History Funny / GauntsGhosts

--> ''"A friend of death, a brother of luck and [[TheLastOfTheseIsNotLikeTheOthers a son of a bitch.]]"''

* This is the book that introduced us to Lord General Van Voytz, an actually pleasant ReasonableAuthorityFigure who appreciates the Ghosts and celebrates their skills and successes. The chapter header quote of the last portion of the big is from Gaunt, who ''doesnt know how to deal with the fact Van Voytz ISN'T an utter bastard.''

-->'''Feygor''': "Oh, that's a good idea." ({{beat}}) *Raises his hand*

--->'''Bonin (after having an argument with the pilot about how they should proceed):''' Damn woman. Damn woman was going to get his knife in her back if she didn't shut up. Damn woman...[[OhCrap Damn woman had a point...]]]

--->'''Bonin (after having an argument with the pilot about how they should proceed):''' Damn woman. Damn woman was going to get his knife in her back if she didn't shut up. Damn woman...[[Oh crap Damn woman had a point...]]]

* [[RagtagBunchOfMisfits "Welcome to the]] [[FalseReassurance Wounded."]]
** Even the group's failure-prone Chimera didn't survive the naming.

%%!!Honour Guard

* In the opening scene of a short story ''Of Their Lives in the Ruins of Their Cities'', Trooper Caffran watched newly-appointed Ibram Gaunt who was working on what Caffran assumed tactical orders with fascination. Cut to the commissar;

%%!!Ghostmaker

!!Ghostmaker

!!Honour Guard

!!Only In Death

* Any time that Ayatani Zweil talks.
** In ''Straight Silver'', on smoking his pipe:
--->'''Zweil''': "An empty mind is like a pot for Chaos to piss in."
--->''Buzzel looks shocked''
--->'''Zweil''': "Just kidding." ''pulls out a daypipe and stocks it with weed.''
--->'''Buzzel''': "This is a non-smoking area."
--->'''Zweil''': "[[BlatantLies I know that!]] ...I’m off to bless the poor bastards." ''stomps away''
--->'''Buzzel''': "Your chaplain is an... unusual man."

* In "Sabbat Martyr" Rawne, Banda and Feygor are arguing whether or not Saint Sabbat is staring at them in particular, Banda says it has to be Rawne because:
--> "The major's sex on legs, real catnip for us womenfolk"
* "Sabbat Martyr" [[HospitalHottie Curth]] telling [[ColonelBadass Gaunt]] she'll only do him a favor because he's so good in bed. In front of the whole regiment.
** It backfires on her though as the regiment stares at her as if she's serious, making her retort that it was a joke irritatedly. Though that reaction alone is also hilarious, as everyone in earshot (which, as they're getting off their landers, is most of the regiment) immediately believes it. A few slack jaws and a couple dropped kitbags are mentioned.
** The joke goes sideways later on when Curth reveals to Gaunt in ''Salvation's Reach'' she'd been pining over him for years.

[[AC:In Remembrance]]
* After the liberation of Vervunhive by the Tanith, Surgeon Curth saw Dorden refusing to rest and over-working himself tending the wounded, so she spiked his drinking water with sleeping drug, telling Corbec not to report the incident to Gaunt. [[ActuallyPrettyFunny Even Corbec sniggered.]]
* Shortly after [[DeadpanSnarker Feygor]] gets an augmentic voice box that makes everything he says sound sarcastic, someone suggests that from now on he should raise a hand to let people know whenever he's actually being sarcastic. Feygor's response:
-->'''Feygor''': "Oh, that's a good idea." ({{beat}}) *Raises his hand*
[[AC:Salvation's Reach]]

[[AC:The Warmaster]]

-->'''Rawne''': Sir, what's the big fuss?
-->'''Gaunt''': Them? They've been assigned. To me.
-->'''Kolea''': What for?
-->'''Gaunt''': You know, I've been asking myself that.
-->'''Kolea''': There’s no one else in the transport? No lord general about to surprise us with an inspection?
-->'''Gaunt''': No.
-->'''Rawne''': No one important?
-->'''Gaunt''': ''No.''

-->'''Rawne''': What the feth is this?
-->'''Gaunt''': Well, I’m going to tell you about that...
-->'''Kolea''': Is that ''real?''
-->'''Rawne''': You’re a fething militant commander?
-->'''Gaunt''': I fething am, Eli
-->'''Kolea''': Are you... fething kidding?

[[AC:Anarch]]

* Also doubles as an Awesome moment in ''Sabbat Martyr'': Cuu mouthing off to Gol Kolea as usual, only to then [[OhCrap discover]] Kolea [[spoiler: has been healed of his mental incapacitation by Saint Sabbat. After [[TheReasonYouSuckSpeech ripping into Cuu for bullying a brain-damaged fellow trooper]], Kolea orders Cuu to get out of his sight; Cuu swiftly runs out of the barracks with his tail between his legs, much to the delight of the rest of the regiment]].

* In "Sabbat Martyr" Rawne, Banda and Feygor are arguing whether or not [[spoiler:Saint Sabbat]] is staring at them in particular, Banda says it has to be Rawne because:

** [[spoiler:The joke goes sideways later on when Curth reveals to Gaunt in ''Salvation's Reach'' she'd been pining over him for years.]]

* The Ghost finds themselves a target of [[spoiler:ship-boarding]] with every single communication going haywire. Brostin later suggests the Suicide Kings to link up with the rest, possibly leaving Mabbon they're protecting vulnerable in the process. Right when Mabbon is sitting next to him.

* When Gaunt finally returns to the Ghost's barracks after visiting High Command for debriefing. [[spoiler: Bonin notices how the staff convoy is flying pennants, and realize that "some fething lord fething general" is arriving. Commissar Hark starts getting the Ghosts ready for a surprise dress inspection. Several of the Ghost officers prepare to greet this high ranking lord, encouraged by the sight of four elite stormtroopers... only for Gaunt to walk out, ignoring them completely. He's just so annoyed by these events.]]
-->[[spoiler: '''Rawne''': Sir, what's the big fuss?]]
-->[[spoiler: '''Gaunt''': Them? They've been assigned. To me.]]
-->[[spoiler: '''Kolea''': What for?]]
-->[[spoiler: '''Gaunt''': You know, I've been asking myself that.]]
-->[[spoiler: '''Kolea''': There’s no one else in the transport? No lord general about to surprise us with an inspection?]]
-->[[spoiler: '''Gaunt''': No.]]
-->[[spoiler: '''Rawne''': No one important?]]
-->[[spoiler: '''Gaunt''': ''No.'']]
** [[spoiler: Rawne pulls open Gaunt's coat, revealing his insignia as a Lord Militant Commander, and Kolea promptly demands to know if it's real or not. After Gaunt's bodyguards nearly attack Rawne for opening the coat and Gaunt orders them to face the wall, Kolea then asks Gaunt if he's fething kidding, because he still can't believe [[PassedOverPromotion this is actually happening after so long.]]]]
-->[[spoiler: '''Rawne''': What the feth is this?]]
-->[[spoiler: '''Gaunt''': Well, I’m going to tell you about that...]]
-->[[spoiler: '''Kolea''': Is that ''real?'']]
-->[[spoiler: '''Rawne''': You’re a fething militant commander?]]
-->[[spoiler: '''Gaunt''': I fething am, Eli]]
-->[[spoiler: '''Kolea''': Are you... fething kidding?]]

-->[[spoiler: '''Kolea'''" Are you... fething kidding?]]

** [[spoiler: Rawne pulls open Gaunt's coat, revealing the Lord Militant insignia, and Kolea promptly demands to know if it's real or not. After Gaunt's bodyguards nearly attack Rawne for opening the coat and Gaunt orders them to face the wall, Kolea then asks Gaunt if he's fething kidding, because he still can't believe [[PassedOverPromotion this is actually happening after so long.]]]]

* When Gaunt finally returns to the Ghost's barracks. [[spoiler: Bonin notices how the staff convoy is flying pennants, and realize that "some fething lord fething general" is arriving. Commissar Hark starts getting the Ghosts ready for a surprise dress inspection. Several of the Ghost officers prepare to greet this high ranking lord, encouraged by the sight of four elite stormtroopers... only for Gaunt to walk out, ignoring them completely.]]

* The Ghost finds themselves a target of [[spoiler:ship-boarding]] with every single communication going haywire. Brostin later suggests the Suicide Kings to link up with the survivors, possibly leaving Mabbon they're guarding vulnerable in the process. Right when Mabbon is sitting next to him.

** Really, any time Beltayn says something's awry counts, mostly because it's usually {{Uunderstatement}} of the millennium.