Funny: Sonic Adventure Abridged
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- Eggman singing "Rain Drops Keep Fallin' on My Head".
- This little gem:
Big: Froggy, I love you even if you do give me genital warts.
- "You are clearly made of water but we will destroy you somehow."
- Chaos "singing" the Spider-Man theme in blah-blah's
- The Ending:
Eggman: Muhaahahhahaha! Sonic doesn't even realize I'm behind this genius evil plan and I'm watching him at this very moment! muahahahhahahhahahhahahahahhahahahahahha...Sonic (offscreen): I can hear you, Eggman!Eggman: Son of a bitch!
- Big following Froggy at the beginning of the episode has this:
Big: No, don't run away! You're dragging out the plot to my story and making us seem like we're indispensable characters! Aw, he went down the sewer. Come back here, Jesus! Hi, officer, I'm not doing anything wrong, just trying to catch my slippery little friend. And committing grand theft auto for two seconds.
- This little bit right afterward:
Froggy: Quit following me, dumbass! Uh, I mean, ribbit, ribbit.
Tails: SONIC! HELP! I'VE SOILED MYSELF!!Sonic: Worst. Sidekick. Ever. You can fly, dipshit! Bail out!Tails: What? (Plane crashes and explodes)Sonic: Well...maybe that crash killed him.Tails: I'm not dead, Sonic!
- Sonic insulting Michael Jackson, and then getting chased by a killer whale and developing severe whaleaphobia.
Sonic: Dolphins! I knew you were in league with the whales!
- On Chaos Emeralds:
Tails: I've been testing a new power source.Sonic: Let me guess. It's a Chaos Emerald.Tails: How did you know?Sonic: Because it's always a fucking Chaos Emerald! Name me one Sonic game without a Chaos Emerald and I'll show you a gay vampire!Tails: Sonic and the Secret Rings?Tails: Uhh, Sonic and the Black Knight?Sonic: Okay, here's your prize, enjoy.(Shows picture of Edward Cullen) Edward: Sparkle sparkle!
- When Sonic asks Tails to take a closer look at his emerald after calling it gay. It shows the same Edward picture on it complete with Big Gay Al's Song from South Park:Bigger, Longer, and Uncut.
- Big singing Safety Dance.
- On Eggman:
Sonic: Oh, please, you're probably going to get some Egg machine or another.Eggman: Now, Sonic. What would give you that idea? *laughs*Sonic: Because you call all your things "Egg something"! This is probably like the "Egg Wasp"!Eggman: Oh, I'm insulted you would come up with such a lame name like that. You got any better ones?Tails: The "Egg Bee"?Sonic: What about the "Egg Hornet"?Eggman: Well...um...possibly? Maybe? You can't prove anything!
- On Sonic X:
Eggman: Oh, I love this show! I love this show. Here. This is my favorite part. This is where Chris dives in to save Sonic. But what I like to do is I like to stop it here, and rewind it. And then it seems like he dives in, realizes its Sonic down there, and then decides not to save him. Thus sparing us all a very painful series that would forever tarnish the Sonic franchise. Hang your head in shame, Sonic.
- After Knuckles finds a Master Emerald shard in a canister:
Knuckles: Why is there an Emerald in there?! Some asshole got here first and he hid this shit all over the place, and now I have to go on this wild goose chase because some asshole's fucking with me. If I find out Rouge was here, I'm gonna kill her. I mean, I know she's my love intrest and everything but, there's so much crap you can take from a woman, you know?
- After Chaos appears:
Eggman: This is Chaos. He's working for me. And by the way, if I feed him all the Chaos Emeralds, you're all gonna fucking die. Here you go, Chaos! Its morphing time!Chaos: *While transforming, he sings to the theme tune of Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers in blah's*Eggman: With Chaos by my side, I will be invincible! And there is no flaw in this plan! Especially not that Chaos is going to betray me halfway through. Nope, I have complete control over him. Without using any gadgets or anything like that. He's just damn scared of my mustache is all. As well he should be. And together we can kick your ass all the way back to Sonic CD! Because everybody hated Sonic CD! You can call up all the friends you want, you can have call up all the friends they want. By the way, I like the metal arm. Do you like the metal arm? I thought it was going overboard, but, I can never tell!
- After Tails gets the Emerald:
Tails: I got the Emerald! Now I'm the fastest thing alive! Hahahaha!Sonic: TAAAIIILLLS!Tails: Uh-oh.*Sorry, we can't show you what's next. We're rated: G*Sonic: I'm gonna kick your ass!Tails: You can't catch me, Sonic! I'm the fastest thing al-*crack*Tails: Ow, you broke my tailbone!*punches landing*Sonic: Wait. We're rated G? But we're incredibly violent.*crack**Rated: PG*Tails: Ow, you broke my other tailbone!*more punches landing*Sonic: PG? I curse! A lot!*crack**Rated: PG-13*Tails: Ow, you fixed one of my tailbones and then you broke it again!Eggman: I JUST FOUND MY PENIS, AND NOW I'M GOING TO SHARE IT WITH EVERYBODY!*Rated: XXX*
- The name's Beta. James Beta.
- Knuckles in Casinopolis.
Knuckles (with incessant emerald radar beeping in the background): Oh god, it's that beeping noise again! I came into this casino to get that beeping noise outta my head! With strippers! And gambling! And strippers! But there are no strippers! Well, I guess that means there must be an emerald in this giant gold statue of...Sonic?! There's a gold statue of Sonic? Ohohohoh, hell no, I don't think so. KNUCKLES SMASH! *breaks the statue* ...How the hell did the emerald get in there?! That statue was built just to hide the emerald! That's bullshit, I'm talking to my agent after this.
- The beginning:
- I FART PURPLE GAS!
- Knuckles making an unconsious Sonic give him a blowjob.
Knuckles: Aw yeah, Sonic, take it, take it like a chili dog.
- This little gem:
Eggman (walking very slowly toward an elevator in a hotel) And now I'll escape on my invisible treadmill. Walking in place, walking in place, walking in place.
- After Knuckles gets up the mountain:
Knuckles: Wh-what the hell? Monkey bars? Who's bringing their kids up here? What family actually made it up here? You probably all died in fucking lava while you were on the Merry-Go-Round! You deserve it! ... Bastards.
- The Brick Joke from episode 5 that appears twice.
Sonic: Owwww, my jaw! My mouth! What is that taste?!Tails: My butt hurts, Sonic!Sonic: Shut up, Tails. That's normal. Ohhh, God! Tastes like summer camp!*Later...*Knuckles: My Knuckles senses are tingling. That must mean Sonic's over this way...cause he gets me all tingly.Sonic: Yeah, Metal Gear Solid 4 is a great game!Tails: Those cutscenes are 30 minutes long!Sonic: At least the lips match. Hey, Knuckles! How you doing, buddy?Knuckles: *Rushes towards Sonic* Don't call me BUDDY!Sonic: *Dodges* What the hell is wrong with you? Are you on your period or something?Knuckles: Don't give me that, Sonic. I heard what you said about Sonic and Knuckles, calling it the worst game ever!Sonic: I never said that! But, now that you mention it, it kinda is the worst game ever.Knuckles: Sonic Drift.Sonic: What's your point?Knuckles: You. In a kart!Sonic: Well whatever, Knuckles. You suck.Knuckles: Speaking of sucking, how's your jaw doing, Sonic?Sonic: Actually, it's feeling much be—— ...YOU!
- When Eggman transforms Chaos into his fourth form, Sonic, Tails, and Knuckles decide who should face him... by playing Rock, Paper, Scissors and having the loser fight. Sonic vs. Tails goes smoothly enough with the hedgehog claiming victory by covering the fox's rock with paper; however, when Knuckles' turn comes...
Knuckles: Alright, my turn.Both: Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!Knuckles: Ha! I win.Tails: What are you talking about?! Paper beats rock!Knuckles: These are scissors.Tails: Those are your knuckles! You cheated!Knuckles: Just shut up and get in there, loser.Tails: Aww, now I do have to get my fur wet.
- The whole montage of Tails crashing his planes.
Tails: We'll catch up to the Egg Carrier in no time.Sonic: You fucking passed them!!
- During the flight:
- "Aaaaaaaannnnnddddd Ninja Vanish!"
- The scene with the Egg Carrier.
Eggman (over loudspeaker): Attention Station Square. Pingas. That is all.
- The beginning of the episode.
Knuckles: *coughs* Oh, God!Tikal: Are you done yet?Knuckles: I just. Threw up. In a time warp! Give me a minute!
- The end of the episode:
(A shadow covers the ground)Sonic: Oh, my God! What's that?!(The Egg Carrier looms overhead, activating its tractor beam and sucking Amy, Sonic Jr., and Zero in... a little too fast.)Amy: AAAHHH!!(Several loud crashing sounds, boinging noises, cat screeches, etc. can be heard from inside the Egg Carrier.)Johnson (Egg Carrier A.I.): Oh, sorry, guys! I still had the tractor beam set on "Heavy-Duty Eggman". Are you okay?Amy: Of course I'm not okay— look at all the blood! Robots don't even bleed— that's my blood!Eggman: What's going on in here?! What's all the noise?! I— NOOOOOOOO! My high-definition TV! I just bought Avatar! (sobbing) Oooohhhh!(The Egg Carrier begins to fly away)Amy: Yeah, don't get me medical attention or anything; I'll just bleed out over here on your carpet.Sonic: (while running after the Egg Carrier) Why does everything happen to ME?!
- Gamma comes up to the captured Amy's cell demanding she release Sonic Jr. He gets more than that:
Gamma: Okay. Give me the bird.(Amy flips off Gamma)Gamma: Fucking hilarious. I'll say it again. Give me the bird.(Amy flips him off with both hands)Gamma: Never gets old. One last time. Give me the bird, and if you show me any of your digits, I will blast them off.(Amy releases Sonic Jr., who flies in front of Gamma... and flips him off)Gamma: Wasn't expecting that. Damn it all for being so cute.
- Why did the Egg Carrier fly from the Mystic Ruins only to return there? Eggman was getting McDonald's.
Eggman: And I'm gonna have ten more Big Macs, and then I'm gonna need another bucket of McNuggets, and then I want one of your Oreo McFlurrys, and I want you to put that on a McRib. Okay? Now let see—Oh my God, they've got holiday pies.
Eggman: Sorry, Amy— you can't escape that easily! You're going to have to beat my high score on Whack-A-Mole! Wuhahahaha! What? Yes, I'm still ordering!Amy: So, I just beat a game of Whack-A-Mole, and I can get outta here? Huh. No problem. (cut to a time card saying 3 Hours Later and then to Amy furiously smashing the "moles" with her hammer) I HATE THIS GAME!!
Eggman: And I think I'm gonna need something to wash it all down with.Cashier: A hose, sir?
- At the end of the episode.
- Big's meeting with Tikal.
Tikal: Is it alright for me to be here?Big: Um, I guess so.Tikal: So do you... trust me?Big: Um... Not really, I only just met you, I don't even know your name.Tikal: I'm not talking to you ya fat fuck!Big: Wait, where are you going? And who are you talking to?Tikal: They call themselves *Demonic voice* the Directors!Big: Holy shit! That was scary!Tikal: The servers are the 7 chaos, chaos is power, power enriched by the heart, the controller is the one who unifies the chaos. *Normal voice* I don't know what that fucking means!Big: Please let me go home!
- After the Egg Carrier transforms (to the theme from Transformers: The Movie).
Tails: Whoa! It transformed, that's so cool!Sonic: Really Tails? Are you that easily amused?Knuckles (Whose on a different part of the ship): OH MY GOD ITS A TRANSFORMER THAT'S AWESOME!
- Also, on the Sky Deck:
Knuckles: Hey a switch. I wonder what would happen if I pressed it?(Cut to the Egg Carrier crashing and exploding while Knuckles screams)Knuckles: Yeeeaaahhh better not touch it.
- Another from the Sky Deck.
Sonic: Stupid Sky Deck, stupid Eggman, fucking Tails, won't even fly me over a stupid... Are you even listening to me?!Tails: Yeah, well not you you, but you.*Tails plays his ring tone: Sonic saying "I need Tails" while Sonic groans in frustration*Tails: Say can I get you to record another one? This time say "Tails, hold me."Sonic: Okay. Come here.Tails: Really?Sonic: Yeah.Tails: Alright.Sonic: Is it recording.Tails: Yeah.Sonic: Good.Tails: Um, Sonic? Why are you standing on my tails?*Sonic starts beating the crap out of Tails*Sonic (While Tails cries out in pain): I need Tails! I need fucking Tails! Hows this for a new ringtone Tails? Can you hear me now Tails? How about now? Good!*Beating ends*(Beat)Tails: I still love you—*PUNCH* Ow!
- The part on the Egg Carrier with Eggman and Amy.
Eggman: Where do you think you're going, Amy?Amy: Uh-oh.Eggman: All right! I'm going to ask you nicely! Give me the bird!Amy: Okay! *flips Eggman off*Eggman: Oh, come on! That didn't even look real!
- Soon afterward:
Amy: You won't take Junior from my outstretched hands!Eggman: (a claw comes from his Eggmobile and grabs Sonic Jr.) Yoink!Amy: No!Sonic: Amy, you're a worse character than Tails!Tails and Amy: Hey!Sonic: Shut up; you know it's true.
- Soon afterward:
- Chaos is a freaky fish guy!
- After Big leaves with Froggy:
Eggman: Whahaha! What now Sonic? Your friend has left you, Chaos is immensely powerful, I'm throwing little things to freeze you, you ain't got nothing, bitch! You ain't go- *stammers*Sonic: What's that Eggman?Eggman: ....but....Sonic: You were saying something?Eggman: ....but I....Sonic: Oh, you're finished. Suck it!
- Knuckles Tempting Fate.
Knuckles: Looks like Sonic's gotten everything taken care of so I know for a fact that when I turn around, there's not gonna be anything that's gonna stop me from going back to Angel Island— *Turns around and sees Chaos 6* HOLY BALLS! HOW DID I MISS THAT?! Wait, how'd you thaw out so quickly? We're a million feet in the air! It's like, zero degrees!Chaos: [Don't ask me, ask SEGA.]Knuckles: Proving once and for all they're more evil than 4Kids and Disney combined. You know, you remind me a lot about Disney. You're fat, you're frozen, and you're about to be shattered BY ME! (does so) That's what you get for buying out Marvel Comics, you anti-Semitic douche!
- Once again, the beginning.
Gamma: Reviewing memory banks.Beta: I'm getting an upgrade!Mega Man: HEEEELLP MEEEE!Amy: Coooookieees!Eggman: There's more to you than meets the eye.Beta: This tickles!Mega Man: HELP!Amy: Cookies!Eggman: Pingas!Beta: Tickles!(all of them start to rabble until it stops on Eggman)Eggman: Stop sucking my dick or I'll call the police!Gamma: Wait a minute. He never said that. New mission objective: to save my friends. And by "save", I mean "blow the fucking crap out of them".(Intro starts up, but then cuts off)Gamma: Oh. And any of you thinking to use my last line as a sexual joke, know this. I will find you, and I will murder you.Tails: *stammers*...Fine.Gamma: Enjoy the show.
- The beginning of Amy's Final Egg.
Amy: Is that a cartoony falling sound effect I'm hearing? There's something bad behing me, isn't there?ZERO: Howdy.Amy: AHHHH! DO WHAT YOU WANT TO THE BIRD, BUT LEAVE ME ALONE!
- That whole Sonic scene in Final Egg with the Tails and Knuckles dolls.
Knuckles Doll: Sonic's my best friend!Sonic: What? But I thought Tails was my best friend!Tails Doll: Do you really mean that, Sonic?Sonic: ...Shove it, Tails. Wait, wait wait. Why am I arguing with dolls?
- Eggman's rap, which doubles as a Crowning Music of Awesome.
- Pretty much the whole episode.
- The beginning.
Gamma: Hello, Barney [Zeta]. I'm here to save you.Barney: Now when you say you're gonna save me, you mean you're gonna murder the shit outta me, right?Gamma: Why yes, I do.Barney: Awesome! Here! I'll stand still and rotate you in a circle so you can kill me from all directions!Gamma: Why, thank you.Barney: There you go. Lower...lower...ah yes, that's the spot. Remember kids, assisting suicide is A-okay!
- The whole part of the recap episode.
- The part on Angel Island is pretty funny as well.
Knuckles: Goddamnit, the warranty expired yesterday! I bought the extended one, too! Bunch of assholes, I hate Best Buy, I hate customer service, I hate tech support, Geek Squad can suck my dick, OH I hate everybody! ...Maybe it has to do with all the Chaos Emeralds here. Ehhh, does that mean I have to go see Sonic? (groans) Fuck me.Eggman: Did someone get the liscense plate on that Jell-O?Knuckles: What? Who's there?Eggman: (Groans)Knuckles: THAT is a giant fucking lollipop. (Runs up to Eggman)Eggman: Knuckles...(groans in pain)Knuckles: Oh. Hi, Eggman.Eggman: It's Chaos! He...no longer fears the mustache!Knuckles: What?! Okay! Eggman, listen very carefully. Is it Chaos Six, or Chaos Zero?Eggman: Zero!Knuckles: FUCK! I can't BEAT Chaos Zero!Chaos: BLAH! (He then attacks Knuckles)
- After Chaos transforms:
Chaos: Good to see you....Cloud.Sonic: What the fuck? Cloud? Oh, hey! Do you need help with him?Cloud: Oh, fuck you guys. Where are my goddamn Cheetos?Sonic: WORST! CAMEO! EVER!
- The entire Perfect Chaos battle.