Princess Toadstool for President
Toad's got some bad news for the Princess and the Mario Brothers. Koopa's brought a pack of para-goombas to the Mushroom Kingdom! Oh no! Goombas with wings! That makes them slightly more dangerous than regular goombas. Which aren't dangerous at all. We then see Koopa and Cheatsy pulling along a cage full of para-goombas. According to Koopa these are giant para-goombas. From Giant Land I guess? They don't look that big. Koopa's hoping they'll eat all the crops in the Mushroom Kingdom. Soon the para-goombas are chewing the scenery. Literally. They're eating the background. The Marios arrive and Koopa throws the cage at them,which they jump over. The Marios take out a pair of para-goombas by jumping on them twice and another pair by jumping on them once and having them blink out of existence for a second due to bad animation. The last two fly back into their cage, obviously not wanting to be squashed.
Toadstool's had enough of this crap and challenges Koopa. Seems there's an election coming up and she wants Koopa to enter so she can beat him. ... Wait, I think I must have misheard her. Did she just say election? But, she's a princess. You don't get to elect your monarchs, that's what makes them monarchs. Moreover, Koopa isn't even a citizen of the Mushroom Kingdom, so he shouldn't be able to vote, much less run for office. Koopa decides that he can take Toadstool in an election and agrees to run.
Later at Kastle Koopa, the big guy is starting to have doubts about his ability to win the election. “I'm not as well liked as Princess Toadstool.” Really? You don't say. Cheatsy suggests his dad try being nice, but Koopa declares that he's allergic to nice. On cue, Kooky rushes in. He quickly sprays his dad with a mist that turns his face blue. A second later his face turns back to normal and he kisses Kooky, calling him an angel. Kooky explains he invented a “nice-guy potion” to help fix the election. This is the first time I've ever heard of performance enhancing drugs being used for politics.
Next we see Toadstool at what appears to be a debate. However, her opponent is nowhere to be seen. Just then, Koopa arrives with all of his kids playing instruments in a marching band. Oh, and he's tossing gold coins to the electorate. The Marios find this to be strange. Sadly, we never get to see the debate. I'd actually like to see what kinds of issues are at the forefront of Mushroom Kingdom politics. Later, Koopa is throwing gifts from his airship, including “free false teeth for your grandmothers.” Apparently he plans to win this election by bribing everyone. The mushroom people are eating it up too.
Later at Toad's house. Sorry, I mean “Princess Toadstool Campaign Headquarters,” apparently. Toadstool decides to give a speech at the Mushroom Kingdom Founders Day Picnic. I should also mention Toad is wearing a t-shirt with Koopa's face on it. Kooky and Cheatsy listen in and decide to help their dad by running a dirty campaign. Apparently bribes aren't considered dirty politics in the Mushroom Kingdom.
At the picnic, Toadstool gives a one sentence speech reminding the mushroom people that Koopa has been really rotten to them in the past. Then she sets off some fireworks. Cheatsy and Kooky are nearby and launch one firework at a hill of blocks, causing it to collapse on Toadstool. She jumps off a cliff to escape, while Cheatsy says that now their dad is going to win, “In a landslide.” Mario thinks the princess is dead and laments that she's been killed by a mudslinging campaign. No Mario, that was an assassination attempt. However, it turns out Toadstool's fine, as she leapt into a warp pipe at the last second. All of this is too much for Luigi and he faints dead away.
On the campaign trail, Koopa declares that he hates little mushroom brats. Seems the potion is wearing off. Kooky and Cheatsy rush off back to Kastle Koopa to get more. However, the Mario Brothers have been watching the entire conversation and plan to stop Koopa from getting his potion. The pair begin their trek through Dark Land, but run into a pair of tanks, so they hop down a warp pipe.
Underground, we are treated to a rendition of “Great Balls of Fire,” as the brothers make their way over lava pits and outsmart fire chomps, hot feet, and fire snakes. In later airings of this episode “Great Balls of Fire” was taken out, replaced with an instrumental version of “Megamove.” You want to see the clip with the the original music? I've found it right here.
At any rate, the brothers are soon in Kastle Koopa. Cheatsy and Kooky have almost finished the new batch of nice-guy potion. Luigi walks in and drops a flask onto the floor, causing the Koopas to chase after him as he runs out of the room. With the Koopas gone, Mario rushes in and pours the nice-guy potion down the drain. Outside, the kids have lost sight of Luigi and return to the lab, only to find the potion gone. Luigi calls Koopa by his full name, making this the second time he's been referred to as Bowser Koopa. Whatever you call him, he's not happy to learn he's out of nice-guy potion.
We cut to Toadstool just after she finishes her speech. We don't get to hear any of it of course. Koopa doesn't want to go onstage, convinced he'll blow it, but Cheatsy and Kooky convince him he can fake his way through it. Koopa walks onstage, where there is clearly no podium, and addresses the crowd. Toadstool, again addressing him by his full name, confronts him with the accusation that he used a nice-guy potion. Back onstage, Koopa, now standing in front of a podium, which is actually a mishroom, says “That's a lie! I don't need a potion to be nice! And I'll pound anyone that says otherwise into mush!” Then he smashes the podium.
With the election over, Mario reads the results. Toadstool: 6,436,212. Koopa: 1. Koopa's miffed that even his own children didn't vote for him. Apparently he wasn't nice enough. And that concludes our look at Mushroom Kingdom politics. So class, what have we learned? We know that they let anyone run for office, even if they don't actually live in the Mushroom Kingdom. The election results are suspect too, because I can't see the Mushroom Kingdom having a population of six million. Then again, they let people from outside the country vote too, so maybe that would explain it. Or maybe they let the scenery vote too. Everything in the Mario games has a face: hills, clouds, even the sun. This is probably the only place you'll ever find people wondering about the sun's political leanings.
Queen of the Apes
Our episode begins in Kongoland, which, from the establishing shot, appears to be a jungle on a floating rock. We see a bunch of blue people dressed in stereotypical tribal gear and living in palm huts. They are literally rolling out the red carpet, because Lana just arrived. The rest of the N Team is there too. The head blue guy, Prince Plenty, says hi to Lana, and we cut to Mother Brain's chamber where she's watching everything on a video screen. She's jealous that everyone acts so nice towards Lana and asks a “mirror,” which looks like another screen, for advice. Mother Brain gets told that she's ugly. In other news water is wet and Simon thinks he's handsome. Momma B is upset that she doesn't have a body and begins yelling at Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo, before physically assaulting them with her tentacles. Fortunately, Wily walks in with a “brain swapper.” It's basically a helmet with suction cups on the end of long yellow wires. He demonstrates how it works by switching the two goons' brains. They argue with each other as per usual, with Eggplant Wizard discovering an echo inside Hippo's skull. With the brain swapper ready, Wily begins looking for a body that matches Momma B's tastes. After listing everything she wants, Wily concludes that Lana's body is just what the doctor ordered.
Back in Kongoland, the N Team is watching a group of apes perform. Apes with hair that looks straight out of Dragon Ball Z. Suddenly, the primates run off and the blue people start yelling. Seems old Donkey Kong is coming. Prince Plenty isn't worried though and shows off a conveyor belt that carries tons of bananas and other fruit over the city wall where DK can munch on it. How they manage to donate that much food on a regular basis and not starve to death is a question that will forever plague conservationists. As a reminder: the Captain N Donkey Kong is the size of King Kong. And in this episode he wears a bib with a banana on it. Unfortunately, one of the apes from earlier grabs a banana from the belt and as he jumps down he gently nudges a lever. This of course causes the conveyor belt to go out of control and start pelting DK with assorted fruit. In retaliation, he starts tearing down the wall. As the N Team springs into action to keep the wall from falling down, we get to hear “Having a Ball,” a song quite reminiscent of “Rock this Town.” During the chaos, DK grabs Game Boy and walks off. As the N Team chases after the big gorilla, Simon, brain trust that he is, picks up Donkey Kong's trail by falling into one of his footprints.
Off in a river, Mother Brain is riding a speedboat with Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo riding behind on a pair of skis. They seem to have had their brains switched back by this point. Suddenly DK grabs Mother Brain, who has the brain swapper on her head, er, the top of her jar, thing. Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo crash and get flung to the top of a palm tree. DK gets too close and activates the brain swapper somehow. Soon one suction cup is on his nose and another is on Game Boy. The N team arrives just in time to see King Hippo throw a coconut at Donkey Kong. The coconut lands on the top of the helmet and hits the activation plunger. After a shower of electricity, Game Boy begins grunting like an ape and runs off, while Mother Brain's brain seems to have been replaced by a circuit board. Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo, realizing that Mother Brain is now in Donkey Kong's body, decide to run for it. Mother Brain tosses her old body over her shoulder and angrily chases after the pair. Once she catches them however, she admits that she rather enjoys being a giant gorilla, as now it will be that much easier to conquer Videoland.
A short while later, the N Team is riding along a river on a series of very small islands with a palm tree in the center, apparently used for steering. Also, the river they're on is floating in the sky. They divvy up tasks. Lana is going to stop Mother Brain from going anywhere, Mega Man and Kid Icarus are going to find Game Boy, and Simon and Kevin volunteer to track down Donkey Kong. Lana soon arrives at the blue people village, where she is informed Donkey Kong is now speaking and demanding all the village's worldly goods. Lana dubs the new brain/body combo Mother Kong. Eh, good enough I suppose. Mother Kong is sitting next to a mountain of treasure. Mostly gold coins, but it also contains some precious stones and- is that a grand piano? This village continues to baffle me. Lana rides her island right off the edge of the river and into Mother Kong's hands, all part of her plan apparently. Lana then admits defeat and surrenders. Anything to buy time I guess. She then recommends a make-over, because clearly Mother Kong isn't winning any beauty contests.
Back on the mighty, Floating River, I guess, Kevin is pulling Simon's island along by a rope, as Simon had demonstrated an inability to steer earlier. Simon takes the time to fish, stirring up a school of what appear to be piranha. As the fish eat the islands, Kevin, Duke and Simon jump into the river. Kevin starts shooting them while Simon gets his rear chomped on. Kevin then grabs Simon and presses the B button on his controller, causing the group to swim really fast. So fast in fact, that they fall out the bottom of the river and into the jungle.
On the side of a cliff, Kid Icarus has found Game Boy. Sorry, Game Brain, I guess. No, wait, they already used that name last episode. Eh, screw it, I don't care. It seems Game Brain's tangled up in some vines, which are the only thing keeping him from falling. Mega Man using his “famous” Mega-strength, and pulls up Game Brain by the vines. At least he starts to. Unfortunately, soon the weight becomes too much for the Blue- I mean, Green Bomber, and he gets pulled over the edge of the cliff. Kid Icarus shoots an arrow at the ground, which causes a tree to grow. One tall enough to catch them without any harm.
Over on the other side of the jungle, or possibly right next to the cliff, I'm not really sure. Donkey Boy is chilling with a bunch of normal-sized primates, all of whom are wearing funny hats. Why are they wearing hats? Kevin and Simon watch from a ways off and come up with a plan. Well, Kevin wants a plan, Simon declares himself a jungle explorer and rushes in. The head gorilla throws him to the ground, but using his whip, Simon is able to beat the big ape. All the other gorillas then crowd around him, apparently because he just won himself the title of their leader. Simon runs off with Donkey Boy before a female ape can kiss him. Kevin uses the freeze ray setting that he apparently has on his zapper to stop the gorilla hoard. Not by freezing them mind you, that would be silly. No, he fires a bunch of Tetris shaped blocks at them, and they form into a big block of ice encasing the gorillas.
Back at the blue people village, Mother Kong is finished her make-over and now sports a hat made of giant fruit, a necklace with giant flowers on it and, I think that's a sports bra and skirt. On a giant gorilla. If you ever wondered what King Kong would look like in drag, now you know. Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo do their best not to burst out laughing. Mother Kong then spots Kid Icarus and Mega Man pushing Game Brain up the mountain on some old railroad and/or minecart tracks. Kevin and Simon then arrive with Donkey Boy in tow and see Mother Kong holding Lana. Then a bunch of barrels start rolling down the mountain towards Game Brain. I guess we're to assume Mother Kong threw them? It's not a problem though, as Mega Man breaks them with is head. We then see Eggplant Wizard try to throw a barrel, but he falls headfirst into it and starts rolling down the mountain. Kid Icarus uses arrows to turn the barrels into bubbles, including the one Eggplant Wizard is in. Kevin and Simon arrive and start busting through more barrels. At least this episode got one thing right. Mother Kong then declares her desire to take Lana's body. Okay. Why? Isn't Donkey Kong's body more useful? Especially if you're trying to take over the world? She grabs the train tracks and gives them a jerk, sending Game Brain into the air. Mother Kong catches her old body, which still has the brain swapper device on it. Lana grabs a flower from Mother Kong's necklace and parachutes safely to the ground. Donkey Boy jumps on Mother Kong's nose and the brain swapper activates all by itself, switching everyone back to their original bodies. Donkey Kong drops Mother Brain, who lands on the train tracks and conveniently rolls out of control and gets flung into the air. Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo hop in a mine cart and chase after her. Then, just in time for the episode to end, Simon's new crew of gorillas show up to carry him off.
Never Koop a Koopa
Mario and company are eating lotsa spaghetti outside Toad's house, when they see Koopa walking by carrying a white flag, with his kids in tow. Koopa tells them that he's calling it quits and is leaving the Mushroom Kingdom for good. As a token of good-will, he hands Toadstool the key to Kastle Koopa. Then he uses a wand to summon a warp pipe and jumps down it, with only Kootie Pie and Hop following him. That's not a plot point, the animators just got lazy and didn't bother to draw anyone else leaving. Toadstool wastes no time declaring her intent to turn Kastle Koopa into “a retirement home for elderly mushrooms.” Luigi points out that this is clearly a trap, but Toadstool says there are a lot of old, and apparently homeless, people who need a place to live. So Toadstool leaves for the castle with Mario following, confident he can protect the Princess from anything vile.
At Kastle Koopa, Toadstool unlocks the front door and a skeleton immediately falls from the sky, almost hitting her. Mario goes in first, armed with a plunger, and walks past a series of portraits showing the royal family. However, the eyes on Koopa's portrait seem to follow Mario around. This freaks Mario right the crap out. As Toadstool proclaims the portrait to be the pinnacle of ugly, a thwomp hanging above them announces his plan to squash them. Mario stops him in midair with his plunger, somehow, them moves out of the way. The thwomp chases the pair down the hall, where they run into a pair of ptooie pants. Mario uses his plunger to hit back the spiked balls they spit at him, then keeps running. Despite all this, Toadstool is still convinced the retirement home is a viable plan, stating that “at least the old folks won't get bored.” No, but they might end up dead.
While at a crossroads, and trying to decide which way to go, the floor opens up beneath the pair and they find themselves in Koopa's dungeon. Koopa and Cheatsy are outside the door and the gloating begins. Toadstool says she never should have trusted him. No argument here. Cheatsy is too busy listening to music on his cassette player to bother paying attention. Koopa rips the headphones off Cheatsy's head and tells him to pay attention. He has a deed, or edict, or some sort of document, that Toadstool can sign to hand over the entire Mushroom Kingdom to Koopa. I question the legality of this! Toadstool's used up her stupid points for the day and declares she's not signing it. In response, Koopa pulls a lever, and the prisoners find themselves locked in their cell with a bunch of bob-ombs.
In a boat outside the castle, Toad and Luigi are starting to get worried about the others being gone for so long. Luigi intends to sneak in through an underwater pipe, and Toad is happy to let him do it alone, so Luigi grabs the little fungus and dives in. While they are pursued by a fish, Luigi unscrews the screws on a cover to the pipe. A cover the animators forgot to draw, making it look like Luigi is unscrewing thin air, er, water.
Back in the dungeon, Koopa tells Cheatsy that the best way to do things is the most underhanded way, and we can see the cogs in the little reptile's head start to turn. Also, he's wearing his headphones again. Toad and Luigi come out a manhole in the middle of the castle and are immediately captured by a pair of sledge brothers. Super rescue there guys. Koopa has Luigi and Toad thrown in the cell and grabs Toadstool out of it. Oddly, she asks if there will be photographers at the signing of the document of dubious legality. When Koopa says yes, Toadstool agrees to sign it, so long as they sign the document in the throne room, and Koopa wears something nice for the occasion. Toadstool seems to have a plan, but I really can't say what she intends to do, or why she wants photographers present. Koopa leaves to get fancied up, leaving Cheatsy in charge. Cheatsy immediately declares he's going to outsmart dear old dad and orders the guards to move the prisoners to his room. Why? Beats the heck out of me.
Inside Cheatsy's room, we see him speaking with the princess while the rest of the crew is locked inside a dresser. Toadstool finally relents and signs the document. Cheatsy is ecstatic, and, without actually reading said document, declares that he's now in control of the Mushroom Kingdom, then runs off to tell his father that he's double crossed him. Okay, first, what exactly does that document say? Because unless it says “whoever holds this piece of paper rules the Mushroom Kingdom,” your plan makes no sense kid. Second, the first thing you're going to do is tell your dad you double-crossed him? That seems like a great way to get grounded.
Toadstool then engineers her escape, by throwing a lamp to the ground and breaking it. This causes the sledge brothers to barge in and throw their hammers at her. She dodges them and the hammers smash into the dresser, freeing the others. As the escape begins in earnest we're treated to one of the best songs this series has ever put out, “Without Getting Burned.” After dispatching the sledge brothers and a pair of fire chomps, (that seem to be missing their fire tails,) Mario begins smashing the ceiling, looking for leaves so they can transform and fly away.
In the throne room, we see a bunch of photographers on standby. All of whom are goombas, and thus lacking hands. Koopa walks in sporting a red cape, but before he can sit on his throne, Cheasty runs in and hops on it. He also grabs his dad's crown. Cheatsy hands over the document, stating that he's now ruler of the Mushroom Kingdom, and his dad is no longer in charge. Okay, apparently in this universe, Dark Land is considered part of the Mushroom Kingdom, otherwise this makes no sense. The whole election deal seems slightly less stupid now as well. Though if that's the case, Koopa should legally be answerable to Toadstool. At any rate, Koopa actually bothers to read the document and holds it up for Cheatsy, and the audience, to see. Turns out Toadstool just drew a face with its tongue sticking out. I would have expected something a bit more sophisticated from her, but whatever. Then, as a final insult, Koopa looks out the window and sees all four of his prisoners flying by with raccoon powers. His response is to chase Cheasty around the throne in circles while muttering to himself.
Both the Mario cartoons this episode feature more of Princess Toadstool than usual. Oddly, even though “Princess Toadstool For President” was about her running for president, she still wasn't the main focus of the episode. I still have a hard time making sense of the election bit. Obviously I've put way more thought into it than the writers did. Toadstool does get more screen time in “Never Koop a Koopa” though. As with the election, that document Koopa wanted signed makes less sense the more you think about it. The Captain N episode is pretty standard fair. Body swapping is nothing new for a cartoon. Although I have to say one of my pet peeves is when the swapped person speaks with the voice of their original body, instead of the voice of the body they are currently in but with their original speech patterns.
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