We open to Silvertongue eating breakfast, reflecting on his favorite food and giving us a bit of world building about them. Which, I so have to admit is nice, though a bit odd to start off with a page describing one specific berry and all it's uses/how hard it is to collect or create some things with it. Granted a bit of it does pay off later, but you could have left out this entire bit and lost nothing. While at the same time having it doesn't hurt at all, giving us some more world building, adding little touches to make the world feel more real, more alive.
His meal is interrupted by Shadowstep showing up to give his report, Silvertongue noting to himself that the assassin was rather ragged and seemed to have been in a fight recently. He orders him to report, causing Shadowstep to slide a recording device of some kind into a slot.
The device that Shadowstep had inserted glowed a dull blue. Multiple notices and alerts flickered across the screen. Shadowstep batted them away with swipes of his hoof, and nervously chuckled.
“Apologies milord. It seems I haven’t updated my software just yet.”
I... I have no idea why, but I find that just plain hilarious. Such a tiny little touch yet.. who can't relate to that? Hell I get a "please update this" or three every time I turn on my computer. It just, it's little things like this that make the story so amazing. Tiny little events which serve to make it feel less like a story we are being told, and more like we are simply looking through a window into an actual other world, seeing the events that are really happening. Completely unnecessary, and yet adding so much to the story by being there.
Silvertongue looks over the report, noting how detailed it was, as well as neat and organized. He comments to himself about the oddity of preferring everything his minions do be like this, as well as everything he does being as perfect and organized as possible, while at the same time keeping the city as chaotic as he can. Shadowstep gives a quick recap of how he got the information, Silvertongue making sure he covered his tracks with the CIA cover, not wanting the Council to get involved. Not because he really cares about hiding his work from them, but because he knows they are so incompetent that they'd just end up getting in his way and making things harder to do without letting the Mane 6 know about somepony watching them.
Of course, milord! I took care of her real neat and tidy-like.
Bullshit, slicing their carotid artery and letting them bleed out all over a more or less public room is about as un-neat as you can get.
Had to get creative with the clean-up though
Well that's your own fault for going with such a stupid means of killing her. You can't tell me you aren't skilled enough to kill them with a single thrust somewhere else. Back of the neck, severing the spine, one thrust right to the heart, make it stop before it can push more blood the wound, snap her neck.. and it is kind of creepy I can come up with all these things. (Also, damn youtube playlist randomization, really really creepy typing this up while 'Kindness' plays.)
The he gets to the part about Tick Tock, gloating slightly that he was right about what was going on, and that it was even bigger then he thought. Trying to question Shadowstep more about what she and Doctor Whooves talked about, the pegasus simply shrugging and saying everything he heard was in the report and that none of it made much sense to him. Another great little bit. More keeping ponies feeling real, believable. Shadowstep is very good at what he does, but yeah, no reason he should care about this whole dimensional stuff, order/chaos balance etc... Oh plus this.
Shadowstep gave a half-hearted shrug, and helped himself to one of the berries off of a nearby plate. Silvertongue glowered at him as he went to place it in his mouth. He reconsidered, giving Silvertongue a nervous smile and replacing the berry to its original position.
Again, it's little touches like this, things you wouldn't really miss if they weren't there, but that by being there add so much life to the characters and the story.
Silvertongue quips about Shadowstep's rather battered look, snarking a bit at him about why a 'master assassin' ended up fighting instead of killing her before she could fight back, getting a quick summery of the events from the last chapter. Ending with...
“N-no sir, I could not confirm the kill. I dropped her from a few hundred feet above the city, but I couldn’t find the body. I’d like to believe she’s dead, but I know better than that. I don’t know how she did it. It wasn’t teleport magic.”
Again, this is what makes him so freaking terrifying. Not only is he a cold blooded killer, competently amoral and actually enjoys killing. But he is also competent, scary competent, AND Genre Savvy enough to avoid most common mistakes. And Silvertongue is just, if not more, terrifying. Making his displeasure at the possible continued existence of the chronomancer very clear. As much because she might interfere, and that this attempt will make her move faster, try to get the Mane 6 out of the city immediately, as it is about the time and effort that might be wasted trying to make sure she is dead if she really is.
Again a really great scene. It's played just right that you aren't quite sure if he's going to pull a You Have Failed Me or not In the end doesn't, citing that Shadowstep's other feats are enough to balance out that one issue, as well as the fact he was smart enough to not believe she was dead without a body. Ending with giving him a second chance, find out if the chronomancer is alive and kill her if she is, and keep the Mane 6 from leaving the city. Warning him that it is rare he gives second chances, and he never gives third ones.
Again, Silvertongue is one of the greatest things about this story, an antagonist that is scary competent, cultured, ruthless, intelligent, cunning, and always has a Xanatos level of planning skill. As soon as he learns Tick Tock might be alive, he starts working out ways he could use that to his advantage, though still preferring if she was dead. And it gets even better and he gets even more intriguing the more we learn about him and what his REAL goals are. Definitely one of the best antagonists ever.
He dismisses Shadowstep, and once he was gone summons Nihila to report to her. I find myself saying this way to much but, another amazing scene. (really need to find other ways to phrase that) Specifically the descriptions of Nihila's reactions to the news, just vague feelings and emotions, the way it is described making her feel that much more.. odd... that much more impossible to fully understand, making it clear she is far far from just another pony, if incredibly powerful, like Celestia and Luna. Making her feel more like a force of nature. She and Silvertongue discuss what to do, quickly making clear that Tick Tock's assertion that she would never help send the Mane 6 back proving true. In fact her initial reaction is to want to kill them right now, just to stop the imbalance their presence was causing, even if it was so minor nopony but her and Harmonia could detect it. Though Silvertongue convinces her to do otherwise.
He notes that it might be easy enough to turn them against Tick Tock, to convince them that going to Harmonia wasn't in their best interests. Or even better, corrupt them completely, turn them to their side. Noting that he does not have enough knowledge of them to do so himself, listing off all the things you would need to understand in order to truly do it right, none of which he knows right now, nor has time to work on them. Though he does have a plan, one which Nihila reads right from his mind. (Nice way of conveying it between them while keeping it secret, much better then simply cutting that part out.) She agrees with his plan, complementing him, while he shows how good he is simply by pointing out that this plan is flexible enough, a solid enough base idea, to be easily adapted to work whether or not the chronomancer is alive. Nihila leaving, telling him to call to her when he was ready for her to help him with the final phase. Silvertongue then telling Shroud to begin making some calls for him.
We jump to the Mane 6 the next morning, all sitting around watching this weird contraption Flathoof called a teevee. Technically that's true, they ARE all watching it, just Twilight is watching the back of it trying to figure out how the hay it works.
Okay, this... just feels so wrong to me. All the rest of the setting really works, but for some reason TV and Ponies always feels really off to me. Given everything else in the city, it's not hard to picture them having it, it just, again feels wrong to me. Maybe because it's TO realistic, it TO much like something from our world. The rest of the city feels like somewhere else, has a kind of sci-fi vibe at times, it's clearly some other world. But, sitting around watching TV is just so common, so ordinary that, it feels TO close to real world I guess. I know it's just a personal issue, I just don't like the idea of ponies and TV, for whatever reason.
Anyway, Flathoof gabs the controller from Pinkie who was just flipping through the channels and turns on the news. Oh and apparently having to watch them at all times doesn't include at night, since he showed up at their place in the morning. Guess they just have to consider themselves under curfew at night and can't leave their apartment. Anyway, the news intro really doesn't help the odd feeling for me, since it's identical to any real news show intro, just, to much like real life here, feels odd. Plus, Dash's comment just felt really weird and forced...
And like any news show, they push off the stuff people actually want to hear about till later, making you sit through the drivel first. Also, why even bother with a weather report when the entire report is "Smog". Though, there is a bit about acid rain in one district. Given just how into her job the weathermare is, seems there really is little point to this besides not making sense. But that's par for the course for this city. Another bit is the traffic, and how pegasi need to stay in very specific lanes while flying, despite all the room they have to go anywhere. Again makes no damn sense when you think about it, but that's the whole point.
The first actual story of the day, Hoof Rot. That just sounds disgusting, and apparently there is an outbreak of it happening in the city. And oh boy, a well groomed doctor with a Germanic sounding accent. Why do I distrust him already? Oh he also has a flair for melodrama.
The doctor then turned dramatically towards the screen. “Vee’d be lookink at... an epidemic.” He then turned back to Hotwire. “Zat was good, ja?”
-*facehoof*-
Anyway, he goes on that outbreaks like this are uncommon at this time of year, and that ponies have not yet had a chance to get their yearly immunizations....
Okay, an immunization, makes you IMMUNE to something. It's not something you need year after year. A Vaccination, yeah that is something that might need to be redone every so often. An immunization, not really. While yes it MIGHT wear off over time, we are talking several years, not every year. Now this could be something more akin to a flu shot, where the disease is constantly updating, mutating, where there are several strains of it and the yearly shot is merely a vaccine for the most common ones expected that year. But, the descriptions really don't work with that.
Maybe it's just a semantic issue, whatever. So he goes on to say he has spoken to The Committee himself and they would be shortly putting out an order mandating everypony in the city get their vaccinations immediately. He notes that they are free to any citizen with a valid ID (So the city isn't ALL bad) and all clinics are open 24/7 so there is no excuse for everypony not to get one. Going on to list the early symptoms of it.. okay it doesn't sound TO bad, just some blemishes or wart like growths on their hooves, and possibly horns. Kind of disgusting but, could be worse. Though that' only the first stages, and the way they are acting, it gets worse.
Okay, knowing what comes later.... holy fuck was this well done. But will get into that later. Oh and yeah, still don't trust that doctor. No random doctor that shows up mid story, looking neat and well groomed, and talking in a German sounding accent is on the level. Specially one with a name like Blutsauger, that just sounds so creepy. (Even worse when you happen to look up what it translates to.)
And back in the studio the anchor reads off the freshly made order mandating...
that all citizens without up-to-date Hoof Rot immunization records in the past thirty days are to report to their nearest New Pandemonium Medical Clinic as soon as possible
arrrghhh again with the word, it does not fit the context you are using it in, especially thirty DAYS! Nothing called an 'immunization' should need to be reapplied in less then a month.
Flathoof clicks off the set, telling them they had better be moving, bitching a bit about not having learned of this sooner. Showing he knows something of dealing with a place as packed as the city when AJ mentions they have all day.
I’m certain ponies are already starting to make their way there. I’d really like to get this done before too long, and the longer we wait, the longer we’ll have to wait.
Specially since the nearest clinic to them is also the biggest and busiest in the city pretty much. Twi getting the idea right away and telling the rest to get a move on.... oh great. You know, open with a scene with tons of little touches that make things so much better, without being necessary, now with the Mane 6 it goes the other way, adding small little things that just make things feel worse, while also being unnecessary.
'Rainbow groaned. “Awww... but they were about to get to sports. I want to see if they have a Skyball league here.”
Rarity rolled her eyes. “Honestly, Rainbow Dash, why do you have to be so argumentative?”
Fluttershy frowned. “Oh dear... here we go again...”
Now, this time I actually do like RD's quip and that does feel in character for her. It's Rarity's little interjecting that feels off. More like she's the one being argumentative. It just... again there is way to much tension and squabbling between them, it's hard to actually feel like they are as good friends as they are. Yes they are stuck together in close quarters for longer then they should be, all nervous, all on edge, but.. none of the comes out, it just feels like they are being bitchy and catty with each other for no reason. And it comes and goes. Just random scene or bit of them bickering for no reason, then back to great friends.
Again my issue is with Rarity's response this time, RD.. actually does feel right, I could see her acting like this. She's not really complaining, or fighting with anypony, just being a bit headstrong and stubborn. All she wants is to see if they have a sport she likes here. (Though why she couldn't just ask Flathoof.....) and doesn't see what the rush is. She's not saying they shouldn't go, just why can't they wait a few more minutes. Oh seems that in Equestria Prime Hoof Rot is a minor, if annoying condition. Further explaining why RD wouldn't really see a need to rush. Twi pointing out that the disease described as Hoof Rot by the doctor was nothing like what they know it as, so coupled with the way everypony was treating it as a serious illness, better safe then sorry.
So not to bad a scene just, remove Rarity's little catty remark and it does feel fine more or less.
Seems his worries were well founded, as they get to the clinic to find their wait time at he moment is estimated at being over fifteen hours.
Rainbow Dash wished she had brought a book. She related the line to those she’d waited in to get tickets to Wonderbolts shows. But fifteen hours? Even the Wonderbolts weren’t that popular.
“Geez, you weren’t kidding,” Rainbow said. She scuffed her hoof on the floor and gave everypony an apologetic look. “Sorry I held us up. If I’d known—"
Okay two bits here. First, RD wishing she had brought a book. That both works, and yet doesn't. It felt a little odd at first for RD of all ponies to think that way but, yeah post Read it and Weep it does fit her. Granted it would have felt a better IMO with an "Or something" tacked on, not limited to JUST books. Then of course there is the issue of them, you know, not HAVING any books for her to have brought. So wising she had brought one makes little sense compared to wishing she had one. But again minor little quibbles.
Next is her apologizing for the delay. See, THIS feels like the Mane 6, you can feel there connection, that they care about each other, stuff like this is what is great about them. Not random pointless bickering. RD felt perfectly in character for causing the, slight, delay, and then feeling regretful about it and apologizing, great bit.
Flathoof moves off, telling them he'd try talking to someponies. He wasn't as good as Lockwood, but maybe he could swing something to get them through faster.
Whelp... he does prove one thing... he's no Lockwood. His attempt at getting them ahead falling flat on it's face. Plus, once more, even bit characters end up feeling really fun and real. Love the nurse he tries to talk into skipping them.
“Aw geez.” Rainbow crossed her hooves in front of her chest and slumped against the wall. “This is gonna be so boring. I knew I should’ve brought a book. I could probably finish the newest Daring Do adventure before we’re even done.”
Once again... how? You didn't HAVE the book to bring in the first place....
This leads to a rather nicely done scene of the Mane 6 simply being together and talking. No fighting, no drama, just being friends. Pinkie starting up a random game of "I Spy" which is just hilarious.
“Okay, I spy, with my little eye, something white!”
“Is it me?” Rarity asked, her mouth curled in a confident smirk.
Pinkie shook her head rapidly. “Nnnnope!”
Rarity frowned. “Well... hmph. She usually always picks me with that color.”
Followed by RD guessing the floor
“Pfft, what? The floor is clearly beige, Dashie,” Pinkie said. She then put on her best Rarity impression. “I mean, really, Rainbow Dash? I know Rarity’s the fashion expert here and all, but you can’t tell the difference between beige and white?”
“Well, it used to be white.” Rainbow scuffed at a tile, revealing how much dirt was caked on it. “If they ever cleaned it, it might be.”
And this is a main hospital for the district? The one with the most staff and funding.. and it's that dirty? Yikes!
And after endless guesses they give up, Pinkie pointing to the tiny little words on Flathoof's badge giving the NPPD motto
It’s a Living.
Wow.. just wow. Both at Pinkie picking that, something the other Mane 6 couldt barely even see, let along tell what color it was. And at that motto. Yet, it fit's so well with the overall attitude of the police here. RD swapping the conversation over to Twilight, asking how her job interview went. Well actually starting to ask if she found any clues on how to get the home, but remembering Flathoof was right there and changing course at the last minute. Short version, she got the job, but she couldn't really spend anytime doing any research, having planned to go back today but the whole shot thing got in the way. Having a mini freak out over being scheduled to go back and talk to him about starting her work tonight but likely being trapped in the line. Flathoof telling her not to worry, odds are he was in the line somewhere anyway.
Oh and before they have to come up with something else to talk about, it looks like Flathoof's attempt at mimicking Lockwood payed of, if slightly time delayed. Turns out that since the Mane 6 are new, they also need a full medical exam and blood work. There just happened to be a doctor available to do the physical, who could give them the shots at the same time. Oh and it just happened to be the director of the facility.
Out of nowhere, the head doctor in that part of the city is willing to give the Mane 6 a major help, do something far below his station..... right after we learned Silvertongue had plans for the Mane 6. No, nothing suspicious here at all. And yes Flathoof is a bit cautious at first, but the nurse brushes aside his concerns with the number one reason anypony does anything in this town. Money. The Clinic gets a slight income boost for having new ponies added to their records. So Doctor Blutsauger agreed to do it to make the Board happy. Yup totally believable.
They get directions to Blutsauger's office.. wait.. he's examining them in his office.. yeah nothing odd about that... Anyway the secretary says she already knows about them, and after checking their ID's, complimenting them on taking such swift action to get their medical records on file after getting into town.
Wait.. I just thought of something. NPC has enough ponies trying to get in to have fairly routine SOP for it. So it has to be a good amount of them. Yet, where are all these ponies coming from? Refugees from the wastes are mentioned, but they seem to be on a list of ponies that aren't often allowed past the gate. And even then have to have originated from somewhere. NPC is the only major city in that entire hemisphere far as we know. Other then Hope's Point, which is to small to really be providing a steady stream of ponies for the city, aside from the fact most ponies who live there not wanting to go anywhere near the place. The only other large group of Ponies is Utopia, which people who treat new mares entering the city as ordinary, feel is almost unheard of for ponies to choose to come to Pandemonium from Utopia. So, where are all the ponies coming from?
Anyway, the Mane 6 take a seat while waiting for the Doctor to be ready for them, RD commenting how she doesn't like this, how suspicious she is that somethings up, despite Twi and Pinkie simply being sure ti's just some good luck.
Okay, a major gripe I have about RD in this fic is just how argumentative she is, and how much she hates/distrusts EVERYPONY on sight pretty much, never gets along with anypony.. except the one that she shouldn't of course. Just overly suspicious and belligerent. But in this case, she's right, something does feel off. Though broken clock, twice a day etc... If you are suspicious of EVERYTHING, then eventually you will find something that you actually should be uneasy about.
This leads Pinkie to tell a long rambling story we only hear snippets of, seemingly a story made out of various vintage old school song references from like the 60's and/or 70's I recognized a few, but most I'm just assuming are there going by the pattern of the ones I got. Meanwhile the other Mane 6 just talk amongst themselves, interjecting comments about how odd Pinkie's story is while she goes right on talking, only stopping when they get told the doctor will see them now, alphabetically. So Applejack is first.
Again.. he's doing a physical in his office? That alone makes it pretty damn sure something is up, especially given how it really is an office, not an exam room. Though AJ isn't really thinking of that, feeling a bit more at ease at just how many impressive certificates and diploma's he has hanging on his wall, proof that he at least knows what he's doing medically speaking. Or, knowing this city, that he payed off the right pony to just give them to him. Also along the walls... oh come on now story, you're not even TRYING to hide the fact this pony isn't on the level are you? Shelves full organs and other bits of creatures in jars? On top of everything else?
Okay, so turns out it's he DOES have an actual exam room attached to his office, still odd though, as he asks AJ to step inside so they can get going. He seems nice enough, not overly so either. If it wasn't for the accent, jars of pickled organs, and the whole very very fishy circumstances around them being there, I really wouldn't be suspicious of him.
He leads her over to a scale, trying to talk a bit with her though not all that successfully. Spouts out some meaningless numbers about height and weight that without something saying what units they are in is, again, meaningless but it works good enough. Though, leaving off AJ's portion by him telling her to strip... it makes sense for a medical exam but the delivery of it is actually a bit creepy.
We get some small snips of the other Mane 6, Pinkie being Pinkie, every time the doctor tries to listen to her heart, he gets some random talking in random languages. RD thinking that 'testing her reflexes' meant she had to try and dodge the hammer. Ending with Twilight getting her injection, and another rather creepy comment from the doc about how much he misses doing blood work....... Okay yeah first time through I was fairly sure something was going on here, though I never guessed just what it would end up being. My thought was he had given them something besides a Hoof Rot vaccine. And no, never suspected not only the real plan, but the shear scope of it, including getting them there in the first place.
The group returns to their room to find the door open and Lockwood outside their door. (Again very very nice job at conveying tone/emotion with the characters, it's never flat out stated, and yet very easy to get the feeling that he is slightly on edge, distracted, nervous. Something pretty hard to convey well through print while being subtle.) Flathoof and him discuss the morning, the police pony asking if they had happened to have been helped by anyponies Lockwood knew, though no this seems to just be random luck. Eventually Lockwood gets around to saying why he was up there waiting for them, and why he's a bit on edge. They have a visitor.
Inside the apartment they find Tick Tock passed out on their couch, battered, bloody, covered in cuts and bruises, and in general just looking like Tartarus. She came by the place while they were out, going to get Lockwood to let her in to wait for them. The stallion convincing her to lay down and rest while she waited. Flathoof skeptical of her, even more so her claim to Lockwood that she was friends with the mane 6, and Lockwood believing her so easily. To which he reminds Flathoof about how good he is at reading ponies, he knew she was on the level, if not telling the truth, at least didn't seem malicious and was worth trusting. Plus he did stick around and watch her the whole time she was in their place, plus warning them before they went in she was there, so even then he's not completely stupid enough to just let her hang around their place alone.
All the talking finally wakes her up, surprising Twi since she knows her name. Oh plus this bit while Twilight was trying to figure out who she was.
She had claimed to be their friend, but Twilight had never seen her before in her life. Well, that wasn’t true. She looked familiar, but it must not have been a particularly long or pleasant meeting if she could not recall it too clearly.
Again, NEVER would have put together she was the pony from chapter one if someone hadn't pointed it out. Well maybe the second time through. Anyway, she gets up, addressing the group.
“I know a lot more than that about you six, actually. But don’t worry, I am not your enemy. Quite the opposite, in fact. If you’ll forgive my mild theatrics, I’ve always wanted to do stuff like this,” she said, laughing. She lifted a hoof into the air dramatically. “My name is Tick Tock, and I am here to help send you home.”
Now that is one hell of a way to end a chapter.
Thoughts-Again with the great one shot characters. The nurse and the doctor both felt really believable, unique, and interesting right from the start. (Yeah yeah the doctor shows up a few more times.) More oddities about the city growing. (Still say it would have been better to keep just how massive Silvertongue's control of the city, and that it was literally made to make no sense under wraps a bit longer.) The opening scene further solidifying how awesome Silvertongue, and freaking scary both him and Shadowstep are.
Then we have the clinic stuff. Again it is really really well done. Framed just right that you are pretty sure something else is up, yet can't really be completely sure outside of being Genre Savvy enough to know that something has to be up. And finding out just what it was, yeah that is a rather huge shock. Really don't think anyone saw that coming.
Then the ending, finally having Tick Tock connect with the Mane 6 and give them the news on how they can get home. A great ending point.
As to the title, eh really got nothing on that. I can get the general 'Intermission' feel since really very little happens in this chapter. Well stuff happens, but as it's happening it's rather low key, ordinary stuff. A bit of a breather from the rather epic fight scene last chapter, and getting things set up for the story to really take off in the next few chapters.
It's a bit to open and blatant that 'something' is happening to really be a Midnight On The Firing Line type deal, plus the payoffs are far to soon to really be that type of thing. But it does do a great job of setting up major plot points for later, without being to overt about it. You get the impression it's happening, but just how big these things are going to be, how important, hat isn't really clear till later.
Another great, of lower key chapter.
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