History Funny / AssassinsCreedII

* When Ezio gets his first assassin's blade, [[Creator/LeonardoDaVinci Leonardo]] brings up the fact that he'll have to remove his ring finger as a 'sacrifice'. Leonardo then grabs a large butcher's knife and bringing it down very close to said finger, before revealing that Altaïr had found a way to avoid the finger removal and [[{{Troll}} that he'd just been amusing himself.]]

*** Watch it in all its hammy glory [[https://youtu.be/2R4PoofP4bw?t=454 here]].

-->'''Guard:''' Must be from Napoli. [[AcceptableTargets What idiots.]] [[TakeThat I mean, who would live next to a volcano?]]

* When in Venezia, the heralds will say that it is forbidden to eat the fish from the canals. The government doesn't want to say why, but [[SuspiciouslySpecificDenial it's definitely nothing wrong with the fish itself]].

** One of the best moments is when she yells "Go ahead, take my children! I have the instrument to make more!" and then ''flashes the Orsi brothers''. And the best part is that [[TruthInTelevision she actually did this!]]

*** Watch it in all its hammy glory [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2R4PoofP4bw here]].

-->'''Minstrel (while being grabbed):''' Let go of me! You have no appreciation for the arts!
--> '''Minstrel''' ''(while being grabbed again): Was my melody... not to your liking, ''signore''?!

-->'''Female NPC (when frightened by a death and running away):''' I can't die! '''''I'M BEAUTIFUL!'''''

** It should be noted that most of that speech was real - something she actually said during a siege, obscenities and all.

--> '''Minstrel''' (while being grabbed again):''' Was my melody...not to your liking, signore?!"
-->'''Minstrel (if jostled into dropping his instrument):''' But, but I love you, noble one!
-->'''Female NPC (when frightened by a death and running away):''' The Lord is my shepherd! ''THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD!''

-->'''Desmond:''' Wonder what he wants with her... ''Altaïr and Maria start kissing''
-->'''Desmond:''' Whoa...Alright, wasn't expecting that... ''Cut to Altaïr and Maria on the floor, with Altaïr jumping off the tower''
-->'''Desmond:''' Wait a second...Why aren't I following Altaïr? I'm stuck here with Maria. Oh shit! That must mean... [[note]]i.e. he just witnessed his own ancestor's conception[[/note]]
* Leonardo warning Ezio about Caterina - while the woman in question [[http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20110704152613/assassinscreed/images/6/68/Tutti_a_Bordo_13.png is berating her husband because he stranded her on a small rock in the middle of the lake]] (he dumped her from a boat).

-->'''Ezio:''' Fatti sotto, porco! (Come on, pig!)

* If Ezio hangs around long enough for the guards to discover the latest dead body, they'll start to question him about it. Simply [[ImplausibleDeniability standing there innocently]] and saying nothing (while incognito, anyways) will eventually prompt them to walk away, questioning your intelligence as they go...

* Some of the guard's reactions when they find a fellow dead body:
-->'''Guard:''' ''(more annoyed than worried)'' Damn it, we're gonna get [[ForeignCussWord ''merda'']] from the guild for this!
* Going pickpocketing people will often result in amusing reactions

--> '''Architect''': Then we'd be in business. You must be Ser Ezio!
--> '''Ezio''': *yells* Uncle, I like this architetto!
--> '''Mario''': *from off-screen* He gets very observant when he smells money!
* Some of the letters in the courier sidequests. Especially the one in "The Messenger's Burden", where you're tasked with delivering a letter to a farmer. The letter includes the line "If you do not understand the charges against you read Leviticus 18:23."[[note]] 18:23 condemns bestiality[[/note]]
* When Desmond talks to Rebecca enough she'll eventually apologize for the translation software being laggy and for making Desmond deal with the odd bit of Italian. Then you get this (paraphrased).
-->'''Desmond''': No worries. Abstergo's machine wasn't perfect either. And the subtitles are definitely a big plus. (''[[TakeThatUs the first game did not have subtitles]]'')

-->'''Guard''': Nice assassino. Put it down, yes? ''([[ScrewThisImOuttaHere Runs for his life]])''

*** Watch it in all its hammy glory [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2R4PoofP4bw here]] (the good stuff starts at 7:35).

** Shiv someone with the poisoned knife, then throw money at their feet, watch as the crowd flocks at the money only to immediately get decked.

** It should be noted that most of that speech was real - as in, something she actually said during a siege, obscenities and all.

* In a meta example, more than one player told themselves they were [[ImGoingToHellForThis Going To Hell For This]] upon learning the FinalBoss was [[spoiler:Pope Alexander VI]], and that the FinalBattle is tantamount to [[GoodOldFisticuffs a bare-knuckle fistfight with the man himself]] [[spoiler:inside the Vatican, interrupting a High Mass]]. However, it's historical fact that [[spoiler:Alexander]] was a horrible person, so hopefully {{God}} will give all us gamers a mulligan on this one. [[spoiler:(Also the player doesn't get to kill him. He lives into the next game only to be offed by his own son, as real life history tells us)]]

* [[OneMarioLimit "It's a-me,]] [[https://youtu.be/RJcPc6OQ384 Mario!"]]

* The minstrels. When they're running in front of you while trying to escape guards they're annoying, but if you stop to listen to them for a while, a combination of terrible singing voices, bad lyrics and ridiculous accents makes them hilarious in a SoBadItsGood way.

* In a meta example, more than one player told themselves they were [[ImGoingToHellForThis Going To Hell For This]] upon learning the FinalBoss was [[spoiler:Pope Alexander VI]], and that the FinalBattle is tantamount to [[CurbStompBattle a bare-knuckle fistfight with the man himself]] [[spoiler:inside the Vatican, in the middle of a High Mass]]. However, it's historical fact that [[spoiler:Alexander]] was a horrible person, so hopefully {{God}} will give all us gamers a mulligan on this one. [[spoiler:(Also the player doesn't get to kill him. He lives into the next game only to be offed by his own son, as real life history tells us)]]

* In a meta example, more than one player told themselves they were [[ImGoingToHellForThis Going To Hell For This]] upon learning the FinalBoss was [[spoiler:Pope Alexander VI]], and that the FinalBattle is tantamount to [[CurbStompBattle a bare-knuckle fistfight with the man himself]] [[spoiler:inside the Vatican, in the middle of High Mass]]. However, it's historical fact that [[spoiler:Alexander]] was a horrible person, so hopefully {{God}} will give all us gamers a mulligan on this one. [[spoiler:(Also the player doesn't get to kill him. He lives into the next game only to be offed by his own son, as real life history tells us)]]

* [[OneMarioLimit "It's a-me, Mario!"]]