History Funny / SonicAdventureAbridged

'''Tails:''' Move these buildings! Get these buildings out of my way! Mayday! Mayday! ''(Random woman screams)'' Fuck you, lady! I said "Mayday!"

'''Tails:''' Why did I give this thing a brain!?

-->'''Amy''': Oh. My. ''God''. I am never shopping at Wal-Mart again! Those lines were six episodes long! I tried to do the speedy checkout but the lady in front of me had to pay for everything with coupons and loose change! I got grapes, now they're raisins. I got bread, now it's just a brick

-->'''Amy''': I'll probably end up getting stuck with the most annoying voice actor. You know what one who's friends with the director's friend?

'''Sonic''': Okay, here's your prize, enjoy. (Shows picture of [[{{Literature/Twilight}} Edward Cullen]])\\

** Edward:** Sparkle, sparkle!

'''Eggman''': '''[[VillainousBreakdown NO! GODDAMNIT! I HATE YOU, I HATE ME, I HATE PUPPIES! OH GOD DO I HATE PUPPIES, AAAAHHHHHHHHH!]]'''

'''Sonic''': ...[[OnSecondThought Shove it, Tails]]. Wait, wait wait. Why am I arguing with dolls?

--> '''Big''': Froggy, I love you even if you do give me genital warts.

-->'''Eggman''': Muhaahahhahaha! Sonic doesn't even realize I'm behind this genius evil plan and I'm watching him at this very moment! muahahahhahahhahahhahahahahhahahahahahha...
-->'''Sonic (offscreen)''': I can hear you, Eggman!
-->'''Eggman''': Son of a bitch!

-->'''Big''': No, don't run away! You're dragging out the plot to my story and making us seem like we're indispensable characters! Aw, he went down the sewer. Come back here, Jesus! Hi, officer, I'm not doing anything wrong, just trying to catch my slippery little friend. [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking And committing grand theft auto for two seconds.]]

--> '''Froggy''': Quit following me, dumbass! Uh, I mean, ribbit, ribbit.

-->'''Tails''': SONIC! HELP! I'VE SOILED MYSELF!!
-->'''Sonic''': Worst. Sidekick. Ever. You can fly, dipshit! Bail out!
-->'''Tails''': What? (Plane crashes and explodes)
-->'''Sonic''': Well...maybe that crash killed him.
-->'''Tails''': I'm not dead, Sonic!

-->'''Tails''': I've been testing a new power source.
-->'''Sonic''': Let me guess. It's a Chaos Emerald.
-->'''Tails''': How did you know?
-->'''Sonic''': Because it's always a fucking Chaos Emerald! Name me one Sonic game without a Chaos Emerald and I'll show you a gay vampire!
-->'''Tails''': VideoGame/SonicAndTheSecretRings?
-->'''Sonic''': [[PunctuatedForEmphasis Don't. Ever. Mention. That. Name. Again.]]
-->'''Tails''': Uhh, VideoGame/SonicAndTheBlackKnight?
-->'''Sonic''': Okay, here's your prize, enjoy.
-->(Shows picture of [[{{Literature/Twilight}} Edward Cullen]]) Edward: Sparkle sparkle!
* When Sonic asks Tails to take a closer look at his emerald after calling it gay. It shows the same Edward picture on it complete with Big Gay Al's Song from South Park:Bigger, Longer, and Uncut.

* On Eggman:
-->'''Sonic''': Oh, please, you're probably going to get some Egg machine or another.
-->'''Eggman''': Now, Sonic. What would give you that idea? *laughs*
-->'''Sonic''': Because you call all your things "Egg something"! This is probably like the "Egg Wasp"!
-->'''Eggman''': Oh, I'm insulted you would come up with such a lame name like that. You got any better ones?
-->'''Tails''': The "Egg Bee"?
-->'''Sonic''': What about the "Egg Hornet"?
-->'''Eggman''': Well...um...possibly? Maybe? You can't prove anything!

* On Anime/SonicX:

-->'''Eggman''': This is Chaos. He's working for me. And by the way, if I feed him all the Chaos Emeralds, you're all gonna fucking die. Here you go, Chaos! [[Series/MightyMorphinPowerRangers Its morphing time!]]
-->'''Chaos''': *While transforming, he sings to the theme tune of ''Series/MightyMorphinPowerRangers'' in blah's*
-->'''Eggman''': With Chaos by my side, I will be invincible! And there is no flaw in this plan! Especially not that Chaos is going to betray me halfway through. Nope, I have complete control over him. Without using any gadgets or anything like that. He's just damn scared of my mustache is all. As well he should be. And together we can kick your ass all the way back to ''VideoGame/SonicCD''! [[BlatantLies Because everybody hated Sonic CD!]] You can call up all the friends you want, you can have call up all the friends they want. By the way, I like the metal arm. Do you like the metal arm? I thought it was going overboard, but, I can never tell!

-->'''Tails''': I got the Emerald! Now I'm the fastest thing alive! Hahahaha!
-->'''Sonic''': TAAAIIILLLS!
-->'''Tails''': [[OhCrap Uh-oh]].
-->*Sorry, we can't show you what's next. We're rated: G*
-->'''Sonic''': I'm gonna kick your ass!
-->'''Tails''': You can't catch me, Sonic! I'm the fastest thing al-
-->*crack*
-->'''Tails''': Ow, you broke my tailbone!
-->*punches landing*
-->'''Sonic''': Wait. We're rated G? But we're incredibly violent.
-->*crack*
-->*Rated: PG*
-->'''Tails''': Ow, you broke my other tailbone!
-->*more punches landing*
-->'''Sonic''': PG? I curse! A lot!
-->*crack*
-->*Rated: PG-13*
-->'''Tails''': Ow, you fixed one of my tailbones and then you broke it again!
-->'''Eggman''': I JUST FOUND MY [[spoiler:PENIS]], AND NOW I'M GOING TO SHARE IT WITH EVERYBODY!
-->*Rated: [[spoiler:XXX]]*

* The name's Beta. [[Film/JamesBond James]] [[BondJamesBond Beta]].

* Knuckles making an unconsious Sonic give him [[spoiler:a blowjob]].

-->'''Knuckles''': Wh-what the hell? Monkey bars? Who's bringing their kids up here? What family actually made it up here? You probably all died in fucking lava while you were on the Merry-Go-Round! You deserve it! ... Bastards.

-->'''Sonic''': Owwww, my jaw! My mouth! What is that taste?!
-->'''Tails''': My butt hurts, Sonic!
-->'''Sonic''': Shut up, Tails. That's normal. Ohhh, God! Tastes like summer camp!
-->*Later...*
-->'''Knuckles''': My Knuckles senses are tingling. That must mean Sonic's over this way...cause he gets me all tingly.
-->'''Sonic''': Yeah, VideoGame/{{Metal Gear Solid 4|Guns of the Patriots}} is a great game!
-->'''Tails''': Those cutscenes are 30 minutes long!
-->'''Sonic''': At least the lips match. Hey, Knuckles! How you doing, buddy?
-->'''Knuckles''': *Rushes towards Sonic* Don't call me BUDDY!
-->'''Sonic''': *Dodges* What the hell is wrong with you? Are you on your period or something?
-->'''Knuckles''': Don't give me that, Sonic. I heard what you said about [[VideoGame/Sonic3AndKnuckles Sonic and Knuckles]], calling it the worst game ever!
-->'''Sonic''': I never said that! But, now that you mention it, it kinda is the worst game ever.
-->'''Knuckles''': VideoGame/SonicDrift.
-->'''Sonic''': What's your point?
-->'''Knuckles''': You. In a kart!
-->'''Sonic''': Well whatever, Knuckles. You suck.
-->'''Knuckles''': Speaking of sucking, how's your jaw doing, Sonic?
-->'''Sonic''': Actually, it's feeling much be---- ...'''YOU'''!

-->'''Knuckles''': Alright, my turn.
-->'''Both''': Rock, paper, scissors, ''shoot!''
-->'''Knuckles''': Ha! I win.
-->'''Tails''': What are you talking about?! Paper ''beats'' rock!
-->'''Knuckles''': These are scissors.
-->'''Tails''': Those are your knuckles! You cheated!
-->'''Knuckles''': Just shut up and get in there, loser.
-->'''Tails''': Aww, now I ''do'' have to get my fur wet.

-->'''Tails''': We'll catch up to the Egg Carrier in no time.
-->'''Sonic''': You fucking passed them!!

-->'''Eggman''' (over loudspeaker): Attention Station Square. Pingas. That is all.

-->'''Knuckles''': *coughs* Oh, God!
-->'''Tikal''': Are you done yet?
-->'''Knuckles''': I just. Threw up. In a time warp! Give me a minute!

-->''(A shadow covers the ground)''
-->'''Sonic''': Oh, my God! What's that?!
-->''(The Egg Carrier looms overhead, activating its tractor beam and sucking Amy, Sonic Jr., and Zero in... a little too fast.)''
-->'''Amy''': ''AAAHHH!!''
-->''(Several loud crashing sounds, boinging noises, cat screeches, etc. can be heard from inside the Egg Carrier.)''
-->'''Johnson (Egg Carrier A.I.)''': Oh, sorry, guys! I still had the tractor beam set on "Heavy-Duty Eggman". Are you okay?
-->'''Amy''': Of course I'm not okay-- look at all the blood! Robots don't even bleed-- that's ''my blood!''
-->'''Eggman''': What's going on in here?! What's all the noise?! I-- [[BigNo NOOOOOOOO!]] My high-definition TV! I just bought ''Avatar''! ''(sobbing)'' Oooohhhh!
-->''(The Egg Carrier begins to fly away)''
-->'''Amy''': Yeah, don't get me medical attention or anything; I'll just bleed out over here on your carpet.
-->'''Sonic''': ''(while running after the Egg Carrier)'' Why does everything happen to '''''ME?!'''''

-->'''Gamma''': Okay. Give me the bird.
-->''(Amy flips off Gamma)''
-->'''Gamma''': Fucking hilarious. I'll say it again. Give me the bird.
-->''(Amy flips him off with both hands)''
-->'''Gamma''': Never gets old. One last time. Give me the bird, and if you show me any of your digits, I will blast them off.
-->''(Amy releases Sonic Jr., who flies in front of Gamma... and [[RuleOfThree flips him off]])''
-->'''Gamma''': Wasn't expecting that. Damn it all for being so cute.

-->'''Eggman''': Sorry, Amy-- you can't escape that easily! You're going to have to beat my high score on Whack-A-Mole! Wuhahahaha! What? Yes, I'm still ordering!
-->'''Amy''': So, I just beat a game of Whack-A-Mole, and I can get outta here? Huh. [[TemptingFate No problem.]] ''(cut to a time card saying 3 Hours Later and then to Amy furiously smashing the "moles" with her hammer)'' '''''[[RunningGag I HATE THIS GAME!!]]'''''

-->'''Eggman''': And I think I'm gonna need something to wash it all down with.
-->'''Cashier''': A hose, sir?

-->'''Tikal''': Is it alright for me to be here?
-->'''Big''': Um, I guess so.
-->'''Tikal''': So do you... trust me?
-->'''Big''': Um... Not really, I only just met you, I don't even know your name.
-->'''Tikal''': I'm not talking to you ya fat fuck!
-->'''Big''': Wait, where are you going? And who are you talking to?
-->'''Tikal''': They call themselves *Demonic voice* '''the Directors!'''
-->'''Big''': Holy shit! That was scary!
-->'''Tikal''': '''The servers are the 7 chaos, chaos is power, power enriched by the heart, the controller is the one who unifies the chaos'''. *Normal voice* I don't know what that fucking means!
-->'''Big''': Please let me go home!

-->'''Tails''': Whoa! It transformed, that's so cool!
-->'''Sonic''': Really Tails? Are you that easily amused?
-->'''Knuckles (Whose on a different part of the ship)''': OH MY GOD ITS A TRANSFORMER THAT'S AWESOME!

-->'''Knuckles''': Hey a switch. I wonder what would happen if I pressed it?
-->(Cut to the Egg Carrier crashing and exploding while Knuckles screams)
-->'''Knuckles''': Yeeeaaahhh better not touch it.

-->'''Sonic''': Stupid Sky Deck, stupid Eggman, fucking Tails, won't even fly me over a stupid... Are you even listening to me?!
-->'''Tails''': Yeah, well not ''you'' you, but you.
-->*Tails plays his ring tone: Sonic saying "I need Tails" while Sonic groans in frustration*
-->'''Tails''': Say can I get you to record another one? This time say "Tails, [[HoYay hold me]]."
-->'''Sonic''': Okay. Come here.
-->'''Tails''': Really?
-->'''Sonic''': Yeah.
-->'''Tails''': Alright.
-->'''Sonic''': Is it recording.
-->'''Tails''': Yeah.
-->'''Sonic''': Good.
-->'''Tails''': Um, Sonic? [[OhCrap Why are you standing on my tails?]]
-->*Sonic starts beating the crap out of Tails*
-->'''Sonic (While Tails cries out in pain)''': I need Tails! I need fucking Tails! Hows this for a new ringtone Tails? Can you hear me now Tails? How about now, Tails? Good!
-->*Beating ends*
-->({{Beat}})
-->'''Tails''': I still love you--*PUNCH* Ow!

-->'''Eggman''': Where do you think you're going, Amy?
-->'''Amy''': Uh-oh.
-->'''Eggman''': All right! I'm going to ask you nicely! Give me the bird!
-->'''Amy''': Okay! *flips Eggman off*
-->'''Eggman''': Oh, come on! That didn't even look real!

--->'''Amy''': You won't take Junior from my outstretched hands!
--->'''Eggman''': (a claw comes from his Eggmobile and grabs Sonic Jr.) Yoink!
--->'''Amy''': No!
--->'''Sonic''': Amy, you're a worse character than Tails!
--->'''Tails and Amy''': ''Hey!''
--->'''Sonic''': Shut up; you know it's true.

-->'''Eggman''': Whahaha! What now Sonic? Your friend has left you, Chaos is immensely powerful, [[BossArenaIdiocy I'm throwing little things to freeze you]], [[ThisIsForEmphasisBitch you ain't got nothing, bitch!]] You ain't go- *stammers*
-->'''Sonic''': What's that Eggman?
-->'''Eggman''': ....but....
-->'''Sonic''': You were saying something?
-->'''Eggman''': ....but I....
-->'''Sonic''': Oh, you're finished. Suck it!
-->'''Eggman''': '''[[LargeHam NO! GODDAMNIT! I HATE YOU, I HATE ME, I HATE PUPPIES! OH GOD DO I HATE PUPPIES, AAAAHHHHHHHHH!]]'''

-->'''Knuckles''': Looks like Sonic's gotten everything taken care of so I know for a fact that when I turn around, there's not gonna be ''anything'' that's gonna stop me from going back to Angel Island-- *Turns around and sees Chaos 6* '''HOLY BALLS! HOW DID I MISS THAT?!''' Wait, how'd you thaw out so quickly? We're a million feet in the air! It's like, zero degrees!
-->'''Chaos''': [Don't ask me, ask SEGA.]
-->'''Knuckles''': Proving once and for all they're more evil than 4Kids and Disney combined. You know, you remind me a lot about Disney. You're fat, you're frozen, and you're about to be shattered '''BY ME!''' ''(does so)'' That's what you get for buying out Creator/MarvelComics, you anti-Semitic douche!

-->'''Gamma''': Reviewing memory banks.
-->'''Beta''': I'm getting an upgrade!
-->'''Mega Man''': HEEEELLP MEEEE!
-->'''Amy''': Coooookieees!
-->'''Eggman''': There's more to you than meets the eye.
-->'''Beta''': This tickles!
-->'''Mega Man''': HELP!
-->'''Amy''': Cookies!
-->'''Eggman''': Pingas!
-->'''Beta''': Tickles!
-->(all of them start to rabble until it stops on Eggman)
-->'''Eggman''': Stop sucking my dick or I'll call the police!
-->'''Gamma''': Wait a minute. He never said that. New mission objective: to save my friends. And by "save", I mean "blow the fucking crap out of them".
-->(Intro starts up, but then cuts off)
-->'''Gamma''': Oh. And any of you thinking to use my last line as a sexual joke, know this. I will find you, and I will murder you.
-->'''Tails''': *stammers*...Fine.
-->'''Gamma''': Enjoy the show.

* Then there's the peoples' reaction to Tails saying its up to him to save Station Square by himself
--> '''Random man''': What?! NO!
--> '''Random man #2''': We're all gonna die!
--> '''Random woman''': Pack your shit; we're leaving!

-->'''Amy''': Is that a cartoony falling sound effect I'm hearing? There's something bad behing me, isn't there?
-->'''ZERO''': Howdy.
-->'''Amy''': AHHHH! DO WHAT YOU WANT TO THE BIRD, BUT LEAVE ME ALONE!

-->'''Knuckles Doll''': Sonic's my best friend!
-->'''Sonic''': What? But I thought Tails was my best friend!
-->'''Tails Doll''': Do you really mean that, Sonic?
-->'''Sonic''': ...Shove it, Tails. Wait, wait wait. Why am I arguing with dolls?

* Pretty much the whole episode.

-->'''Gamma''': Hello, [[Series/BarneyAndFriends Barney]] [Zeta]. I'm here to save you.
-->'''Barney''': Now when you say you're gonna save me, you mean you're gonna murder the shit outta me, right?
-->'''Gamma''': Why yes, I do.
-->'''Barney''': Awesome! Here! I'll stand still and rotate you in a circle so you can kill me from all directions!
-->'''Gamma''': Why, thank you.
-->'''Barney''': There you go. Lower...lower...ah yes, that's the spot. Remember kids, assisting suicide is A-okay!

* The whole part of the recap episode.
* The part on Angel Island is pretty funny as well.
-->'''Knuckles''': Goddamnit, the warranty expired yesterday! I bought the extended one, too! Bunch of assholes, I hate Best Buy, I hate customer service, I hate tech support, Geek Squad can suck my dick, OH I hate everybody! ...Maybe it has to do with all the Chaos Emeralds here. Ehhh, does that mean I have to go see Sonic? (groans) Fuck me.
-->'''Eggman''': Did someone get the liscense plate on that Jell-O?
-->'''Knuckles''': What? Who's there?
-->'''Eggman''': (Groans)
-->'''Knuckles''': THAT is a giant fucking lollipop. (Runs up to Eggman)
-->'''Eggman''': Knuckles...(groans in pain)
-->'''Knuckles''': Oh. Hi, Eggman.
-->'''Eggman''': It's Chaos! He...no longer fears the mustache!
-->'''Knuckles''': What?! Okay! Eggman, listen very carefully. Is it Chaos ''Six'', or Chaos ''Zero''?
-->'''Eggman''': Zero!
-->'''Knuckles''': FUCK! I can't BEAT Chaos Zero!
-->'''Chaos''': BLAH! (He then attacks Knuckles)

* After Chaos transforms:
-->'''Chaos''': Good to see you....[[VideoGame/FinalFantasyVII Cloud]].
-->'''Sonic''': What the fuck? Cloud? Oh, hey! Do you need help with him?
-->'''Cloud''': Oh, fuck you guys. Where are my goddamn Cheetos?
-->'''Sonic''': '''WORST! CAMEO! EVER!'''
* The entire Perfect Chaos battle.

-->'''Knuckles''' (with incessant emerald radar beeping in the background): Oh god, it's that [[DarthWiki/MostAnnoyingSound beeping noise]] again! I came into this casino to get that beeping noise outta my head! With strippers! And gambling! And strippers! But there are no strippers! Well, I guess that means there must be an emerald in this giant gold statue of...Sonic?! There's a gold statue of Sonic? Ohohohoh, hell no, I don't think so. KNUCKLES SMASH! *breaks the statue* ...How the hell did the emerald get in there?! That statue was built just to hide the emerald! That's bullshit, I'm talking to my agent after this.

-->'''Knuckles''' (with incessant emerald radar beeping in the background): Oh god, it's that [[MostAnnoyingSound beeping noise]] again! I came into this casino to get that beeping noise outta my head! With strippers! And gambling! And strippers! But there are no strippers! Well, I guess that means there must be an emerald in this giant gold statue of...Sonic?! There's a gold statue of Sonic? Ohohohoh, hell no, I don't think so. KNUCKLES SMASH! *breaks the statue* ...How the hell did the emerald get in there?! That statue was built just to hide the emerald! That's bullshit, I'm talking to my agent after this.

-->'''Eggman''': This is Chaos. He's working for me. And by the way, if I feed him all the Chaos Emeralds, you're all gonna fucking die. Here you go, Chaos! [[MightyMorphinPowerRangers Its morphing time!]]
-->'''Chaos''': *While transforming, he sings to the theme tune of MightyMorphinPowerRangers in blah's*

* Eggman's rap, which doubles as a CrowningMusicOfAwesome.

-->'''Sonic (While Tails cries out in pain)''': I need Tails! I need fucking Tails! Hows this for a new ringtone Tails? Can you hear me now Tails? How about now? Good!

* On SonicX:

-->'''Tails''': SonicAndTheSecretRings?

-->'''Tails''': Uhh, SonicAndTheBlackKnight?

-->'''Knuckles''': Okay, recap. In just one day, [[CurbStompBattle I got my ass kicked by a jello monster]], my island fell out of the sky, I got chased around by a bunch of cops, somehow landed on the set for My Sims 3, Vegas ran out of strippers, and I got kidnapped by [[Literature/PeterPan Tinkerbell]]. And I'm STILL not the main character!

-->'''Knuckles''': Okay, recap. In just one day, [[CurbStompBattle I got my ass kicked by a jello monster]], my island fell out of the sky, I got chased around by a bunch of cops, somehow landed on the set for My Sims 3, Vegas ran out of strippers, and I got kidnapped by [[PeterPan Tinkerbell]]. And I'm STILL not the main character!

* After the Egg Carrier transforms (to the theme from TransformersTheMovie).

-->'''Eggman''': With Chaos by my side, I will be invincible! And there is no flaw in this plan! Especially not that Chaos is going to betray me halfway through. Nope, I have complete control over him. Without using any gadgets or anything like that. He's just damn scared of my mustache is all. As well he should be. And together we can kick your ass all the way back to SonicCD! [[BlatantLies Because everybody hated Sonic CD!]] You can call up all the friends you want, you can have call up all the friends they want. By the way, I like the metal arm. Do you like the metal arm? I thought it was going overboard, but, I can never tell!

-->'''Sonic''': Yeah, MetalGearSolid4 is a great game!