Funny: Kitchen Nightmares

  • The preview for the series sets the tone, with Ramsay saying his prayers.
    Dear god, for what I am about to receive may the lord not kill me with food poisoning.
  • The majority of Gordon's lines are hilarious. An example: "This looks like a sheep's turd that's been infested with ants."
  • In the second episode Gordon shows a chef at the restaurant Dillon's some new recipes. The chef, who doesn't speak much English, and needs the owner to translate from Gordon for him, hugs him tightly. And won't let go.
    Gordon: Tell him, tell him it's only a scallop we haven't lost our children...okay, okay, you can let go now. You can let go now. He can let *bleep*ing go now!
  • In the "Michon's" episode, Gordon is ripping into the kitchen staff, and demands to know if there was anything in his lunch that wasn't heated in the microwave. After a slight pause, one chef chimes in with "The salad."
  • When Gordon leaves the room to try to clear his thoughts after talking to Sebastian, the cook is convinced that he has outwitted Gordon and goes around the kitchen announcing, "I think I just won that one!"
    • Made even better by Gordon's retort upon his return: "You have won jack fucking shit!"
  • In the "Oceana" episode, Gordon calls Moe, the hot-headed co-owner of the restaurant "a busy idiot", being involved in all the wrong areas. Moe is about ready to fight with Gordon until Rami, his more level-headed co-owner brother, reassures him that "busy idiot" is, in fact, a compliment in British English, saying "He's from British. He doesn't speak English.".
  • When Gordon returns to Lanterna, the sous chef Aldona screams, and when the head chef asks her why she tells Gordon, "I had a dream about you last night. You killed me."
  • If you're into schadenfreude, the episode "La Para de Burianna" has the opening night after Gordon gives them their "idiot proof menu", where Gordon more or less has it as a safety net for the head chef Lawrence to fall back on when his menu and serving style inevitably fails. However, it does not just fail, it fails hard. Lawrence begins serving bad food as usual, gets into an argument with barbeque chef Norm who can't even find his basic materials and the manager, Alex ends up getting so screwed up regarding who is being served what that he ends up serving food to tables nobody is even sitting at. They don't use the new, easier-to-cook menu for well over an hour. The whole while, a band plays a happy Spanish party tune, with Gordon standing in the background with his hand on his face.
  • The entirety of the Amy's Baking Company episode, in a Bile Fascination way, starting with Gordon's increasing bafflement over Amy's obsession with internet bloggers.
    • Especially at the beginning, when one couple says that their salad doesn't taste right. Sammy's response is that they don't have any idea what is wrong with it:
    Sammy: If you came here to eat, to enjoy, then you should know what you like to eat, sir!
    Female diner: Apparently you don't know what you like to eat.
    Male diner: I guess not!
    • At one point Gordon confronts Amy over firing a worker for asking a question. She asks him if he'd let anyone speak to him like that in his kitchen, and he responds with a casual "yeah".
  • Gordon trying to find a way to wrap his mouth around the Burger Kitchen's one-pound Cowboy Burger.
  • From the UK pilot, Gordon taking out his frustration on the slack-jawed idiot chef Tim by dumping a bowl of meringue over his head.
  • Mark, the Camp Gay manager of Santa La Brea, flawlessly mimicking Gordon's accent as well as his signature "get-your-fucking-shit-together" triple-backhanded-palm-slap.
  • From the "Sebastian's" episode: "You guys are about to become great tossers". Of course, we're talking about tossing pizzas, but watching with the other meaning (British slang equivalent to "wanker") in mind it's hilarious. Hard to believe Gordon wasn't venting a bit and using it as a excuse to call some people tossers.
  • At Cafe Tavolini, one of the waiters was scared that Ramsay would stab him with a fork if he disagreed about the quality of the food.
  • In the Curry Lounge episode, Gordon is thinking out loud about how the oversized naan-stand would do a good job of blocking interaction on a bad date, and as he is insulting his hypothetical date, the head-waitress walks up and thinks, understandably since he is the only one at the table, that he is talking to her. Ramsay immediately starts to backpedal away from the random comments, insults, and profanities that he had been hurling at the naan-stand.
    • Also from the Curry Lounge, Gordon takes the restaurant staff out to play a game of cricket as a team-building exercise, and he ties one of the owner's hands behind his back to show how his micromanagement has hindered the staff. Despite having only one hand, he manages to return the pitch and nails Gordon right in the ribs.
    • At the end, after driving the owner to a recycling center to forcibly dispose of the naan stands, Gordon suddenly realizes that he can't find the keys to his car.
  • "Why are you throwing my lemons away?" "BECAUSE THEY'RE MOULDY YOU PILLOCK!"
  • From Spin-a-Yarn, Gordon having the waiters mime a funeral procession.
  • From Lido di Manhattan, Gordon trying and failing to convince the cameramen filming him to try a bite of awful tuna.
  • From Prohibition Grille, Gordon ends up locking himself in a freezer out of sheer embarrassment at Rishi's bellydancing.
  • During the episode focusing on the aftermath of the Amy's Baking Company episode, Amy claims the way to save the restaurant is to make clones of her. Katy says the clones would start killing each other.
    • It's also funny to listen to Amy's reasoning why there are absolutely no other men aside from Samy working at Amy's Baking Company in "Bonus Footage", saying that male chefs have incredibly large egos. Considering who it's coming from...
  • From Ms. Jean's Southern Cuisine, Gordon points out how the pork chop he's been delivered (that is able to stand up) resembles a map of America while patriotic sounding music plays in the background.
    Gordon: God bless America.
  • From Fiesta Sunrise, Gordon sampling a complementary margarita that was poured way too stiff, leaving him spluttering and trying to catch his breath.
  • From Luigi's, Gordon decides to do a little research before going into the restaurant, and is impressed with a review praising the restaurant's 22 year-old-chef. As it turns out, the article was referring to Luigi himself, age 51, and was very old.
    Luigi: This review is from 1981. I have a few more recent reviews.
    Ramsay: Like, when, 1984?
  • This exchange from Kingston Café (paraphrased):
    Gordon: Jesus Christ, this is awful.
    Uma: Gordon, if you keep swearing like that, Jesus Christ actually gonna appear.
    Gordon: Well, I hope so, because we really need him right now.
  • From Zocalo's, when Gordon was served some green soup in a cauldron-like pot, his response was, "It was bubbling like something out of Harry Potter."
  • At Downcity, after five minutes with the owner, Gordon's faith in the restaurant is immediately shattered... and he begins praying.
    "Please God, don't let me die in Rhode Island."
  • From the final revisited episode, an offscreen Rishi pulls a fast one on Gordon by pretending she's about to start bellydancing through her restaurant again, causing him to cuss a blue streak and Face Palm, thinking she learned nothing during his visit. She then walks out of a doorway wearing a somber business pants suit and clicking a pair of castanets.
  • Gordon finding a copy of one of his own cookbooks in Finn McCool's kitchen.