- "Murder She Roast," where Brian thinks Fay is secretly a wanted murder and plans to kill him. This line especially:
Oh, that's what every homicidal maniac's neighbor says about them. "He was the sweetest, kindest, gentlest man I have ever met. Was very quiet. Always said 'Hello.' Helped me build a dog pen." Just once I would like to hear them say: "He was a raving lunatic. I feared for my life. I was just waitin' for the chainsaw to come rippin' through the wall!"
- And this bit:
Joe: "See you in hell."
- And this bit:
- "Death Becomes Him." The brothers pick up the wrong coffin for a funeral and are fearful what the very wealthy family will do to the airline if they find out. While waiting for the right coffin to arrive, Joe must pretend to be the elderly dead man during the open casket viewing.
- "What the Cabbie Saw." Antonio testifies against a robber, but when the robber is released from custody, he is paranoid over what will happen to him. He brings his paranoia to the Hackett household... in the middle of the night.
- Friends or Lovers?, Joe and Helen were repeatedly interrupted as they were about to kiss. Interruptions include an unexpected cramp, a teenage boy, and Helen's laughing.
- Joe: "Oh, oh, cramp!" (Joe opens the door.)Teen: "Yo, Ms. Chappel!" (Helen ducks under the dashboard and Joe leans over, accidentally pressing the horn.)
- In "Ex, Lies and Videotape", after Brian is humiliated by Antonio on a talk show, he tries to tell Antonio to back off.
- Antonio: "What did I really do that was so bad?"Brian: "Uh, I think it was when you stood up and yelled, (mocking Antonio's accent) 'Come on girls, let's get him!' "
- "Das Plane" — The whole gang ends up on a wacky adventure ferrying an annoying old man across the country to see his brother one more time. After meeting (and mugging) his brother for their dad's watch, he realizes he's robbed the wrong man, turning the whole ordeal into a "Shaggy Dog" Story.
- "Nothing ever happens here..." And then everyone falls down the second they leave the room.
- "I had to look again and I had a cup of tea and a butter pie." "Buttah pie?" "The butter wouldn't melt, so I put it in a pie"