Funny / By Any Means

• In 1x02, TomTom as "Yuri" has been mugging with a Russian accent that is clearly not that believable:
  Jack Quinn: OK, let me explain it again. Because there's clearly been some kind of misunderstanding.
  Thomas Tomkins: You said the more real we make Yuri the better, right?
  Jack: Yeah, real as in normal, not some third-rate Bond villain - you go in there stroking a cat and the whole thing's over.
  Thomas: I'm not going to be stroking a... (*exasperated*) I'm allergic to cats - make my eyes itchy.
• In 1x03, the foursome are posing as rat catchers:
  Jack Quinn: Jack Reed, Environmental Health. We've had reports of rats in the adjoining buildings and we're trying to find the source.
  Celia Butler: Ooh, I hate rats. Dirty creatures.
  Jack: The thing is we need to check your property.
  Celia Butler: I have an old rifle up in the attic, I'd be happy to help.
  Jessica: Well, actually we tend to use more humane methods these days.
• In 1x04, discussing the Big Bad of the episode:
  Tom Tom: Seriously though, I never checked her medical records. She might have a weak ticker and keel over from the stress.
  Jack: She'll be fine, I doubt she's even got a heart.
• In 1x05, when trying to come up with plans to gain access to a particular prisoner:
  Jess: I can lay my hands on nine pounds of Semtex and a helicopter.
  Jack: Would we get the helicopter back in one piece?
  Jess: I wouldn't want to make that promise.