Funny / Drenai

• In Hero in the Shadows, Yu Yu the Chiatze Ditch Digger seduces a maid in Waylander's palace. He is then confronted by some guardsmen who call him a slant-eyed pig and ask him why he feels he can steal their women. Yu Yu muddles up the translation and thinks he's being accused of stealing a woman's one-eyed pig.
• From Swords of Night and Day:
  Stavut: Why am I taking seduction advice from a man whose idea of foreplay is to slam some coins on the table and ask 'Who wants to ride the big horse?'
  • The answer? Because he knows best. Even funnier, the advice works.
• From Legend:
  Rek: What will you do now?
  Bowman: I think I will become a monk and devote my entire life to prayer and good works.
  Rek: No. I mean, what will you do today?
  Bowman: Ah! Today I'll get drunk and go whoring.
• Scaler's ill-fated tryst with Ravenna in The King Beyond the Gate. She, based on his name, has told him that he should climb to her window in the night, which he duly does. Unfortunately this means climbing past the windows of every other main character, which means pretty soon there's half-a-dozen people leaning out of their windows to discuss Scaler's love life while he's clinging to a wall by his fingertips.
  "Will someone tell me why there is a man climbing the wall?" shouted Rayvan^note Ravenna's mother.
  "He is on a tryst!" yelled Pagan.
  "Why couldn't he climb the stairs?" she responded.
  "We have been through all that. He was asked to come this way!"
  "Oh. He must be seeing Ravenna then," she said. Scaler clung to the wall, engaged in his own private conversation with the Senile Eternals.
  Meanwhile, in the darkened room above, Ravenna bit her pillow to stop the laughter. Without success.
  • Speaking of Senile Eternals, Scaler's personal belief system is that the gods have become senile with old age and are now mostly playing pranks on humanity with their powers. At one point, another hero whom Scaler told about all this, and who has things going spectacularly against him at that point, finds himself "fast becoming a believer."
• In White Wolf Druss says his plan for storming the fortress where the daughter of his friend is being held is to walk through the main gate, find the Big Bad and kill him, and everyone else better get out of his way; he then admits he might come up with a better plan once he gets a look at the place. Skilgannon agrees that would be wise leading to this absolute howler of an exchange:
  Druss: I'm not sure you're the man to be offering lectures on wisdom.(...)As I recall you were a general, with a palace and a fortune. You gave it all up to become a pacifist priest, an occupation, I might add, you proved wholly unsuitable for. You are now a penniless warrior, being hunted by assassins. Have I left anything out?
  Skilgannon: You could add that the person who wants me dead is the woman I love above all else in this world.
  Druss: I take it back (...). Tell me more of your wisdom, laddie. I find it strangely appealing.