History Funny / TheAngryVideoGameNerdSeasonFive

[[Funny/TheAngryVideoGameNerd Main]] | [[Funny/TheAngryVideoGameNerdPilots Pilots]] | [[Funny/TheAngryVideoGameNerdSeasonOne Season One]] | [[Funny/TheAngryVideoGameNerdSeasonTwo Season Two]] | [[Funny/TheAngryVideoGameNerdSeasonThree Season Three]] | [[Funny/TheAngryVideoGameNerdSeasonFour Season Four]] | '''Season Five''' | [[Funny/TheAngryVideoGameNerdSeasonSix Season Six]] | [[Funny/TheAngryVideoGameNerdSeasonSeven Season Seven]] | [[Funny/TheAngryVideoGameNerdSeasonEight Season Eight]] | [[Funny/TheAngryVideoGameNerdSeasonNine Season Nine]] | [[Funny/TheAngryVideoGameNerdSeasonTen Season Ten]] | [[Funny/TheAngryVideoGameNerdSeasonEleven Season Eleven]] | [[Funny/TheAngryVideoGameNerdSeasonTwelve Season Twelve]] | [[Funny/TheAngryVideoGameNerdSeasonThirteen Season Thirteen]] | [[Funny/TheAngryVideoGameNerdSeasonFourteen Season Fourteen]] | [[Funny/TheAngryVideoGameNerdSeasonFifteen Season Fifteen]] | [[Funny/TheAngryVideoGameNerdSeasonSixteen Season Sixteen]] | [[Funny/TheAngryVideoGameNerdSeasonSeventeen Season Seventeen]] | [[Funny/AngryVideoGameNerdTheMovie The Movie]]

->'''Nerd:''' You know what would be nice? An attack! Or how about a health bar? How about '''anything''' like a normal fucking '''''game!?!''''' [[{{Catchphrase}} What were they thinking?!?]]

[[folder:Street Fighter 2010]]
* The beginning of the episode, where the Nerd walks out to get his mail and finds that he now lives in ''Street Fighter 2010''.
-->'''Nerd:''' What the hell's all this shit?! There's metallic sea sponges everywhere! There's titanium rocket jock straps! Headless parrots with bottle caps! Floating eyeballs entrapped in glass lids! How is this all happening?
* The Nerd can't wait to play ''Street Fighter 2010'':
--> '''Nerd''': Let's take a look at this, I can only imagine. We're gonna be Tiger Uppercutting through space and time. We're gonna be throwing Sonic Booms on the moon. Hadoukens up Uranus, this is ''Street Fighter 2010''!
* Putting sound effects and music from ''VideoGame/StreetFighterII'' over gameplay of ''Street Fighter 2010'' in a vain attempt to make it feel like the former, only to [[LettingTheAirOutOfTheBand let the air out of the band]] when it fails.
** Even funnier is the fact that this makes ''Street Fighter 2010'' a rare exception to [[MemeticMutation Guile's Theme Goes With Everything]].
* The revelation that it was only the U.S. release that changed the protagonist's name to Ken and added a reference to ''Street Fighter'' in the opening dialog.
--> '''Nerd''': So you're telling me the Japanese version had ''less'' to do with Street Fighter? As in ''nothing?!''
* When he's confused as to why the UsefulNotes/TurboGrafx16 port of ''Street Fighter'' is called ''Fighting Street'', he also notes that the cover (with Mount Rushmore in the background) means "you get to play such classic characters as Ryu, UsefulNotes/GeorgeWashington, and [[UsefulNotes/AbrahamLincoln Abe Lincoln]]."
* The Nerd gets to play ''VideoGame/StreetFighterI''. His thoughts: "And guess what? It sucks ass."
** When he hears the "voice acting", he starts mocking it by imitating the adults from ''WesternAnimation/CharlieBrown''.
* "Street Fighter: The Good Edition".
* Just the way he says that ''VideoGame/StreetFighterTheMovie: The Game'' is "one of the stupidest ideas I ever heard".
* "You press ''down''. [[PunctuatedForEmphasis To shoot. Diagonally. Up.]]"
* When playing ''Street Fighter 2010'', he gets cornered by some enemies on a climbable wall, leading to this comment:
--> '''Nerd''': I'm getting murdered! I'm getting buttfucked up the ''dick''!!!
* Upon seeing the last level's second boss (who's named [[TomTheDarkLord Brian]] by the way):
-->'''Nerd:''' Then, it's ''this'' fuckbrain.
* The Nerd's rant on the last level is pretty great, just from the delivery.
--> '''Nerd''': It's the most heartless and abominable end stage ever programmed. What you get here is an endurance round. You have to fight three bosses, and then go on to a final boss, who has two different forms. All on one single life. You die once, you go back. First, it's this fucking clam-shaped thing. Then it's this fuckbrain. Then these two disappearing mummified armadillo robots in a room that randomly spouts fire all about. On top of trying to stay alive, you have to do it all before the time runs out. Oh look, I beat him, and the time's still going! Come on, come on, I gotta get to the final boss! Yes! I made it! Two seconds to spare! Then you get a cutscene. There's no way anyone's gonna bother to read this. Your heart is pounding so fast, and you're ripping your hair out of your head wondering "what the fuck am I gonna have to fight now?" I'm at the final boss, what is it, what is it? ''[The timer runs out.]'' WHAT?!? The fucking time limit??? You'd think that after the cutscene, the timer would start over, but NO! You fight the three bosses, then it's the cutscene, then you fight two forms of the final boss. So that's basically five bosses in total, all on the same life bar, and the same time limit. You get unlimited continues, so there's no excuse to shut off the game, you just keep playing and playing and playing. Eventually you start to get good at it! You can blow through these bosses taking as little damage as possible, but then the time always runs out! So you do it real fast, but then you end up getting killed! Then, you start to go through a phase, where you get so frustrated that all the skill you've accumulated starts to weaken, so instead of getting better, you actually start to get worse, because you've been playing the same fucking thing over and over. The final boss looks like a big, blistering ballsack that swallowed Grimace. His only weak spot is the face. The ideal strategy is to climb on the wall and keep shooting, but your beam doesn't reach. Not without full power-ups! You can try jumping off and shooting, but that takes too long! You don't have time! When you're plowing through the stage, you gotta stop and get all the powerups. But that wastes time too! But you gotta do it! You gotta ''somehow make it all happen!'' You can't beat one boss flawlessly but then fuck up a little on the next one. You gotta: 1) Beat all the bosses without getting hurt too much, 2) Get all the power-ups, and 3) Do it fast as shit, all in one perfect run! But once you do it, man, you're on the fucking top of the world! Yeah, boom, BOOM! ''(Makes explosion noises.)''

[[folder:Hydlide]]
* After ranting about ''VideoGame/{{Hydlide}}'' for ages while pronouncing it "hide-lide", he pauses and remarks: "Wait, maybe it's pronounced 'Hid-lide'."
* His complaint about the bump-to-attack battle system being unclear about whether you're attacking or defending:
-->'''Nerd''': It's just as random as rolling the dice or playing the lottery. [[Film/AmericanMovie Sometimes you win and sometimes you lose...but I guess it's better than using drugs or alcohol, because with drugs and alcohol--especially drugs--you always lose...]] (*clips of the Nerd dying multiple times*)

[[folder:Ninja Gaiden]]
* The Nerd addressing a suggestive-looking cutscene in the second game, where it appears as if Irene is going down on Ryu. [[labelnote:Note]](in reality, Irene had just been stabbed and was falling to the floor in front of Ryu.)[[/labelnote]]
* "You're slow as sloth taking shit!"
* Even the ninja master can't beat ''Ninja Gaiden''. "Nunchaku-fuck!"
* The HilariousOuttakes. Kevin is just incredible:
--> '''Nerd''': Yeah yeah, I'm doing good!\\
'''Ninja''': It's not a woman.
** And:
---> '''Nerd''': *dies again* Grr!\\
'''Ninja''': Before you leap, you must look.\\
'''Nerd''': *dies again* I looked, I looked!\\
'''Ninja''': Before you look, you must think.\\
'''Nerd''': *dies again and gets angry*\\
'''Ninja''': [[DontThinkFeel Before you think, you must feel.]]\\
'''Nerd''': *dies again* [[PrecisionFStrike FUCK!]]\\
'''Ninja''': Before you fuck, you must use proper protection.
** What's funny as well is the smile developing on James' face when the ninja says the former line.
** This is compared to the normal original episode, but different when the Ninja says, "Before you think, you must feel":
---> '''Nerd''': *dies again* Ungh!!!\\
'''Ninja''': Before you feel, you must--\\
'''Nerd''': [[RageBreakingPoint I've had enough!!]]
** The way the ninja shrugs when saying the "Don't Think, Feel" line, as if it were obvious and he couldn't believe the Nerd didn't know it.
** When the Nerd actually [[WhenYouSnatchThePebble catches the Q-tip]] ''first time''. Their reactions are priceless, especially Rolfe's look of amazement and hilarity.
---> '''Ninja''': My work here is done.
** And this part. Must be the Ninja being able to keep a serious tone/expression:
---> '''Nerd''': And what the fuck was THAT?\\
'''Ninja''': A hummingbird that has no song...\\
'''Nerd''': ''([[{{Corpsing}} covers his mouth with the controller]])''\\
'''Ninja''': ...will never... ''(tries to remember his line)'' ...be a popstar.\\
'''Nerd''': ''(loses it)''
** "A wren that looks like a hen is more a hen than a wren."
** "You must not act too quick. Perceive the victory in your head...then you will...receive head..." James's face, like he's thinking "Oh my god, he just said that?!", sells this outtake.
** "If you want to throw a rock at the moon, it's [[CheesyMoon made of cheese]], so... [[{{Metaphorgotten}} you might as well]] be in [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wisconsin_cheese Wisconsin.]]
** [[CampGay "Ninja G-to-the-double-ay-den."]]

[[folder:Swordquest]]
* AVGN comments on the game's ''Earthworld'' part, where you [[MundaneMadeAwesome hear an explosion sound every time you go through a door]]. His playing the game and jumping back at each "explosion" going through a door is priceless!
* When playing ''Earthworld'':
--> '''AVGN''': These kind of games, you gotta use a lot of imagination. When you get to a treasure chamber, you can pick up items or drop them. By putting the right combination of items in a certain room, you'll trigger a clue. ''(clue appears)'' Whoa... Now what could that mean? Hmm... 16, 4... the comic book! ''(opens comic)'' Page 16, panel 4... I don't see anythi- ''(the word "SPIRE" is hidden in the drawing)'' ...Wow.
* When he first mentions the "Water World" game, he has to clarify that it's not the Kevin Costner film.

[[folder:Pong Consoles]]
* His intro:
--> '''AVGN''': (...)They made a home Pong console, so you can play it at home. And then there was another one! ''(shows it)'' And another one! ''(shows it)'' And ''[[RuleOfThree another one]]''! ''(shows it)'' AND ANOTHER ONE! ''(shows it)'' AND ANOTHER ONE! ''(shows it) [[OverlyLongGag AND ANOTHER ONE!]] (shows it) THERE WAS, LIKE, NINE MILLION FUCKING PONG CONSOLES!''
* "You get 4 different kinds of ''Pong'', like... what the hell is this[[labelnote:*]](A mode in which rather than paddles, the players have walls with holes in them)[[/labelnote]], ''Reverse Pong''? Okay... Oh, ''now'' what's this?[[labelnote:*]](suddenly his game glitches, turning into a mode in which the player on the right has a much longer paddle than the left player)[[/labelnote]] ''Asshole Pong''? That's not fair!"
* The Nerd's comment on using the video connector and the box for the Wonder Wizard:
-->"This might be a good time to bring up that most of these old consoles have a connector that looks like this. You have to plug them into a box, and then screw the box into your TV. But I say, get yourself one of ''these'' *holds up a convenient adapter*, [[BreadEggsMilkSquick plug it into the coaxial input on your TV, plug the game in, and tell that box to go fuck itself]]!" *[[FlippingTheBird flips the bird at the connector]]*
** Also[[note]]When discussing the RCA Studio II, where the AC adaptor plugs into the connector box, like the Platform/Atari5200[[/note]]:
--->"So, technically speaking, the video signal is travelling up this wire... and then the electricity from the ''wall socket'' is coming back through the same wire. [[MindScrew I don't even understand how that works!]]"
* His entire reaction to the TV-4 Four-Way Video Game ("Rolls right off your tongue!"):
-->"Well, you already know how I feel about [[ScrappyMechanic these accursed boxes]]. How do you think I feel that this one is permanently attached to the fucking game console?! These things come from hell - these forks at the end might as well be the Devil's pitchfork. One of them's chewed off, so I have no way of connecting it to the TV...and I have no way of replacing the box! You think that makes me happy?...''It doesn't!''" ''(The Nerd angrily throws the box away)''
* Wow... Pong! [[PacManFever This is where it's at! It ain't gunna get better than this!]] Now what's this here, this Xbox 360?... Some modern game system, I don't know, maybe it has advanced graphics, might even be in color. Let's check it out! ''[screen cuts to footage of ''VideoGame/GrandTheftAutoIV'', totally blowing the Nerd's socks off]''

[[folder:Action 52]]
* The Nerd begins the review by saying that he gets requests for this game all the time, such as:
--> '''Nerd''': "Fuck this game, please do a review of it. You asshole. Thanks." Wow, I guess I ''gotta'' do it now.
* "Out of the way, you fucking ghosts! Here comes Mrs. Tits, jumping like she's on the moon!"
* "Oh, fucking hell, there's a menorah shooting Q-tips! GET OUTTA THE WAY!"
* "You know what's more fun than playing ''Action 52''? 52-card pickup. You know how you play that? *tosses deck of cards on ground* ''Pick up the cards!''"
* The Nintoaster. Also a SugarWiki/MomentOfAwesome.
-->'''Nerd:''' It's a Nin''Toaster''. And yes, it works.
* "Oops, dead end. What the shit? You can't go back? I'm trapped? You're ''shitting'' me! This game is shitting me." *cue the cartridge [[LiteralMetaphor doing exactly that]]*
* His reaction to the title of #4: G-Force FGT, as we all know what word he's thinking of as opposed to the "Fighters" the abbreviation is supposed to mean.
--> '''Nerd:''' G-Force...''what?''
* "This guy doesn't understand the basic concept of a hooker. You're supposed to fuck her, not fuck her up."
** "DIE, BOOB LADY!"
* All his imaginative interpretations of the game's vaguely designed sprites. Vacuum cleaners ([[RecycledInSpace In SPACE]]) crop up a lot.
** It only gets worse when Game #12, "Thrusters", [[GameBreakingBug glitches out]].
--->'''Nerd''': I can't decipher anything...\\
''(the graphics glitch out)''\\
'''Nerd''': Especially when the game starts having a ''fucking seizure''!
* The safety pins.
-->'''Nerd:''' "Safety pins as enemies in a video game... Where do they come up with this stuff?"
-->'''Programmer Nerd:''' "Gee, what kind of enemy could I have for this game? I have 32 games left I have to program, so I have to hurry up. ''(picks up a safety pin)'' Ah, safety pin! That'll be perfect! ''(types code in)'' Next game."
* The look on his face when he falls into the newbie trap at the beginning of ''Starevil''.
-->'''Nerd:''' Who's gonna dodge that? Nobody! Not the first time!
* His opinion on TV censorship.
-->'''Nerd''': Whoever came up with this is an asshole!
-->'''TV Version Nerd''': Whoever came up with this is an ass[[SoundEffectBleep *bleep*]]! Ass! Hole? [[BleepDammit Ass*bleep*]]. [[SarcasmMode Television makes a lot of sense]].
* His immediate reaction to [[MindScrew Time Warp Tickers]]. Conveying "what the fuck" as much as possible with nothing but an expression.
* For some reason, just his understated reaction to the lack of enemies in the games.
-->'''Nerd:''' Game #15: "Sharks." Yeah, sharks. ...''sometimes'' sharks... most of the time not.
* The glorious return of Shit Pickle.
* His reaction to Game #16: Megalonia:
-->'''Nerd:''' Another space shooter?! Flying through [=McDonald=]'s arches?! No thanks!
* This exchange when playing "Critical Bypass":
-->'''Nerd:''' Oh, Critical Bypass! It's critical that you bypass this game!
* His reaction to #28: Crybaby:
-->'''Nerd:''' By now, you'd be crying. So it's like the game is mocking you.
* When playing "Storm Over the Desert", this hilarious exchange happens when he sees a giant soldier[=/=]UsefulNotes/SaddamHussein:
-->'''Nerd:''' What the hell? A giant UsefulNotes/SaddamHussein? How did they fuck up the scale rating so bad?! The soldiers aren't giant, so why Saddam?
* When playing Game #10, "Operation: Full Moon", he finds the graphics look puke-green, and thinks that the game ate Silver Sword and barfed it out.
* When playing "Lazer League":
-->'''Nerd:''' Number #39: Lazer League. Well, I'm glad they spelled laser with a Z, that's how you say it, you don't say "la-ser". [[MoveAlongNothingToSeeHere By the way, 2-D horizontal space shooter. Next.]]
* His reaction to ''Non-Human'':
-->'''Nerd:''' Well, isn't that an appropriate title. Everything about these games is non-human!
* His reaction to "Chill Out":
-->'''Nerd''': Well, I wish I could chill out! [...] This game doesn't even care it sucks!
* ''Hambo'':
-->'''Nerd''': A pig version of ''{{Franchise/Rambo}}''? [[TheyWastedAPerfectlyGoodPlot No, that would've been too clever.]]
* ''Evil Empire'': When the Nerd notices a lot of activity on a nearby platform:
-->'''Nerd''': Look at that. There's some crazy shit going on over there. ''I'' wanna join the party. ''(falls off platform and collapses)'' Oops, dying in mid-air. I can understand dying from falling from too great a height, but can't they at least let you die when you hit the ground?!
* [[https://youtu.be/a4QBeADNM34?t=708 His reaction to dying in ''Me Ong.'']]
-->'''Nerd:''' What the fuck?
* When playing #40: Billy Bob:
-->'''Nerd:''' Of course, I should have learned. In ''VideoGame/Action52'', you cannot jump down. You will hit the air so hard you will die.
* When playing #42 Bits and Pieces. A monster game where all you do is jump, and jump, and jump over monsters.
->'''Nerd:''' You know what would be nice? An attack! Or how about a health bar? How about '''anything''' like a normal fucking '''''game!?!''''' [[{{Catchphrase}} What were they thinking?!?]]
* When playing #50 Ninja Assault.
-->'''Nerd:''' Another beat-em-up. If you can even call it that. No strategy just mash buttons. ''((Ninja goes "Paaw" whenever he attacks and the Nerd starts to mimic the sound)''
* After the Nerd attempts #51: Robbie and the Robots, his hands shake on the controller with anger before he lets loose the full extent of his rage:
-->'''Nerd:''' I can't believe they sold this shitfest for $199! That's about how much it costs for a video game console, pretty much. You could take $199, stand on a bridge and just throw it all away. You'd rather do anything than spend it on a broken-down, dysfunctional disaster of video game programming!\\
[[ObviousBeta With games that crash]], [[DamnYouMuscleMemory hideous jumping control]], random characters, microscopic sprites, [[ItsTheSameNowItSucks a marathon of mediocre space shooters]], dying in mid-air, problems with proportions, [[NeverTrustATitle misleading titles]], [[PowerUpLetdown misleading power-ups]], [[JokeWeapon embarrassing weapons]], [[EpilepticFlashingLights seizure-inducing backgrounds]], lack of enemies, [[{{Unwinnable}} games you can't win]], [[ForegoneVictory games you can't lose]], [[MindScrew games that make no sense whatsoever]], [[ClusterFBomb shitty graphics, shitty music, shitty menus, and a fuckton of other things]], [[ThereShouldBeALaw it should have been]] '''[[ThereShouldBeALaw illegal]]''' [[ThereShouldBeALaw for them to sell this rotten shitload of putrid fuck for any price]]!\\
[[SesquipedalianLoquaciousness I feel humiliated to live on the same planet as someone who designed an electronic abomination of this magnitude]]! Could they have tried making one good game as opposed to fifty-two horrible games? QualityOverQuantity, that's our lesson here.

[[folder:Cheetahmen]]
* His reaction of finding out that ''Cheetahmen'' is no better than any other game on ''Action 52''.
-->'''Nerd:''' [[PunctuatedForEmphasis IT SUCKS! MONKEY! BUTTS! LIKE ALL! THE FUCKIN'! REST!]]... Okay. Let's go.
* The reveal of a secret/glitch after he falls down a pit that should supposedly kill him.
-->'''Nerd:''' Wait a minute... a 1-up? And it skips me to the next level? [[Film/AmericanMovie Aw, kick-fuckin'-ASS! Life is kinda cool sometimes.]]
* After the Nerd explains how you can exploit the game's mechanics to beat the bosses that are otherwise impossible to beat.
-->'''Nerd:''' It's like the only way to beat this game is to cheat! Guess that's why it's called "Cheat-ah-men."
* "If they made ''Cheetahmen vs. Chester Cheetah'', that shit would be the motherfuckin' ass."
* His reaction on using the secret "Jump Glitch":
-->'''Nerd:''' You know what, game? All this shit you put me through for the first two levels? [[TheDogBitesBack Now it's my turn]]! Yeah, wanna play dumbass? [[Film/StarTrekIVTheVoyageHome Well, double-dumbass on you]], motherfucker! You swine! [[Film/ThreeAmigos You son of a motherless goat!]]
* The Nerd is fighting the monkey boss, when suddenly they [[DoesThisRemindYouOfAnything bump against each other in a certain manner]].
---> '''Nerd''': [[GRatedSex "Whoa, speaking of monkey fuck."]]
* Then the boss just disappears.
---> '''Nerd''': Heeeeeee's... [[ScrewThisImOuttaHere not coming back, is he?]]
* When playing "Appleseed":
--> '''Nerd''': Aw, shit, motherfuckers! Damn apples coming out of trees so fast, mother-fuckers!
* His [[DudeNotFunny reaction to seeing a dog getting graphically killed]] in the Sega Genesis version of ''Action 52''.
** ''Immediately'' after, ''another'' game in the collection has a bunch of dead cats on the road that you have to avoid. The Nerd is appalled. [[labelnote:Note]](it's a good bet that James himself was appalled too, since he owns a couple cats in real life)[[/labelnote]]
--> '''Nerd''': Tell me. If you're programming a video game and you have a choice of all the things that could be on the road, like mufflers, puddles of oil, traffic cones, hubcaps, fallen trash cans, open manholes, of ALL the things you could put there, why does your imagination go ''straight'' to dead cats?
* Describing the Genesis ''Cheetahmen'' music as "something you'd hear if somebody slipped on a banana peel."
* "...But you know what the ''really good'' news is? I'M DONE WITH ''ACTION 52''!!"

[[folder:Game Glitches]]
* The intro, which is appropriately glitchy. More funny, or [[JumpScare scary]], if you thought your computer froze.
--> '''Kyle Justin''': He's gonna take you b... (long pause) ...ack to the past... ''(a clip from the Karate Kid video plays twice)'' to play the ''(stuttering)'' shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii... ty [[LettingTheAirOutOfTheBand games that suck ass...]] (SmashToBlack).
* The sequence right after the intro. Set to a music track from ''VideoGame/BlasterMaster'', it shows the nerd inserting a ''VideoGame/PacMan'' cartridge into his NES console, only to end up being flabbergasted by the game's graphics and text being partially corrupted, such as the word "Player" being written as "Playar". He then attempts to insert and play ''Super Team Games'' instead, which then proceeds to crash at the title screen with a hilariously scrambled display.
* The Nerd pulls out ''Cheetahmen II'' one last time because he activated a glitch that allowed him to play the two hidden levels in the game.
--> '''Nerd''': Now, if I ever have to talk about ''Action 52'' and ''Cheetahmen'' again, I'm gonna staple my fucking ball sack to the ceiling.
* The CallBack to his ''Super Mario Bros. 3'' review. "The gremlin prefers to stay away from this game. It's a bit too crowded with demonic possessions."
* All of the Franchise/{{Rocky}} character glitches.
** When the Glitch Gremlin turns the audience into glitches and makes the fighters disappear.
-->'''Gremlin:''' In this corner, weighing in at 0 pounds, 0 ounces: nothing! And in this corner, we've got...much of the same: nothing!
** The audio glitch that causes a BrokenRecord announcer.
-->'''Announcer''': Next up is a fight, next up is a fight, next up is a fight...
** When the game returns after the Nerd tries cleaning it.
-->'''Gremlin''': In this corner, we have... [[EyeScream Bug-Eyed Balboa!]]\\
'''Nerd''': What happened to his mouth?\\
'''Gremlin''': His eyes are poppin' out! And in that corner, we have Spider Rico... [[FacialHorror with no jaw!]]\\
'''Nerd:''' They're like zombies. What is this: Rocky the Undead Edition? You are one sick fuck.
** The [[BodyHorror Clubber Lang one]].
-->'''Gremlin''': Let's see what else I got up my sleeves. [[VerbalBackspace Oh, I'm not wearing any]], but for my final showstopper, feast your eyes... on ''this''!\\
''(Clubber Lang comes out looking like... [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HdWRTleizFU&t=14m47s this.]])''\\
'''Nerd:''' ''(JawDrop, controller falls from hands)'' It's a Clubber Fuck!

[[folder:Zelda II: The Adventure of Link]]
* The episode opens with the Nerd stating that he has so many bad games to talk shit about, and that one of the ones he gets a lot of requests for is ''VideoGame/ZeldaIITheAdventureOfLink''. Cue RecordNeedleScratch.
-->'''Nerd:''' Really? That's a bad game? I thought it was pretty good. I mean look at it, it's '''gold'''.
* His tangent about how ridiculously named the monsters from the first ''Zelda'' game were:
-->'''Nerd:''' What do you call that? A rabbit's head? ''(buzzer)'' Wrong, a Pols Voice. What's that? A mummy? ''(buzzer)'' Gibdo. What's that? A ghost? ''(buzzer)'' Ghini. What's that? Well, it's kinda like.... like.... ''(ding-ding-ding-ding!)'' What? It's called a Like Like? Yeah, I'm not making this up. This is all coming straight from the manual. What do you call that? A snake? ''(buzzer)'' Wrong, it's called Rope. Yeah, really. If you can't tell the difference between a snake and a rope, you're in trouble. What's that? A bat? ''(buzzer)'' No, it's Keese. What do you call the keys then? Bats? What's that? A knight? ''(buzzer)'' A Darknut. Well then, what's that? Uh, a... a geiger counselman? ''(buzzer)'' Oh, a rock. What's that? A spider? ''(buzzer)'' A Tektite. Now what the fuck is a Tektite? Is that even a real word? Let me look it up. (finding Tektite in the dictionary) Yeah, it is. Tektite: Any of several kinds of small glassy bodies, in various forms, occurring in Australia and elsewhere, now believed to have been produced by the impact of meteorites on the earth's surface. Yeah, or a spider.
* The Nerd's reaction to the Game Over screen:
-->'''Ganon:''' Ha ha ha ha!
-->'''AVGN:''' Huh huh, huh huh, '''''FUCK''''' you.
* The Nerd brings up the infamous "I am Error" oddity, but offers an AlternativeCharacterInterpretation (Though it's not as much "alternate" as "actually spot on", minus the "e-roar" part):
--> '''AVGN''': Well, maybe that's just his name, that's all. Maybe it's pronounced "e-roar".
* Also, when a lady in red invites Link over to restore his health:
-->'''AVGN:''' (Link) learns the Down-Thrust, the Up-Thrust, and here, he learns the Cunt-Thrust. [[AGoodNameForARockBand Yeah, that should be the name of a band.]]
* The Nerd wondering what Link was doing standing in front of Zelda's comatose body: [[NoJustNoReaction "Awww no...]][[DudeShesLikeInAComa Link's a poon hound."]]
* The expressions he makes while trying to keep track of where he's going in Death Mountain.
* The two scenes where he turns Link into a fairy at the top of the screen, followed by the return of the Glitch Gremlin.
-->'''Gremlin:''' Mmm, glitches. You like 'em?\\
'''Nerd:''' Noooo...\\
...\\
'''Nerd:''' I fell through the floor!?\\
'''Gremlin:''' (''singing and dancing'') I fell through the floor. Through the floor. Through the floor. Through the floor.\\
'''Nerd:''' I don't wanna go through the floor. But then again what do you expect if you turn into a fairy when you're high? High up or high on drugs. Either way, you'll see glitches.
* The part where he has a hard time killing a ''[[GoddamnedBats skull]]''.
-->'''Nerd:''' You'll kill your thumbs faster than you'll kill this thing.
* When he talks about how the flute's use is different, the [[VideoGame/TheLegendOfZeldaI first game's]] Link uses the aforementioned item to teleport in front of Zelda II's Link and light him on fire.
-->'''Nerd:''' ''What the fuck''?
* "These guys peek their heads out over the fence like [[Series/HomeImprovement Tim the Toolman's neighbor]], and throw rocks! That's child's stuff! I mean, come on, throwing rocks."
* Just the way he says this while fighting Dark Link.
-->'''Nerd:''' He mimics your every move and will ''kick your ass''.
* "I have better luck trying to fight my ''own'' shadow!" Cue him trying to beat his shadow on a wall, dislodging a poster and hurting one of his hands.
* At the end of the video, the Nerd says that using the Power Glove would only make the game much more challenging than it already is... only to inadvertently make subtle movements on his Power Glove hand to defeat the final boss and show the ending, and all while he's saying how good but impossibly hard the game is and how he'll never beat it as long as he lives. He then turns off the TV and walks away...[[DoubleTake only to run back and switch it on]] as he realizes he's beaten the game. Can also be considered a SugarWiki/MomentOfAwesome.
** Also funny when you notice that his movement inputs are unintentionally exploiting an infamous corner crouch glitch for the final boss.
* The [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p0R68v1_1C8&ab_channel=Cinemassacre animated adaptation]] has lots of great visual comedy, especially with the BaitAndSwitch moment with the lady in red.

[[folder:Back to the Future Re-Revisited]]
* After completing ''Top Gun'''s final mission, the game forces him to land on the carrier one last time. This time, he says he knows what to do, but given the [[FakeDifficulty unforgiving controls]] during landings, he overshoots the carrier... and his jet keeps going out of the TV screen, up past his wall, and breaks through his glass window to fly outside. The prolonged landing sound effect really sells it.
--> "Hey, if someone sees that plane, can you let me know?"
** "Can't let those fuckers go to space."
** Doubles as GeniusBonus, AchievementsInIgnorance and RewatchBonus for the Power Glove Episode. If you watch the numbers while the Nerd is playing with the Glove, you can see that he is in fact in the ballpark and that the landing is genuine, as is the Nerd's bafflement.
* His mocking of the ''Franchise/StarWars'' special editions, with The Nerd wanting the ''M.C. Kids'' review to have a dance segment with the [=McDonald's=] mascots along with [[WesternAnimation/HeManAndTheMastersOfTheUniverse1983 Skeletor]] and {{Dracula}} à la the CGI dance segment in the re-release of ''Film/ReturnOfTheJedi''.
* He calls [[Film/WhoFramedRogerRabbit Jessica Rabbit]]'s phone number 20 years after the game came out. His reaction to finding out it's a sex line is priceless.
--> '''Sex hotline voice''': No credit card? Try collect call back. Dial 1-215-'''SEX-TALK''' ''(the Nerd gets a shocked look)'' and we'll call you right back. Connecting you to hot live talk with horny students, housewives and workin' girls. That's 1-2-1-5-S-E-X...\\
'''Nerd''': ...Wow. Um, the number has definitely changed. And we now have a Nintendo game... that gives a phone number... to a sex hotline. ''(beat)'' That is fuckin' awesome.
** For added hilarity, [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A1AGChmOStc watch the commentary]] where Mike is talking about how he really doesn't feel like doing title cards anymore, it unintentionally synchs up with the footage of The Nerd on the phone discovering the sex hotline, making it look like James is on the phone speaking to Mike and reacting in horror to Mike dismissing the title cards.
* "Hey, I'm getting deja vu here!" When inserting the cartridge into the Nintoaster, cut to where he put the cartridge in a toaster the first time.
* His question on the origin of the ''Back to the Future'' games:
--> "Was this game even made by a human being, or did they feed it into a computer just so it could shit out this nonsensical fuck-poop?"
* He says that ''Back to the Future'' doesn't have [[Music/ChuckBerry "Johnny B. Goode"]], but inspects it closer:
--> '''Nerd''': Okay, wait a minute. It ''is'' Johnny B. Goode. On ''crack''.
* While playing ''Back to the Future II & III'': "Don't be so fuck."
** When describing how the game is played:
--> '''Nerd''': After all that bullshit, you finally get the item, and now you have to find where to take it. I know where the ''game designers'' can take it, but that's another story.
* His description of the [[FakeDifficulty colors of the]] [[TheProblemWithLicensedGames LJN Rainbow]]:
-->"Purple for '[[GameBreakingBug Putrid]] [[SomeDexterityRequired Gameplay]],' Blue for '[[Horrible/{{Music}} Bad Musical Abominations]],' Green for '[[SpecialEffectFailure Graphical]] [[ObviousBeta Farts and Garlic]],' Yellow for '[[AdaptationDecay Piss-Poor Lack of Loyalty]] [[TheProblemWithLicensedGames to Source Material]],' Orange for '[[GuideDangIt Orange you a fucking idiot!]],' and Red for '[[FakeDifficulty High-stress Anger-Inducing Masochism]]'! Put that all together, and you've got all the colors of the shit rainbow. Hooray, LJN!"
* When he dies again in ''Back to the Future III'' on Sega Genesis:
--> "YOU FUCKING PROCESSING, STOP BEING SO BLAST!"
** Acting out what it's like to try to memorize the whole first level in ''Back to the Future III'':
---> '''Nerd''': Jump! Uh, jump again! Duck! Uh, shoot... whatwas- oh FUCK!
* "[[Music/JohnnyCash (Ghost) Riders in the Sky]]" being completely ruined for him due to it being the only song in the game (or more accurately, the only song in Stage 1, which he can't get past):
-->'''Nerd:''' Oh, and that [[PrecisionFStrike FUCKING]] song. I am so sick of hearing that. Next time I hear ''(Ghost) Riders in the Sky'', I'm going to think about going a hundred miles per hour on a horse, jumping crates and getting shot at and shit!
* The Nerd's [[https://youtu.be/Fz92prJ3XlM?t=1193 montage]] of "[[ClusterFBomb fucks]]" accompanied by his various deaths.
* The Nerd eventually gives up on ''Back to the Future III'' and hits the TV with his pillow, then does a SkywardScream.
* When the Nerd discovers that there was a good ''Back to the Future'' game, but it was only released in Japan:
--> '''Nerd''': What the [[PrecisionFStrike FUCK]] is wrong with this fucking world?! We get THESE shitty games, but not THAT one? Like, what the hell?! Why would you do that? It's good! I mean, it's not great, but it's the best goddamn ''Back to the Future'' game I ever played! It's actually a GAME! Why bury the gem and dig up the turd? Innocent people have suffered through these [[DepartmentOfRedundancyDepartment fuckin' fuckheaps]]! People have developed [[{{Somethingitis}} fuckititis]] from this shit! People have gone on to live horrible lives, kicking babies in the balls! If you would have went back in time and said to people, "Hey, hey, there's a good ''Back to the Future'' game. Put this shit down, and go to Japan!", they would have looked at you like you were telling them to go teabag a goat on the surface of Mars.

[[folder:Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde Re-Revisited]]
* Even after six years, the Nerd still hasn't gotten over the shock, as shown by him delaying the review for about two minutes and switching from his usual Rolling Rock beer to a bottle of whiskey.
* His reaction to Jekyll killing a bee....
-->'''Nerd:''' *kills a bee* ''(grumpily)'' ...What happened? ''(excitedly)'' I killed a bee? *kills another bee* I killed something! The only thing you kill in the entire game...and it's a [[PunctuatedForEmphasis little, TINY, STUPID, FUCKING BEE!]]
* "Watch out for the bird shit- [[BigWhat wha-wha-wha-WHAT]]?!! *shows birds pooping* It's definitely shit in a Nintendo game!"
** "...Now there's birds shitting into the piss fountain!"
* "'Oh sorry, honey, I'm late...I had quite a day... The whole, all the whole living creatures in '''[[EverythingTryingToKillYou THE WHOLE FUCKING TOWN TRIED TO KILL ME]],''' that's all!' What makes him think that the Church is gonna be any better? Is the priest gonna throw candles at him? Is Jesus gonna come off the fucking cross and start hitting him with it!?".
** His [[MoodWhiplash sudden shift]] from lamenting Jekyll's situation to astonishment, when he spots a pissing cherub fountain.
--->"Is that statue taking a piss...? (''zooms'') It's taking a piss!"
* Before that, he starts to wonder what everybody thinks about Dr. Jekyll and why they're all pissed off at him:
-->"Yeah, I see Jekyll. Ya see him? Ya see him walking? He just keeps...fucking walking! I don't like him. He's an asshole! He wears his underwear backwards! He has eyeballs for testicles!"
* He ends the review with an epiphany about the game, [[DeliberateFlawRetcon logically pointing out its flaws as having actual purpose to it]]....only to conclude that the game "fucking sucks".
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Lester The Unlikely]]
* "What's so threatening about a fucking turtle!? [[SarcasmMode Run, Lester, run! Get away from that turtle! That turtle might charge really fast!]]"
* The Nerd's confusion over Lester's animations.
-->'''Lester:''' [''Lester shakes his head''] No.\\
'''Nerd:''' What's he doing? [''continues forward and Lester quivers''] What the hell's that about?
* "What is he humping the air now?"
** Shortly after:
--->'''Nerd:''' The air humping, I don't know what that does. But you can't hump the turtle. I'm trying to jump on this thing, but it's not working.
* The Nerd temporarily going GoshDangItToHeck during the cave stage.
--> "Augh, doody!!"
* Lester desperately running away from a group of bats.
* The Nerd's hypothetical descriptions of how the series would've evolved:
--> '''Nerd''': I can imagine what ''Lester the Unlikely 2'' would've been like. The game would start... and you couldn't even move! All that happens, Lester pulls down his pants, sucks his thumb and... takes a shit? The third game, you couldn't even get past the title screen. All that happens, you push Start, and Lester falls down and farts. The fourth game... doesn't even work at all. You just put it in your Super Nintendo... and it explodes. The fifth game isn't even a game, it's just... [[ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin a bag of shit that says]] ''[[ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin Lester the Unlikely 5]]'' [[ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin on it.]] And there's a new one comin' on the [=PS4=], using the latest state-of-the-art technology of constructing the disc out of orangutan diarrhea. Just turned out that was the only way, and it really gives Blu-ray a run for its money.
* "I'd rather fuck the [[Film/TheWizardOfOz Wicked Witch of the West]] [...] This nerd makes me look like Creator/CharlesBronson. [[Series/FamilyMatters Steve Urkel]] could beat the shit out of this guy."
* Playing ''The Flowers of Robert Mapplethorpe''. Just this...
* "Now he's afraid of totem poles?? This guy ''sucks''!"
* The [[TheReasonYouSuckSpeech ending speech]] the Nerd gives on the game:
--> "And the original Lester will always be a classic that's improved like wine. Wine that's made from fermented rat piss with the fine aroma of the dead, fly-swarmed carcass of a three-day-old deer, with the delicate, crisp flavor of skunk farts with highlights of ass sweat. The palette is rich with hints of residual dried poop-crust from a truck-stop bathroom. Goes down with the long lasting finish of fly-covered summer harbor trash."
* Deciding he's gone off all games and to watch TV instead. At the time, US TV had just switched over from analog signal to digital, and the Nerd's old TV, naturally, only picks up analog signals. It just produces static, causing him to remark "[[TakeThat TV nowadays sucks!]]"...[[HypocriticalHumor before settling down to watch the static anyway]].
[[/folder]]

[[folder:How The Nerd Stole Christmas]]
* "I'd rather eat deceased skunk yeast than play inferior arcade ports like ''VideoGame/AlteredBeast1988''. ''Altered Beast'' is a nut-kicking feast I can't stand in the least."
* When discussing ''S.C.A.T.'' on NES:
--> '''Nerd''': "S.C.A.T." stands for "Special Cybernetic Attack Team", but "the droppings of carnivorous mammals" is what the word "SCAT" really means. It's as close as you can get, to a Nintendo game called ''SHIT''.
* ''Circus Caper'':
--> '''Nerd''': We'll see how they like ''Circus Caper''. It's as fun as inhaling Chewbacca's anal vapor.
* It's implied that one of the many bad games he left for the kids were Atari porn games.
* No parody of ''WesternAnimation/HowTheGrinchStoleChristmas'' would be complete without a parody of the "[[TheVillainSucksSong You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch]]" song. It's as hilarious as it sounds.
-->''You're a mean one, Mr. Nerd''
-->''You really are a jerk!''
-->''You're as shameless as a shitmop''
-->''You've got mischief in your smirk, Mr. Nerd!''
-->''I wouldn't blame you when you're playing Atari Berzerk!''

-->''You're a vile one, Mr. Nerd''
-->''You've got demons in your soul!''
-->''You're wacky and you're wicked''
-->''Your crap is full of coal, Mr. Nerd!''
-->''You're as charming and fun as a grizzly bear with a gun!''

-->''You're a foul one, Mr. Nerd''
-->''You're a dreadful, drunken schmuck!''
-->''Your mouth is full of cusses''
-->''Your mind is full of yuck, Mr. Nerd!''
-->''The three words that best describe you are, and I quote: Fick! Fack! Fuck!''

** Also[[note]]When discussing the RCA Studio II, where the AC adaptor plugs into the connector box, like the UsefulNotes/Atari5200[[/note]]:

* "I'd rather eat deceased skunk yeast than play inferior arcade ports like ''VideoGame/AlteredBeast''. ''Altered Beast'' is a nut-kicking feast I can't stand in the least."

** His [[MoodWhiplash sudden change]] from hopeless to confused, when he spots a pissing cherub fountain.
--->"Is that statue taking a piss? It's taking a piss!"

'''Nerd''': I've had enough!!

* "[[Music/JohnnyCash Ghost Riders in the Sky]]" being completely ruined for him due to it being the only song in the game (or more accurately, the only song in Stage 1, which he can't get past):
-->'''Nerd:''' Oh, and that [[PrecisionFStrike FUCKING]] song. I am so sick of hearing that. Next time I hear ''Ghost Riders in the Sky'', I'm going to think about going a hundred miles per hour on a horse, jumping crates and getting shot at and shit!

* During the parody of "You're a Mean One", the singer's three words to best describe the Nerd are "Fick, Fack, Fuck."

[[ObviousBeta With games that crash]], [[DamnYouMuscleMemory hideous jumping control]], random characters, microscopic sprites, [[ItsTheSameNowItSucks a marathon of mediocre space shooters]], dying in mid-air, problems with proportions, [[NeverTrustATitle misleading titles]], misleading power-ups, [[PowerUpLetdown embarrassing weapons]], seizure-inducing backgrounds, lack of enemies, [[{{Unwinnable}} games you can't win]], [[ForegoneVictory games you can't lose]], [[WhatDoYouMeanItWasntMadeOnDrugs games that make no sense whatsoever]], shitty graphics, shitty music, shitty menus, and a fuckton of other things! It should have been '''illegal''' for them to sell this rotten shitload of putrid fuck for any price!\\
I feel humiliated to live on the same planet as someone who designed an electric abomination of this magnitude! Could they have tried making one good game as opposed to fifty-two horrible games? QualityOverQuantity, that's our lesson here.

* When he talks about how the flute's use is different, the [[VideoGame/TheLegendOfZeldaI first game's]] Link teleports in and lights Zelda II's Link on fire with the Nerd reacting accordingly.

'''Gremlin''': His eyes are poppin' out! And in this corner, we have Spider Rico... [[FacialHorror with no jaw!]]

* The two scenes where Link turns into a fairy at the top of the screen (followed by a return appearance from the Glitch Gremlin).

* The Nerd's reaction to the first game's Link burning Zelda II's Link.

* "Out of the way, you fucking ghosts! Here comes [[GagBoobs Mrs. Tits]], jumping like she's on the moon!"

[[Funny/TheAngryVideoGameNerd Main]] | [[Funny/TheAngryVideoGameNerdPilots Pilots]] | [[Funny/TheAngryVideoGameNerdSeasonOne Season One]] | [[Funny/TheAngryVideoGameNerdSeasonTwo Season Two]] | [[Funny/TheAngryVideoGameNerdSeasonThree Season Three]] | [[Funny/TheAngryVideoGameNerdSeasonFour Season Four]] | '''Season Five''' | [[Funny/TheAngryVideoGameNerdSeasonSix Season Six]] | [[Funny/TheAngryVideoGameNerdSeasonSeven Season Seven]] | [[Funny/TheAngryVideoGameNerdSeasonEight Season Eight]] | [[Funny/TheAngryVideoGameNerdSeasonNine Season Nine]] | [[Funny/TheAngryVideoGameNerdSeasonTen Season Ten]] | [[Funny/TheAngryVideoGameNerdSeasonEleven Season Eleven]] | [[Funny/TheAngryVideoGameNerdSeasonTwelve Season Twelve]] | [[Funny/TheAngryVideoGameNerdSeasonThirteen Season Thirteen]] | [[Funny/TheAngryVideoGameNerdSeasonFourteen Season Fourteen]] | [[Funny/TheAngryVideoGameNerdSeasonFifteen Season Fifteen]] | [[Funny/TheAngryVideoGameNerdSeasonSixteen Season Sixteen]] | [[Funny/AngryVideoGameNerdTheMovie The Movie]]

* When he first mentions the "Water World" game, he has to clarify that [[NamesTheSame it's not the Kevin Costner film.]]

* "You get 4 different kinds of ''Pong'', like... what the hell is this[[labelnote:*]](A mode in which rather than paddles, the players have walls with holes in them)[[/labelnote]], ''Reverse Pong''? Okay... Oh, ''now'' what's this?[[labelnote:*]](suddenly his game glitches, turning into a mode in which the player on the right has a much longer paddle than the left player)[[/labelnote]] '''''Asshole''' Pong''? That's not fair!"

--> '''Nerd''': What the [[PrecisionFStrike FUCK]] is wrong with this fucking world? We get THESE shitty games, but not THAT one? Why bury the gem and dig up the turd? People have gone on to live horrible lives, kicking babies in the balls! If you would have went back in time and said to people, "Hey, hey, there's a good Back to the Future game. Put this shit down, and go to Japan!", they would have looked at you like you were telling them to go teabag a goat on the surface of Mars.