Funny / Kitchen Nightmares

  • In Season 3's first episode, Gordon makes a short film of complaints about the restaurant and shows it to the staff in a theater. Though it is pretty tense due to the comments, the mood is lightened by everyone almost comically having large bags of popcorn.
  • The preview for the series sets the tone, with Ramsay saying his prayers.
    Dear god, for what I am about to receive may the lord not kill me with food poisoning.
  • The majority of Gordon's lines are hilarious. An example: "This looks like a sheep's turd that's been infested with ants."
  • In the second episode Gordon shows a chef at the restaurant Dillon's some new recipes. The chef, who doesn't speak much English, and needs the owner to translate from Gordon for him, hugs him tightly. And won't let go.
    Gordon: Tell him, tell him it's only a scallop we haven't lost our children...okay, okay, you can let go now. You can let go now. He can let *bleep*ing go now!
  • In the "Michon's" episode, Gordon is ripping into the kitchen staff, and demands to know if there was anything in his lunch that wasn't heated in the microwave. After a slight pause, one chef chimes in with "The salad."
  • When Gordon leaves the room to try to clear his thoughts after talking to Sebastian, the cook is convinced that he has outwitted Gordon and goes around the kitchen announcing, "I think I just won that one!"
    • Made even better by Gordon's retort upon his return: "You have won jack fucking shit!"
  • In the "Oceana" episode, Gordon calls Moe, the hot-headed co-owner of the restaurant "a busy idiot", being involved in all the wrong areas. Moe is about ready to fight with Gordon until Rami, his more level-headed co-owner brother, reassures him that "busy idiot" is, in fact, a compliment in British English, saying "He's from British. He doesn't speak English.".
  • When Gordon returns to Lanterna, the sous chef Aldona screams, and when the head chef asks her why she tells Gordon, "I had a dream about you last night. You killed me."
  • If you're into schadenfreude, the episode "La Para de Burianna" has the opening night after Gordon gives them their "idiot proof menu", where Gordon more or less has it as a safety net for the head chef Lawrence to fall back on when his menu and serving style inevitably fails. However, it does not just fail, it fails hard. Lawrence begins serving bad food as usual, gets into an argument with barbeque chef Norm who can't even find his basic materials and the manager, Alex ends up getting so screwed up regarding who is being served what that he ends up serving food to tables nobody is even sitting at. They don't use the new, easier-to-cook menu for well over an hour. The whole while, a band plays a happy Spanish party tune, with Gordon standing in the background with his hand on his face.
  • Even by the standards of the show, Abby from "Down City" is incredibly stubborn with Gordon declaring her refusal to see her failures and she replies "I'm not in denial!"
    • Even the narrator gets into the act as the camera shows Abby on the couch and he intones "Abby has a conversation with the one person she believes is always right: Herself."
  • The entirety of the Amy's Baking Company episode, in a Bile Fascination way, starting with Gordon's increasing bafflement over Amy's obsession with internet bloggers.
    • Especially at the beginning, when one couple says that their salad doesn't taste right. Sammy's response is that they don't have any idea what is wrong with it:
    Sammy: If you came here to eat, to enjoy, then you should know what you like to eat, sir!
    Female diner: Apparently you don't know what you like to eat.
    Male diner: I guess not!
  • Gordon trying to find a way to wrap his mouth around the Burger Kitchen's one-pound Cowboy Burger.
  • From the UK pilot, Gordon taking out his frustration on the slack-jawed idiot chef Tim by dumping a bowl of meringue over his head.
  • Mark, the Camp Gay manager of Santa La Brea, flawlessly mimicking Gordon's accent as well as his signature "get-your-fucking-shit-together" triple-backhanded-palm-slap.
  • From the "Sebastian's" episode: "You guys are about to become great tossers". Of course, we're talking about tossing pizzas, but watching with the other meaning (British slang equivalent to "wanker") in mind it's hilarious. Hard to believe Gordon wasn't venting a bit and using it as a excuse to call some people tossers.
  • At Mill Street Bistro, Ramsey mocks the fake flowers used to decorate the chocolate cake by forming a funeral procession for the dish with one of the waitresses.
    • Owner Joe is berating his staff after learning none of them have eaten the elk due to its quality, when he suddenly learns that there are waiting customers around the corner that can hear everything. His tone shifts immediately, but it doesn't fool anyone.
    • During Ramsay's spectacular "The Reason You Suck" Speech to Joe, we get to see the reactions of the restaurant's staff. The staff, whom Ramsay acknowledges are far more aware as to what the actual flaws of the restaurant are, especially Joe's arrogance, quietly praise Ramsay and mock Joe. One of them even remarks that it feels like Christmas has come early. Then after Ramsay leaves, Joe gives a speech to his staff angrily and harshly denouncing Ramsay... until he realizes that he has customers that can hear him, at which point he does an immediate 180. And it's quite obvious his staff aren't buying into it at all.
  • At Cafe Tavolini, one of the waiters was scared that Ramsay would stab him with a fork if he disagreed about the quality of the food.
  • In the Curry Lounge episode, Gordon is thinking out loud about how the oversized naan-stand would do a good job of blocking interaction on a bad date, and as he is insulting his hypothetical date, the head-waitress walks up and thinks, understandably since he is the only one at the table, that he is talking to her. Ramsay immediately starts to backpedal away from the random comments, insults, and profanities that he had been hurling at the naan-stand.
    • Also from the Curry Lounge, Gordon takes the restaurant staff out to play a game of cricket as a team-building exercise, and he ties one of the owner's hands behind his back to show how his micromanagement has hindered the staff. Despite having only one hand, he manages to return the pitch and nails Gordon right in the ribs.
    • A waitress shows up and in a chipper voice, says hello to Ramsay. Ramsay, who was in a dour mood after reading the menu, has a Knee Jerk Reaction to tell them to fuck off, then immediately begins backpedaling after realising what he said.
    • At the end, after driving the owner to a recycling center to forcibly dispose of the naan stands, Gordon suddenly realizes that he can't find the keys to his car.
  • "Why are you throwing my lemons away?" "THEY'RE MOULDY, YOU PILLOCK!"
  • From Spin-a-Yarn, Gordon having the waiters mime a funeral procession.
  • From Lido di Manhattan, Gordon trying and failing to convince the cameramen filming him to try a bite of awful tuna.
  • From Prohibition Grille, Gordon ends up locking himself in a freezer out of sheer embarrassment at Rishi's bellydancing.
  • During the episode focusing on the aftermath of the Amy's Baking Company episode, Amy claims the way to save the restaurant is to make clones of her. Katy says the clones would start killing each other.
    • It's also funny to listen to Amy's reasoning why there are absolutely no other men aside from Samy working at Amy's Baking Company in "Bonus Footage", saying that male chefs have incredibly large egos. Considering who it's coming from...
  • From Ms. Jean's Southern Cuisine, Gordon points out how the pork chop he's been delivered (that is able to stand up) resembles a map of America while patriotic sounding music plays in the background.
    Gordon: God bless America.
  • From Fiesta Sunrise, Gordon sampling a complementary margarita that was poured way too stiff, leaving him spluttering and trying to catch his breath.
  • From Luigi's, Gordon decides to do a little research before going into the restaurant, and is impressed with a review praising the restaurant's 22 year-old-chef. As it turns out, the article was referring to Luigi himself, age 51, and was very old.
    Luigi: This review is from 1981. I have a few more recent reviews.
    Ramsay: Like, when, 1984?
  • This exchange from Kingston Café (paraphrased):
    Gordon: Jesus Christ, this is awful.
    Uma: Gordon, if you keep swearing like that, Jesus Christ actually gonna appear.
    Gordon: Well, I hope so, because we really need him right now.
  • From Zocalo's, when Gordon was served some green soup in a cauldron-like pot, his response was, "It was bubbling like something out of Harry Potter."
  • At Downcity, after five minutes with the owner, Gordon's faith in the restaurant is immediately shattered... and he begins praying.
    "Please God, don't let me die in Rhode Island."
  • From the final revisited episode, an offscreen Rishi pulls a fast one on Gordon by pretending she's about to start bellydancing through her restaurant again, causing him to cuss a blue streak and Face Palm, thinking she learned nothing during his visit. She then walks out of a doorway wearing a somber business pants suit and clicking a pair of castanets.
  • Gordon finding a copy of one of his own cookbooks in Finn McCool's kitchen.
  • Gordon plays doctor for the unfortunate victim of a veggie lasagna microwaving at Mangia Mangia:
    Gordon: "Doctor, do you need a scalpel? I think the patient is dead. Julie?" (the owner walks over) "Time of death: 7:44." (Julie gives a "what the hell?" look)
    • The second part ends with Gordon stopping for one last drive-through pick-up: one of the microwaves. It takes some effort to get it into his vehicle.
    • In the beginning of the first part, Gordon orders a bowl of soup to go via the restaurant's drive-through and pulls into the parking lot to sample it. He quickly discovers that not only did the staff forget his spoon, but the soup itself is so overcooked and gooey he can eat it with a fork.
  • In the Fleming episode, Gordon finds out that one of the workers, Cindee, likes to wrap leftovers in swan-shaped tinfoil. At first, it seems that he dislikes the idea and is about to complain of it...until it turns out that he loves it. His reaction is essentially Squee! and he even asks Cindee to show him how to do it. Considering Ramsay's reputation for being intimidating and downright scary at times, it's hilarious and kind of heartwarming to see him have childish glee over tinfoil.
  • In the UK Fish & Anchor episode, Gordon is in the middle of explaining to the male owner that the way he addresses his wife during service is pretty much just him grunting when the camera wheels around to show two waitresses nearby completely cracking up and desperately trying to hide it.
  • In the Levanti's episode, the owner pinning the restaurant shutting down for the night on Gordon presses his Berserk Button. After explaining and showing exactly the kind of terrible, rotten food the owners have been serving, Gordon heads for the kitchen—and slams into the one-way door.
  • During the "Barefoot Bob's" episode, Gordon spots a psychic in the restaurant. Despite his skepticism, Gordon goes over to ask her for her prediction for the restaurant's fate. While the psychic is talking, Gordon picks up her crystal ball...and licks it for no apparent reason.
  • From Park's Edge: the grilled Caesar salad. As in, the lettuce itself is actually put on the grill. Gordon even points this out to the other diners in the restaurant, to much laughter.
  • Season 5 of the UK series has Gordon visit The Fish and Anchor, where he quickly finds that the wife's behaviour and the arguments between her and her husband are totally outrageous and out of hand. In a moment of addressing this, he quite bluntly describes her as "Shrek in a frock".
  • The mannequin from the entryway of The Old Neighborhood. It wears one glove because it's missing a hand and it falls apart when Gordon tries to move it back into the corner.
  • In season 5's "Leone's", rather than look at the menu Gordon instead asks them to prepare one of each item and leaves to take a walk while he waits. When he came back, he found over 100 separate items waiting for him, making him wish he'd looked first. Naturally, all of it was terrible, and when he asked the 2 chefs to taste their own food, even they couldn't stand it. One rice dish had the consistency of a hockey puck.
    • The owner's mother tried to hit on Gordon as soon as she met him, by calling him "Love of my life". In the confessional, she said jokingly that she wanted her 4th husband to be him. By the time Gordon returns in the revisiting episode, she once again flirts with him. In both occasions Gordon laughed it.
  • For a good chunk of "Levanti's Italian Restaurant", Gordon balks at the fact that the restaurant's signature sauce came to Dino in a dream.
    Gordon: (After trying and subsequently sending back a dish with the aforementioned sauce) Brought to him in a dream. Unfortunately he didn't realize at the time he was having a ***ing nightmare!
  • Courtesy of the UK version, Season 1 episode 4: The Moore Place...the image of the unbreakable Gordon Ramsay...curled into a fetal position when he realizes just how bad their youngest waiter really is.
    Gordon: *on the floor half-laughing half-crying* shitshitshit...fuckin' hell you've got two days to prepare one fuckin' speech, i've got 24 hours to get a fuckin' restaurant ready! ...ZACK!...ZAAAAAAAAACK!
  • Blink and you'll miss it but, from the Momma Cherri's Soul Food Shack episode; Gordon Ramsay tries and Moonwalk.
    Gordon: *mutters* aww...fuckin' bollocks. *narrates* ...not sure I found my soul yet