History Characters / Postal

->''"I regret nothing."''

[[caption-width-right:350:''"[[BadassBoast The gene pool is stagnant, and I am the minister of chlorine!]]"'']]

-> ''"I regret nothing."''

* CharacterCatchPhrase: "{{I regret nothing}}."

-->'''Dude''': Guess I'm gonna need to make some more money, but my printer's all out of ink.

-> ''"When you're done screwing around, I made a list of errands for you on the fridge."''

->'''The Bitch''': [[spoiler:"Oh I can see it all now. I was wrong. It wasn't the demonic mad cow zombie I was in love with. It's you I loved all along. Will you take me back? You gotta take me back! What will I do? How can I possibly live without you?"]]
->'''Postal Dude''': [[spoiler:"[[Film/GoneWithTheWind Frankly, my dear, I don't give a shit.]]"]]

* OnlyKnownByTheirNickname: Her name in the credits is simply the Bitch, though given she's marred to a guy named The Postal Dude, Jr., [[HisNameReallyIsBarkeep it could be her real name for all we know]]. This notion being reinforced by the fact that it's the name given on [[spoiler:her health bar during the boss fights against her and even her new husband referring to her as "Bitch".]].

->'''The Bitch''': [[spoiler:"You asshole! You spineless worm! You think you won here? You haven't won anything! You haven't achieved a single thing in your worthless life. Nothing but a deadbeat. You were a terrible husband, you couldn't hold a job, you couldn't peform in bed, you couldn't even complete a simple list of chores! And worst of all: YOU NEVER GOT ME MY ROCKY ROAD!"]]

--> ''"Vince needs to see you, Dude."''

-> ''"Nothin' personal, man, but you're fired."''

-> ''"I AM MIKE J, KOSHER MAD COW ZOMBIE, GOD OF HELLFIRE! ALL BOW DOWN AND WORSHIP MY ASSCOCK!"''

--> ''"If see you selling this on eBay, I will come to your house and kick your narrow ass!"''

--> ''"What the fuck is the difference between a duck anyway?"''

--> ''"I'm the real Postal Dude, and I'm ready to kill you to prove it!"''

-> ''"We may never know what exactly set him off, but rest assured, we will have plenty of time to study him."''

-> "Ah, a new client! Come in, come in! Make yourself comfortable... maybe loosen your belt a little."

-> ''"I regret nothing. Except you."''

-> ''"Yes. I cannot be vanquished. Every time you kill me, I become stronger. I am you, and you are me. I'm like a fucking Jungian persona, a cancer at the back of the head, the demon that won't let you sleep at night."''

The Dude's nagging fat wife who constantly has him doing errands for her. After [[DrivenToSuicide the Dude tries and fails to kill himself not to listen to her bitching]] at the end of the second game, she leaves him behind and moves back in with her mother. She returns in ''Paradise Lost'', [[spoiler: where she has lost most of her weight and is about to marry Mike J]].

* NinetiesAntiHero: In ''Postal 2'', he's essentially the epitome of this trope, embodying all the attributes, characteristics, and typical traits you would expect from such an AntiHero — including an [[DeadpanSnarker edgy and sarcastic attitude]], a rugged design, personifying {{badass}}ery, sporting CoolShades, and of course, his [[BadassLongcoat signature long trenchcoat]]. His level of "heroism", for obvious reasons, largely depends on how you choose to play him.

* NinetiesAntiHero: In ''Postal 2'', he's basically the epitome of this trope, acquiring all the attributes, characteristics, and typical traits you would expect from this type of AntiHero — including [[DeadpanSnarker an edgy, sarcastic, and hilarious attitude]], a rugged design, {{badass}}ery personified, CoolShades, and of course [[BadassLongcoat his long trenchcoat]]. For obvious reasons, his level of "heroism" will largely depend on how you play with him.

* NinetiesAntiHero: In ''Postal 2'', he's basically the '''epitome''' of this trope, acquiring all the attributes, characteristics, and typical traits you would expect from this type of AntiHero — including [[DeadpanSnarker an edgy, sarcastic, and hilarious attitude]], a rugged design, {{badass}}ery personified, CoolShades, and of course [[BadassLongcoat his long trenchcoat]]. For obvious reasons, his level of "heroism" will largely depend on how you play with him.

* NinetiesAntiHero: In ''Postal 2'', it fits very well into this archetype, acquiring practically all the attributes, characteristics, and typical traits you would expect from this kind of AntiHero — including [[DeadpanSnarker an edgy, sarcastic, and hilarious attitude]], a rugged design, {{badass}}ery personified, CoolShades, and of course [[BadassLongcoat his long trenchcoat]]. For obvious reasons, his level of "heroism" will largely depend on how you play with him.

* NinetiesAntiHero: In ''Postal 2'', it fits very well into this archetype, acquiring practically all the attributes, characteristics, and typical traits you would expect from this kind of AntiHero — including [[an edgy, sarcastic, and hilarious attitude]], a rugged man design, {{badass}}ery personified, CoolShades, and of course [[BadassLongcoat his long trenchcoat]]. For obvious reasons, his level of "heroism" will largely depend on how you play with him.

* AffablyEvil: In ''Postal 2''. He may be a self described sociopath, but damn if he isn't charming about it.

* BossBattle: Unless you bribe him (see SkippableBoss below), you'll have a battle with him in the Toy Store after acquiring the Krotchy Doll.

* ImmuneToBullets: In ''Postal 2'' he's bulletproof, but takes damage from everything else, including explosives, melee weapons, and thrown scissors. In ''Postal 3'' he loses this attribute, but still has lots of health.

* StuffBlowingUp: His preferred weapon is the Rocket launcher, though he will switch to a Machine Gun if you get too close for comfort.

[[folder:The Dudes]]

->'''Played by:''' Vince Desi ''(''Postal'', non-demon grunts and moans)'', Rick Hunter ''(all other appearances)'', Corey Cruise ''(''Postal III'', ''Paradise Lost'', ''Postal: Brain Damaged'' and ''Postal 4: No Regerts'')'', Zack Ward ''(''Postal: The Movie'' and ''Postal 4: No Regerts'')'', Creator/JonStJohn ''(''Postal 4: No Regerts'')''

* CatchPhrase: "{{I regret nothing}}."

!!The Alternate Postal Dude/The Other Dude
-> ''"Yes. I cannot be vanquished. Every time you kill me, I become stronger. I am you, and you are me. I'm like a fucking Jungian persona, a cancer at the back of the head, the demon that won't let you sleep at night."''
->'''Played by:''' Corey Cruise (''Postal III'' and ''Paradise Lost''), Rick Hunter (''Postal: Brain Damaged'')

[[quoteright:350:https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/maxresdefault_2_67.jpg]]
[[caption-width-right:350:''"[[DontTryThisAtHome Just kidding, kids. Do as I say, not as I do.]]"'']]

[[caption-width-right:350:[[labelnote:Click here to see his appearance in Brain Damaged ]]https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/screenshot_594_72.png ''"We've had this conversation many, many times -and each time I only grow stronger."'' [[/labelnote]]]]

The protagonist of ''Postal III'', deuteragonist of ''Paradise Lost'', and the BigBad of ''VideoGame/PostalBrainDamaged''. After waking up from his coma, the Postal Dude starts to hear a second voice in his head. At first it just seems to be lingering after-effects of his gunshot wound somehow changing his voice, but it's not long before that second voice proves to be a separate entity.

* AmbiguousSituation:
** He's implied to be the demon from the first game, giving the voice lines for the Dude in that game, seeing how he's referred to as a "demon" in that game and he himself refers to himself as a demon in ''Brain Damaged''. However, it is never confirmed or denied, likely on purpose.
** He does state that the Dude has already killed him multiple times before, and he always came back. It remains ambiguous if he was simply gloating or was really serious and the Dude killing him in the ending did nothing. As stated above, if the implication that he's the demon from the first game is true, it's possible that he really meant it and, while the Dude is nowhere near as AxCrazy as he is in the first game, [[TheBadGuyWins he will always be a part of him]].
*** It's also never made clear if he is indeed the same character in ''Paradise Lost'' and ''Brain Damaged'', though for the sake of brevity, the folder on this page will treat them as such.
* AlmightyJanitor: A literal example in ''III'', as he works as the police station's janitor in the Good Path before getting recruited by the SWAT team.
* AntiHero: In the good route of ''Postal III''; you can be a hero, but you're still a self-centered Jerkass Sociopath who really is only doing this for profit.
* AxCrazy: He encourages the P2!Dude (and the player) to take the violent route in ''Paradise Lost''.
* BadassLongcoat: He sports a brown, ankle-length duster in ''III'' and keeps it in ''Paradise Lost''.
** In ''Brain Damaged'', to make himself further standout from his "original", the Other Dude wears the signature black trenchcoat over his hospital gown.
* BoomHeadshot: How he meets his end. [[KilledMidSentence During his speech no less]].
* DeadpanSnarker: Wouldn't be a Postal Dude if he wasn't.
* {{Deuteragonist}}: The role he takes in ''Paradise Lost'', sort of.
* EnemyWithout: [[spoiler:As of Friday in ''Paradise Lost'', where actively inhibits the regular Dude's progress throughout all three errands. Though subverted by the end as the two make up.]]
* EarnYourHappyEnding: At the end of a PacifistRun of ''Postal III'', he uses the gasoline he acquired (and didn't waste by setting people on fire) to get out of Catharsis, marries Jennifer Walcott, sells a book about the second game's events, wins the Lottery and settles down in a huge mansion.
* EvenEvilHasStandards: In the opening, he has a noticeably shocked expression when he brings up getting steaks, which lead to him encountering cannibal butchers.
* EvilTwin: Parodied, as a subtle shout out to ''VideoGame/DukeNukem: Zero Hour''.
-->'''P2!Dude:''' Who the hell are you? My evil twin?\\
'''P3!Dude:''' I'm ''you'', genius.
* FinalBoss: Of ''Brain Damaged'', both fighting by himself, and then his second phase piloting a mech.
* HandWave: [[spoiler:How he [[EnemyWithout separated]] from the Dude in ''Paradise Lost'' is completely brushed aside, with ''III'' Dude simply saying that he decided to "step out for some fresh air" before he runs off to do the Friday errands.]]
* HannibalLecture: In the ending of ''Brain Damaged'', he gives a speech on how the Dude will never be able to get rid of him, and he will forever be in his mind... [[ShutUpHannibal only for the Dude to]] [[KilledMidSentence blow half his head off with his shotgun]].
* JerkWithAHeartOfGold: Proves to be this by the end of ''Paradise Lost'' by saving Dude!Prime from the Bitch's collapsing lair in Hell. The two make up not long after.
* MirrorMatch: His first phase in ''Brain Damaged'' has him play like the player and use the Dude's weapons, [[ShoutOut kinda like Jakob from]] ''VideoGame/{{Dusk}}''.
* MundaneSolution: In a PacifistRun of ''Postal III'', he [[spoiler:just uses all the gasoline he acquires throughout the game to fill up his car and [[ScrewThisImOuttaHere drive out of Catharsis]] when the Venezuelan army invaded.]]
* NameAmnesia: In the intro to ''Postal III'', he offhandedly mentions that he doesn't know his own real name.
* OurPresidentsAreDifferent: [[spoiler:Gets elected in a landslide election in ''Postal III'''s Good ending. This instantly backfires when Champ ([[CaligulasHorse who is mentioned to be the Vice President]]) finds a BigRedButton and the Dude, without hesitation, pushes it.]]
* PaletteSwap: His model in ''Paradise Lost'' is, save for a different hairstyle, the regular Dude's model retextured to resemble the PIII!Dude.
* RedEyesTakeWarning: In ''Brain Damaged'', he has glowing red dotes on his sunglasses unlike the Dude. Also, [[FreezeFrameBonus you can briefly see his eyes actually are red, not green, when they fly out]] of his skull [[BoomHeadshot during his death]].
* ScrewThisImOuttaHere: [[spoiler:When Champ gets dragged to Hell, he quickly calls it quits, not seeing the dog being worth saving anymore. When the P2!Dude gets him back, however, he admits he was wrong.]]
** [[spoiler: [[ChangedMyMindKid He does come back to free the Dude from hell]] and make amends with him. ]]
* ShoutOut: Several concerning him in ''Brain Damaged''
** His first phase, as stated above, is a MirrorMatch that plays similarly to [[VideoGame/{{Dusk}} Jakob]]
** When he begins his HannibalLecture, he mimics the [[WesternAnimation/Invincible2021 "THINK MARK"]] pose Omni-Man does, complete with the "main" Dude being in a similar pose to Mark.
* SplitPersonality: From Monday till Thursday in ''Paradise Lost''. Subverted on Friday when he becomes an EnemyWithout. [[spoiler:Although due to the Other Dude asking about "a pack of ostriches" that have been "missing for 17 years" at one point, he's apparently been {{retcon}}ned into having existed in the Dude's mind since all the way back in ''Postal 1'', maybe even being the "one in charge" during the events of it.]]
* VillainProtagonist: In the Evil route of ''Postal III''. He's so evil in fact that the ending sees him '''banished to hell'''.
* WalkingSpoiler: An interesting case. First-time players of ''Paradise Lost'' are made privy to his existence in the introductory cutscene, but he [[spoiler:gets himself a physical body at the start of Friday and starts beating you to the punch of every errand.]]
** In ''Brain Damaged'', he himself isn't a spoiler, since he's seen throughout the game, though the ending gives a bit of insight for who he might really be...


----

[[folder:The Dude's "Close" Ones]]
!!Champ / "[[TheDreaded El Perro Loco]]"

->'''Played by:''' Himself (''Postal: The Movie'')

[[quoteright:267:https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/champ_2.jpg]]

The Postal Dude's pet Pitbull Terrier, is a [[{{Pun}} bit of a bitch]], but is loyal to his owner.

* AttackOfThe50FootWhatever: Dude has to fight Champ's gigantic form before he can shrink him.
* CanineCompanion: Champ is, by far, the only living creature that Dude shows any genuine affection towards and he never even ''considers'' going anywhere without him.
* CharacterOutlivesActor: The real Champ, Vince Desi's dog, passed away in 2011 to cancer. ''Postal 3'' and ''Paradise Lost'' are dedicated to his memory.
* DogsAreDumb: Dude never bothered to train him, so naturally he gets out of control every now and then, pissing at his owner's shoes and munching on people's balls when he can.
* TheDreaded: As "El Perro Loco", the mere mention of his name strikes fear into random passerbies.
* EmpathyPet: Champ's aggressive behavior and penchant for [[GroinAttack biting people's groins]] neatly reflects Dude's own savage, violent nature.
* EvilIsBigger: As a giant {{Hellhound}}, he indiscriminately attacks every person (even his owner) on sight.
* {{Hellhound}}: Guardian variant, will attack anyone that pisses off The Dude, and even then...
** Becomes a more standard version of this trope in ''Paradise Lost'', due to [[spoiler:radiation from the nuke that Dude detonated at the end of ''Apocalypse Weekend''. Even after he's brought back to normal, he can still occasionally launch glowing green fireballs to blow up anyone who attacks you.]]
* TeamPet: By default.

!!Uncle Dave
->'''Played by:''' Marcus Davis (''Postal 2''), Jim Halstead (''Postal III'', ''Paradise Lost''), Creator/DaveFoley (''Postal: The Movie'')

[[quoteright:295:https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/uncledave_birthday.jpg]]
[[caption-width-right:295:''"The Good Book told me to make you die, then myself!"'']]

->''"Stop oppressing us! We're innocent bystanders!"''

The Postal Dude's strange uncle, Dave is a religious zealot and the leader of the Cult of Dave. In ''Postal III'', he also owns and runs the Daveland Amusement Park in Catharsis.
----

[[folder:Running With Scissors]]

!!In General

[[folder:Celebrity Guests]]

!!In General

** Another running gag that is borrowed from [[WebVideo/Civvie11 his web series]] is Civvie's videogame self getting horribly murdered, with the ''Wednesday'' trailer actually showcasing the in-game Civvie getting gunned down after not signing the Dude's petition.

[[folder:Hate Groups]]

[[folder:Other Weirdos]]

!!Osama Bin Laden

* NewAgeRetroHippie: [[spoiler:In the 11 years between ''Apocalypse Weekend'' and ''Paradise Lost'', he and the rest of Al Qaeda started smoking weed, leading to them to renounce their violent ways. However, all it takes to bring him and his followers back on the blood path is a reminder of the promise of 72 virgins in heaven for it.]]

* PutOnABus: He leaves the plot on Tuesday owing to some business across the border, directing the Dude to working for his associate, El Plago, for the day. [[spoiler:This ends up saving him on Friday when "The Boss" tasks the Dude with killing his previous employers.]]

The enigmatic kingpin of Edensin, "The Boss" controls the town from the top of the ERC Tower. He enlists the Postal Dude's help on Friday to clear up the last loose ends on his list of tasks. When he meets him in person, though, he finds that they've got more in common than he realises...

----

* BossInMooksClothing: He has the highest HP of any civilian, barring Krotchy.

** When he begins his HannibalLecture, he mimics the [[WesternAnimation/{{Invincible}} "THINK MARK"]] pose Omni-Man does, complete with the "main" Dude being in a similar pose to Mark.

* TheSmurfettePrinciple: In ''Paradise Lost'', Simone McDermott is shown as the only female dev-team member.

* UndercoverCop: In either path's Daveland, like Randy, she ends up becoming a federal agent.

* UndercoverCop: In either path's Daveland, he turns out to be a federal agent.

* AsHimself: Nobody else can play Civvie better than Civvie.

Many famous figures find themselves in the weird universe of ''POSTAL''.

* CelebrityParadox: While ''Postal'' was never known for [[BackFromTheDead canon]] [[EarlyInstallmentWeirdness consistency]], the Postal Dude would get Zack Ward as a voice option in ''Postal 4: No Regerts'', despite Zack Ward not only appearing as himself in ''Paradise Lost'', but also having a silent cameo in the intro of 4.

* BossBattle: One of the final bosses of the Good Path.

* DoesntLikeGuns: Played with; she stresses how important it is for the Dude to avoid using firearms during her promotional shoot, though she's fine with them outside of that.

The owner and operator of Edensin's local crack den.

* BadassBaritone: Rick Hunter's voice provides a very deep and threatening aura to him. Corey Cruise and Jon St. John give him a similarly deep voice.

* BadassBaritone: Cruise's performance manages to be even deeper than both Hunter's and St. John's.

->'''Played by:''' Mark Davis (''Postal 2''), Jim Halstead (''Postal III'', ''Paradise Lost''), Creator/DaveFoley (''Postal: The Movie'')

!!Vince Desi
->'''Played by:''' Vince Desi (''Postal 2'', ''Paradise Lost'', ''Postal: The Movie'', and ''Postal 4'')
-> ''"Nothin' personal man, but you're fired."''

[[quoteright:211:https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/vince_5.jpg]]
[[caption-width-right:211:''"Your check is on my desk. Go get it!"'']]

[[caption-width-right:211:[[labelnote:Click here to see his appearance in ''Postal 4'']]https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/p4vincecutscene.png ''"We know you've been two-timing us with the city. Don't screw with the family!"'' [[/labelnote]]]]

The head of Running With Scissors and a supporting character in the games and movie. After the collapse of Paradise at the end of ''Apocalypse Weekend'', he became the leader of the Church of the VC Clan, comprised of former RWS employees. By the time of ''Postal 4'', he's emigrated to Edensin and now works as the leader of the enigmatic Syndicate, employing the Postal Dude on Thuesday.

!!Gary Coleman
->'''Played by:''' Gary Coleman (''Postal 2'')
-> ''"If I see you selling this on eBay, I will come to your house and kick yo narrow ass."''

[[quoteright:350:https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/gary_coleman.png]]

The former child star himself, Gary appears on Tuesday to attend a book signing of his autobiography, "What I'm Talkin' Bout." If he sees you selling it on eBay, he ''will'' come to your house and kick your narrow ass.

* InkSuitActor: He was [[AdamWesting portrayed]] by [[AsHimself Coleman himself]].

!!Zack Ward
-> "The fuck ''is'' the difference between a duck anyway?"
->'''Played by:''' ''Zack Ward'' (''Paradise Lost'')

* AsHimself: Zack Ward voices himself.

->'''Played by:''' Ron Jeremy (''Postal III'')

%%* AsHimself

%%* LovableSexManiac: It's Ron Fuckin' Jeremy.
%%* MayorPain
* NoCelebritiesWereHarmed: He's based on porn actor Ron Jeremy, down to sharing his likeness and voice.

->'''Played by:''' Jennifer Walcott (''Postal III'')

* AsHimself: The real Walcott lent her voice to the character.

->'''Played by:''' Randy Jones (''Postal III'')

* AsHimself: Like most of the celebrity cameos in ''Postal III'', the real Randy Jones provided his voice.

->'''Played by:''' [[AsHimself Civvie 11]]

[[caption-width-right:350:''"[[BadassBoast The gene pool is stagnant, and I am administering of chlorine.]]"'']]

* {{Hypocrite}}: You can potentially see one of their member standing in line for a Gary Coleman autobiography book.

* GoingPostal: They are heavily armed, aggressive post office workers who try to kill the Dude

[[caption-width-right:350:''"[[BadassBoast The gene pool is stagnant, and I am the minister of chlorine.]]"'']]

* {{Hypocrite}}: They're protesting against a video game studio that makes violent video games, and resort to violence to try to take it down.

* GreedyJew: ''Paradise Lost'' plays into this by sending Dude to beg for money to fund his weeding and also requests a kosher model breast-pump to peddle his mutant milk to the crowd.

** UnexplainedRecovery: [[spoiler:If you go around to thank the faction leaders, he is perfectly fine.]]

* BadBoss: Vince's EstablishingCharacterMoment is firing the Dude, who just started his job not too long ago. Apparently, he has a habit of firing lots of people too, especially considering he interprets the horde of zombies attacking his house at the start of Sunday in ''Apocalypse Weekend'' to be "pissed off ex-employees" - at least ''eighty'' of them. This carries over to ''Postal 4'' as well as he constantly berates the Dude when they're reunited and during the day.

* TheMafia: Acts as the head of the Syndicate in ''Postal 4'', though in