When we last left the liveblog, we ended on a Sonichu joke. Things can only get either better or worse from here. Better, probably, because we’re doing more fantasy adventure time with Jesse the Human and Leslie the Dog.
Even the squirrels want to watch the bridge burn...
Okay, before we continue... I chuckled at this part.
Jesse: Grenade!
Leslie: There are no grenades here!
Only because it’s in that same mind set I was in before, in which Leslie is this close to breaking character just to set Jesse straight. I mean...
Leslie: Okay, dude, listen! In this setting, there’s no grenades! It’s fantasy! I told you to have an open mind, but I didn’t expect you to go all “grenades!”
But... going with the mindset of the pinecones being grenades... Yeah, your little clubhouse would have been in pieces by now. So after Jesse punches the representation of Hoager, Jesse follows Leslie and we have an “everything the light touches moment”. You know, the moment where two people look off into the sunny sky and remark about the land. Heck, she even says something similar to Mufasa’s line. And then we have the sort of... I don’t know what it is exactly. All I know is that it’s a pretty popular line that gets associated with the movie. Heck, there was a music video titled this made by Anna Sophia Robb herself.
Leslie: Just close your eyes and keep your mind wide open.
Ironically the movie, to the best of my recollection, did the opposite. I had an open mind about what will happen, just that I brought the wrong kind, and when I did bring it, this movie probably shattered it into a million pieces. There’s one moment in particular that pissed me off, but that’s late into the movie.
And then half of the title gets dropped. Welp, that’s enough fantasy, time to whip the audience with more drama. Thank God though that it’s a happy moment with the people actually being nice to Jesse.
Shinji: LIARS!
Not yet! Knock it off! Another adaptational edit is that, because it’s set in modern day, there’s not exactly a lot of stigma towards Jesse wanting to be an artist, which is the main reason why his dad is a "Well Done, Son" Guy. Though a later scene sort of does translate the conflict between an idealistic son and a cynical dad. Speaking of, the T-1000, being the all-mighty liquid metal cyborg, knows that the slot car racing game is a piece of shit. Then he realizes a raccoon is in his greenhouse so he decides to terminate it. Somebody call PETA, I think we might have a hurting on our hands. Okay, I will say... Robert Patrick is pulling off a great accent, so I guess I give a mercy point there.
Moving right along...
Jesse: Ms. Edmunds?
Ms. Edmunds: {Gasp!} He speaks!
Um... Okay that was random. I know Jesse doesn’t really have a reputation for speaking in Edmunds’ class, thus the surprise, but I expect her to go all “look at dat beauty!” like she was the Crocodile Hunter. Back to Terabithia!
Sudden Quirrel cameo
. But seriously, there IS a troll in this film. Leslie, thinking it’s sent by the Dark Master, decides to randomly do another Badass Boast.
Leslie: WE RULE TERABITHIA! AND NOTHING CRUSHES US!
Give it time... Alternatively, Godzilla comes and squash her like he did with Bambi. RUNNING MONTAGE! Back to drama. Raccoon breaks in. Aup, T-1000 is gonna terminate. We need that PETA, now.
{Jesse comes and takes the Raccoon}
No, no! Not Peeta! PETA! WITH ONE E! And for his duty of saving the raccoon, he... gets called out by his dad. Guess he really wanted to terminate something. And of course, this cockblocks all of Jesse’s mood. Dear God, he’s acting like his best friend just died or- wait... Not yet. But seriously, it’s so fucking fast. It’s like “WE RULE TERABITHIA!” “Get your head outta the clouds son.” “Yes dad. {depresses}”. I probably think the book has a more... variable amount of time between happiness and sadness, but this is like a fucking mood swing.
So Jesse decides to Adopt the Dog. Hm… Maybe that is the sacrifice for the Newbery God. Then we have Gilda... I mean Janice being a total dick again. And then we end this part on one of the most memorable happy moments of this film. A chant that had me smile even with an ending like this movie did. Even when I was pissed off to no end, this chant was never sullied. That chant?
FREE THE PEE!
