History Funny / Scrubs

** "Side effects of kittens include sneezing, tiny scratches, [[TheLastOfTheseIsNotLikeTheOthers and erectile dysfunction]]."

* Elliot and Carla try to "fix" the Todd, i.e. have a serious talk with him to get him out of the closet so he'll stop hitting on AnythingThatMoves. They think it works until Todd just repeats the same behavior as before, but with ''men.''

* Kim trolling JD by drawing an arrow of the average length of the human penis - [[GagPenis twelve inches]] and making JD look very annoyed. The patient says that's about right, and Kim goes [[BiggerIsBetterInBed "good for you"]]. JD lifts up the ModestyBedsheet to check it out and goes "[[TakeOurWordForIt oh my god!"]]

* [[https://youtu.be/MGQq_6PNSio This scene]] from “My Urologist”.

-->'''Turk''': No! Leave it on the floor! You leave it on the floor!

-->'''Dr. Cox''': Lady, people aren't chocolates. You know what they are mostly? Bastards. Bastard-coated bastards with bastard filling, but I don't find them half as annoying as I do bubble-headed optimists who walk around vomiting sunshine.

-->'''Dr Cox''': I'll tell you what there, Dan, I'm going to go ahead and worry about how we do things here, but if I ever do need to know how to make a top notch Rum & Coke, well by gun mister, you had better be by the phone because I must just give you a jingle. '''[Dr Cox puts his hand up to his ear like a phone and walks up the hallway]''' Ba-ring-ring! Hello, Dan? Coxaroni here. Regarding the Rum & Coke issue, could not be more confused!

** Carla, Turk and Elliot's reaction when [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_WPeZL1wb_o J.D. tells them how Kim got pregnant]].

** The same episode has Carla, Turk and Elliot's reaction when [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_WPeZL1wb_o J.D. tells them how Kim got pregnant]].

* JD's ImagineSpot, with himself as Frankenstein's Monster, after revealing to the rest of the hospital that he was arrested for drunk driving.

* The [[ImagineSpot Imagine Spots]] in ''My ABC's'' [[EverythingsBetterWithMuppets featuring the cast of]] ''Series/SesameStreet''. These include Oscar the Grouch being named new Chief of Medicine ("I'm watching you John Dorian. Remember, [[LampshadeHanging my eyes never close!]]), and the Todd giving a "Grover five", but the funniest has to be when J.D. is imagining his new intern being charmed by Elmo. He then says that's enough and Elmo turns and says "what, is she your woman?".

'''Doug:''' Whose Carla?\\

-->'''Carla''': Like, what if we have a daughter and she wants to get her ears pierced?
-->'''Turk''': Irrelevant. We're not having a daughter.
-->'''Carla''': Okay, what if we have a son and he wants to take dance classes while all his friends are playing football?
-->'''Turk''': He can dance if he wants to. He can leave his friends behind... [[Music/MenWithoutHats BECAUSE HIS FRIENDS DON'T DANCE AND IF THEY DON'T DANCE THEN THEY'RE NO FRIENDS OF MINE! S-S-S-S-A-A-A-A-F-F-F-F-E-E-E-E...]]

* Another great Turk moment:
-->'''Kelso''': ''(walks by to see Turk sitting on the counter, clutching Carla's purse)'' What the HELL are you doing?
-->'''Turk''': I GET TO HAVE SEX!
-->'''Kelso''': I hate this place. ''(leaves)''
-->'''Turk''': ''(to random passerby)'' I get to have seeeex toniiiiiiiiiight!

-->'''Elliott''': Did you eat my mango body butter?
-->'''JD''': No! *Thinks* I shmeared it on a bagel.

* From "My Transition": Dr. Cox and Jordan's idea of punishing the doctor who botched his vasectomy is to tie him up to a chair and force him to listen to Ted's band singing Chili's Baby Back Ribs jingle for as long as possible. Ten minutes in, the doctor starts eating his face.

-->'''Keith''': [In Doctor Cox's home; Walking out of the bathroom] ...Did Elliot leave without telling me?
-->'''Jordan''': [Walking out of the bathroom behind Keith] Why is there an intern in my bathroom? It's not my birthday.
-->'''Keith''': [Zips his jacket up to his neck] [[DefiledForever She made me watch!]]

-->'''Cox:''' ...and Ganderoo, I need you to talk to a young pregnant black girl who will not let me call her mom.
-->'''Turk:''' Why would she listen to me?
-->'''Cox:''' I may have told her that you were Music/KanyeWest.
-->'''Turk:''' I'm actually alright with that.

-->'''Carla''': Keith, you better not tell her who did it.
-->'''Keith''': But Elliot scares me.
-->'''Carla''': Elliot is a blonde, 108lb ski-pole from a cul-de-sac in Connecticut. I am an underpaid, pregnant nurse from the block, who, over the next six months, will become fatter and angrier. Now who are you really afraid of?
-->'''Keith''': The fatty?
-->'''Carla''': Be careful, Keith.
* Kim trolling JD by drawing an arrow of the average length of the human penis - twelve inches and making JD look very annoyed. The patient says that's about right, and Kim goes [[GagPenis "good for you"]]. JD lifts up the sheet to check it out and goes "[[TakeOurWordForIt oh my god!"]]

-->'''Puppet''' (with dreamlike music): "Hey, just take me. What are they gonna do, put you in jail? Your Bob Kelso. Just grab me and run. -->(Bob looks longingly)
-->'''Puppet:''' "Do it"
-->(Bob's hand reaches, but hits the glass) (Puppet Laughs as Bob walks away)
-->'''Janitor''' (Gets out from under the table with puppet): (Puppet voice) "Yeah" (To Employee) "Alright, I'm going on break, don't touch the Muffin Puppet"

-->'''Jordan''': '''WHAT'''?!
-->'''Cox''': You look pretty dear.
-->'''Turk''': So pretty.

--> '''JD:''' And then we'd have my ''real'' funeral.
--> '''Dr. Kelso:''' Are you an idiot?
--> '''JD:''' No, sir, I'm a dreamer.

--> '''Dr. Kelso''': (thinking) The Iraq War... that's just the kind of political hot potato that could cause divisions amongst the employees. Quick, change the subject to something less controversial! (Out loud) So, I hear Pluto's not a planet any more, what's up with that?

-->'''Janitor:''' You do what you have to do sir, Roger Dorsey and I are seeing this thing to the finish.
-->'''Dr.Kelso:''' (shocked) Roger Dorsey was my squad leader in Vietnam. He died in my arms....
-->'''Roger Dorsey:''' Tell Bob I love him.

'''J.D.:''' ''[[NoYou You're]]'' [[NoYou China!]] *walks away*\\

-->'''Jordan:''' (''smugly'') What's wrong with "Jennifer Dylan"?
-->'''Dr. Cox:''' You named our daughter... "'''''J.D.'''''".

* Kim trolling JD by drawing an arrow of the average length of the human penis - twelve inches and making JD look very annoyed. The patient says that's about right, and Kim goes [[BiggusDickus "good for you"]]. JD lifts up the sheet to check it out and goes "[[TakeOurWordForIt oh my god!"]]

* When J.D. and the Janitor try to help Ted to date Gooch:
-->'''Janitor:''' Look, Ted, you're obviously upset about the ukulele girl. So, we've called a truce to help you out.
-->'''Ted:''' I'm not upset.
--> '''J.D.''' Ted, we found you in the park throwing rocks at old couples.
-->'''Ted:''' WHY SHOULD THEY BE HAPPY?!

* When an elevator gets jammed, Dr. Cox decides to use the escape hatch instead of waiting. He ends up breaking through the ceiling right in front of J.D. and Turk. [[UnusuallyUninterestingSight J.D. acts like he simply walked up to them to trade barbs]].

* JD in "My Interns Eyes" is secretly living in Carla and Turk's apartment after the cealing in his collapsed. This leads to a scene wherein he has to make up an excuse after he is caught walking out of the apartment in his underwear leaing to this brilliant exhcange:

'''JD:''' [[HomoeroticSubtext Yes I am Carla, because I know when Turk's sad he likes me to come over in my boxers, because he likes to call me his hunky Adonis.]]\\

* In 'My Cuz' J.D. and Elliot find out that Kim (J.D.'s ex) is dating Sean (Elliot's ex). Kim blurts out that Elliot advertised Sean' sexual prowness to her. Elliot assures shocked J.D. that it's not true and then mouths that it is to Sean.

** Ted's RunningGag of getting stuck in a thought loop and J.D. fixing it by throwing a chip at him. The credits reveal it took well over 40 takes for the chip to fit Ted.

** Turk and Elliot's talking simultaniously during their last scene, every second of it.

-->'''Dr.Cox''': You do realise that even though he gets to leave, you have to stay

* "My Half Acre" features some amazing work from Creator/MandyMoore as Julie - the female version of JD. EstablishingCharacterMoment is her sexy walk into the restaurant, JD's narration noting that there's something "so accessible about her". Then [[DisasterDominoes she trips over the desert cart and lands on the floor]]. Completely unfazed, she notices carrot cake on the floor next to her and says she'll have that.

* His Story II has Turk's first bit of narration and Carla somehow being in his head. Cue Turk trying to use it to get Carla to make him a sandwich and her telling him to do it himself. Cue Turk's screaming.

* The entire '[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N0C4Ps3ObRk Gay Jungle Fever]]' sequence.