History Funny / WaitWaitDontTellMe

* An unbelievably funny one in a best-of episode about how annoying the UsefulNotes/MicrosoftOfficeAssistant paperclip is and how many people would like to kill him (including, it turns out, Bill Gates). The discussion of Bill Gates' company e-mail titled "Clippy Must Die!" led to a run of jokes from Creator/AdamFelber and Creator/PaulProvenza about Clippy being [[http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=128417631" taken out"]]. The whole monologue is hilarious but the last line is hysterical:

* An unbelievably funny one in a best-of episode about how annoying the UsefulNotes/MicrosoftOfficeAssistant paperclip is and how many people would like to kill him (including, it turns out, Bill Gates). The discussion of Bill Gates' company e-mail titled "Clippy Must Die!" led to a run of jokes from Creator/AdamFelber and Creator/PaulProvenza about Clippy being [[http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=128417631"taken out"]]. The whole monologue is hilarious but the last line is hysterical:

* An unbelievably funny one in a best-of episode about how annoying the UsefulNotes/MicrosoftOfficeAssistant paperclip is and how many people would like to kill him (including, it turns out, Bill Gates). The discussion of Bill Gates' company e-mail titled "Clippy Must Die!" led to [[http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=128417631 a run of jokes from Creator/AdamFelber and Creator/PaulProvenza about Clippy being "taken out"]]. The whole monologue is hilarious but the last line is hysterical:

-->'''Contestant''': (confidently) [[{{Politicians}} Romney]]!

* When Creator/CarrieFisher was on Not My Job, she recounts how her daughter was flirting with Creator/ElizabethTaylor's grandson and had to ask if they were related. (For context, Carrie's father Music/EddieFisher cheated on Carrie's mom, Creator/DebbieReynolds with Taylor.) She had to draw a chart.
-->''Carrie'': Turns out they're related by scandal.

* When Creator/CarrieFisher was on Not My Job, she recounts how her daughter was flirting with Creator/ElizabethTaylor's grandson and had to ask if they were related. (For context, Carrie's father Creator/EddieFisher cheated on Carrie's mom, Creator/DebbieReynolds with Taylor.) She had to draw a chart.

* [[http://www.npr.org/2011/05/28/136733814/headline-game In a game of "guess the real headline"]], one of the options was "Strip Search Finds Crack Between Buttocks". They nearly had to stop the show because Faith Salie, who wasn't even the one answering that question, almost passed out from laughing so hard. [[spoiler:As it turns out, it was also the real headline.)]]

* [[http://www.npr.org/2011/05/28/136733814/headline-game In a game of "guess the real headline"]], one of the options was "Strip Search Finds Crack Between Buttocks". They nearly had to stop the show because Faith Salie almost passed out from laughing so hard. [[spoiler:As it turns out, it was also the real headline, and she got the points.)]]

* An unbelievably funny one in a best-of episode about how annoying the UsefulNotes/MicrosoftOfficeAssistant paperclip is and how many people would like to kill him (including, it turns out, Bill Gates). The discussion of Bill Gates' company e-mail titled "Clippy Must Die!" led to [[http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=128417631 a run of jokes from Adam Felber and Paul Provenza about Clippy being "taken out"]]. The whole monologue is hilarious but the last line is hysterical:

* For Henry Winkler's go at Not My Job, all the answers turned out to be A. Or as Fonzie would say, Aaay!

-->'''Tom Hanks''': Damn you to hell!

* On October 27, 2012, Drew Carey filled in for Peter Sagal and started off the show by thanking them for giving him the chance to "[[SelfDeprecation ruin another]] [[Series/ThePriceIsRight beloved American game show]]".
* During a "Bluff the Listener" round in October 2013, Mo Rocca mentioned "itchy homemade sweaters" on goats and immediately caught himself lest he ignite another media firestorm.

* [[http://www.npr.org/v2/?i=136517299&m=136517281&t=audio The limerick contestant everyone feared had been]] DrivenToSuicide.

* [[http://www.npr.org/player/v2/mediaPlayer.html?action=1&t=1&islist=false&id=138629867&m=138629856 The one limerick contestant who apparently didn't know what a fork was.]]

* An unbelievably funny one in a best-of episode about how annoying the paperclip from Microsoft Word is and how many people would like to kill him (including, it turns out, Bill Gates). The discussion of Bill Gates' company e-mail titled "Clippy Must Die!" led to [[http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=128417631 a run of jokes from Adam Felber and Paul Provenza about Clippy being "taken out"]]. The whole monologue is hilarious but the last line is hysterical:

-->'''Craig Ferguson''': I'm gonna go with the Astors and the three way with the monkey.

* [[http://www.npr.org/2011/05/28/136733814/headline-game In a game of "guess the real headline"]], one of the option was "Strip Search Finds Crack Between Buttocks". They nearly had to stop the show because Faith Salie almost passed out from laughing so hard. [[spoiler:As it turns out, it was also the real headline, and she got the points.)]]

* On the episode broadcast June 9th, 2012, the first story of the “Not My Job” segment concerned an early twentieth century doctor named John Brinkley, who grew rich “by transplanting goat gonads into” his patients. After guest Sam Katz (chef for the White House) correctly guessed the answer, the panelists discussed this bizarre medical practice, with Roxanne Roberts questioning “What were they supposed to do?” To which P. J. O'Rourke rejoined “Oh, come now.”

--> '''Peter''': So, is ''that'' what you do there, I guess?
--> (about half a minute later)
--> '''Peter''': You know, we've only known each other for 30 seconds or so, but I fell as if I know you really well.

--> '''Bill''': For our kingdom, I fought a bold fight.
--> My Viagra addressed a big blight.
--> Old groins can now stir,
--> So they've made me a Sir.
--> For my pills, they have made me a [[spoiler: knight.]]
--> ''(brief silence)'' It's a hard one.

--> '''Peter''': Alright, Charlie, this last one is for you. Keith Richards wrote a children's book, it's called "Gus and Me". He has no recollection of writing it, but people who bought who bought "Gus And Me" also bought what?
--> '''Charlie Pierce''': Heroin.
--> '''Bill''': An advice book called "What Would Keith Richards Do?"
--> '''Peter''': Or...?
--> '''Bill''': Rolling Stones certified kidney stones.
--> '''Peter''': Or...?
--> '''Bill''': [[spoiler: Heroin.]]

--> '''Peter''': Well, I don't know if you know this, but his balls have been marked with special holographs and DNA.
--> '''Charlie Pierce''': '''WHAT?'''
--> '''Peter''': This is true. You may-- Barry Bonds' balls-- (realizes what he just said, starts chuckling)
--> '''Charlie''': Peter? Peter, you know, this is one of those where you see it coming down the track for about a mile and a half---
--> '''Peter''': And I wasn't able to get out of the way!
--> '''Charlie''': You can't do anything about it, just brazen it through.
--> '''Peter''': Yeah.

--> '''Bill''': Bennett [[note]] the caller playing the game [[/note]], you're really great. Let's see how well you do on this one.
--> '''Bennett''': Is the next one's answer "marijuana"? ''(crowd breaks into laughter)''
--> '''Bill''': How did you know?
--> '''Peter''': Oh, let him read the limerick.
--> '''Bill''': [[spoiler: Ben and Jerry mix up a what do you wanna...]]

--> '''Peter''': This week, Mike and Ian make me eat something I don't want to. This promo is the first I am hearing of this.

--> '''Roy Blount, Jr.''': And mice have lots of bad memories.
--> '''Peter''': Oh, they do. Now, put that aside...
--> '''Paula Poundstone''': ''(as mouse)'' Remember the time--?
--> '''Adam Felber''': ''(as mouse)'' I can't go back there, man.
--> '''Peter''': It was like I was trapped in a maze!
--> '''Adam''': ''(as mouse)'' Right turn, left turn, right turn, left turn. Oh my god, where's my cheese? Just give me the cheese!
--> '''Paula''': ''(as mouse)'' Minnie just kept badgering me and badgering me and badgering me.

--> '''Peter''': They basically, in order to give these mice good memories that they could then experiment with, they gave the mice threesomes.
--> '''Adam''': ''(as mouse)'' It's always been a fantasy of mine. Never said it out loud, it's like these guys know me.
--> '''Peter''': The scientists are sitting around, right, and they're thinking about what would give a mouse a good memory, and just, you know, as one of the scientists was about to say "Well, we could go with cheese," another scientist shouts out "THREESOME! THREESOME!"
--> '''Paula''': One scientist said "How about fishing with their dad?"
--> '''Roy''': And the mice all said "No, no, no."
--> '''Peter''': ''(as mouse)'' No, no, no, no. Listen to the first guy! Listen to the first guy!
--> '''Roy''': What's the bad memory? Do we know?
--> '''Peter''': It was an electric shock.
--> '''Paula''': The bad memory was being on a wheel while the guy with the threesome was in the other tank.
--> '''Peter''': Trying to get over to join in and you don't get anywhere.
--> '''Paula''': ''(as a mouse running in a wheel)''' I feel like I'm getting closer!

--> '''Peter''': Despite the fact that we have the right to bear arms, an Oregon man was cited this week for carrying blank. [[note]] The answer was "bear arms", as in "the arms of a bear". [[/note]]
--> '''Moshe Kasher''': An AK-47.
--> '''Peter''': No.
--> '''Moshe''': A gun.
--> '''Peter''': No.
--> '''Moshe''': A shotgun.
--> '''Peter''': No.
--> '''Moshe''': A taser.
--> '''Peter''': This doesn't work that way.

--> '''Mo Rocca''': Is it, does it have to do with the afterlife, or...?
--> '''Peter''': No, it has to do with the phone in their pockets and what people like to do with their phones. Specifically, the camera of their phones.
--> '''Mo''': Gosh, it's something... Okay, if they go to church in Brooklyn, something special will happen to their phones.
--> '''Adam Felber''': They will be stolen.
--> '''Faith Salie''': Jesus will appear.
--> '''Peter''': Well, Jesus will appear, actually...
--> '''Mo''': Jesus will appear on your phone.
--> '''Peter''': ...when you do what at the church with your phone?
--> '''Mo''': When you give yourself a selfie, do you turn into Jesus? When you... the Holy Eucharist. It's like a transubstantiation app.
--> '''Adam''': I say we keep this going.
--> '''Peter''': Let's keep going. No, seriously.
--> '''Mo''': So when you go to church...
--> '''Peter''': This is what we've established.
--> '''Adam''': With your cell phone...
--> '''Peter''': You go to church with your cell phone, which has a camera on it...
--> '''Mo''': You can take a picture of Jesus in the church.
--> '''Peter''': Yes.
--> '''Adam''': WITH WHO?!
--> '''Peter''': With who?
--> '''Faith''': With whom?
--> '''Peter''': WHO ELSE IS IN THE PICTURE?
--> '''Mo''': Oh, a priest. ''(everyone else groans)'' Oh, nononononononononononono.
--> '''Adam''': '''BILL, TAKE AWAY A POINT!'''
--> '''Mo''': Nonononono, you can take a selfie with Jesus.
--> '''Peter''': '''YES! YES!'''
--> '''Faith''': Hallelujah.
--> '''Peter''': Thank you, Jesus!
--> '''Mo''': You know, you know, I have to tell you...
--> '''Peter''': Yes, Mo, please.
--> '''Mo''': That last guess was a Hail Mary.

--> '''Faith''': This is where the lightning round becomes an electrical storm.
--> '''Adam''': It's like a Van de Graaf generator.

--> '''Bill''': Amy got four right, the audience got one...

* [[http://www.npr.org/2016/05/14/477989383/panel-round-two A panel round from the May 14, 2016 show]] starts off on a news story about the features that high end luxury apartments have for their residents with children and snowballs into a series of jokes about [[ItMakesSenseInContext Marxist talking giraffe wet nurses.]]

* To announce a Not My Job segment based on UsefulNotes/{{The World Cup}}, Carl let off an ''epic'' "GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAALLL!!". It had to be heard to be believed. Doubles as a CrowningMomentOfAwesome that he could ''do'' that. ([[http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=129487939 Here]], under "Carl's Special FX")

** There was also a time he was discussing the possibility of the US going to war against Iran “But unfortunately, [[OneOfUs we used that crystal back at the last save point]].”

* To announce a Not My Job segment based on {{The World Cup}}, Carl let off an ''epic'' "GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAALLL!!". It had to be heard to be believed. Doubles as a CrowningMomentOfAwesome that he could ''do'' that. ([[http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=129487939 Here]], under "Carl's Special FX")

* An unbelievably funny one in a best-of episode a few months back about how annoying the paperclip from Microsoft Word is and how many people would like to kill him (including, it turns out, Bill Gates). The discussion of Bill Gates' company e-mail titled "Clippy Must Die!" led to [[http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=128417631 a run of jokes from Adam Felber and Paul Provenza about Clippy being "taken out"]]. The whole monologue is hilarious but the last line is hysterical:

* On October 27, 2012, Drew Carey filled in for Peter Sagal and started off the show by thanking them for giving him the chance to "[[SelfDeprecation ruin another]] [[ThePriceIsRight beloved American game show]]".