has negative thoughts about Montana because his uncle got lost out there and was eventually found naked in a cave. No further details are given.
* NoPeriodsPeriod: [[http://notalwaysright.com/best-excuse-period/ This PE teacher]] forgot this trope doesn't exist in real life.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/their-language-skills-will-periodically-surprise-you/38564/ Some things transcend language barriers]].
** A frequent story: Female student needs to use the restroom, teacher says no, female student blurts out ''why'' she needs to use the restroom, horrified/humiliated teacher lets her go.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/meno-pause-recess/ This terrible teacher]] tried to have a student ''punished'' for explaining why she suddenly needed the restroom. The kicker? ''[[FailedASpotCheck It's at a girls' school.]]'' The narrator concludes by wondering what that teacher does about her own monthly.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/missed-that-period/ Another teacher]] tried to publicly shame a female student for being late to class by demanding she announce her "excuse" in front of the whole class. He wasn't expecting a list of what one needs to do to when one's period starts in the middle of the night without warning.
---> He’s never hassled another student like that again — especially the girls.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/awkward-for-a-period/ This student,]] on the other hand, plays it perfectly straight... [[DudeLooksLikeALady for good reason]].
* NotDistractedByTheSexy: [[http://notalwaysright.com/no-not-that-kind-of-flash-pass/ A female student]] was locked out of her dorm, but doesn't have the money to pay a security officer to open it for her. She tries an...[[IHaveBoobsYouMustObey alternate]] method of payment.
-->'''Security Officer:''' Well, those are very nice. Now, that’ll be £5 please.
* NotListeningToMeAreYou: [[http://notalwaysright.com/read-and-right/ This student]] drove a teacher crazy by repeatedly subverting the trope.
* NotThatKindOfDoctor: [[http://notalwaysright.com/deals-with-a-different-kind-of-seed/ This]] agricultural professor gets accosted by a woman who thinks his doctorate means he knows how to deliver babies.
* OffscreenTeleportation: [[http://notalwaysright.com/basic-chemistry-meets-advanced-physics/ Or something similar]], and you have to admit his reason for learning how to do it makes sense.
* OffTheRails: [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-politics-of-politics/ One student]] manages to derail a political game by getting people to contribute their money to them without realizing, [[MagnificentBastard and eventually dissolves the partnership and keeps all the money for themselves]].
* OhNoNotAgain: [[http://notalwaysright.com/modern-schooling-can-draw-blood/ Lampshaded here.]]
* {{Omniglot}}: Downplayed, because the person in question "only" speaks three languages, but..."[[http://notalwaysright.com/a-concentration-of-translation/ Wait, did you just tell him not to speak Spanish in an English class, in Korean?]]"
* OverlyPrepreparedGag: [[http://notalwaysright.com/punch-drunk/ This gag here.]]
* PeoplesRepublicOfTyranny: [[InvokedTrope Invoked]] by [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-democratic-republic-of-having-your-mind-blown/ this student.]]
* PerfectlyCromulentWord: Someone put up a picture of Ben Franklin on a wall next to other famous scientists with a caption that included the word "scientifical". This person's teacher later added a post-it saying that [[AccidentallyCorrectWriting it's actually a real word]].
* PoliticalCorrectnessGoneMad: [[http://notalwaysright.com/losing-the-race/ You can't say South African! It's racist! You have to say African-American!]]
* PopculturalOsmosisFailure:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/goodbye-norma-jwoww/ This guy]] doesn't know who Creator/MarilynMonroe was.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/lack-of-knowledge-is-very-very-frightening/ Many of these high school students]] don't know [[Music/{{Queen}} Bohemian Rhapsody]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/you-give-love-of-music-a-bad-name/ This New Jersey student]] has to ask who Music/BonJovi is. This after learning the song "Livin' On a Prayer".
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/living-in-1984/ This English teacher]] was brought in to teach literature so the students would understand references that will be used in college. Unfortunately, the rest of the staff, including the superintendent, suffer from this so badly that they want to spend four years focusing on "[[PublicMediumIgnorance the four classics]]", which doesn't include ''Literature/AnimalFarm'', ''Literature/TheCatcherInTheRye'' or ''Literature/NineteenEightyFour''. The district's resident OnlySaneMan basically tells the English teacher to run for her sanity.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/you-are-mostly-dead-to-me/ This student]] wrote a review of ''Film/ThePrincessBride'' for an English assignment, and was apparently forced to redo it with a different movie because the teacher had never heard of it.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/straight-up-now-tell-me-if-im-beyond-the-edge-of-glory/ This professor]] thinks Lady Gaga is named "The Gaga Lady." Even better, he only referenced her since he didn't think any of his students were old enough to remember Paula Abdul.
* PreemptiveShutUp: [[http://notalwaysright.com/what-came-first-the-chicken-or-the-joke/ "Don't you dare say it!"]]
* PrepositionsAreNotToEndSentencesWith: [[http://notalwaysright.com/theres-always-time-for-adverbs/ A textbook case]], followed by a textbook retort.
* PuppyLove: On the first day of kindergarten: "[[http://notalwaysright.com/a-very-long-engagement/ I met (Boy). I'm going to marry him someday!]]" "Uh-huh." [[spoiler: [[ChildhoodFriendRomance Twenty years later, they do]].]]
* PyroManiac: [[http://notalwaysright.com/firing-up-a-passion-for-science/ This science teacher]], who [[EducationThroughPyrotechnics makes the best of it]].
* RapidFireInterrupting: In [[http://notalwaysright.com/cant-get-a-word-in-nursewise/ this story]], a nurse repeatedly cuts off a student, chastising her for asking her brother to pick her up from class, [[OneSideOfTheStory assuming that the brother is still in grade school]]. Once the student is finally able to explain that the brother is not only college-age, but also on spring break, [[{{Hypocrite}} the nurse chastises the student for not saying so sooner]].
* ARareSentence: [[http://notalwaysright.com/survival-of-the-fittest/ "There are some things I never thought I'd have to state at the front of a classroom."]] Such as "I've never felt 'Bear Grylls.'"
* RashomonStyle: [[http://notalwaysright.com/incorrectly-referencing/ This maths teacher]] remembers an incident where a student went up to him for help with questions on an exam. The student, however, remembers it differently; she was asking why those questions were ''marked wrong'' when they were actually correct. Given the teacher's replies (and that the teacher was using the incident to justify writing that the student "struggles at math" on a reference to university), it's strongly implied that the student is in the right.
* ReadingsAreOffTheScale: [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-de-grading-test/ This student]] consistently tests at the limits of the reading tests given (at both second and third grade, she demonstrates sixth-grade reading capability). Unfortunately, the teacher doesn't realize this is why the student in question is "not improving"--the test doesn't actually cover the grade levels the student is capable of reading at, with sixth-grade level being its limits. (A different test proves the student has eighth-grade level reading skill while in third grade.)
* ReallyGetsAround: Zeus has this reputation in [[http://notalwaysright.com/ungodly-godly-behavior/ one classroom]], to the point that the teacher calls him the god of (among other things) unfaithful husbands.
* ReflexiveResponse:
** A student that often gets admonished for chewing gum in class spits out his gum when the teacher shouts his name... [[http://notalwaysright.com/pavlovs-yell/ just before the teacher actually gives him a compliment]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/hows-that-for-just-desserts/ How to counter a series of "no"s]].
* RidiculousProcrastinator: [[http://notalwaysright.com/due-tonight-vs-do-tonight/ "When is the paper due?" "Midnight."]]
* RightBehindMe: [[http://notalwaysright.com/pardon-his-french/ A singular bigot of a university student]] seems determined to start every class with a rant about a hated-by-him group ''du jour''. In this case, he goes after [[CheeseEatingSurrenderMonkeys the French]]. Only ''this'' time, the professor actually shows up to hear at least a good chunk of the snarling--and he's French. [[LaserGuidedKarma The bigot is assigned to write 3,000 words about U.S./France relations within two days.]]
* RulesLawyer:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/painting-colorful-language/ One student]] decides to test just how far a math teacher's "As long as you're quiet, you can do whatever you want after the test" rule goes by ''painting'' after an exam. Turns out the teacher meant ''exactly'' what she said; when another student complains about the submitter painting (cursing in the process), the teacher points out the submitter hasn't broken any rules, but the complaining student has--''twice'', by both failing to be quiet, and cursing in the classroom.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/some-camo-you-cant-see-some-you-dont-want-to-see/ Students were given treats for wearing camo, or red-white-and-blue]]. One student tried to get a treat by wearing camo underpants. The teacher wasn't impressed.
* RunningGag: [[http://notalwaysright.com/it-is-imperative-this-student-gets-a-cookie/ This student]] apparently wants a cookie.
* SadistTeacher:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/she-has-a-mother-thing-coming-part-2/ Abusive, too]]...until [[MamaBear the student's mother shows up]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/temperamental-about-the-parental/ This one]], among other infractions, forces students who didn't study with their parents for spelling tests to sit in at recess with their heads down, even if they got an 'A' on the exam. The parents of the submitter complain about this behavior--pointing out that it teaches kids to lie--and eventually the teacher is dismissed after a different incident.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/race-fail/ This teacher]] consistently failed a student because she believed that "some students should not be given special privileges", despite the student's work being correct. The student (and family) was white/Caucasian, while the community was primarily Hispanic, so the teacher's statement was very thinly-veiled racism. The mother got her children assigned to a different classroom.
* SarcasmBlind: [[http://notalwaysright.com/unequal-views-of-equality/ This girl]] doesn't get it when someone else tries to call her out on her hypocrisy.
* ScrabbleBabble: [[http://notalwaysright.com/what-a-pile-of-blarbleskutch/ Blarbleskutch]], apparently the sound made by a fish when you take it out of water.
* ScrewTheMoneyIHaveRules: [[http://notalwaysright.com/i-got-a-million-problems-but-my-teach-aint-one/ "I'd still give it to the police."]]
* ScrewTheRulesIMakeThem: [[http://notalwaysright.com/on-the-chopping-block-over-chopsticks/ This teacher]] admonishes a student for having her lunch split between two bags and for using chopsticks to eat it, rather than a fork. She ends up taking that student to the principal over it... only to learn there are no rules about how many bags a student can have their lunch in or what utensils they can eat it with. The teacher ended up fired not long after this incident.
* SecretTestOfCharacter: [[http://notalwaysright.com/this-test-has-your-name-on-it/ Here.]]
** Also [[http://notalwaysright.com/profess-to-be-the-professor/ here...]] [[spoiler: Until it's [[SubvertedTrope subverted]]]].
* ShelteredAristocrat: In a school situated in an affluent county, [[http://notalwaysright.com/this-generation-is-out-of-touch/ these students]] are absolutely shocked that their teacher didn't like iPads, and didn't have a laptop until college. They wonder what the teacher did to survive, and she of course replies that she played ''outside''.
* ShipperOnDeck: "[[http://notalwaysright.com/not-so-stupid-cupid/ So, basically, a six-year-old scored me a boyfriend.]]" Complete with the "sitting in a tree" chant.
* SkewedPriorities:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-fired-and-the-fabulous/ This teacher]], panicked by an unannounced fire drill, runs outside with her cosmetics... but not her class register or the students themselves, so she couldn't check if all of the students had made it out.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/sadly-know-type-teacher/110182/ This teacher]] demands a mother buy a computer for her son and doesn't care the mother is poor and can't afford to buy one.
** Rather than shell out the funds to hire new teachers (and forcing local parents to cover for the staff they don't have), [[https://notalwaysright.com/that-should-really-get-your-goat/119148/ this school]] would rather buy goats to serve as class pets.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/seriously-injuring-grade/97019/ This student]] is running late to his final exam and sees someone lying injured in the road after getting hit by a car. He chooses not to help her, and instead runs into the classroom to make it to his exam on time.
* SmugSnake: Unaware that the submitter is using their phone to complete an assignment in the form of an animation unlike the other students, [[https://notalwaysright.com/their-criticism-of-you-is-very-animated/131342/ a classroom assistant on a power trip]] very loudly and vocally busts them for supposedly listening to music and "drawing things" instead of doing the assignment and smirks at the submitter as they come up to the teacher's desk. When the teacher explains that she allowed the submitter to complete the assignment this way (and expresses interest in how the app they are using works), the assistant is so humiliated that they begin trying to get themselves transferred to a different class and as far away from the teacher and submitter as possible.
* SnipeHunt: [[http://notalwaysright.com/this-day-has-gone-down-the-tubes/ During a wood-working class]], the teacher asks a student to fetch a fallopian tube.
* SpaceWhaleAesop: [[http://notalwaysright.com/math-can-be-a-slippery-slope/ Learn math, or someday a psychotic math teacher will kill you.]]
* StayInTheKitchen:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/married-to-a-bad-idea/ "The only reason any woman goes to university is to get a husband with an education; they earn more! You don’t need a good average, no woman does!"]] This was said by a ''woman''.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/busting-his-judo-chops/ "I bet you’re still a white-belt because you’re just a girl. Girls can’t fight."]] [[MuggingTheMonster And then he got his ass kicked]].
** In [[http://notalwaysright.com/misogyny-is-a-lie-ability/ this story]], a criminal law class holds an exercise where a student will state two facts and one lie about themselves, to see how well the other students can spot a lie (like a classroom version of ''Series/ToTellTheTruth''). One of said students inevitably counters what is actually true because the student claiming it is a girl.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/quarters-and-fractions-meets-quarterback-infractions/ This]] DumbJock assumes his female math teacher doesn't know anything about football. She surprises him.
** A rather troubling example [[http://notalwaysright.com/trying-to-reverse-engineer-bigotry/ here]], where an old substitute teacher actively refuses to let the only girl in a class even enter the classroom, because he thinks it's a boys-only class. [[IAmSpartacus The entire rest of the class decides to sit out the class with that girl]] for the entire two weeks that the substitute is there, and when the normal teacher returns said substitute was forced to retire early by the superintendent and school board.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/man-agement/ This student]] in a Human Resources Management class eventually realizes he's digging himself in a hole with his claim that women can't do most jobs, and then asks his ''female'' professor to bail him out.
---> Nope. What you’ve been saying for the last five minutes is a massive HR violation and would get you fired in the real world.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/not-sure-one-offended-first/108027/ This substitute teacher]] is not only sexist by telling the girls in the class that they shouldn't bother studying for college and should get married instead, accuses their female history teacher as stupid and wrong because she does her lessons using computers (which he thinks is only used for entertainment) but is also racist as well when he claims one Asian student will marry a girl sitting next to him, who he accuses of being slut, if she gets pregnant as Asians are a honorable race. This last part bites him since the "couple" he pointed out are in fact fraternal twins, who will not only report him for being sexist and racist but also giving advice for colleges which is illegal for teachers to do and may get him fired and teaching license barred.
* StealthHiBye: [[http://notalwaysright.com/basic-chemistry-meets-advanced-physics/ This teacher]] does it when he hears his student scream.
* StealthInsult: [[http://notalwaysright.com/racism-isnt-smart/ This student]] apologizes to an Indian classmate for stereotyping against Indian people. They say that they shouldn't have assumed that all Indians were so smart. The classmate [[DelayedReaction eventually]] gets what the student was getting at.
* SteppingOutForAQuickCupOfCoffee: [[http://notalwaysright.com/silent-protest/ This teacher]] hopes that no protesting students get up to mischief while he's on his break. He especially hopes that they don't push that [[BigRedButton BIG BUTTON]] over there. [[CouldSayItBut That would be terrible]].
* StickySituation: [[http://notalwaysright.com/truly-inseparable-friends/ Here]].
* StreisandEffect: [[invoked]] [[https://notalwaysright.com/not-just-discussing-school-affairs/87893/ This Christian principal]] wanted to stop rumors spreading that a married teacher was having an affair with a student's mother....by announcing it to the entire school during the auditorium assembly. The ironic part was that everyone, including the student herself didn't know about the affair until the principal mentioned it. As a result, the poor girl was forced to leave school, humiliated with the revelation and the principal was '''hated''' by the whole school for his actions.
* TheStoner: [[http://notalwaysright.com/teaching-them-an-important-lesson-on-drugs/ This substitute teacher.]]
* StuffBlowingUp: [[http://notalwaysright.com/po-tential-k-atastrophe-averted/ Don't play with alkali metals.]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/oh-nly-if-you-wis-h2-deto-na-te/ No, really, don't.]]
* SustainedMisunderstanding: [[http://notalwaysright.com/mentally-checked-out/ In a library]], one student asks another for her copy of a book, thinking it's actually a library copy. When the second student replies that the book is her own personal copy, the first student seems to think (from that point) that the library ''gave'' her that book, or at least that the second student ''thinks'' that. The misunderstanding only gets worse from there.
* TakeThat: [[http://notalwaysright.com/they-are-but-learners-among-masters/ This one]], against the petty arguments that occur a lot in the ''Franchise/StarWars'' fandom. Also proof that a true fan can take on the petty fans any day.
* TalkAboutThatThing: [[http://notalwaysright.com/gets-the-principle-of-bullying/ This teacher]] uses the (false) excuse of a student not doing work to take said student to the principal's office...to discuss the bullying he's been subject to, without letting the bullies know he's telling on them.
* TapOnTheHead:
** The KO Punch variant: [[https://notalwaysright.com/when-toxic-personalities-become-intoxicated/ Here]]:
--> Mid-sentence, she tries to shove my regular again, but this time the regular catches the college girl’s arm and delivers a powerful right cross to her face, knocking her out cold. The regular watches the drunk college girl drop to the floor like a sack of potatoes, then sits back down on her barstool and turns back to the bar.
* TemptingFate:
** After [[http://notalwaysright.com/baptism-of-fire-alarms/ this student]] complains to mom about the ridiculous number of fire alarms in the dorm (as no one seems to know how to use an oven), she replies, "Maybe it will be better this time." Cue three fire trucks, sirens wailing, headed toward the dorm.
** It's a theater tradition to say "break a leg" instead of "good luck" because of this trope, but [[http://notalwaysright.com/pulling-your-leg/ "break a leg" can backfire too]].
* ThatCameOutWrong:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/keep-a-close-crotch-on-this-student/ Here]], in response to a hypothetical question about the use of [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Groin_%28hydrology%29 strips of land]] to prevent erosion, one student replies "[[GroinAttack I'd destroy his groin]]!"
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/lost-innuendo-translation/ This foreign student]] wanted to ask his teacher if he he could stay overnight for a study session. Unfortunately, what he said was "Can I… uhh... sleep... with you?", but the situation was defused quickly.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/doesnt-know-the-drill/ "I've been drilling him, and he’s been drilling me."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/that-exam-was-easy-pee-sy/ "I'm actually still relieving myself right now!"]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-f-word-is-constitutional/ The F-word.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/stark-naked-notes/ "I just got 'completely naked'"]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/being-a-good-spurt/ This doctor on sperm samples]] -- "Oh, these things come in spurts."
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/theyre-great-at-singing-the-crotchets/ A teacher when instructing a choir]] -- "Okay, lower lady parts!"
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/some-facts-can-just-bowel-you-over/ This girl about the small intestine]] -- "But there is no way a seven-meter-long thing fits in me!"
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/their-score-was-already-high-enough/ “I was on drugs…”]]
* TheyJustDontGetIt:
** Combined with ObstructiveBureaucrat. [[http://notalwaysright.com/hard-of-hearing-meets-hard-of-thinking/ This college student is]] ''deaf,'' and specifically requested an e-mail communication regarding an appointment with the advising office. The receptionist ''insists'' on communicating by ''phone call,'' ignoring his preferences, and the fact that the submitter ''cannot'' use the phone to call repeatedly. When the submitter goes to the office, in person, the first thing the receptionist does is berate the submitter for ''ignoring'' the calls and that the semester is ending in a week, after the submitter told the receptionist no less than three times ''that he is deaf and can't answer the phone!'' After setting up the appointment, the receptionists asks "would you like the reminder by phone or email?"
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/sister-twister/ This teacher]] doesn't seem to understand that two half-sisters with different mothers and who live at different homes are still consider sisters even if they don't live together. The whole class goes {{Facepalm}}, including the teacher's daughter who also did a {{Headdesk}}, couldn't believe how dumb the teacher was.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/an-alarming-way-to-get-fired/ This teacher]] refuses to allow her students to leave the classroom when the fire alarm goes off. Not when it goes off, not when the fire department gets there, or even when ''the school director outright states that there is a fire.'' When the class ''does'' leave, she continues to yell at her class, threatening to expel them for "purposely missing an exam," ''even though the director is the one leading them out!'' [[LaserGuidedKarma This whole incident causes the teacher to be fired and sued by the school.]]
** A justified example here: A little girl on her first day of class [[https://notalwaysright.com/jojo-name-o/102978/ refuses to answer to anything but her nickname]]... because ''nobody ever taught her about her real name''.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/an-alarming-lack-of-consideration/126279/ The submitter's roommate's girlfriend turns off the submitter's alarm clock]] because it's going off too loud and too long for her... when she's not supposed to be staying in their unit in the first place, and the submitter needs the extra loud, extra long alarm because he has trouble waking up in time for his classes, ''which he's been missing because she's turning off his alarm clock without his knowledge''.
* ToiletHumor:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/americas-favorite-pastime/ Group poop.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-bit-young-to-be-so-off-color/ This exchange.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/lets-cut-the-clap/ An unintentional example]], thanks to JapaneseRanguage.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/sticking-with-answer-number-one/ ... and THEN pee in it!]]
* TranquilFury:
** One story spells out the trope fairly well, with one student's [[MamaBear mother]]: "[[http://notalwaysright.com/mother-will-tell-you-in-her-own-words/ Now, my mum is terrifying on the warpath. She doesn’t hit, scream, throw things, or anything else like that: she is just nebulously yet definitely terrifying....]]"
* {{Troll}}:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/troll-hunting/ This one escaped the confines of the Internet.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/blind-eye-to-the-blindside/ This one repeatedly insults another student in an effort to get the second student in trouble.]] When the second student finally snaps, the first student tattles. But despite the teacher being ''right there'' and looking in their direction, [[IllPretendIDidntHearThat the teacher saw nothing]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/barking-up-the-wrong-culinary-tree/ This guy giving a presentation on "Chinese Food".]]
* TrueArtIsIncomprehensible: [[invoked]] No matter what [[http://notalwaysright.com/c-right-through-modern-art/ this art student]] does, whether it involves painstaking effort or just throwing together random junk, it gets a 'C' grade from the professor (with the "random junk" effort apparently falling into this trope). The student eventually changes majors.
* TwinTelepathy: [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-of-one-mind-on-the-matter/ These students]], apparently. Their teacher requests that they be moved into separate classes so they can't cheat off each other.
* TyopOnTheCover: [[http://notalwaysright.com/inappropriate-gaymes/ An unfortunate misspelling indeed]].
* UngratefulBastard: [[http://notalwaysright.com/cheated-at-his-own-game/ This 2nd-grade student]] asks the submitter for an answer on a test, and upon receiving it, then asks for the submitter's phone number so he can call his mother and tell her he cheated.
* UnsettlingGenderReveal: [[http://notalwaysright.com/new-meaning-to-gender-displacement/ This girl]] does it to another group of girls who were infatuated with her. [[http://notalwaysright.com/new-meaning-to-gender-displacement-part-2/ Has a sequel]] on Not Always Friendly; even funnier, the second target was with her boyfriend, who started laughing hysterically in the aftermath.
* TheUnsmile: [[http://notalwaysright.com/give-them-a-grinch-and-theyll-take-a-smile/ This person's "smile" manages to convince their band director that they're feeling sick.]]
* ViewersAreMorons:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/unintended-condescendences/ This teacher]] unfortunately goes beyond the assumption that students are ''ignorant'', and seems to operate under the assumption that students are ''stupid''.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/word-to-the-wise/ This teacher]] seems to operate under the same logic, having assumed that none of the students (Germans who are learning English) have ever heard an English word before entering his classroom, and as such throwing a fit when a student turns out to know most of the words in a poem without having to have looked them up as they were reading it.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-negative-teaching-experience/ This teacher]] tries telling her students negative numbers don't exist, because she doesn't think they could understand that. Naturally, when it turns out they do, rather than praising them for knowing more than she expected, [[DisproportionateRetribution she sends the first student to speak up about it to the principal for "insubordination"]] (though the student quickly returned). After that incident, the teacher went to the more plausible "[[AnotherStoryForAnotherTime we're not covering that yet]]".
* VictoriasSecretCompartment: Where [[https://notalwaysright.com/how-em-bra-ssing/ this substitute teacher]] keeps her phone.
* WakingNonSequitur: [[http://notalwaysright.com/hed-sleep-through-vorgon-poetry/ In this story]], a teacher tries to catch out a student who is prone to sleeping (through no fault of their own), by asking about the book she slammed onto the student's desk. The student mentioned the first thing that came to mind ("42!"), which had nothing to do with the book being discussed. However, the answer did have everything to do with [[Literature/TheHitchhikersGuideToTheGalaxy the book that was slammed down onto the desk]]...
* WalkingDisasterArea: [[http://notalwaysright.com/perfect-accidental-timing/ This accident-prone student]]. The science teacher even has an XDaysSince sign in the lab, just for that student.
* WantonCrueltyToTheCommonComma: [[http://notalwaysright.com/all-hail-the-oxford-comma/ An excellent example]] of why proper use of commas is essential.
* WaxingLyrical: [[https://notalwaysright.com/i-hear-the-voices-when-im-dreaming/ Carry on]] [[Music/{{Kansas}} my wayward son.]]
* WhatsAHenway: [[http://notalwaysright.com/needs-a-tutorial-tutorial/ "What the heck's a 'torial']] and why do we need two of them?!"
* WhosOnFirst: [[http://notalwaysright.com/appropriate-applications-of-apathy/ "That was actually correct? Because I really don't care."]]
* WhyWeCantHaveNiceThings: [[http://notalwaysright.com/b-is-for-blackmail/ This teacher]] stopped with bribing jokes after a certain incident.
* WithFriendsLikeThese WhoNeedsEnemies: [[https://notalwaysright.com/tie-self-esteem/91729/ This high school senior]] is horrified to find that their good friend has entered an ugly tie contest with a tie covered in pictures of them - and wins.
* WorstAid:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/broken-armed-with-a-note/ Oh boy.]] A student breaks his arm, and the first thing three people do is ''physically test it to see how badly it's actually injured.'' Thankfully ''not'' repeated by the nurse, but seriously--a suspected broken arm ''should not'' be tested in that manner; doing so can make the injury far worse.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/doesnt-nose-what-she-is-doing/ This school nurse]]'s procedure for treating one student is very poor indeed.
** As is [[http://notalwaysright.com/no-pain-no-gain/ this one's.]] Even worse, the nurse in question ''isn't'' too incompetent to see that the finger is very obviously broken, noticing every sign of such, but she still decides to completely ignore them because [[MajorInjuryUnderreaction the submitter wasn't showing enough pain]].
* WouldHurtAChild: [[https://notalwaysright.com/jiu-jitsu-believe/107605/ This gym teacher]] tries to attack a student because he doesn't play soccer (a sport the teacher loves and fails anyone who doesn't play it) and thinks is lazy. Too bad the student was a jiu jitsu practitioner who kicks the teacher's ass for trying to grab him. The incident gets the teacher removed from the position of the school's Soccer Coach.
* WoundedGazelleGambit: [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-touching-conclusion/ Attempted here]]. It eventually failed because witnesses came forward, and the guy who claimed he was touched [[HoistByHisOwnPetard got barred from a school trip--the same one he was trying to get the other guy barred from]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/witness-versus-witless/ This]] [[SarcasmMode charming]] girl plays this card after repeatedly abusing and threatening a handicapped girl and getting attacked by the aforementioned girl's friend. Thankfully, it didn't work.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/its-a-con-text/108889/ This horrible girl]] attempted to get the submitter expelled, perhaps even arrested, for cyberbullying. Thankfully, Problem Girl caused her plot to implode by sending more bullying texts to herself while the submitter had no access to a phone and rushing into the office of the teacher about to punish the submitter. Unfortunately, while the head apologised and the teacher in question was suspended for [[InspectorJavert mishandling the situation]][[note]]he approached the submitter out of the blue, forced her to hand her phone over, refused to explain what she was being accused of, and, from the absence of the messages and her bewilderment, jumped to the conclusion that she'd deleted the messages and was refusing to cooperate[[/note]], [[KarmaHoudini Problem Girl was never punished]].
* [[WritersCannotDoMath Students (And Sometimes Teachers) Cannot Do Math]]:
** First, a student example: [[http://notalwaysright.com/i-sea-the-class-as-half-fool/ "I wish it was multiple choice. At least if there were four choices, I’d have a 50-50 chance of getting it right!"]]
** And now, a teacher example: [[http://notalwaysright.com/calling-her-a-math-teacher-would-be-charitable/ …and only 45% of your parents in this class donated! That’s 65% that didn’t donate!]] Judging from the dead silence that followed, even the ''students'' recognized this teacher's failure to CarryTheOne (well, in reverse, but you get the idea). Good thing she doesn't teach math.
* YouAreNotAlone: The basis of [[http://notalwaysright.com/how-to-combat-the-bullying-a-gender/ this story]]. A transwoman ducks into the girl's locker room to evade some bullies. The gym teacher fends the bullies off, and says that she considers the student one of them, a sentiment shared by the girls in the locker room. Furthermore, she allows her to hide in the room as a refuge should more troubles occur.
* YouHaveGOTToBeKiddingMe:
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-mother-of-all-answers/ This IEP teacher]] steadfastly believes that the submitter is being "difficult" because she won't put on her PE shoes, in spite of the submitter repeatedly stating and showing that the shoes in question are too small for her. The IEP teacher then states that she is going to call the submitter's mother to take the submitter shoe shopping, and then come back to finish the class, even though there's only twenty minutes to do so, even after the idea is spelled out to her. The teacher then calls the submitter's mother with the same idea.
-->'''Submitter:''' Let me get this straight… you’re going to call my mom while she’s at work, pull me out of school during class, and take me to get new shoes, and then COME BACK to FINISH the class? All in 20 minutes?\\
'''IEP Teacher:''' Yes, exactly!\\
'''Submitter:''' [[PrecisionFStrike That’s f*** bull***.]]\\
''(Later)''\\
'''Mom:''' Wait... so you want me to take time off work in the middle of the day, pick up my kid, take her to a shoe store so she can get some new PE shoes, and then somehow bring her back to school and sign her in in time to finish the class that, at now, only has 15 minutes left?\\
'''IEP Teacher:''' [[TheyJustDontGetIt Yes, that’s all I asked!]]\\
'''Mom:''' [[StrangeMindsThinkAlike That’s f*** bull***.]] ''(Hangs up)''
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/get-passive-aggressive-and-mom-will-get-active-aggressive/ These teachers]] believe that the submitter is being passive aggressive for forgetting to bring a pencil to his reading class (where he isn't allowed to use the pencil). The utter stupidity of the teachers causes the mother to burst into tears.
-->'''Mom:''' “I’m not crying because my son ‘is passive aggressive and needs counseling,’ I’m crying because he has to spend ALL DAY SURROUNDED BY YOU [[PrecisionFStrike F*** A***.”]]
* YouKeepUsingThatWord:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/putting-the-egg-in-v-egg-ie/ This student]], [[HypocriticalHumor despite claiming to be a nutrition major]], doesn't seem to know what the word "vegan" entails. As the confusion seems to be combined with a misconception as to what is and is not an animal product, it also falls under ArtisticLicenseBiology.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/youre-on-the-right-track-baby/ A young student]] objects to another person's use of "gay" (as a derogatory term along the lines of "stupid" or "annoying") along these lines. [[http://notalwaysright.com/straight-talking-on-not-so-straight-walking/ Also here]].
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/doesnt-know-numbers-or-words/117671/ This substitute teacher]] fails some students for not answering questions in a test marked with the word "optional" when the actual word he meant was "mandatory".
* YouMakeMeSic:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/graffiti-has-nothing-on-grammar/ We need people like these on Internet forums.]]
** Inverted [[http://notalwaysright.com/country-grammar/ here]], where a teacher is "corrected" on grammar--well, it ''is'' the common usage in the Southern U.S., but the teacher's use of "you" instead of "y'all" (for addressing multiple people) is ''not'' incorrect.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/teachers-parties/ This comic]] pokes fun at the concept.
[[/folder]]

[[folder: Not Always Friendly]]
* AdaptationDisplacement: [[invoked]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/books-can-run-rings-around-movies/ This person]] didn't realize ''Film/TheLordOfTheRings'' started out as [[Literature/TheLordOfTheRings a book]].
** Similarly: "Literature/JamesBond [[http://notalwaysright.com/shaken-by-a-stirring-revelation/ is in books?!"]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/they-need-to-be-expelled-iarmus/ And then there's someone complaining about how unfaithful the novelizations of the Harry Potter movies were.]]
* AdorablyPrecociousChild: [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-best-and-worst-idea-to-date/ Six years old and giving grown-ups dating advice]]... like how to make her throw up if she isn't nice to you on the date.
* AlcoholHic: [[http://notalwaysright.com/dont-drink-and-drive-home-the-point/ Happens here]] as one guy tries to claim he isn't drunk.
* AnalogyBackfire: [[https://notalwaysright.com/someone-complete-dck-breast-ignore/ This man complains]] about a mother showing her breast to breastfeed her baby as indecent and tries to compare it to him showing his penis in public.....only for the submitter to point out loud to everyone nearby that [[{{Squick}} this implies that he feeds infants with his semen]]. The man is so embarrassed and flustered that he leaves quickly.
* ArtisticLicenseGeography: [[https://notalwaysright.com/no-springing-bok/93302/ One smug English girl]] proudly proclaims she's South African during a Rugby match when South Africa beats England but is called out by everyone at the bar that she isn't South African as she wasn't born there nor was she a citizen, and her grandparents and father living there for a few years does not make her one.
* AskAStupidQuestion: [[http://notalwaysright.com/some-friends-have-the-patience-of-a-saint/ "What's a saint? Are they people who work for Satan or something?"]]
* BackhandedApology: [[https://notalwaysright.com/pray-app-fix/ “Sorry you can’t take a joke.” “Sorry you have a terrible sense of humor.”]]
* BeliefMakesYouStupid:
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/they-were-saved/ Enough so to]] ''intentionally'' endanger three lives to prove that God would save them, apparently forgetting about the part in the Bible where it says "thou shalt not put the Lord thy God to a foolish test", and then [[UngratefulBastard chewing out and threatening the good Samaritans that saved their lives]]. If the husband's comment that he ''wants'' the police to lock her up for it is any indication, this is just the tipping point in a long list of events like this - the story ends with the reveal that he divorced her at some point around the same time she went to jail over this incident.
** Will somebody please explain what "bearing false witness against thy neighbor" is [[https://notalwaysright.com/a-sin-ple-explanation/ to this lady?]] She grills people in her church on seemingly random questions based on her warped view on who a "real" Christian is, and if they didn't fit, she'd make up a ridiculous excuse to get them thrown out.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/theocracy-hypocrisy/ For this person]], anything and everything any non-Christian talks about [[FeelingOppressedByTheirExistence can and will offend her beliefs]]. Her forcing her own beliefs on everyone else for three years, though, is perfectly fine.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/making-a-whole-lot-of-noise-about-a-whole-lot-of-noise/ This woman]] complains about how the loud noises from a practice racing event will distract her from her bible study, when said bible study is taking place at her house ten miles away from the event.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-devil-has-his-eye-on-you/ This old couple]] almost drowned the submitter via an impromptu baptism because they were convinced the broken blood vessels in her eyes were proof she was possessed by the Devil and would have continued if it weren't for bystanders and security stopping them. [[TheCloudCookoolanderWasRight Scary thing is, the "baptism" seems to have worked.]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/to-save-your-soul-she-will-take-your-sanity/31812/ One flatmate keeps changing]] the submitter's kitchen cabinet lock number as it's originally defaulted to "6 6 6" when locked which bothers her that the submitter's has the Devil's number and needs to be save despite the submitter's repeatedly telling her she's an atheist, has OCD with the number 6 and doesn't feel calm when it's not set to that number. It got to the point where the submitter had to go back to the kitchen every time she heard the door to the kitchen open and after university classes everyday because the religious classmate kept changing the lock number, affecting her school work. The submitter and her saner flatmates finally had enough with the religious flatmate when she broke into the submitter's kitchen cabinet to put a cross and holy water in there to "save her". She was eventually reported to the student union who ordered her to move out of the flat, ignoring that student's complaint about the submitter going to the kitchen every night, oblivious to the fact she was [[NeverMyFault the reason for the submitter's actions.]]
** In a reverse, [[https://notalwaysright.com/oh-american-strife/29164/ this Atheist English woman]] tries to pick a fight with a American Christian, proudly claiming that England is an Atheist country when it’s not and doesn’t believe that Jesus taught his followers to respect others and turn the other cheek even though she claims she knows Christianity. She was eventually kicked out of the restaurant by the manager for disturbing the American woman who was trying to be nice and tell her to leave her alone, [[NeverMyFault being oblivious on why people were cross with her]].
* BraggingRightsReward: A non-video game example. [[https://notalwaysright.com/great-wisdom-in-you-i-see/115606/ This cruise ship passenger]] walks away with a medal for being the only trivia contestant ''since the contest started'' to know the name of [[Franchise/StarWars Chewbacca's]] home planet.
* BuffySpeak: "I used [[http://notalwaysright.com/talking-total-bolado/ the Salvadorian word for 'thingamajig'.]]"
* CallingYourBathroomBreaks: [[https://notalwaysright.com/thats-two-two-number-one/ Happens here,]] combined with SharedFamilyQuirks.
* CloudCuckooLander: [[https://notalwaysright.com/an-aura-of-accusation/92228/ This woman]] makes a big display of sitting away from the submitter, and then moves towards and ''sniffs'' them, asking if the submitter has committed a crime because the woman’s “aura is very cloudy.” After the submitter asks her to leave, the woman leaves and accuses the submitter of trying to molest her. The police are called, only asking the submitter for a statement, as cameras clearly showed that the woman was making the submitter uncomfortable, and the police were aware of the woman, and were trying to get her into a secure unit.
* ComicallyMissingThePoint:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/its-hard-work-when-youre-hardly-working/ This friend]], who doesn't want to work while at work.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-bigot-on-accents/ This racist tourist]] goes on vacation in Singapore, and is surprised and confused to find there are a lot of Asians there.
* CoolAndUnusualPunishment: Spring a surprise visit on your friend? He'll greet you... [[http://notalwaysright.com/get-out-of-town/ with a very large super-soaker!]]
* {{Crossdresser}}:
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/dress-down-the-situation/ This person's]] boyfriend and friend are said to be crossplayers occasionally.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/bypassed-more-than-anticipated/ This person]], following gastric bypass surgery, takes the opportunity to try out cross-dressing.
* CrowdSong: [[http://notalwaysright.com/things-just-got-deep/ Here]], courtesy of ''Disney/ThePrincessAndTheFrog''.
* ADateWithRosiePalms: [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-supercharged-superstorm/ The most important thing during a disaster]].
* DisproportionateRetribution: [[http://notalwaysright.com/dishing-the-dirty-dishes/ This person's roommate]] moves out without a word (potentially causing money issues) because the writer of the story changed the wifi password in response to her refusing to do the dishes to the point they were growing moldy.
* DoesThisMakeMeLookFat:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/no-dressing-up-her-honesty/ “No! YOU make dress look fat!]] Dress make you look purple.”
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-wide-bride-divide/ This shallow lady]] promised her friends they'd all get to be bridesmaids for her wedding, then deliberately "forgot" to invite the ones that were skinnier or prettier than her.
* DopeSlap: [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-so-merry-men/ This one,]] for thinking that Errol Flynn was in ''Film/RobinHoodMenInTights''.
* DoubleStandard: [[http://notalwaysright.com/stop-ramming-atheism-down-my-throat-so-i-can-ram-religion-down-yours/ In this story]], an Atheist's Catholic friend doesn't like the former writing in the Bible and making jokes about it since they consider it very rude and offensive, yet the Catholic friend sees no problem if the same thing happened to the Quran.
* DrivesLikeCrazy: [[https://notalwaysright.com/shouldering-this-prediction/119733/ This lady]], who the submitter correctly predicts is going to cause an accident.
* EngagingConversation: [[http://notalwaysright.com/boy-meets-girl-literally/ Here]].
* EskimosArentReal: "[[https://notalwaysright.com/wild-mongoose-chase/ Did you know mongoose is a real animal?!]]"
* EvilIsPetty: Invoked [[http://notalwaysright.com/finish-his-plate-in-less-than-12-parsnips/ here]] -- a person dressed up as [[AntiVillain Darth Vader]] tells a boy to not eat his vegetables, and when questioned later as to why, another member of the group points out that they ''are'' evil.
* FailedASpotCheck:
** More like "Failed a Taste Test"; [[https://notalwaysright.com/your-health-is-bananas/ This fruit fanatic]] failed to notice for most of their life that they had an allergic response to bananas. They thought the sour, burning sensation was how they were ''supposed'' to taste.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/a-comic-misunderstanding/132348/ A dad accidentally reprimands someone else's daughter]] when he thought his own was about to read an age-inappropriate book at a bookstore, not seeing the girl's face until it's too late.
* FelonyMisdemeanor: [[http://notalwaysright.com/their-own-definition-of-resident-evil/ These girls]] were actually considering reporting the submitter to the police for animal abuse, because they killed a monster in a video game that vaguely resembled a dog.
* FluffyTheTerrible: [[https://notalwaysright.com/attacking-very-ladylike/ A cat named Little Girl,]] who is apparently, very protective when her owner is being verbally assaulted.
* TheFriendNobodyLikes: [[http://notalwaysright.com/toying-with-the-annoying/ "If you feel that way, why don’t you just stop being friends with him?"]]
* FromTheMouthsOfBabes:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/barbed-barbie-comments/ "Better my Barbie looks like a boy than a slut like yours."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/found-in-translation/ This little girl]] wants to give the car of a housemate who ReallyGetsAround a name, and says that it should be named "Puta" (Spanish for Whore), and her friend quotes the trope name verbatim in response.
* GenderBlenderName: [[http://notalwaysright.com/barking-up-the-wrong-family-tree/ This one.]] Awkward...
* GirlsAreReallyScaredOfHorrorMovies: Invoked but subverted in [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-hungry-dead/ this story.]] One of the guys asks the only girl in the room how she can eat after watching ''Series/TheWalkingDead'', but it seems like he's more squicked than she is.
-->"[[InappropriateHunger Doesn't that look like sausage links to you?]]"
* GlobalIgnorance: [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-great-wall-of-ignorance/ Someone]] who is so incapable of telling [[InterchangeableAsianCultures China and Japan apart]] that they think the Great Wall '''of China''' is in Japan.
* GroundhogDayLoop: [[http://notalwaysright.com/doesnt-bear-repeating/ Discussed here,]] along with the [[TropeNamer trope]] [[Film/GroundhogDay namer]]
* HangoverSensitivity: [[https://notalwaysright.com/not-happy-meet-happy/ A watchstander]] on New Years Day takes advantage of this by [[NoIndoorVoice shouting]] and pretending to be overly chipper to mess with hungover sailors. He ends up getting annoyed when he encounters a sailor who actually seems just as chipper as him.
* HonoraryUncle: [[http://notalwaysright.com/cool-uncles-are-a-hit/ This guy]] declares himself uncle to a younger friend, lets her borrow his car for dates, and tells her to threaten any unruly boyfriends with her uncle's wrath.
* HorribleCampingTrip: [[https://notalwaysright.com/they-should-be-sent-to-bootcamp/108382/ This messy story]], where a family camping trip is turned into the camping trip from Hell by a family friend who invited them along with his free-loading inconsiderate frat boy buddies. Within two days they eat the entire supply of food (including eggs meant for a diabetic grandfather), "forget" to get ice for their drinks and uncooked burgers and hot dogs when they left the coolers open and instead return with more raw chicken than the family can eat resulting in them wasting hundreds of dollars worth of food, leave a mess everywhere that attracts wild animals including a bear, lose the then-young submitter on an excursion, and smoke weed around the kids, all while remaining completely oblivious to the obvious misery of everyone else on the trip. Needless to say, the family [[ScrewThisImOuttaHere threw in the towel and went home well before the trip was supposed to be over]] and never went camping with them again, and the submitter mentions that it caused their grandmother to never go on another camping trip with anybody ever again.
* HurricaneOfPuns: [[http://notalwaysright.com/kitchen-pots-and-puns/ A heavy seasoning of kitchen puns]].
* HypocriticalHumor:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/skipped-the-last-couple-commandments/ This Christian person]] castigates a non-religious neighbor for performing minor physical labor on Good Friday, [[FeelingOppressedByTheirExistence because someone else not following his beliefs is inconsiderate to him]]. The submitter counters by asking if, following this logic, he honors Muslim religious holidays so as not to be inconsiderate towards them, and is met with a screamed [[ItsAllAboutMe "BURN IN HELL!"]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/coffee-is-good-as-there-is-no-proof/ One roommate tells another,]] "You shouldn't drink so much coffee. That s***'s like poison, it'll kill you." She then drinks straight out of the bottle of vodka she's holding.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/wasnt-expecting-that-twist/ A person]] who thinks roller coasters are dangerous wants to chase tornadoes when they're older.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/steel-yourself-for-some-stealing/ This elderly lady]] refuses to accept a subway ticket as a gift from a total stranger because she thinks that would be "stealing" from them. She is instead intent on sneaking into the subway train behind that stranger, which actually ''is'' a crime. As the submitter actually has to point out to her, "You're a Christian and you don't want me to make(sic) a good deed?"
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/irony-is-effortless/ "It's funny. In being lazy, I actually did something that required more effort."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-womans-gotta-do/ This guy]] accuses the submitter of being a "fake nerd girl" who only dressed up to impress a guy but doesn't know who she's actually dressed up as. She responds by singing a verse from [[WebVideo/DoctorHorriblesSingAlongBlog "Brand New Day"]]... and ''he'' doesn't recognize it, or the fact that the submitter is ''dressed'' as Dr. Horrible.
*** Same deal [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-venomous-reaction/ here]], where a teenager walks up to the submitter to tell her that "wearing a ComicBook/{{Spawn}} hoodie doesn't make you a real geek". She nonchalantly tells him it's actually a ComicBook/{{Venom}} hoodie.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/it-takes-a-generation-to-pee/ This old lady]] loudly complains about how the submitter's generation has no manners, as she actively prevents him from using a public restroom for half an hour.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/having-a-bleached-blonde-moment/123311/ A store greeter]] ridicules the submitter over their dyed hair when the greeter herself has dyed her own hair a very garish bleach blonde.
* IRejectYourReality: [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-earth-moved-for-everyone-except-you/ This roommate]] slept through an earthquake and the aftershocks, complaining when his other roommates tried to wake him. When they point out news reports, and all the contents on social media, his response? "Massive conspiracy."
* IdenticalLookingAsians: [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-sister-act/ These two]] decide to mess with a kid who thinks this.
* ImplausibleDeniability:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/finally-got-to-dish-the-dirt/ This reprehensible roommate]] ate from her absent roommates' dishes so it would look like they were the ones leaving dirty dishes in the sink, not her.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/life-is-stranger-than-stolen-fiction/31836/ This woman]] takes a book from the submitter at a bus stop and refuses to give it back, immediately claiming that the book is hers. When the police come, the woman claims that the book is hers and that the submitter is trying to steal it, even though ''several witnesses'' back up the submitter both before and after the police arrive.
* InnocentlyInsensitive: [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-a-in-lgbtqa-also-stands-for-arsonist/ A half-burned LGBT event sign]] leads a dormitory admin to assume one of the residents is discriminating. One of the residents is an impulsive pyromaniac, who burned the sign without realizing what it would mean.
* InsaneTrollLogic: [[https://notalwaysright.com/youll-forgive-mrs-lannister/92220/ This mother]] thinks it’s “disgusting” to have a brother and sister sleep in the same room because it supposedly encourages incest, even when it’s made clear that the brother and sister are two and five, respectively, and wouldn’t want to do anything of the sort.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/homocoholism/106288/ This poster's friend]] read that gays are more likely to be alcoholics, and decided that meant the poster was gay because he drank "too much" (despite drinking less than the friend does) and would go straight if she made him quit drinking. "Next stop: Ex-Friend City".
* InsultBackfire: [[https://notalwaysright.com/ugly-surgery-cant-fix/92732/ One busybody lady]] insults the submitter, who is going for breast reduction surgery, by claiming that her husband will leave her for a "real woman" and body shames her by saying she should get tummy reduction. However, it doesn't work, since the submitter is a lesbian and it was her wife's idea for her to get the surgery. She proceeds to give the busybody an epic TakeThat by asking if she's there to fix a botched face-lift.
* {{Jerkass}}:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/divorce-followed-by-a-break-up/ This girl]] suggests that her boyfriend should let his friend kill herself over a divorce, because she personally does not get why it's such a big deal and as such is assuming said friend is an attention whore. Her boyfriend [[TrueCompanions is not at all amused]], and [[LaserGuidedKarma dumps her on the spot]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-time-for-giving-only/ This whole family]] thinks it's "rude" that the only thing their friend could afford to give them for Christmas was a huge basket of sweets, handmade and from scratch. The fact that they have ''never once'' given that friend a gift in return, though, even after telling him of the many, many expensive things they got themselves? [[ItsAllAboutMe Nah, that's okay.]] As a bonus, they demand the sweets back [[LaserGuidedKarma when the submitter takes them away after being told that it's "rude" for him to be giving them sweets in the first place.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/should-have-been-carted-away/ This woman]] sees the poster getting in their car and quickly goes out of her way to block him in by putting her shopping cart behind his car (maybe so she could pull out first, maybe [[ItAmusedMe just for the hell of it]]). The submitter's response was to get out, push the cart behind her car, and ''flip it over''. [[LaserGuidedKarma As he drove off, he looked back and saw she wasn't strong enough to move it by herself.]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/enough-to-make-you-unhinged/ The submitter here]] is rooming with three very immature and obnoxious men. One night, they continually keep him up, mock him when he complains, and as a "joke" remove the door to his room because [[DisproportionateRetribution the submitter wouldn't close a cabinet]] [[TheyJustDontGetIt that was repeatedly noted to have faulty hinges and as such unable to close]]. Needless to say, the housemates' reasoning of [[NeverMyFault "we thought you'd find it funny" and "it annoyed us"]] does not calm down the submitter at all.
* JerkassRealization:
** After having an unannounced party at 4 in the morning and disturbing the submitter and their very young family, [[https://notalwaysright.com/make-some-noise-about-them-making-some-noise/130676/ a neighbor]] shows up at the submitter's door the next morning with gifts for everyone and apologizes for being inconsiderate.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/a-worldview-so-narrow-it-looks-like-a-chopstick/132352/ A Chinese girl teasing an American tourist for using a fork to eat instead of chopsticks and being too lazy to learn how to use chopsticks]] is embarrassed and apologizes profusely when said tourist explains that the only reason they can't use chopsticks right now is because their dominant wrist is injured. (Unfortunately, [[RacistGrandma the same cannot be said for the Chinese girl's mother]].)
* KidsAreCruel: [[https://notalwaysright.com/40746-2/ These]] girls keep another on a swing and push her while they mock her for being another race. The girl later becomes clincally depressed and suicidal because she later had to go to school in that area.
* KnowNothingKnowItAll: [[http://notalwaysright.com/an-evergreen-state-even-during-twilight/ This submitter]] absolutely hates ''Literature/{{Twilight}}'', not because [[ItsPopularNowItSucks it's "cool" to do so or whatever]], but because people who have never once set foot in Washington state think they know more about the place than the submitter who has ''lived'' there their entire life, thanks to that series.[[invoked]]
* LaboriousLaziness: [[http://notalwaysright.com/irony-is-effortless/ At least they realize it.]]
* LamePunReaction: [[https://notalwaysright.com/can-come-puns-sleep/ An escalating example here.]]
* LargeHam: [[https://notalwaysright.com/murdering-the-theater/ "This is all the magic of the theeeeeaaaaater!"]]
* LaserGuidedKarma:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/this-just-got-personal/ This woman]] assumed a caller was a telemarketer, yelled at them to be taken off the list... and then wondered why she wasn't invited to her best friend's party.
--> "Sorry, I took you off my list."
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/in-for-a-penny-in-for-a-pound/ This guy]], trying to buy 16 pounds' worth of items but only having 15, loudly objects to the submitter's offer of letting him borrow a pound. As the submitter is paying for his own items, the other guy is trying to lower his bill, but still ends up ten pence short. He turns to the submitter...
--->'''Guy:''' Hey, I don't suppose--\\
'''Submitter:''' No, I don't suppose either. ''(leaves)''
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/mad-dash-for-dash-cam/ This guy]] deliberately backs into the car behind him and pretends to have injured his neck when the police arrive. Luckily, the other driver had a dash cam in the car. [[OhCrap The first guy turns white when he finds out.]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/a-helpless-situation/ In this story]], a woman refuses to help a person with a broken arm, saying that they should've brought someone else to help them. Luckily, another man steps in to assist. Later, the woman drops her groceries and asks the same man to help her. The man refuses and walks by, saying that she should've brought someone else to help her.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/time-to-abandon-this-sinking-ship/ The lead organizer of this camp]] insists on letting other campers use the submitter's personal tandem kayak (meant for the use of said submitter and their disabled daughter). It happens that the submitter had secured a location, food, and entertainment for lunch partway through a planned group kayak trip: The submitter is the only one who knows where the planned stop is, so they and their family pack up their kayaks and leave, rescheduling the food and live band as a private party at night, and leaving the organizer to try to salvage the event in some way.
* LethalChef: [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-toast-is-toast/ Whoever]] is preparing the food at this camp.
* LetMeGetThisStraight: [[http://notalwaysright.com/amazed-they-passed-the-bar/ Used here]] by the submitter questioning how a friend could think that a cocktail which has the word vodka in its name is non-alcoholic. Even worse, this friend is now a practicing lawyer.
* MamaBear: "[[https://notalwaysright.com/their-biggest-handicap-is-themself/115539/ Nobody has the right to talk to you like that.]]"
* ManInAKilt: [[http://notalwaysright.com/doesnt-believe-in-skirting-around-the-issue/ This guy.]]
-->'''Woman''': People need to realize that celebrities are regular people. They put their pants on one leg at a time like everyone else.\\
'''Man''': ''(wearing a kilt, just passing by)'' I don’t know what you’re talking about. I haven’t put pants on in years.
* MouthfulOfPi: How many digits do [[http://notalwaysright.com/friends-for-life-of-pi/ these two]] ''know?''
* MushroomSamba: [[http://notalwaysright.com/your-friends-are-your-best-anti-drug-campaign/ Here]] is an example of use of an unspecified hallucinogenic substance that causes somebody to believe there are zombies after them.
* NeverHeardThatOneBefore: [[http://notalwaysright.com/does-not-like-warm-hugs/ This girl]] is probably sick of Disney/{{Frozen}}.
* NeverMyFault:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/dont-taco-and-drive/ This woman]] rear-ends somebody while going through her bag looking for food, and has the nerve to say after the accident, “Look what you did to my van!”
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/his-dui-was-doa/ This guy]] who is mad at the cop who revoked his license after his ''third'' [=DUI=]!
* NoPeriodsPeriod: [[http://notalwaysright.com/complimentary-tampons/ This poster]] tries to explain earplugs to her temporary roommate by using tampons as an example, completely forgetting that her roommate [[{{Transgender}} has never had occasion to use tampons]].
* NostalgiaFilter: [[http://notalwaysright.com/scouting-around-for-the-truth/ This dad]] gets called out on it.
* NoTrueScotsman: [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-sin-ple-explanation/ This lady]] seems to think that she is the sole authority on what is Christian and what is not. Anyone who does not fall into her (from what we're shown, very warped) idea of what is Christian, she will make up wild stories about to get them banned from the church - in the submitter's case, she claimed they told her they were a Satanist, [[FelonyMisdemeanor because they happened to have been born on Christmas Day]]. [[HoistByHisOwnPetard She ends up being the one banned from the church]], presumably because she blatantly ignored that Commandment against bearing false witness--one too many times, if the usher's reaction is any indication.
* NotThatKindOfDoctor: Invoked by [[http://notalwaysright.com/communicated-your-way-out-of-that-one/ this lady]] to shut up a stranger pushing her to use either the stranger or one of the stranger's students as a [[http://www.webmd.com/baby/what-is-a-doula delivery coach]] when the baby is ready to be born.
-->My husband is a doctor.\\
''(I neglected to mention that my husband’s doctorate is a Ph.D. in communications.)''
* OOCIsSeriousBusiness: [[https://notalwaysright.com/your-money-or-your-life/ A mother-in-law]] sees that her uncle had given her $500 out of nowhere. Given that he was a tightwad, [[OhCrap she immediately knew something was wrong.]] Sure enough, he had attempted suicide. Luckily, they caught him in time and he recovered.
* OrAreYouJustHappyToSeeMe: Invoked [[http://notalwaysright.com/pizza-eventually-equals-happiness/ here.]]
* OrphanedPunchline: [[http://notalwaysright.com/atm-is-a-hamburglar/ The end result of this story]].
* PapaWolf: [[https://notalwaysright.com/they-are-disabling-themselves-with-their-ignorance/120656/ Do NOT insult this man's daughter]]. One OffscreenMomentOfAwesome later, he's driven the bully to tears.
* ParkingPayback: In [[http://notalwaysright.com/you-reap-what-you-tow/ this ]] story a young woman steals the submitter's assigned parking space at the apartment complex where the submitter lives. After reasoning with the woman just gets the submitter insulted, the submitter simply informs the manager who has the offending woman's car towed.
** A couple find their reserved parking space at the apartment complex [[https://notalwaysright.com/time-give-space/97210/ repeatedly taken by a local business owner]]. When confrontation fails and there's nothing apartment management or security can do, they end up parking their car behind her BMW, blocking it into the space... and then leave for a two-week vacation. [[CoolAndUnusualPunishment She has to take public transit until they return]].
** After shoveling snow so their visiting uncle can park, the narrator finds that [[https://notalwaysright.com/that-snow-way-to-behave-2/108000/ a stranger has stolen the cleared spot]]. So they [[CoolAndUnusualPunishment put the snow back... all of it]]. "If this person wanted this spot so badly, then they could do the work for it."
* PopCulturalOsmosisFailure: A type 3 version occurs [[https://notalwaysright.com/in-his-darkest-night/ here.]]
* PrecociousCrush: Crossed with GeekyTurnOn: "[[https://notalwaysright.com/transformed-something-wonderful/92202/ Mommy, she likes Optimus Prime, too! Can I marry her?]]"
* RealJokeName: [[http://notalwaysright.com/doesnt-fall-for-the-riddle/ This story]] features a [[Literature/HarryPotter Voldemort]] cosplayer whose name ''really is'' Tom Riddle.
* RacistGrandma: [[http://notalwaysright.com/should-just-stick-to-racing/ This old lady]] actually calls the police on a black kid convinced he was up to no good. When his friends assure that isn't the case she flat-out tells them they shouldn't make friends with black people.
* ReflexiveResponse: [[http://notalwaysright.com/receiving-a-habitual-dressing-down/ This woman]], who is apparently so used to negative commentary about her multiple tattoos and piercings that she responds negatively to a compliment before realizing what the other person said.
* RichInDollarsPoorInSense: [[http://notalwaysright.com/life-lessons-forfrom-the-young/ This wealthy mother]], who thinks it's weird that some women could just give money to a homeless man. At least her son understands.
* RoadTripAcrossTheStreet: [[https://notalwaysright.com/power-automotive-industry/100878/ This poster's roommate]] can't figure out how he'll [[MustHaveCaffeine get his coffee]] while his car is being repaired ... what do you mean, it's only a 2 minute walk to the coffee shop?
* SarcasticConfession: "[[https://notalwaysright.com/making-bold-statement/99211/ I just robbed (Supermarket)!]]"
* ScrewPolitenessImASenior: [[https://notalwaysright.com/age-old-competition/98534/ One old lady]] tries to cut in line, using her age as an excuse. The lady she tries to cut in front of however, points out that she's even older and tells her to get back in line.
* SherlockScan: [[https://notalwaysright.com/knack-attack/ This girl is good at it.]]
* ShoutOut:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/far-too-blues-collared-to-get-it/ This person]] thinks a friend of theirs just admitted to being a smoker; the submitter assures her he did not, after guessing that said friend also said something about [[Film/TheBluesBrothers it being dark and him wearing sunglasses]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/humanity-is-a-bit-smudged/ This story,]] intentionally or otherwise, is reminiscent of [[http://youtu.be/m-xigtYlm3E a particular scene]] from ''Manga/AttackOnTitan''.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/doesnt-bear-repeating/ This one]] is one big shout out to ''Film/GroundhogDay''.
* SkewedPriorities: "[[http://notalwaysright.com/cant-afford-a-new-lease-of-life/ You're letting [your mom's cancer] ruin your life!]]"
** The thief in [[https://notalwaysright.com/making-bold-statement/99211/ this one]] decided begging a cigarette off a bar patron was more important than escaping the police. Or maybe he gave up and wanted a smoke before he got arrested.
* StayInTheKitchen:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-joke-is-on-him/ This guy]] ''really'' doesn't want to accept the fact that there are female ''Franchise/{{Batman}}'' fans out there. Even when she proves she knows more about the series than he does, and even after his friend calls him an asshole over it, he still continues insisting that the submitter is a "fake" geek. Somehow.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-built-like-a-tank-but-can-carry-one/ This guy]] refuses to accept that a woman is not having any trouble carrying a ten-gallon fish tank and, even after she repeatedly tells him it's fine, forcibly takes it from her - only to immediately drop and shatter it because it's too heavy for him. He then promptly goes the NeverMyFault route, acting as though she ''forced'' him to carry it just so he'd drop it and injure himself and, when she and her boyfriend find him and force him to pay for a replacement, only getting her a five-gallon one, saying [[IRejectYourReality "maybe you won't drop it this time".]]
* StrangeMindsThinkAlike: "[[http://notalwaysright.com/they-swear-by-each-other/ F***!]]"
** "[[https://notalwaysright.com/taking-a-leaf-out-of-each-others-books/30729/ It's the]] [[Disney/TheLionKing circle of liiiiife!]]"
* StrawVegetarian: [[https://notalwaysright.com/vega-gaga-nism/120660/ This student]], widely known for jumping on fads solely for the "prestige" of being in favor of that fad, decided to go vegan and announced this by verbally abusing a fellow student eating a burger. By the second day, he'd had it with her and threw his burger patty at her face. Within a month, she'd gone back to eating meat:
--> Turns out she hopped into veganism without doing even the slightest bit of research, and malnourished herself into the hospital.
* SuddenlyFluentInGibberish: [[http://notalwaysright.com/i-have-no-words/ This girl]].
* TalkingInYourSleep: [[https://notalwaysright.com/we-can-all-be-darks-on-the-patio/121767/ One guy on a camping trip]] begins spouting off non-sequiturs in his sleep, much to his friend's confusion.
* TastesLikeFeet:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/must-have-tried-some-every-flavor-beans/ To one girl, dandelion juice takes like earwax.]] Her friend wonders how she knows that.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/weeding-out-the-farm-breds/ “That’s... oddly specific. Do you have experience with that?”]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/probably-knows-much-beer/ “Do I want to know how you know what kitty litter tastes like?”]]
* ThatCameOutWrong: [[https://notalwaysright.com/getting-colder/ "Fuck them. Wait, no, I'm wrong. Don't do that."]]
* TheyJustDontGetIt: [[https://notalwaysright.com/expand-mind-not-wallet/ This player]] on an online game doesn't seem to understand if you don't have the game's expansion packs, you cannot play in the areas in the expansion packs with other players who do.
* TooSoon: [[invoked]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/four-score-and-seven-years-is-not-enough-time/ This guy]] thinks so of UsefulNotes/AbrahamLincoln's assassination. Given it's been just shy of 150 years since then as of the story's posting, one of his friends wonders aloud if he even knows ''who'' Lincoln is.
* UnfortunateImplications: [[invoked]] [[https://notalwaysright.com/why-so-seriously-considering-the-cake/ One friend]] explains to another, who's about to get married, why having [[Franchise/{{Batman}} the Joker and Harley Quinn]] as wedding cake toppers may send [[MadLove the wrong message.]]
* UngratefulBastard: [[http://notalwaysright.com/homeless-not-opinion-less/ It seems that]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/beggars-can-be-choosers/ beggars can]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/causing-a-butter-face/ be choosers]].
* WaxingLyrical: [[http://notalwaysright.com/taking-you-on-a-voicemail-tale/ And in a demonic voice, no less.]]
* WhyDidItHaveToBeSnakes: Or, [[http://notalwaysright.com/true-friends-are-nothing-to-fear/ in this case]], puppets, birds, and running water.
* WorstAid: [[http://notalwaysright.com/pleased-as-punch-with-their-ability/ This friend]] attempts to help the choking narrator by ''punching her in the back''. Despite having been recently taught the proper way to assist a choking victim.
* YouAreNotAlone: The above story about phobias -- the woman is ashamed of her reaction to the puppeteer on TV, until her husband's friends relate their own phobias to her and reassure her that she's not weird.
* YouMakeMeSic: [[http://notalwaysright.com/theyd-had-a-friendship-of-note/ This person]] annoys an ex-friend by correcting a poorly-written, insulting note.
[[/folder]]

[[folder: Not Always Hopeless]]
* AngelUnaware: One possible explanation for [[https://notalwaysright.com/proud-to-assist/19421/ this story]].
* AnimalGenderBender: Averted in [[https://notalwaysright.com/ornithologically-correct/18889/ this story]]-- the shopper needed an anniversary card for a same-sex couple, so the one with two brightly-colored peacocks is perfect.
* BadassPacifist: One girl [[https://notalwaysright.com/put-them-back-in-their-place/ saves another from a violent crime at the train station]] through ThePowerOfRock.
* BaitAndSwitch: [[https://notalwaysright.com/saved-play-time/96588/ A story of a boy being left alone for a while in a store]] seems like it's setting up for the child having been left unattended in the store by the mother who thought the staff would be willing to babysit, as is common on Not Always Right. Turns out the mother just went into the changing room and probably would have been back in short order had she not collapsed from a long-standing fever. [[ForegoneConclusion This being Not Always Hopeless]], the mother makes a full recovery once she's found and taken to the hospital.
* CoolOldLady: The narrator in [[https://notalwaysright.com/they-undertook-the-precept-to-refrain-from-incorrect-speech/118276/ this story]] expects the stereotypical Christian grandma to rant about alternative beliefs being evil. Instead, she's curious, respectful, and just wants to know if they have any books about gardening.
* {{Determinator}}: After a frail old woman with possible dementia is evacuated from back-to-back hurricanes without any documentation or known relatives, one of the shelter volunteers admits they're ready to [[https://notalwaysright.com/katrina-aint-got-nothing-on-me/116556/ start cold-calling churches to find someone who knows her]]. Fortunately, they get in touch with her (understandably frantic) son before it comes to that.
* FailedASpotCheck: The hotel guest in [[https://notalwaysright.com/transitioning-new-wardrobe/95529/ this story]] notices a newly-transitioning male-to-female clerk wearing the same outfit every day, and is worried that she can't afford clothes. The guest's wife has to point out to him that the other hotel workers are also wearing the same outfit every day-- it's a ''uniform''.
* FreakyFashionMildMind: A scary-looking goth couple is [[https://notalwaysright.com/squirrelling-around-goth-room/89208/ hand-feeding squirrels in the park]].
* GoodSamaritan: A man going door-to-door finds one door answered by [[https://notalwaysright.com/ill-drink-to-that/ a miserable alcoholic]], completely abandons his original purpose, and stays with them for ''several days'' to help them sober up and get through the nasty withdrawal before taking his leave. May be a case of AngelUnaware; the submitter him/herself doesn't seem too sure.
** The pizza delivery guy in [[https://notalwaysright.com/hot-slice-kindness-part-4/102996/ this story]] discovers that his order was placed by an abusive ex-husband trying to force his former wife into bankruptcy by ordering pizzas she can't pay for because ''she can barely afford to feed herself and their children''. The pizza delivery guy pays off the entire order out of his own pocket, lets them keep the pizzas with instructions how best to freeze and reheat what they don't eat right away, and offers to personally pay for any future orders the wife needs to feed herself and the children.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/giving-you-a-bridge-to-cross/119741/ This stranger]] saw a depressed college student getting ready to [[DrivenToSuicide jump off a bridge over a railroad track]] in the middle of the night, stayed with them until morning, heard out their problems, and called an ambulance to make sure they got the help they needed.
* HealItWithBooze: [[https://notalwaysright.com/dont-put-your-foot-in-your-mouth/18887/ Present from Kosovo.]]
* HiddenDepths: A friend in [[https://notalwaysright.com/building-bridges-in-the-strangest-places/ this story]] is described as being antisocial and enjoying making a habit of being annoying. Therefore, it's surprising when a seemingly stereotypical teenage girl runs up to him and holds a cordial conversation with him. When the others mention they've never seen anyone so happy to see him, he replies "You’ve never seen me talk a 17-year-old girl out of jumping off a bridge, either."
** A young woman with limited use of ''any'' language suddenly has a conversation with a boy in Spanish, [[https://notalwaysright.com/palabra-is-the-word/19496/ which her parents never taught her]].
* HonoraryUncle: [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-power-of-a-name-3/95521/ This bride]] includes her best friend's mother as one of the deceased relatives honored at her wedding.
* InnocentInaccurate: A kid who wants to be a "sugar daddy" when he grows up thinks it means [[https://notalwaysright.com/a-sweet-twist/19558/ someone who buys other kids candy when they can't afford it]].
* JerkWithAHeartOfGold: Upon realizing a "problem" teenager has actually been on probation, in and out of institutions, out of school, and friendless, for ''far'' longer than her original crime warranted, [[https://notalwayshopeless.com/a-sweeter-seventeen/ the probation officer yells at her for not drawing attention to it sooner]]... and dismisses all charges, on the condition that her mother gets her back into school so she can graduate.
* KarmicJackpot: Frequently.
* LoopholeAbuse: [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-going-rate-for-kindness/ In this story]], a family suffers a loss of their father and as a result the mother wouldn't be able to afford the condo at their retirement home anymore. The retirement community's accountant calls and says that the mother will be moved to another condo within the home because the one she's in is getting renovated, and the rent will be reduced for the inconvenience. Thing is, the condo is being eliminated to expand their other facilities, so it won't ever be renovated, meaning she pays the reduced rate indefinitely. Through their system, the retirement community threw the now-widow a bone, and as the submitter says, she was able to stay in the place that she loved until she died.
* RousseauWasRight: The main point of the site is that people are nowhere near as cruel as they are on the rest of the Not Always sites. Zigzagged, however, in that there ''are'' still a few jerks - but when they show up, the focus of the story is about them getting taken to task.
* ShamedByAMob: [[https://notalwaysright.com/history-repeated-as-a-cautionary-tale-never-more-potent-than-in-germany/128824/ A political extremist shouting down the history teacher's speech at a graduation ceremony]] finds the graduates and their families united against her, forcing her to back down and let the teacher finish.
* ToBeLawfulOrGood: [[https://notalwaysright.com/finding-chemo/107327/ These hospital staff]] decide to falsify the paperwork after insurance declines a patient who can't afford chemotherapy. One of the doctors has a student shadowing them, and after the meeting, the doctor explains to the student that this is a learning experience: you can follow the rules, or you can save lives.
* UnclePennybags: [[https://notalwaysright.com/another-reason-to-be-thankful/ One rich man]] comes in to a movie theater on Thanksgiving, and proceeds to hand out twenties to the staff, even coming back the next day to make sure he didn't miss anyone.
[[/folder]]

[[folder: Not Always Healthy]]
* AccidentalPun: [[https://notalwaysright.com/not-ball-bustingly-funny-but-itll-do/126991/ This poster]] had to go through a lot of bureaucratic nonsense before he could get surgery for testicular cancer, specifically removing one testicle. The surgery's ''finally'' been scheduled,
--> '''Doctor:''' ... but now that we've got the ball rolling --
--> '''Poster:''' Pun intended?
* AdorablyPrecociousChild: "[[https://notalwaysright.com/the-cdc-will-shut-this-place-down-for-the-worst-juvenile-hypochondria-its-ever-seen/116568/ ... But from now on, calling the CDC is my job, not yours.]]"
* BuffySpeak: "[[https://notalwaysright.com/pressured-squeeze-answer/109039/ I put, 'squeezy pressure thing'...]] (he meant 'blood pressure band').
* ButICantBePregnant: An unfortunately common response to nurses from women who don't quite understand birth control. Unfortunately, some nurses tend to push the 'pregnancy' explanation on women who ''[[NotHyperbole really can't]]'' be pregnant, such as lesbians and a girl who had her uterus removed as a kid.
* CasualDangerDialogue:
** A guy walks into a clinic with a shattered arrow through his hand after an archery accident [[https://notalwaysright.com/humor-straight-arrow/100154/ making wisecracks and puns the whole time]].
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/a-brief-shot-of-excitement-in-the-waiting-room/125264/ This guy]] waited twenty minutes in the emergency room to tell the nurse that he'd been shot. The nurse thought he was joking until he showed the wound, he was so calm about it. (he'd been driving with a loaded shotgun in the back and it misfired)
* {{Determinator}}: Upon discovering that their case was being sent to a collections agency for a hospital bill they'd already paid in full (to a crooked staff member double-billing patients so he could pocket the money) and nobody was answering the phone to explain to them, [[https://notalwaysright.com/takes-money-clear-bill/100664/ this patient]] called the hospital and left angry rants in EVERY EMPLOYEE'S VOICEMAIL, a process they admit took them hours of calling every single option on the voicemail system.
* FailedASpotCheck: The patient is an [[https://notalwaysright.com/diagnosis-heading-fall/102169/ amputee]].
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/got-triple-problems-diagnosis/103082/ This doctor]] was too busy looking at his phone to notice a ''very'' obvious baby bump (as in, the poster is in her third trimester with ''triplets'') and just assumes she must be there to get her birth control prescription renewed, because why else would a woman go to an [=OB/GYN=]?
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/looking-after-one-child-so-much-you-forget-about-the-other/124202/ This woman]] was so preoccupied with her son's heart surgery that she didn't notice her missed periods ''until she went into labor''.
* ItsProbablyNothing: [[https://notalwaysright.com/doesnt-always-feel-good-getting-stoned/120042/ This doctor]] dismissed a female patient's complaints about pain for months, insisting that it was "just period cramps". The patient finally nags him into giving her a referral to a specialist, who correctly diagnoses her with a good-sized kidney stone in part by ''looking at the records the first doctor sent him''. [[note]]In other words, the first doctor had evidence it '''wasn't''' "just period cramps", but ignored it because it didn't fit his preconceptions.[[/note]]
--> I ended up having surgery, and passed it all with no problem. My family doctor never blamed pain on period cramps again.
* {{Jerkass}}: [[https://notalwaysright.com/abort-doctors-appointment/108406/ This doctor]] gives weight loss advice to the submitter that is seeing him regarding a skin problem on her ''foot.'' What makes it worse is that while the submitter is somewhat overweight, [[{{Hypocrite}} the doctor is visibly much more overweight.]]
* LiesToChildren: [[https://notalwaysright.com/opposable-definitions/108396/ This story]] shows the downside of that- a not-particularly-inquisitive lady believed one her parents told her about what 'fixing' a dog entails (it really means castrating the dog, but her parents told her it meant removing the dog's dewclaws/"[[ArtisticLicenseBiology Thumbs]]") well into adulthood, and was only disabused of that notion when she complained to a vet that her dog wasn't fixed because he still had his "thumbs".
* MamaBear / NeverMessWithGranny : "Here, take your baby. [[https://notalwaysright.com/iou-one-iud/93099/ I have an ass to beat]]."
* MandatoryMotherhood: Apparently believed by the doctors [[https://notalwaysright.com/iou-one-iud-part-2/104285/ here]], [[https://notalwaysright.com/all-doctors-to-procreation-stations/118561/ here]] and [[https://notalwaysright.com/not-at-your-cervix/118830/ here]].
** Inverted by [[https://notalwaysright.com/get-out-of-there-abort-abort/121818/ this doctor]] who tries to trick a pregnant diabetic into an abortion (and apparently succeeded with several others). It's portrayed as equally harmful and misogynistic.
* MistakenForJunkie: Some pharmacy employees just don't get that not everyone who picks up high-powered pain medication is there to abuse it, they ''really need it''.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/cancer-is-a-crime/100656/ This pharmacy tech]] called the cops on a cancer patient who looked unhealthy and was getting some high powered pain meds because of ''cancer'' on the logic that the patient was [[InsaneTrollLogic getting the pills refilled on the same day every month]].
** In [[https://notalwaysright.com/who-prescribed-some-madness/102170/ this case]], the tech accuses ANYBODY with a weekly prescription of being a junkie, is fired and banned after openly rejecting one patient's explanation that they have a ''shattered spine'', and continues to harass patients at the doors until the police get involved.
** In a non-pharmaceutical example, [[https://notalwaysright.com/makes-you-wish-you-could-just-dielate/118118/ this horrible judgemental lady]] assumes the submitter is stoned [[InsaneTrollLogic because she's wearing sunglasses indoors]], the fact the submitter is coherent enough to point out that she can't smoke marijuana because the mere smell of it [[PlotAllergy makes her unbearably dizzy]] notwithstanding, and then tries to bully her out of the restaurant. The submitter ends up having to lift her sunglasses, revealing that her pupils are dilated from an eye test, to stop the lady from harassing her.
* MortonsFork: In [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-insurance-is-the-assurance/107112/ this story]], the doctor's office insisted that a patient had skipped an appointment without notice, which would get him thrown off the organ-transplant list. Unfortunately for them, they'd already billed his insurance for the tests run at that appointment ''and'' collected payment ... so either the office staff is lying about the patient not showing up or they're committing insurance fraud, which would they prefer? [[SarcasmMode What a surprise]], the staff suddenly found the "misplaced" paperwork for that appointment.
* NoPunctuationIsFunnier: [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-uninsured-dead/98216/ This]] account of a pet insurance auto-email.
--> ...in regards to your insurance payment for your pet Zombie.
* NotThatKindOfDoctor: [[https://notalwaysright.com/how-to-treat-dog-breath/117269/ Clearly]], a veterinary nurse and a dentist are "all the same" because they both wear scrubs to work, so is this mouthwash brand any good?
* SurprisePregnancy: [[https://notalwaysright.com/looking-after-one-child-so-much-you-forget-about-the-other/124202/ This mother]] doesn't realize she's pregnant until she goes into labor at seven months. Arguably justified, because the story revolves around the mother's son having to have open heart surgery; as pointed out by the comments, many typical pregnancy symptoms(missed periods, weight gain, nausea/vomiting, mood swings) can be easily mistaken for stress, which a parent in that situation would have no shortage of.
* TheyJustDontGetIt:
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/walk-for-a-mile-away-from-them/117263/ This rheumatologist]] continually gives the submitter advice about how to lose weight … when the submitter repeatedly states and shows in writing that they have tried to lose weight without success, and the doctor continually fails to understand that the submitter either is doing more than what the doctor asks or has already attempted it.
** In a particularly horrific example that unfortunately ended badly, [[https://notalwaysright.com/pet-owners-are-barking-mad/118292/ these possibly-senile old idiots]] fail to recognise that their dog is not merely tired but ''suffering from heatstroke'', despite the submitter's attempts to help the poor dog and other concerned customers' attempts to alert them to his condition, [[DownerEnding until it's too late]]. Both the submitter and the commenters were horrified that someone could be that oblivious to their pet's condition.
* TastesLikePurple: "[[https://notalwaysright.com/novopain/98259/ PAIN IS F***ING SILVER!]]"
** "[[Music/{{Coldplay}} Chris Martin]] [[https://notalwaysright.com/never-meant-cause-trouble/104836/ went grey! Gonna blarf...]]"
* TheCobblersChildrenHaveNoShoes: The optometrist's wife/receptionist [[https://notalwaysright.com/oh-eye-rony/100144/ refuses to wear her glasses]].
* YouKeepUsingThatWord:
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/keep-using-word-not-think-means-think-means/102008/ Literally the title here.]] The rude patient in this submission continually calls other people "rude" for "offenses" such as going before her (when their corresponding number is called) and calling her out when the fact that they are going by numerical order is explained. As the submitter notes in the last line, "I really don’t think the rude patient understood the meaning of the word rude."
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/derpy-with-the-herpy/118807/ Here]], the OP notices that one of the university's zoology lab, where research on amphibians is done, has a Post-It note with the number of a free clinic that does STI testing on it. The [=PhD=] student in attendance theorises that people just google "Herpetology" without knowing what it means and call the first number that pops up.
* YourTomcatIsPregnant: Inverted: [[https://notalwaysright.com/man-what-a-mistake/99595/ A new hamster owner finds a lump on the pet's backside and, fearing a tumor, takes her to the vet]]. It turns out to be "her" gonads.
[[/folder]]

[[folder: Not Always Legal]]
* AlcoholInducedStupidity: Livid that a convenience store won't sell him beer after 2am, [[https://notalwaysright.com/you-dont-have-the-power-to-shut-us-down/125374/ a drunk man]] retaliates by taking a camp hatchet to the store's electrical box to shut their power off. A camping hatchet that [[TooDumbToLive was non-insulated and entirely metal]]. Miraculously, the worst injuries the man ended up with after the ensuing light show were only a few burns (and ruined shoes sent flying several feet away).
* BavarianFireDrill: The customer in [[https://notalwaysright.com/valet-away/115328/ this story]] winds up on the wrong end of one; he gave his keys to what he took to be a department store's valet. It's unclear whether the thief was intentionally trying to pass off as a valet or just capitalized on an opportunity, but the latter would be one heck of a ContrivedCoincidence.
* BeliefMakesYouStupid: [[https://notalwaysright.com/its-immoral-to-be-different-from-me/119484/ This old busybody]] comes to the conclusion that her neighbor must be dealing drugs because he works at night and is never seen in her church. When the police officer points out the stupidity of her reasoning, she starts screaming that he's breaking the law by not going to church, which is kind of the opposite of the First Amendment's purpose.
* BerserkButton: Don't shout when talking to [[https://notalwaysright.com/washing-yourself-free-from-physical-assault/115314/ this unhinged moron]], even if it's the only way anyone - said unhinged moron included - will be able to hear you. He ''will'' try to assault you and anyone who tries to protect you.
* CoolAndUnusualPunishment: Literally! A couple of thieves raiding a trucking company get [[https://notalwaysright.com/how-thieves-get-trained/128906/ locked in a refrigerated truck]] until the police arrive.
* TheDogBitesBack: Frequently. A tip about legal services; they're ''not'' obligated to still help you if you do something terrible to their employees or someone else like a lot of customers in Not Always Right. A lot of stories in law offices in particular have to do with someone in desperate need of a lawyer for their upcoming case mistreating either a lawyer or a secretary and suddenly [[LaserGuidedKarma finding themselves treading legal water without a lawyer]] for their abusive behavior.
* DidntThinkThisThrough: Desperate to get a refund on a phone that he inadvertently ran over, [[https://notalwaysright.com/not-going-down-with-guns-firing/119164/ this genius]] tries to win sympathy points by claiming that he is a war veteran with PTSD...and makes the ill-advised embellishment that he may come back into the cell phone store armed because of it. [[RealityEnsues The employee immediately calls the police]] and the customer is thrown into the slammer for breach of peace. Turns out the customer had a history of threatening people in the past and this was the first one that actually backfired on him. As a bonus, he is banned from entering the cell phone store ([[LaserGuidedKarma and the submitter makes a point of mentioning that there's not another one of their stores for 200 miles]]).
* DrivesLikeCrazy:
** "Crazy" is an understatement for [[https://notalwaysright.com/drive-thru-samaritan/115320/ a driver]] who ''continues to drive the wrong way down a drive-thru after it becomes obvious he can't make it without hitting anything, scraping several cars in the process''. The worst part is that he seems somewhat aware of it; before doing this, he repeatedly apologizes to the driver telling him he'll have to reverse, and the submitter says he did so in perfect monotone.
** And then there's the girl mentioned in the MyGreatestFailure entry, who had a laundry list of moving violations and had just barely avoided jail time from the exasperated judge by promising to mend her ways... and on the way home [[TooDumbToLive tried to race a train]]. She didn't survive.
* FrivolousLawsuit: Attempted by [[https://notalwaysright.com/gunning-for-a-win/115245/ this woman]], who suffered a minor cut from the slide of a rented firearm. The fact that she'd '''admitted''' lying on the range's waiver form (by claiming she had extensive firearms experience when she had none) was apparently irrelevant ... though not to her lawyer, who took one look at the waiver and quit the case.
* HairTriggerTemper: [[https://notalwaysright.com/washing-yourself-free-from-physical-assault/115314/ This man]], who flies into an UnstoppableRage and attempts to beat up the submitter, an employee at a car wash, [[DisproportionateRetribution just because the submitter had to yell at him over the car wash's extremely loud blow dryers to get back in his car and move it out of the car wash]]. (Fortunately, another employee manages to stop the man and kicks him out before the man can follow through with doing so.)
* INeverSaidItWasPoison: Several TooDumbToLive People end up doing this in court.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/catching-this-criminal-is-a-piece-of-cake/120741/ In this story]] a thief is protesting his innocence in court. When his victim mentions that he stole an expensive chocolate cake from his fridge, the thief protests that it was a strawberry one instead. [[TooDumbToLive Guess the rest.]]
* InsaneTrollLogic:
** "I can’t be fired! I can’t be arrested! It’s impossible to steal from your job... [[https://notalwaysright.com/their-biggest-crime-is-their-stupidity/114630/ See, I just sell it somewhere else. It’s the same as the store!]]"
-->"[[LampshadeHanging Let's read you your rights there, Einstein.]]"
** "Just do your job and (commit insurance fraud); [[https://notalwaysright.com/just-type-in-that-i-drive-a-scooter/116216/ it's not like I'm asking you to do anything illegal!]]"
* JokeAndReceive: [[https://notalwaysright.com/a-criminal-cant-change-their-stripes/118588/ A cashier]] gets a customer buying a balaclava (i.e. a stocking cap covering all of the wearer's head but their eyes and mouth) and jokes about the customer robbing a bank afterwards. The customer's reaction to this joke is to suddenly give the cashier a strange look and make a mad dash out of the store; tossing the balaclava into a trash can as he does so.
-->Oops!
* KarmaHoudini: [[https://notalwaysright.com/get-dash-cams-people/124340/ A reckless driver]] gets off scot-free when the police behind them decide to [[SkewedPriorities instead pull over the submitter who they thought was using their phone while driving]] and waste time trying to prove that the submitter was in fact doing so (which they weren't).
* LaserGuidedKarma:
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/tailgate-meet-their-tail-fate/116265/ This driver]] decided to start tailgating another car for no apparent reason (there was almost no traffic on the road, so he could have simply passed the car at any time). Turns out the car being tailgated was an undercover cop car.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-bicycle-wheels-of-karmic-justice/118347/ While two teenage shoplifters are being detained]], two other teenagers steal their bicycles.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/she-slipped-up/126271/ This woman's]] attempt to fake an injury not only ends up with her being legitimately hurt, but her lawyer drops the case after being handed evidence showing that the woman was completely at fault because she had been trying to scam the store.
* LoopholeAbuse:
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/allow-deposit-reality-right/113646/ This story]] mentions a Canadian law that unpaid phone/TV/internet accounts, after six years, can no longer be collected from or the holders be refused service. Some customers are aware of the law and as such cycle through providers so that they rarely have to pay for the service. Of course, it's been done so often that companies have become GenreSavvy; the submitter's company has averted the trope by changing their policy so that anyone who took advantage of the loophole would be recorded as a high risk for non-payment and have to pay a hefty up-front deposit before getting anything more than basic service.
** The prostitute in [[https://notalwaysright.com/purveyors-of-the-night-market/115205/ this story]] has figured out that as long as she hasn't serviced them by the time the police arrive, the clients can't prove she was doing anything illegal... and can't force her to give the money back.
* MamaBear: When a group of cops mistakenly thinks a sandwich shop is open later than it actually is, resulting in the underage clerk having to wait well after closing while they chat, [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-police-force-versus-my-mom/121184/ her mother]] ends up delivering an epic rant to the cops in question.
--> “Do you know what time it is? My daughter has school in the morning; she was supposed to be home half an hour ago! And then I come up here thinking something horrible must have happened and see nothing but cop cars in front of the building. I almost had a heart attack! You should all be ashamed of yourselves!” (And that's just the opening salvo, the full rant went several minutes.)
* MistakenIdentity: [[https://notalwaysright.com/pokemon-go-to-jail/121763/ Some police]] mistake the submitter's husband for a criminal they're looking for as he's out playing ''VideoGame/PokemonGo'' late in the evening. Fortunately, the husband's ability to easily remember numbers gets him out of hot water when the police ask him to confirm his identity.
* MustHaveCaffeine: [[https://notalwaysright.com/criminally-decaffeinated/120066/ This person]] calls 911 four times in 10 minutes to demand that the police stop blocking access to the gas station where she gets her coffee. Who cares that the station is closed because someone '''murdered the clerk''' and the homicide squad is still investigating -- if they're not going to let her in, they should at least brew a pot of coffee for her and deliver it. The only reason she quit calling after #4 is one of the officers heard her screaming and came over to see what was wrong. And then arrested her for disorderly conduct, assault on a police officer, disturbing the peace, and abuse of the 911 system (two ''real'' emergency calls had to be rerouted to another dispatch center because she was tying up the line).
* MultipleIdentityIDs: Trips up the scammer in [[https://notalwaysright.com/as-if-the-fraudsters-were-born-yesterday/115204/ this story]] -- she couldn't remember which birthdate went with which stolen identity.
* MundaneUtility: [[https://notalwaysright.com/a-light-police-story/115309/ This police officer]] was using his car's flashing lights to scare elk off the road so much that he forgot about its intended use and was puzzled when a driver assumed they were being pulled over.
* MyGreatestFailure: [[https://notalwaysright.com/jail-for-life/113740/ This story]] describes a conversation the poster has with a judge, which eventually leads to the poster asking if there is anything the judge regrets. The judge describes a 16-year-old girl who kept getting into trouble for driving violations. The judge eventually threatened to put her in jail, but buckled when she begged him for clemency since nobody had gotten hurt. [[spoiler:She promptly decided to race a train to the crossing and was killed.]]
* NeverMyFault: [[https://notalwaysright.com/talking-complete-pit-bull/118338/ This woman]] goes to ridiculous lengths to try and make it seem like it isn't her fault that her dog ran from her yard to terrorize the submitter and their pit bull (who doesn't get along with other dogs due to being being in a dog-fighting ring in the past) ''while she was watching'' and tries to paint herself as a good dog owner and her dog as a friendly well-behaved pooch when both clearly ''aren't'' (the dog, in particular, gives the submitter a nasty dog bite on their ankle when the submitter tries to block him from their pit bull). [[LaserGuidedKarma Ultimately,]] the woman is charged with illegally letting her dog run off-leash in an open yard in the neighborhood (among other misdemeanors) and is forced to give up her dog. Despite this, even in the court hearing [[TheyJustDontGetIt the woman still adamantly refuses to believe that she was at fault]] for the incident despite telling the story exactly how it happened.
* PolitenessJudo: [[https://notalwaysright.com/speeding-past-that-subject/115322/ Asking for directions]] gets this grandmother out of a speeding ticket.
* PyrrhicVictory: The obnoxious client's daughter in [[https://notalwaysright.com/file-this-one-under-crazy/118136/ this story]] gets what she wants because the law firm decides a disruption to their work period is better than her sick mother, disabled husband, and child being left in a sizzling car any longer than necessary, but the firm [[PersonaNonGrata bans her for effectively using her family as hostages]].
* ReasonableAuthorityFigure: As the comments point out, [[https://notalwaysright.com/this-justice-jumps-to-judge-jurors/119159/ the seemingly harsh judge in this story]] IS following the rules of jury selection. Schedule conflicts (lack of transportation, disability, lack of childcare, etc.) need to be documented and resolved before the selection, otherwise the only valid excuse is a genuine conflict of interests with the case (as the submitter had).
* RevealingCoverUp: The coworker loudly accusing a reformed thief of stealing electronics, surprise surprise, [[https://notalwaysright.com/innocent-until-proven-innocent/114631/ turns out to be the one stealing electronics]].
* ScrewTheRulesIHaveMoney: [[https://notalwaysright.com/wedding-arrested-development/113650/ This father]] attempts to bribe the police out of arresting his son. It doesn't work.
* StupidCrooks: A theme with this site. However, a major example would probably be [[https://notalwaysright.com/not-what-they-mean-when-they-say-to-hand-out-your-resume/116263/ this thief]], who left his ''resume'' with all his contact information at the scene of the crime.
** Gee, my trial won't start for a few minutes, what can I do to pass the time ... I know! [[https://notalwaysright.com/courting-disaster-2/117297/ I'll threaten a prosecution witness while everyone in the courtroom, including the cops, are watching!]]
** Thanks to stupidity that doesn't fit under this trope, a couple scammers get their hands on "convenience checks" [[note]]basically a way of drawing an advance on your credit card[[/note]] linked to an elderly couple's credit card. [[https://notalwaysright.com/should-have-checked-before-checking/119480/ They promptly write two large checks ... and deposit them straight into their bank account.]] The fraud investigator called this "the easiest case I've ever handled".
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/gives-new-meaning-to-thick-as-thieves/121879/ These two knuckleheads]] steal a pizza delivery car from a chain and decide there's nothing wrong with mentioning to the person they're trying to sell said stolen car to that they stole it from a pizza delivery shop in the first place. Needless to say, the buyer takes the car for a "test drive", tracks down who the stolen car belongs to, and ultimately gets the car back to its rightful owner.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/your-job-provides-some-killer-stories/126266/ This murderer]] stole a motorcycle from his victim and took it to a locksmith to have a key made for it. Too bad for him, the locksmith in question sees a news report on the murder the next day, and calls the cops, using the name and address the guy left with them to track him down.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/innocent-until-they-prove-themselves-guilty/129655/ A man is on trial for several burglary charges]]. After the initial trial and presentation of evidence, the judge asks if anyone has any questions before the jury goes into deliberation. Up goes the accused man's hand, and he asks: "[[TooDumbToLive So, if I’m found innocent, does that mean I get to keep the stuff I took?]]". Cue FacePalm from his lawyer, stifled laughter from the judge and jury, and a conviction issued within less than five minutes.
* TheyJustDontGetIt:
** The 911 operator in [[https://notalwaysright.com/sometimes-you-just-have-to-bear-with-them/114624/ this story]] fails to understand that the submitter is asking for animal control to deal with [[BearsAreBadNews a bear in the basement]] because she's blindly following the wrong emergency response card without actually listening to the submitter, leaving the responding officer shocked when the bear turns out to be an actual bear and not, as they apparently believed, "[[TheBear a big, hairy, gay guy]]".
** A text-based emergency service for deaf people [[https://notalwaysright.com/a-deafening-lack-of-listening/116278/ refuses to help a deaf person]] because they didn't call the police... because, you know, ''deaf''.
* TooDumbToLive:
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-only-thing-that-hit-them-was-fraud-charges/115321/ This pedestrian]] thinks the best way to commit insurance fraud is to deliberately try and get hit by a car. And when the driver manages to avoid him, he runs right into their hood three times and then bashes their head against it, all within view of both the driver and the witness. He then more or less accuses the driver of hitting him on purpose when he obviously did nothing of the sort, and then [[FrivolousLawsuit tries to sue the driver for over $1 million]]. Needless to say, all this got him was some broken ribs, a split head, and a large medical bill.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/this-kind-of-stupid-shouldnt-be-legal/118849/ The plaintiff in a lawsuit]] against a lawyer's client is so desperate to win her suit that she attempts to steal evidence that she defamed the client from the lawyer's office...which is full of security cameras that record audio, doors that lock from inside, and does so directly in front of the lawyer who stopped in to pick the evidence up before the court hearing. Needless to say, she gets arrested for trespassing on the lawyer's property and attempting to steal evidence, and it's heavily implied she lost the lawsuit.
** A judge relayed the story of having a 16-year-old repeat offender for [[DrivesLikeCrazy vehicular issues]]. He chose to be lenient and gave her community service, not jail time. The girl in question chose to continue her risky driving and tried to race a train at a crossing. The train won.
[[/folder]]
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* [[FailedASpotCheck Failed A Taste Test]]: [[https://notalwaysright.com/your-health-is-bananas/ This fruit fanatic]] failed to notice for most of their life that they had an allergic response to bananas. They thought the sour, burning sensation was how they were ''supposed'' to taste.

* JerkassRealization: After having an unannounced party at 4 in the morning and disturbing the submitter and their very young family, [[https://notalwaysright.com/make-some-noise-about-them-making-some-noise/130676/ a neighbor]] shows up at the submitter's door the next morning with gifts for everyone and apologizes for being inconsiderate.

** A justified example here: A little girl on her first day of class [[https://notalwaysright.com/jojo-name-o/102978/ refuses to answer to anything but her nickname]]... because ''nobody ever taught her about her real name''. [[KickTheDog Somehow, her relatives decide it's her fault anyway]].

* [[https://notalwaysright.com/graded-a-bee-minus/34134/ Somebody stole my beeotch!]]

* SmugSnake: Unaware that the submitter is using their phone to complete an assignment in the form of an animation like the other students, [[https://notalwaysright.com/their-criticism-of-you-is-very-animated/131342/ a classroom assistant on a power trip]] very loudly and vocally busts them for supposedly listening to music and "drawing things" instead of doing the assignment and smirks at the submitter as they come up to the teacher's desk. When the teacher explains that she allowed the submitter to complete the assignment this way (and expresses interest in how the app they are using works), the assistant is so humiliated that they begin trying to get themselves transferred to a different class and as far away from the teacher and submitter as possible.

* FridgeHorror: [[invoked]] [[DefiedTrope Defied]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-big-baby-booboo-part-2/ here]]; After the submitter's aunt, who thought her pregnancy symptoms were constipation, does several things to relieve it that could harm the fetus, the submitter makes sure to note at the end that the baby was born perfectly healthy.

* DidntThinkThisThrough: Desperate to get a refund on a phone that he inadvertently ran over, [[https://notalwaysright.com/not-going-down-with-guns-firing/119164/ this genius]] tries to win sympathy points by claiming that he is a war veteran with PTSD...and makes the ill-advised embellishment that he may come back into the cell phone store armed because of it. [[RealityEnsues The employee immediately calls the police]] and the customer is thrown into the slammer for breach of peace. Turns out the customer had a history of threatening people in the past and this was the first one that actually backfired on him. As a bonus, he is banned from entering the cell phone store ([[LaserGuidedKarma and the submitter makes a point of mentioning that there's not another one of their store for 200 miles]]).