History Funny / KitchenNightmares

'''Gordon:''' If you can't a fucking mussel-\\
'''David:''' If you would've fucking taught me-\\
'''Gordon:''' Yes?\\

'''David:''' Eh?\\
'''Gordon:''' Go on!\\
'''David:''' Yeah! Uhh!\\
'''Gordon:''' Finish it, then!\\
'''David:''' Finish what?\\
'''Gordon:''' What you're about to say.\\
'''David:''' Are you- What I'm about to say?!\\
'''Gordon:''' Cook a mussel.\\
'''David:''' No, I haven't cooked one.\\
'''Gordon:''' Okay.\\
'''David:''' Right.\\

'''Gordon:''' Right, who don't you fuck off to the bookshop, read how to cook a mussel, and I'll run your fucking restaurant.\\

'''David:''' No, I haven't cooked one.

* Gordon gets into an argument with the owner/chef of Clubway 41, David, who's never cooked a mussel before. As David leaves to read up on how, Gordon takes over a kitchen, calling him a plonker as he leaves, to which David replies, "Twat". Rather than swear back, Gordon just laughs. At least one Website/YouTube commenter has called it "The most British argument ever", which would go on to become the title of the full episode upload.
** Also David's "Nyeuuuuuh" retorts, followed by:
--->'''Gordon''': So shal I finally teach you how to cook a mussel?
--->'''David''': Oh at ''last'', thank you, yes, please!
--->'''Gordon''': Right, are you going to tone your voice down or are you going to shout like some dick?
--->'''David''': I'll shout like some dick and then I'll calm down.

'''Gordon:''' ''(quietly)'' You use... that shit? ''(Randy's face quickly assumes the OhCrap expression as Gordon orders to shut down the kitchen.)''

** Gordon had a field day when the tacky, filthy décor proved to be nothing compared to the hideously disgusting kitchen, with such delights as [[NauseaFuel chocolate fudge pies sitting on top of raw lamb shanks floating in blood]]. When he confronted the owner, Randy attempted to fire back with one of the worst attempts at a BadassBoast in TV history:

** When Gordon, clearly shocked by Sebastian's obliviousness and ego, leaves the room to try to clear his thoughts after talking to him, the cook is convinced that he has outwitted Gordon and goes around the kitchen announcing, "I think I just won that one!"

** Gordon confronts [[DramaQueen Amy]] over [[DisproportionateRetribution firing a worker]] for [[IrrationalHatred asking a question]]. She asks him if he'd let anyone speak to him like that in his kitchen, and he responds with a casual [[BluntYes "yeah"]].

* When Gordon, clearly shocked by Sebastian's obliviousness and ego, leaves the room to try to clear his thoughts after talking to him, the cook is convinced that he has outwitted Gordon and goes around the kitchen announcing, "I think I just won that one!"
** Made even better by Gordon's retort upon his return: "You have won jack fucking shit!"
** Earlier, Gordon's many expressions that can be summed up as "are you kidding me" while Sebastian tries to explain the menu to him. Even the employees are laughing.

* [[CompanionCube Fiona the mannequin]] from the entryway of The Old Neighborhood. It wears one glove because it's missing a hand, and it falls apart when Gordon tries to move it back into the corner.
** Gordon had a field day at Old Neighborhood, when the tacky, filthy décor proved to be nothing compared to the hideously disgusting kitchen, with such delights as [[NauseaFuel chocolate fudge pies sitting on top of raw lamb shanks floating in blood]]. When he confronted the owner, Randy attempted to fire back with one of the worst attempts at a BadassBoast in TV history:

--->'''Gordon:''' You see that? Who is hoarding all that shit?\\

** Gordon had a field day at Old Neighborhood, when the tacky, filthy décor proved to be nothing compared to the hideously disgusting kitchen, with such delights as [[NauseaFuel chocolate fudge pies sitting on top of raw lamb shanks floating in blood.]] When he confronted the owner, Randy attempted to fire back with one of the worst attempts at a BadassBoast in TV history:

'''Randy:''' ''(defiantly)'' We ''serve'' that "shit"!\\
'''Gordon:''' ''(quietly)'' [[TranquilFury You use... that shit?]] ''(Randy's face quickly assumes the OhCrap expression. Gordon shuts down the kitchen.)''

-->'''Gordon:''' God bless America.

** At one point, Gordon confronts [[DramaQueen Amy]] over [[DisproportionateRetribution firing a worker]] for [[IrrationalHatred asking a question]]. She asks him if he'd let anyone speak to him like that in his kitchen, and he responds with a casual [[BluntYes "yeah"]].

[[folder:US version]]

[[folder:UK version]]
* The majority of Gordon's lines are hilarious. An example, at Bonaparte's: "This looks like a sheep's turd that's been infested with ants."
** Gordon taking out his frustration on the slack-jawed idiot chef Tim by [[PieInTheFace dumping a bowl of meringue over his head.]]
*** This becomes HilariousInHindsight when you consider the fact that several years previously, in one of Gordon's videos where he [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k4jZdQm1yHc instructs the viewer on how to make Baked Alaska]], he states that the Italian Meringue is thick enough if you trust that you can hold it over your head with none of it falling on top of you.
* Season 1 episode 4: The Moore Place... the image of the unbreakable Gordon Ramsay... curled into a fetal position when he realizes just how bad their youngest waiter really is.
-->'''Gordon:''' (''on the floor, half-laughing and half-crying'') Shitshitshit... fuckin' hell, you've got two days to prepare one fuckin' speech, I've got 24 hours to get a fuckin' restaurant ready! ZACK! ''ZAAAAAAAAACK!''
* When Gordon returns to Lanterna, the sous chef Aldona screams, and when the head chef asks her why she tells Gordon, "I had a dream about you last night. You killed me."
* Blink and you'll miss it but, from the Momma Cherri's Soul Food Shack episode; Gordon Ramsay tries ''and fails''... to [[Music/MichaelJackson Moonwalk]].
-->'''Gordon:''' (''mutters'') Aww... fuckin' bollocks! (''narrates'') Not sure I found my soul, yet.
* Pretty much the entirety of the Sandgate Hotel episode, as it's pretty much a real-life version of Series/FawltyTowers, which Gordon outright references more than once. From Ramsay having to go through no less than THREE managers just to figure out how to order Japanese food -- which he questions why the owners even bother making if nobody seems to enjoy making it and it barely ever makes any money -- to the ridiculous intercoms in the kitchens and ridiculous, gimmicky dishes that appeal to no one.
* If you're into schadenfreude, the episode "La Para de Burianna" has the opening night after Gordon gives them their "idiot proof menu", where Gordon more or less has it as a safety net for the head chef Lawrence to fall back on when his menu and serving style inevitably fails. However, it does not just fail, it fails ''[[EpicFail hard]]''. Lawrence begins serving bad food, as usual, gets into an argument with barbeque chef Norm who can't even find his basic materials and the manager, Alex ends up getting so screwed up regarding who is being served what that he ends up serving food to tables nobody is even sitting at. They don't use the new, easier-to-cook menu for well over an hour. [[SoundtrackDissonance The whole while, a band plays a happy Spanish party tune]], [[FacePalm with Gordon standing in the background with his hand on his face]].
* [[https://youtu.be/ij4HYRVIj8Y?t=68 When Gordon discovers the Fenwick Arms chef's massive plate collection]], he pokes fun at one set by claiming you could tile the restaurant with them. Then he drops one. The comedic timing is what makes the scene.
-->'''Gordon:''' (''While holding two large plates up on the wall'') You serve what Chinese dish on this one? \\
'''Chef:''' [[ComicallyMissingThePoint It wasn't; it was a Japanese dish]].\\
'''Gordon:''' Christ almigh- (''plate falls and shatters'')\\
'''Chef:''' [[ActuallyPrettyFunny The tile glue didn't stick!]]
* The preview for the series sets the tone, with Ramsay saying his prayers. Especially in the episode "Priory" which used to be a church.
-->Dear God, for what I am about to receive may the Lord not kill me with food poisoning.
** Pulling up to the Priory for the first time, Gordon jokes to himself that swearing's off the table given the reverent space he's about to enter.
* In the Curry Lounge episode, Gordon is ThinkingOutLoud about how the oversized naan-stand would do a good job of blocking interaction on a bad date, and as he tells his hypothetical date to fuck off, the head-waitress walks up and thinks, understandably since he is the only one at the table, that he is talking to her. [[NotWhatItLooksLike Ramsay immediately backpedals.]]
** Also from the Curry Lounge, Gordon takes the restaurant staff out to play a game of cricket as a team-building exercise, and he ties one of the owner's hands behind his back to show how his micromanagement has hindered the staff. Despite having only one hand, he successfully returns the pitch and [[HoistByHisOwnPetard nails Gordon right in the ribs]].
** At the end, after driving the owner to a recycling center to forcibly dispose of the naan stands, Gordon suddenly realizes that he can't find the keys to his car.
* In the UK Fish & Anchor episode, Gordon is in the middle of explaining to the male owner that the way he addresses his wife during service is pretty much just him grunting when the camera wheels around to show two waitresses nearby completely cracking up and desperately trying to hide it.
** He also quite bluntly describes the wife as this when in the middle of a loud argument:
--->'''Gordon:''' You can't run around like fucking WesternAnimation/{{Shrek}} in a frock!
** In the same episode, upon the approach to the restaurant, Ramsay comments "You can't miss that one. Unfortunately, [[UsefulNotes/WorldWarII the Germans did]]".
* "The Runaway Girl":
** The owner has a habit of using response forms to validate himself, to which Ramsay answers:
--->You shouldn't use your customers as a hairdryer, blowing smoke up your ass.
** Later, Ramsay listens to customer complaints mid-service, as an obnoxious local band puts on a distracting performance.
--->'''Ramsay:''' And just when I thought the feedback couldn't get any worse,- '''''[[StealthPun *SCREEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeee...*]]'''''
* Gordon gets into an argument with the owner/chef of Clubway 41, David, who's never cooked a mussel before. As David leaves to read up on how, Gordon takes over a kitchen, calling him a plonker as he leaves, to which David replies, "Twat". Rather than swear back, Gordon just laughs. At least one Website/YouTube commenter has called it "The most British argument ever", which would go on to become the title of the full episode upload.
** Also David's "Nyeuuuuuh" retorts, followed by:
--->'''Gordon''': So shal I finally teach you how to cook a mussel?
--->'''David''': Oh at ''last'', thank you, yes, please!
--->'''Gordon''': Right, are you going to tone your voice down or are you going to shout like some dick?
--->'''David''': I'll shout like some dick and then I'll calm down.
[[/folder]]

'''Gordon:''' Pfff, fuck off.
* From Prohibition Grille, Gordon ends up ''locking himself in a freezer'' out of sheer embarrassment at Rishi's belly dancing.

* At Mill Street Bistro, Gotdon mocks the fake flowers used to decorate the chocolate cake by forming a funeral procession for the dish with one of the waitresses.

--->'''Joe:''' Our elk does not come back.\\

** After tasting Joe's food, [[CrossesTheLineTwice Gordon says that he can't eat any more of the bistro's food and has to go somewhere else to eat]].

'''Katy:''' All the Amy clones will just start to, like, kill off each other. They just get so sick of each other, like, one thing another Amy said, like, you can't make two Amy's!

** It's also funny to listen to Amy's reasoning why there are absolutely no other men aside from Samy working at the restaurant in the "return" episode's "Bonus Footage", saying that male chefs have incredibly large egos. Considering [[{{Hypocrite}} who it's coming from]], and who she's ''saying it to...''
** In the interviews of the "return" episode, Amy claims the way to save the restaurant is to make clones of her and Samy (the same thing they said to Gordon back in their first meeting), to which Katy says Amy's clones would kill each other.

** It's also funny to listen to Amy's reasoning why there are absolutely no other men aside from Samy working at Amy's Baking Company in the "return" episode's "Bonus Footage", saying that male chefs have incredibly large egos. Considering [[{{Hypocrite}} who it's coming from]], and who she's ''saying it to...''

** It's also funny to listen to Amy's reasoning why there are absolutely no other men aside from Samy working at Amy's Baking Company in the follow-up episode's "Bonus Footage", saying that male chefs have incredibly large egos. Considering [[{{Hypocrite}} who it's coming from]], and who she's ''saying it to...''
** In the interviews of the follow-up episode, Amy claims the way to save the restaurant is to make clones of her and Samy (the same thing they said to Gordon back in their first meeting), to which Katy says Amy's clones would kill each other.