Funny / Porno

• Begbie, hours away from being released from prison, denies the food the screw brings him. Seconds later he's asking his cell mate for some of his food.
  Begbie: Give us some of your fucking sausage then ya cunt.
• Begbie's absolute cluelessness in insisting upon the unluckiness of his cellmate to lose him, despite all evidence that he's made the man's life an absolute hell (on his last day alone, refusing to let him sleep so as to regale him with fantasies of his upcoming freedom, then the aforementioned stealing of his breakfast).
  Begbie: Eh’s no goat what it takes tae git by in prison; two fuckin suicide attempts that cunt’s hud in here, n that’s jist since eh’s been sharin a cell wi me, so fuck knows whit eh wis like before.
• Sick Boy sending a text message to Begbie from Renton's phone in Porno:
  HI DOLLFACE. CAN'T WAIT 2 GET LOOSE ON YOUR PRETTY ASS AGAIN. HOPE PRISON HASN'T SLACKENED IT 2 MUCH. IT'LL BE MINE AGAIN SOON. YOUR OLD CHUM.
  Sick Boy: I fish out my address book and punch in Franco's number. Message sent. Just call me Cupid.
  • Needless to say, this sets Franco off:
  Begbie: SOME CUNT'S TRYIN TAE GIT FUCKIN WIDE!
• Earlier, Sick Boy posts gay porn to Begbie in prison just to Troll him, noting that he does it on a regular basis. When the book cuts to Begbie's perspective, he's less than amused by it.