History Funny / TheClevelandShow

--->'''Cleveland:''' YEEEE!!! YEEEE!!! YEEEE!!! I'M GONNA DIE!! I'M GONNA DIE !!! YEEEE!!! I accused them of fornicating their own mothers!!! They're tough, I've only been acting tough!!! Gotta dump the coke (''picks up a bag of coke and runs frantically up the stairs'') WHY!! IS!! THIS!! HAP!!! EN!!! ING!!! TO!!! ME-E-E!!!

* Two words: [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FhoYDdtAaVw Frapp Attack]]

'''Donna''' [[AdultFear MY BABY!!]]

* Cleveland getting addicted to energy pills.

* Cleveland's long monologue about how gross a gas-station bathroom is.

** Humorously, Cleveland manages to keep his job by offering to tell stories about Terry's days on the high school swimming team.

** Cleveland telling the passengers on the cruise ship to calm down after one of the members of The Music/{{Commodores}} is shot by the pirates, because he wasn't one of the original members.

** Cleveland telling the passengers on the cruise ship to calm down after one of the members of Music/TheCommodores is shot by the pirates, because he wasn't one of the original members.

* Cleveland meets Tim the Bear for the first time on the pilot episode: "Ahhh! A bear!" "Ahhh! A black man!"

-->'''Cop:''' Who here is not a virgin?
-->'''Man raises hand'''
-->'''Cop:''' You're under arrest.

-->'''Cleveland:''' YEEEE!!! YEEEE!!! YEEEE!!! I'M GONNA DIE!! I'M GONNA DIE !!! YEEEE!!! I accused them of fornicating their own mothers!!! They're tough, I've only been acting tough!!! Gotta dump the coke (''picks up a bag of coke and runs frantically up the stairs'') WHY!! IS!! THIS!! HAP!!! EN!!! ING!!! TO!!! ME-E-E!!!

--> '''Big Skeeze''': I'm gonna keep my next baby!
* "A Brown Thanksgiving". [[spoiler:Cleveland's dad and Auntie Mama had sex. Cleveland happens to know the latter is a man. So while they keep doing suggestive things involving the turkey, Cleveland keeps puking, eventually covering the whole table in it.]]

** Made even funnier after [[spoiler:Auntie Momma leaves and Cleveland tells his dad about her. They are outside the house, and their dialogue is completley inaudible, but after his dad finally realizes, he pukes against the window. Made even funnier by the dialogue after]]:
-->[[spoiler:'''Cleveland:''' Says her real name's Kevin.]]
-->[[spoiler:'''Cleveland's dad:''' * pukes* ]]
-->[[spoiler:'''Cleveland:''' Been hiding the candy for 36 years.]]
-->[[spoiler:'''Cleveland's dad:''' * pukes* ]]
-->[[spoiler:'''Cleveland:''' You...]]
-->[[spoiler:'''Cleveland's dad:''' * pukes* ]]
-->[[spoiler:'''Cleveland:''' Had sex...]]
-->[[spoiler:'''Cleveland's dad:''' * pukes* ]]
-->[[spoiler:'''Cleveland:''' With a man!]]
-->[[spoiler:'''Cleveland's dad:''' * pukes* ]]
* The episode "The Curious Case of Jr. Working at The Stool" has a scene near the end with Cleveland and his friends at the bar. Not knowing that [[spoiler: their beers have been replaced with non-alcoholic beer as part of Cleveland Jr.'s revenge scheme]], they seem to be slightly intolerant of each other and their attitudes, which results in a fight breaking out between the four of them. The fight gets triggered by Cleveland punching Lester in the head and Holt starts fighting with Cleveland as a result. Tim, almost unprovoked, hits Lester in the back of the head, to which we get this exchange:
-->'''Lester:''' What the hell was that for?!
-->'''Tim:''' This is what's happening. Deal with it! *punches Lester again*
** The fight gets broken up when [[spoiler:Cleveland Jr. shows up and explains what he had done]], but not before Tim has grievously harmed Lester in an attempt to eat him.
-->'''Lester:''' ''(shakily)'' I'm glad you're all made up and everything...but can SOMEONE GET ME TO A HOSPITAL?!?

--> '''Kendra''': *after Donna tells Cleveland over the phone* Please don't tell people...

-->'''Cleveland *Calmly*''': Roberta, go to your room.
-->'''Roberta''': Fuuuuuck you! '''*Walks away*'''
-->'''Cleveland''': '''*Almost immediately bursts into tears*'''

--> '''Cleveland:''' '''*Speaking fast*''' Hey, I'm Cleveland Brown and we had a good time tonight - '''*stammering*''' dai-dai-dai-dai-dai-dai - and we talked about addiction which is no laughing '''*chuckles*''' laughing matter which is why I'm back here telling you '''*shudders*''' allll this, and we killed a pirate! And what-not but please. Addiction ''nooo bueno es'' bad!
--> '''Holt *pops into view*:''' C-Bro, we going to that party?
--> '''Cleveland:''' YOU BETCHA! '''*Dashes off screen to a sped-up version of the show's theme*'''

** Cleveland telling the passengers on the cruise ship to calm down after one of the members of Music/TheCommodores is shot by the pirates, because he wasnt one of the original members.
* The episode 'Y Tu Junior Tambien' has Cleveland's wide-eyed reaction to Junior's description of what a man and women do together which consists of various actions and a very long censor bleep
-->'''Junior:''' Dad, I think I want to have sex with my wife.
-->'''Cleveland:''' Junior, do you know what sex is?
-->'''Junior:''' Well, when two people love each other very much, they hug each other for a ''long'' time.
-->'''Cleveland:''' Yeah...
-->'''Junior:''' And then, once she's good and warmed up, the man... '''*nine seconds of censor beeping as he makes suggestive motions, Cleveland going wide-eyed in the process*'''... but that's only if you have one of those swings! '''*chuckles and leaves*'''
-->'''Cleveland:''' I need to live more...
** Near the beginning of the episode, Junior tries to talk to a girl, and Cleveland suggests he envision himself as [[Franchise/StarWars Mace Windu]], so when he talks to her he keeps mentioning the Force and it sounds like he's talking about rape, she runs into the woman's restroom and maces Junior when he follows her in, prompting Cleveland to comment on it with "[[{{Pun}} She maced Windu!]]"

-->'''Cleveland:''' [To a squirrel] RUN!

* Cleveland has a flashback, where he see's his younger self and his father in a garage while his father works on a car. Young Cleveland and his father acknowledge present Cleveland, and Present Cleveland attempts to tell his younger self to buy stocks in Apple. Young Cleveland mishears him and thinks he said "applesauce" causing Cleveland to find himself in a garage full of applesauce upon returning to the present. He's fine with it, as "I do like applesauce".

--> '''Cleveland''': Come on Rallo, lets leave this gentleman to [[BestialityIsDepraved rape his livestock in peace]].

--> '''Cleveland''': Little Mr. Rallo? He gone.
--> '''Donna''' [[AdultFear MY BABY!!]]

--> '''Cleveland''': *notices Jr is waving at him* [[OhCrap Oh, God.]]

** The "japanese version" of the Cleveland Show has a scene where Clevelands crazy scheme of the week is to covertly clock in extra time at work without his supervisor noticing.
** Japanese Rollo is late for breakfast because he was caught up in his homework.

* Real time cutaways in "Cleveland Live", complete with the expected screw ups.
* Rallo being "punished" in American Prankster.
-->'''Donna:''' Rallo, from now on there will be no video games.
-->'''Rallo:''' *goes on computer*
-->'''Donna:''' And no internet.
-->'''Rallo:''' *pulls out two phones*
-->'''Donna:''' No Angry Birds! No Angry Birds for Android!
-->'''Rallo:''' *pulls out two more devices*
-->'''Donna:''' No Kindle! No Zune!
-->'''Rallo:''' *pulls out an assortment of devices*
-->'''Donna:''' No [=TiVO=]! No Roku! No Pronto! No Pixi! No Swidget! No [=PlayPad=]! No Migo! No Linkster!
-->'''Rallo:''' *playing with a Tickle Me Elmo*
-->'''Donna:''' '''NOOO TICKLE ME ELMO!'''
-->'''Rallo:''' *playing Texas Hold'em with strangers*
-->'''Donna:''' No Texas hold'em with seven grown-up gamblers who somehow got into your room!
-->'''Rallo:''' *dresses up as Al Sharpton*
-->'''Donna:''' No dressing up as Al Sharpton!

-->'''Cleveland:''' But God ''showed you'' how to build that contraption.
-->'''Junior:''' No, I learned that in school.
-->'''Cleveland:''' God built the school.
-->'''Junior:''' ''Immigrants'' built the school.
-->'''Cleveland:''' ''Christian'' immigrants.
-->'''Junior:''' ''(claps hands)'' [[ScrewThisImOuttaHere I'm out!]]
* After Cleveland takes the fall for Terry getting in a DUI accident and wrecking a company van, he's brought into Mr Watermans office, who says he has to fire Cleveland, not because of the van, but because Terry could have died. Cleveland notices how concerned Waterman seems to be about Terry, and starts looking around the office, noticing suggestive photos of Terry everywhere... then the secretary brings Waterman his usual coffee in a ''Series/SexAndTheCity'' cup. THAT'S when Cleveland manages to [[TransparentCloset connect the dots]].