BRIEF RECAP
Last installment (many moons ago), I evolved Choffing and Shellda, caught more 'mons, and fooled myself and presumably the audience into thinking that the next installment would come sooner than it did. :B
Sorry for the long delay, guys. School and family and the like require a lot of my attention, and I was pretty silly to assume that I could crank these things out with any semblance of regularity. But hey, at least this Episode 3 didn't take 4+ years to be released, huh? (Tomato'd.)
AS WE WERE
 |
So somewhere along my monster battling journey, I happened across a Crabby GRR HAYPI GRR FISTSHAKE Synthesis Scroll. Due to sentimental attachment to Feferi the Katch and need of another Chowda, I scooped up two faceless nobodies from the water stage and threw them into the ghastly chamber to be stripped of their individuality and forcefully smashed together into a single, awful, pitiable mutant creature with scant resemblance to the animals they once were.
How's a shark and a clam become a crab, you ask? Beats me.
 |
Presto!
 |
And thus Karkette the Crabby was born. I could have sworn both of the 'mons I put into the chamber were male, so I'm not quite sure how she came out a girl. It's probably some random game process that I'm not smart enough to understand.
 |
A dex entry as creative as that name. I at least would have appreciated an explanation about those icky yellow buckteeth. Or are they eyes?
 |
So then I got bored of Karkette after some attempted training and tried to show Cal a little TLC. How long I actually spent on Karkette before my attention-span went kaput I can't say, since it's been so long since I actually took these screenshots.
 |
So here's Cal going up against a Lux. As you can see, he is vastly outmatched here, but I'm desperate for those experience points.
 |
And here's me attempting to demonstrate just how badly Haypi ripped Nintendo off by documenting what Curse looks like.
 |
Cal takes a hit from his own HP...
 |
...And Lux is landed with a Curse, which pretty much behaves the same way as it does in Pokémon. On a side note, am I the only one who thinks that Cal's little stub-tail is adorbs? If Haypi got one thing right here, it was the art in the game. Sure, a lot of it is unoriginal, but for the most part it looks really good, and there are quite a few standout monster designs in there. And I personally think Cursie looks better than Banette, if only in the cuteness department. Sorry, Nintendo.
 |
Failed try to get a good picture of the Curse animation. That purple thing is supposed to be a nail.
 |
...But Cal was just not super capable of holding his own against such strong opponents, and as usual, Choffing was left to do the lion's share of the battling.
 |
And even then, it was pretty tough going. It would probably have been better if I had just contented myself to grinding on the stages I had already cleared, but damnit, I'm impatient, and I want my experience points NAO.
 |
Goodness gracious golly gee. Who does this chap remind me of? HMMMMMMMMM.
 |
I was pretty tempted to christen him Tesla, but I'mma still keep a lookout for an Electabuzz lookalike as per Spazz's recommendation.
 |
I was thinking about calling him Dib on account of that one hairfeather, but I still gave him an inventor name to keep with the little theme I have going.
 |
See, guys, it's definitely not a Zapdos, 'cause it evolves and stuff. Hurr hurr. I now sort of wonder why I hadn't encountered the earlier stage first. Maybe it's one of those gimmicky breeding things? Iunno.
 |
These guys have been a pain in the ass. They're pretty fragile, but they have this one really powerful Psychic move (Spirit Channel) that even Choff has trouble standing up to, plus they like using Hypnosistism a lot.
 |
So naturally I ended up catching one. I think there might be no such thing as genderless species in this game. I named her after that one girl from Uzumaki. You know who I'm talking about if you've read it before. ;)
 |
It sort of looks like a swirly rafflesia flower.
:o Now I wish they had made it Grass/Psychic.
 |
Okay, sort of a pointless side-tangent here, but remember how Psychic-types in G1 Pokémon were supposed to be vulnerable to Ghost-type moves but it turned out to be the other way around, and Psychics were like the Poké-übermensch?
 |
That is a thing here too, apparently. Fucking Spirit Channel. Rassin' frassin...
 |
This was the sort of thing I would find myself looking forward to on this stage. Really, type advantages during chance encounters were the only reason I was able to make any progress at all here. And as you can see, even then it was an uphill struggle. Now, a good gamer would keep plugging despite the tedium of this situation and keep focus until progress had been made.
 |
I, however, am not a good gamer, and found myself quickly distracted by another game, this one by a Pecellín fellow *. So,
NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT
 |
And I do mean completely different.
 |
Ladies and gentlemen, a masterpiece of modern game design starring animu!William Shatner...
 |
Generic deviantART Girl
 |
Douchetie McWidow's Peak
 |
Possible Sex Offender
 |
Definite Sex Offender
 |
Solemn Colonel Sanders
 |
The Man With the Lopsided Face
 |
And Dr. Boobies in...
 |
Not!Trauma Center! Yes, the Apple App Store probably has an inferior clone of every title under the sun.
 |
It didn't occur to me that I should be photo-documenting this goldmine the first time I played through it, so I had to start a new game. As you can see, it was originally in Spanish, and as you will see in a few minutes, the translation job is absolutely flawless and stellar.
 |
Just in case you forgot who is responsible.
 |
We begin in media res, as the great Roman poet and satirist Horace would say. A medical emergency is occurring, but the details are left for the viewer to imagine.
 |
The urgency builds as faint silhouettes begin to emerge from the void, putting us in the place of the dying male patient.
 |
The skillfully-written dialogue conveys the increasing desperation of the heroic medics as they attempt to fight Death itself and keep a fragile life from slipping away forever, with modern surgical practices as their only weapon against the cold, bony hand of their ever-present foe.
 |
Desperation quickly gives way to confusion as complications take the surgeons by complete surprise.
 |
Did he live? Have the doctors failed him despite fervent efforts? The ambiguous whiteness is all that we are left with.
 |
The work's title appears, minimalist in presentation, as we are reeling from the previous scene. The tone has been skillfully set. Pecellín is a genius among men.
 |
Now begins our story.
 |
Chapter 1, Scene 1. We fade in from black on the location, the boardroom of the medical facility that will presumably be the focal point of the story's action.
 |
The pleasant face of a young woman is overshadowed by the seriousness of th-
...Shit, I can't do this anymore. Just... Look at that stupid photo-background! What kind of filter even is that?
 |
And Noemi. Look her over real carefully and ask yourself how art like that made it into a game. DAT ANATOMY.
 |
The first of many little character introduction blurbs. Of course the woman gets a supporting role. Like I said, flawless translation.
 |
Is he responding to the blurb or what she said before? "Perfect" just seems like an odd response to "o noes we gotta hurry". :/
 |
 |
I think he looks more smug than professional and serious, but that's just me. Also, something is seriously wrong with his cheekbones.
 |
You mean the Colonel? He looked a little constipated last time I saw him, so he might be off addressing that.
 |
By the way, I could have cropped the ads at the top out, but I felt that would deprive y'all of the full Be A Surgeon experience. If you purchase the full version, the ads presumably go away. So uh, yeah, this is a thing you pay money for I guess. :| Also, Noemi might be getting creepier and creepier every time I look at her. Those arms are like noodles...
 |
Mmmm... RICHER.
 |
Good God, that face. Something is very wrong with his mouth, but I cannot tell what.
 |
Are we even on the same planet anymore?
 |
Yes, ladies and gents, this is who we will be playing as.
 |
He doesn't just work the position, he is the position. Just, uh, is it his mouth that bothers me or his eyebrows? I can't even tell, and it's scaring me.
 |
 |
Adventures in Spanglish: Episode 1: Trouble in Pronoun Town
 |
Doh ho ho, see, Starks is usually Snipes' errand bitch, but now he gets to do real doctor stuff. I somehow doubt that real medical internship programs work like that. Am I wrong for finding the fact that Snipes looks about 20 years younger than Starks funny?
 |
Yes, let the coffee monkey cut someone's body open because you guys are shit at remembering the actual doctors' schedules. Great idea.
 |
DUN-DUN-DUN.
 |
DUN. No, I did not edit that image in any way. It really did the dramatic closeup on his face just like that. It seriously cracked me up when that happened. xD
 |
¡You! I sort of get the impression that Starks was meant to be a kawaii bishonen uguu protagonist, but his extremely meaty 'roids neck is sort of getting in the way of that.
 |
"Your ability to remember how I like my coffee gives me utmost confidence in your surgical proficiency."
 |
"'Ey, just thought I'd pop in while an obviously important conversation is happening!"
 |
Ugh, this creeper is the director? He looks like he hides in the laundry bins and spies on patients or something. No wonder this hospital ain't got its shit straight...
 |
MAKE YOUR TIME. HA HA HA. oh hey lookit that adbar. haypi's got another game out there, it seems.
 |
srs faec. His eyeballs are migrating to his forehead...
 |
"Noemi, please exposit to Starks, after I am, done, misusing these, commas."
 |
 |
Translation courtesy of Google. I guess I feel a little better about Zack the Beverage Slave's first real surgery being something minor. It still bugs me that a guy who is apparently a doctor has just been some douchebag's errand boy all this time, though. Then again, I don't know a lot about how hospitals work, so my assumptions might be off-base.
 |
Swear to God, "perfect" is like this guy's Verbal Tic or something.
 |
"Don't let me catch you looking at Playboy on the clock again. I still haven't forgotten about what happened when I left you in charge of the copy machine..."
 |
No medical report should be left undoctored.
 |
Which is why we've spent ten minutes trying to get Zack ready to do Sanders' job.
 |
No, Noemi. Zack will go Doctor, but you will have to go Nurse.
 |
I don't think you could ever explain Stark, but thanks for trying.
 |
 |
Let's have a look, shall we?
 |
Nice choice of colors, by the way. Nothing says "medical report" like bright greens and teals. Hot damn, only five minutes to do it? Stark has his work cut out for him.
 |
But even in the face of adversity, he's ready for action!
Unfortunately, our diversion will have to stop there. God, like, two thirds of that installment was me making wiseass quips about a completely unrelated game. Hopefully I can get my focus back for next installment, because in the eons it took for me to get to making this one, there have been some interesting additions to Haypi Monster. ;D
It'll likely take me a while to crank the next one out, but stay tuned.
Also, special thanks to Endark Culi, Game Spazzer, The Jinny and Artemis92 for providing feedback for my previous installments. :) Hope the long wait and the cray-cray rabbit trail I took off on hasn't messed it up. Bye for now.
Comments
